husband's influence on wife's desire to work

[LiliBurd 85]

Hmm so much to say... or therefore not say....

As mentioned, your friends origin and culture could help understanding the situation. But you're the one seeking advice... Are you American? It's very difficult for me to comprehend how an American, or someone living there could actually ask if a husband can decide if his wife can work or not, and if a woman living in the U.S.A has rights.

Bottom line is signing a prenup is totally up to the couple, deciding if one of the spouses will stay at home, also up to the couple. There is no right or wrong answer. All I see here is miscommunication and probably lack of actually knowing their significant other before marrying them.

I think I'm ready to be 'domesticated' while I wait for my EAD, I'm even looking forward to GARDENING! (please do not tell the feminist chirping in my ear) But I would not agree or marry my SO if I thought he was looking for someone to just take care of him. We are a team and as a team we choose to support one another and make sure the other person is happy. But that's us and what we want in our relationship. Marriage is a serious commitment it's not just something one should agree too without knowing it's implications.

Edited December 9, 2014 by LiliBurd

[Girl from Celebes 588]

The first half of your last sentence is pretty much literally the dictionary definition of feminism.

Feminism came later.

[I love San Diego 18]

I personally think doesn't matter our opinions. If for having a career and a job her marriage in is danger does she rather have a job??? Is being married just not enough for her???? Of course she has the option to work like everybody else but she is part of a marriage now, with who she has to be talking is with her husband and fixing it the best way for both of them to be happy. Yes women work in America if that was the initial question.

Maybe she can work from home?? Or she wants to be around people??? What kind of career does she have???

If the husband provides enough money she can join some church group and do week activities. Or if she wants more money that what her husband gives to her they have to talk about that too...

I think you are a free person to make choices but it doesn't mean you can just do whatever you want because people in a forum agree with you, your friends have to talk and respect each other and work on their marriage so she doesn't have to worry about assets if they get divorce or money. ( I know you said they are happy but Im just saying her new actions could affect her marriage )

Maybe she does not want to live life at the complete mercy of another person. Since the husband had her sign a prenuptial agreement ensuring that she will get nothing if he decides to boot her, she has to be feeling pretty insecure. Sure she can lounge around at home and not work, but she will have the constant fear of divorce on her mind. He can leave at any moment and she will be basically homeless with no way to support herself. No one would feel comfortable in this situation. A married woman wants security, not the constant fear that their husband could leave them destitute at any moment (and possibly use this to control her).

[TBoneTX 45,297]

More baiting, bickering, and off-topic posts have been removed from this thread, which appears to be beyond repair by mere thread-bans and is therefore permanently locked. Administrative action has been applied. Don't restart this thread or carry its drama into other threads.

OP, amidst the distraction, you've received a smorgasbord of constructive advice that you can convey to your friend. Good luck.

VJ Moderation

Edited December 9, 2014 by TBoneTX