Bride Price Concerns

[Darnell 8,478]

there is a light at the end of the tunnel, a possible light, and it's this:

USUALLY at the various parties you two will attend,

attendees give over red envelopes with cash.

Ask that the contents of the envelopes go into your pockets, after the cleaning up.

With luck, you'll hit 0 on the balance. Might loose some in currency conversion later, and that's ok.

This only applies to never-married females, and is not consistent.

[hungryhamster 0]

Thank you everyone for the feedback. I discussed a little bit with her on this and the Bride Price is not enforced or not set in stone as she mentioned her parents will be happy as long as she has found the right person. I will still give something to pay respects to the family, but I'm still in debate on how much. I'm still most likely going to absorb the majority of the cost of the banquet with her family's side in China too, but for anyone who applied for the K1 fiancé Visa, how does the order work? As my fiancé mentioned the banquet usually comes after the wedding, that means I would bring her to my homeland, get married and then wait a year (due to paperwork processing and green card) before we go back for the banquet celebration?

Lastly, for people who have given a Bride Price and maybe a silly question, do you normally just use ATM over in your fiancé's country, stuff red envelopes and then hand them to the parent's or do you carry over the money beforehand? I think there is a $5,000 USD limitation carrying with you on a flight. I would have to otherwise raise my ATM limit if I do the first approach.

[curt19 2]

Wow fascinating topic. No discussion of bride price in our relationship. My fiancé is divorced and her parents have passed away. I have sent her some money for some nice things for herself but nothing that approaches 30k. I have paid expenses for visa application and expect to pay for a plane ticket to the usa. My fiancé has been quiet sensible about money. I have observed her and know that she is careful with what she has as it does not come easy to her.

Wow fascinating topic. No discussion of bride price in our relationship. My fiancé is divorced and her parents have passed away. I have sent her some money for some nice things for herself but nothing that approaches 30k. I have paid expenses for visa application and expect to pay for a plane ticket to the usa. My fiancé has been quiet sensible about money. I have observed her and know that she is careful with what she has as it does not come easy to her.

[Boiler 45,499]

Pretty sure it only applies first time around.

[Lee&Ana 88]

Wow. I don't know what to say or even begin. There is no mention of you bringing your lady to the USA and having a better life. What is that worth to her. $30,000 would buy a lot of hired help if you know what I mean. I would run as fast as you can OP

[I love San Diego 18]

I only have to pay 20,000 RMB

[Darnell 8,478]

Wow. I don't know what to say or even begin. There is no mention of you bringing your lady to the USA and having a better life. What is that worth to her. $30,000 would buy a lot of hired help if you know what I mean. I would run as fast as you can OP

I ask that you try to be culturally-sensitive when putting stuff, a reply of yours, into the China-Specific sub-forum.

'Bride-Price' is still a practice in China, albeit not as rampant as last century.

[leishi 11]

Honestly, Bride price is highly dependent on where your fiance is from. It can be anywhere from 10K RMB to over a Millon RMB (don't think that's crazy, i have seen plenty first hand), and remember it is negotiable.

[Daveykins 17]

This has never been discussed directly with my wife and I when we return to China for her family's reception next year. However, it's been made clear that the red envelopes will be going to her parents to recover most of the reception costs as they're paying for all of that. I wouldn't want it any other way.

[SmallTownPA 72]

I asked my GF about it (she's in Xi'an) and she said she did not know. I strongly hinted that I will not buy her, cerimonously, culturally or otherwise.

If you read the news the 'standard' ASKING price in a Tier 1 city is a house AND a car. How many just out of Uni female students can drive??? Its all about face.

I agree that treating the family with respect is important... but cash for the daughter? Get that issue cleared up ASAP.

Edited December 17, 2014 by SmallTownPA

[JohnR! 5,495]

I think you're being scammed. Your love and devotion to her should be more than enough of a price to pay. Consider finding someone interested in your heart, not your bank account. I don't mean this in a rude manner.

Hi Everyone,

I just submitted my I-129F packet for the K1 fiancé visa a couple days ago and during my latest webcam session with my partner the topic of Bride Price was discussed again. I asked about this a long time ago with her to understand this better about her parents' expectations, but she said she didn't know and left it at that. On the latest session, however, she started talking about ceremony banquet cost in her hometown and giving me a figure expectations of the Bride Price of 30,000 USD. I am not rich by any means and never advertised myself that way, but to me this is kind of high. I'm afraid this is also a figure she is asking and not her parents and it feels selfish.

Can anyone share their own experience of Bride Price? I want to invest my savings towards a house and for the future. I also would like to have a decent wedding for my family to share in the experience too over in my own country (the banquet in China will only be her side of the family), but giving in to this demand is making me weary. In my own family's custom, both families pay part of the cost of ceremony and the wedding, but I feel like I'm expected to pay for everything and I feel I'm being taken advantage of (I'm sad to say this about my future life partner). Am I being unreasonable? I do want to respect her culture's tradition, but this is just getting me down. If I go through with this, I would have to make sacrifices in other things (i.e. the wedding cost flexibility here, take a little larger mortgage loan).

[Robby999 1,024]

I think the families have two bride prices ( foreign and domestic) just like hotels in China. There is a lot of other factors that play into the equation also such as previous marriages, children, social status, and many other minute details impossible for the non-Chinese mind to comprehend. The price that families/women demand is causing many Chinese men to look outside China themselves for suitable brides which is helping Thailand and Vietnam's women. I think eventually the bride prices will suffer the same fate as unions in Detroit!

[Lee&Ana 88]

Very well said.

[Mark&GinaW 4]

Run as fast as u can!!

[JD & Coconut 35]

Sounds like you are marrying into the old generations Chinese customs.

My wife is from Jilin province, we married in the US (small wedding, spent about 1k US dollars) and then had a larger wedding (about 150 people) in China but her parents paid for everything (I'm guessing around 10k RMB).

Don't worry about it being a scam, that is the way things worked years ago but those customs are dying out.

Hope everything works out for you.