I want to make my dream come true but don't know HOW

[*Snowdrop* 604]

I think what people are trying to say is that of the paths available to you to move to America none of them can happen very quickly.

So you are probably not going to be able to move for 1-2 years at the very least. And possibly longer.

So don't give up your goal but it might be worth making some small changes to make your life happier in the short term in the UK. Or in the short-medium term in another country before a move to the US.

It sounds like you are very ready for some independence from your family. A move out of the house into your own place doesn't have to be hugely expensive - flatshare, cheaper part of the country etc. It could give you some breathing room and doesn't stop you planning for your main goal.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

I couldn't resist...this thread made me think of this song.

[yuna628 9,677]

What I mean is you can't have everything at once, and there is the possibility that you can't attempt your dream without actually doing something it seems you're set against right now. Be it returning to education, obtaining or training for a new profession and getting an H1B sponsor (unless you can find one in your current field of work), moving somewhere new in the EU that may refresh you, even moving out of your family home (if you live with them) and somewhere far away in your own country (hint - get out of London area and you may be able to breathe easier) -- all the while saving for the big goal of getting to America. The reality of the situation is there's only a few ways in, unless you break the law. Let's say for instance you meet someone online and you start liking her. How do you know if the feelings of that attraction will become blurred? Do you like her because she's a part of a larger goal, or do you like her because you actually feel for her? There's plenty of women out there that will actually like you for you. Like Trellick said this is going to be something for the long haul, so absolutely don't give up. But make sure you've got realistic expectations and goals in mind.

And look, I've been there with doubters and persons close to me telling me what I can and cannot achieve (and the hows and the whys and what ifs?), and that dreams are silly. You keep your chin up and prove them wrong by being tenacious yet remaining flexible. Believe me, I'd love to be in a different situation -- either living in the UK with him or having my own house so that when we are approved we won't be living with relatives until we get on our feet. But it's not the reality. You have the dream of almost every American -- to be successful/happy, live in a place you can call your own, and somewhere that doesn't kill your soul. Some take a longer time to get there than others, and almost always have to change the game plan or do things they thought they couldn't do to get there. There's only so many pathways into America unfortunately. We sort of forgot what the dream was about like most countries did.

[jd1982 0]

I don't live in London, I live in a small town - Gravesend in Kent, which is 40 miles away from the capital. I am aware visa processing times might take years, but at least by then I would have gotten the ball rolling. As of now I am still blind and unenlightened about how to proceed. I've looked up H1B jobs and alot seem very specialised and way out of my league. I have looked on the embassy site and I think maybe I-140/EB-3 visa is more my level - I have a MA degree (though its a first degree) and office experience so that might class me as a skilled/unskilled worker, perhaps not professional as I don't have management experience. But when I go on myvisajobs.com or search on Google i can't find anything. My experiences lie in media and higher education (administration in each), but am willing to work in any field if need be if I am qualified to do the job (e.g. city jobs). I shall look at media and universities first and see if they're willing to sponsor me. There has got to be employers out there willing to sponsor, there can't be any workplace in the world thereby the workers are 100% homegrown/indigenous. My workplace has alot of foreigners - not just from the EU, but also Asia, America, Africa and Oceania as well.

But then another practicality is: if I get offered an interview I'd have to spend hundreds to fly over there to do that. And from my experience in job interviews, I've been in dozens/hundreds and have only had about 6 offers since leaving university, it's like a lottery so that might mean flying dozens/hundreds of times for one employer to say yes to me, providing they'll even sponsor me! But there has to be a way - US gets Legal immigrants coming in the country all the time.

And, if I may talk finances and logic for a moment, I get about 1.5k coming in every month. 200 is contributed to the family home where I live (yes, I live with my parents), 300 is spent on my travelcard to commute to work everyday, and 1k is put away in a savings account every month and it gets me the most interest in it. My brother says a faster way to make alot of money is to get involved in high risk investments but there's an easy chance of losing money as well as gaining it. But the property market here absolutely stinks, prices are well beyond my reach, even for married couples here - both for buying and renting. When I see prices in America in the middle-less populated states, and being amazed how big they are, I want one of them. But first thing's first - get a job there. If I was to rent here, I wouldn't have any money left to put into savings for the future because it's all spent on rent, bills, food, council tax etc. Logically and financially, it makes no sense. Plus I don't like the idea of rent because it's not really your place. Ok, so maybe young adults rent now, but what about older people? You don't see retirees doing that, they stay in a place they're happy until they pass away.

Finally, I am actually seeing a counsellor, I've been seeing her for 2 years in fact. We spoke about OCD, anxiety, depression and dealing with negative thoughts.

So in addition to seeing a counsellor to help me cope with my life, what else am I doing now? Well, I am working full time so I am building up my work experience, plus I am putting money away in savings. I suppose that's better than nothing thus far?

[SantyAndAllie 155]

So the person you said had a work visa who you thought had 'no skills' does actually have skills otherwise he wouldn't be on a h1b work visa?

What about the third option - going over there with the intention to invest. Is it possible to move there to setup a business, starting off tiny (with just a few grand as capital/money) and slowly working my way up to a level that's enough for me to live on?

So yes, I was wrong about him not having expert skills. The position that he's in is actually not one where you'd need a lot of skills. Like I said my sister is doing almost the same thing. The difference is that he showed that he was very knowledgable and skilled in that general area, so they hired him for the position. Most people could do what they do, but because of his experience and skill, he got the job.

[SantyAndAllie 155]

I don't live in London, I live in a small town - Gravesend in Kent, which is 40 miles away from the capital. I am aware visa processing times might take years, but at least by then I would have gotten the ball rolling. As of now I am still blind and unenlightened about how to proceed. I've looked up H1B jobs and alot seem very specialised and way out of my league. I have looked on the embassy site and I think maybe I-140/EB-3 visa is more my level - I have a MA degree (though its a first degree) and office experience so that might class me as a skilled/unskilled worker, perhaps not professional as I don't have management experience. But when I go on myvisajobs.com or search on Google i can't find anything. My experiences lie in media and higher education (administration in each), but am willing to work in any field if need be if I am qualified to do the job (e.g. city jobs). I shall look at media and universities first and see if they're willing to sponsor me. There has got to be employers out there willing to sponsor, there can't be any workplace in the world thereby the workers are 100% homegrown/indigenous. My workplace has alot of foreigners - not just from the EU, but also Asia, America, Africa and Oceania as well.

But then another practicality is: if I get offered an interview I'd have to spend hundreds to fly over there to do that. And from my experience in job interviews, I've been in dozens/hundreds and have only had about 6 offers since leaving university, it's like a lottery so that might mean flying dozens/hundreds of times for one employer to say yes to me, providing they'll even sponsor me! But there has to be a way - US gets Legal immigrants coming in the country all the time.

And, if I may talk finances and logic for a moment, I get about 1.5k coming in every month. 200 is contributed to the family home where I live (yes, I live with my parents), 300 is spent on my travelcard to commute to work everyday, and 1k is put away in a savings account every month and it gets me the most interest in it. My brother says a faster way to make alot of money is to get involved in high risk investments but there's an easy chance of losing money as well as gaining it. But the property market here absolutely stinks, prices are well beyond my reach, even for married couples here - both for buying and renting. When I see prices in America in the middle-less populated states, and being amazed how big they are, I want one of them. But first thing's first - get a job there. If I was to rent here, I wouldn't have any money left to put into savings for the future because it's all spent on rent, bills, food, council tax etc. Logically and financially, it makes no sense. Plus I don't like the idea of rent because it's not really your place. Ok, so maybe young adults rent now, but what about older people? You don't see retirees doing that, they stay in a place they're happy until they pass away.

Finally, I am actually seeing a counsellor, I've been seeing her for 2 years in fact. We spoke about OCD, anxiety, depression and dealing with negative thoughts.

So in addition to seeing a counsellor to help me cope with my life, what else am I doing now? Well, I am working full time so I am building up my work experience, plus I am putting money away in savings. I suppose that's better than nothing thus far?

As I said, my friend got interviews done IN England. Technology is great, and companies use it You can Skype interview with some companies that are only American and don't have bases in England. If they really want you, they may be able to help out with your travel. Regardless, you're never going to know until you're here. We're beating a dead horse by telling you to COME VISIT!!!!

Like everyone else has said, this isn't gonna happen overnight. Your dreams are definitely not unrealistic, but to expect them to happen right now or even this year is. If you've visited a few times, you can show potential job offers that you've already been here & would really enjoy working here. That way you won't be so culture shocked and have shown the government that you've actually been here and followed the rules before deciding to move and work here. And again, you can make connections, as well.

Keep saving up your money and doing more research on this. And most importantly, if we haven't said it enough, come visit!!! You're lucky to not need a visa to visit, so do it! And like others have mentioned, do something now to help your situation so you don't feel as depressed- whatever that may be. You may not want to have a place right now, but it's actually good if you do have a place in England because when you come to the US to visit you can show that as proof of ties (meaning you'll return to the UK.) Sometimes customs gives people a hard time about that. Regardless it'll be good for you to get out because let's be real- this whole packing up & moving to the US thing probably won't be happening for a little while. So do what you can now to work things out.

As yuna628 mentioned, we all have to put up with difficult situations sometimes in order to get to a goal. My fiance & I have to live with my parents for a year when we're married to save up for an apartment to rent out. Then we have to stay in America for a little while to save up more money so we can leave the country! We aren't looking forward to staying with my parents while married, but it's part of life, and we'll find ways to stay happy!

[Boiler 45,558]

The people I have met who moved through work here either transferred or were headhunted.

A lot of H1b s go to Indian outsourcing companies.

It would have to be a very unusual situation where and Employer would wait for an EB3.

[jd1982 0]

Another concern I have is time. I'm 32. Going by the rate at which I am saving, I won't be in a position to afford a whole house for myself in America until 10 years have passed, by which time I'll be in my 40s with only 20 or so years working life left in me. I hear about 20somethings over there moving out, getting a place of their own and be financially successful - again it leaves me envious. If I saved up and decided on a house here, I won't be able to until 20 years have passed, by which time it won't be worth it. Plus prices would go up. I am lucky to have the job I have now even if it's a basic role and none of these executive type jobs. The way I live now is spending 50% of my day away from home, 4hrs of which involves travelling to and from work, 8hrs sleep, 2hrs with family and 2hrs alone, each and everyday. Hardly a life is it. But if I move out for the short run I won't be able to continue my savings nor will I be ever able to own my own home. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I wish I could win the Euro lottery.

Edited November 29, 2014 by jd1982

[nitsirk7562 82]

Sounds like you need a vacation. You're just going through the motions of life and not really living it. The description of your day is similar to millions of Americans. Will a change in scenery really be enough to make you happy? A ton of 20-somethings (myself included) are living with their parents and can't afford homes.

You may be glorifying home ownership as well. It's a dream for many Americans, but it's a huge investment of not only money, but time. You'll be spending your free time raking leaves, shoveling snow, cleaning, etc. Plus now your family time is gone- you'll miss it! Home ownership is a huge commitment that's a lot harder to walk away from than your parent's house.

Take a vacation and practice being happy and finding joy in your life.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

32? You're still so young! People start new careers at 50, many never retire these days. You still have a lot of time.

[jd1982 0]

When my parents were 32 they were married, had children, had their own house (albeit on a mortgage) and both were working full time jobs - my dad's still a labourer, my mother works in catering and cleaning in a school.

Ok, so I might be working, but I can't help but feel I am 'falling behind' on all other things and it's becoming all too late. My counsellor says it's useless to think like this, but I can't help it. Sometimes I feel like abandoning my dream as I'm too old for getting a house or having a family, but then if I abandon that I have nothing else going for me and will be lost - it's a frightening thought actually

The change of scene will benefit me as there'll be much to learn and explore, things will be new and fresh. I agree that I should take a cross-country holiday there to sample the country first before deciding to want to move.

Edited November 29, 2014 by jd1982

[MacUK 983]

When my parents were 32 they were married, had children, had their own house (albeit on a mortgage) and both were working full time jobs - my dad's still a labourer, my mother works in catering and cleaning in a school.

Ok, so I might be working, but I can't help but feel I am 'falling behind' on all other things and it's becoming all too late. My counsellor says it's useless to think like this, but I can't help it. Sometimes I feel like abandoning my dream as I'm too old for getting a house or having a family, but then if I abandon that I have nothing else going for me and will be lost - it's a frightening thought actually

The change of scene will benefit me as there'll be much to learn and explore, things will be new and fresh. I agree that I should take a cross-country holiday there to sample the country first before deciding to want to move.

I'd say that the main thing you should be thinking about is to try not being envious of other people.

I work 12-15 hours a day, 5 or 6 days a week, I live in a pretty ####### area outside of Glasgow in a rented flat and my working life consists of work, home, sleep, wake up and go back to work. I have zero home life during the week and very little 'alone' time to relax.

But do I feel jealous of people who work half the time I do for twice the money?

Not really no, I work hard so that I can enjoy my days off.

I think what would do more good for you than anything would be some time away. Visit other countries, not just the USA. There's a whole world out there to discover.

And you might fall in love with any of those countries, or on your travels meet someone who you want to spend your life with. Love doesn't care if you're asian, white, black, yellow, tanned, purple or even Welsh!

Sounds like you've gotten in to a rut with day to day life and it's dragging you down. Rise up from it and discover the world around you.

You might find that after doing some travelling you'll rediscover a happy life in the UK.

Fixating on a place where you've only seen the wonderful shiny visions on the telly or in movies could be crushing if you discover that normal life there would be pretty much the same as life back home.

[lost_at_sea 995]

Nothing is free. You're going to have to do SOMETHING, else your routine will always be as it is now. An american wife isn't going to show up in your Christmas stocking, nor is that miracle US job who'll employ you with no skills. It just doesn't work like that. Life doesn't work like that.

If you really want this, you should be looking at actually working for it - get into a new career seems like the obvious one. Working. As in, maybe not doing something you are good at right away, or moving to increase your opportunities or learning how to be a student again. Graft.

Aching over the what-ifs and can't-haves is just making you miserable.

Work hard, change your life, stop waiting for something to happen - it won't if you don't actively work on it.

What did you do today to make you happier?

What are you going to do tomorrow?

What are you going to do that ISN'T being in America?

Edited November 29, 2014 by lost_at_sea

[jd1982 0]

I agree, crying and moaning won't help, and I know I got to do something - I am working right now and building work experience that will help me get another job, and I am saving money, and I am going to work on visiting there first for summer holiday to see if it's for me, and am going to give online dating one more try. If you say US employers won't take on unskilled foreign workers, then why does a visa for that exist?

[Boiler 45,558]

Most unskilled foreign workers are here illegaly. There are categories fot seasonal workers and agricultural.

Illegals are cheaper.