Just Need to Talk..

[KaiserD 12]

I feel bad not being here a while but I've had so much to think about I don't think I would be any help to anyone else right now anyway.

I've lost count how long it's been since my visa journey began (dunno if my counter is still working?). Like every other couple it has been a hard process emmotionally. I'm certainly not going to say it's been harder or easier than anyone elses but that we all cope with it in different ways.

The end of the K1 (for now) is almost here. I move to see my S/O on wednesday morning, it's the day I've dreamed about for so long. I'm not saying I am scared or I am having second thoughts, I just feel so sad. Aside from the process I've had depression because of family issues, I disowned most of mine for the way they treated my mother and I, I've not had contact with my father for about four years. Mum has nearly died from Addisons Disease several times but we've always managed to save her, when she said horrible things I knew it was because of the dehydration, the inset of a crises. Calling us names and saying she wished she was dead when we ignored her wishes not to call a doctor.

Because of all we've been through we are so so close. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without her! I know my grandad will look after her when I'm gone but I'm 23 in february. I've not even really had a life of my own yet, mum has always done too much for me and I've always craved the independance that she took for granted.

So I'm torn between the life I know that I want with my fiance, learn to drive, have a job, own our own house, pets, kids, whatever and my loyalty for my mum.

Most people think "why doesn't he come over to England?" well, it's mostly for financial reasons. I don't think we could ever afford a house with how the market looks right now. Even though we've agreed that if things don't work out in the US we will move to the UK I don't know if Sly could hack it. I know that given a chance I will really enjoy my life there and there is so much to look forward to.

It just hurts so much when she looks at me so sad and I know what she's thinking. I wish there was someway to make it better. I keep telling her she will still see me more than my brother (who lives only in Bristol 3 hrs drive or so) but I'm the baby of the family and I can see how hard it is going to be for her to let go and that makes me feel worse. I just want her to be happy, she's been through so much and she deserves it, I don't want to be the cause of any more pain and sadness.

I appologise for feeling sorry for myself, but I know if anyone understands what it's like to let go of family it will be you guys. All your stories have really inspired me, cheered me up, kept me strong. Despite the little spats everyone has this place is still really special

[raphael7546 0]

Sorry your feeling Sad. I know it seems so unreasonable that you feel this way when in all pretenses your supposed to feel elated that the journey is finally here and you'll be with your love soon. But.... Thats just the way alot of people feel. I feel sad that I don't get to see much of my family anymore too. I've been in the states almost 2 yrs ( in June) and I have seen them twice ! Once , at our Wedding and then last year for a measly 4 days when we went back home for a very short visit.

Please understand that its not going to be all rosey and sweet once you're here either. It's a HUGE adjustment no matter where your from.

No matter what anyone says this Isn't home and you will miss your family regardless. But..

It does get easier as the time passes. Just plan ahead that there will be days when you'll feel sad and miserable being apart from family, friends and things your used to and that eventually that will pass and you'll get thru it.

All the best to you!

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

CHILDREN ARE LIKE KITES

You spend years trying to get them off the ground.

You run with them until you are both breathless. They crash ... they hit the roof ... you patch, comfort and assure them that someday they will fly.

Finally, they are airborne.

They need more string, and you keep letting it out.

They tug, and with each twist of the twine, there is sadness that goes with joy.

The kite becomes more distant, and you know it won't be long before that beautiful creature will snap the lifeline that binds you together and will soar as meant to soar ... free and alone.

Only then do you know that you have done your job.

[missy_antha 0]

Hi Kaiser,

I moved here from the UK on 30 December and my friends and family came over for my wedding on 17 January. My parents flew back to the UK yesterday and I cried. I'm really shocked at how emotional it made me feel!

My parents and I lived 250 miled apart in the UK and saw each other only every couple of months however now that I'm here in the USA with only my husband it really made me realise how totally alone I feel - even though I'm soooo happy to finally be married to Jonathan.

The point I'm trying to make is even if your mother wasn't ill you would still really miss her and feel guilty for leaving her. You have to realise that when you first arrive you will miss all your family. So as you will be leaving tomorrow is this not perhaps the time to not be the baby of your family but the most mature. Pick the phone up to your siblings and strike a conversation. Let them know that you are moving half way around the world and you do not want to leave with so much unsaid? You don't know when you are going to see them again and if anything happened to them and you couldn't get back to the UK wouldn't you feel better knowing that you had at least been the bigger person and healed your rift with them before you leave?

If you have children you would want them to know that they have aunts and uncles in the UK wouldn't you? And not have to explain that yes they have relatives but you've lost touch with them?

Also I think you need to perhaps point out to your siblings that they will need to be there for your mother in the future as you can't be. Unfortunatly, if they have not been great at keeping in touch with your mum up to this point, relying on you to be there for her, they may need someone to point out to them that now as you are gone, they are now going to need to step up to the plate!

Also you might need to let them know how angry your mother can get but it is only due to her illness.

Remember you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family however luckily you only get one of them!!

Good Luck and I really hope that you find the fact you will need to stand on your own two feet truly liberating!

Samx

[KiminON 0]

kaiser, it is completely normal for you to feel sad. i had a similar situation, having taken care of my mum for many years after my dad passed on. as much as she wanted for me to have a happy life, she was also very sad that mine was taking me so far away. it was one of the hardest things i had to do, hugging her for the last time before i got into the car. i still don't know how i drove out of town, hardly being able to see through the sobbing tears. thankfully i get to see her next week, but it's been 5 months and i miss her like mad.

your mum will miss you like mad as well, but she will also be happy for your happiness. after all, isn't that what every parent wants? for their children to be happy in life.

best of luck.

k

[KaiserD 12]

Thankyou so much for the support it means so much to me! I hope I can help a bit more back when I feel a bit more up to it . Mum has told me that my grandparents and my great grandmother (she isn't related to me by blood) who lives in Denmark have put money together in USD for my birthday end of next month and that was it! Tears everywhere! Mum sent me out lol

I still talk to my brother loads, even though we don't see him. As far as family problems it is my dad and his family that are excluded and although it was hard I left the communications open to him (although it had to be on my terms, long long story) and they decided not to take up on it. I accepted that I have the people who love me and I'm greatful for them. Some people in this world don't have anybody and we need to be greatful for what we've got.

You're all wise people thankyou again