USC on deathbed, Filipina wife on CR1 Visa... Need some advice..

[belinda63 3,047]

I fully understand she is more worried about her spouse now than her future plans. In the same situation I would also be concerned with my spouse and feel as though my life was also ending. The child will be suffering also although this wasn't his father, it seems he was the child's father figure. Despite all this she needs, for her sake and her child's, to plan for the future. Perhaps she could ask the daughter or her spouse, if he is coherent, if there is a will. Of course the spouse can't make one now as he is not in a sound state of mind, but it would help for her to know what, if anything, she might hope to obtain when he leaves. Certainly, without a will the car would go to the wife but she would have to make the payments; something she is not able to do at this time.

As a supporter of her you need to gently guide her into looking to the future. A situation like this could drag out for months which is a terrible thing. Be there for her, guide her as she has no knowledge of how our system works, and help her plan for the future. Best of luck to her and the child. Thank you for being there for her.

[Sandra G. 5,057]

It's fair that his daughter is handling everything regarding her father . I would be pissed off if a.23 years old.that just entered in the country as my dad's wife wants to have some business handling his money .No way,no how!

Edited November 18, 2014 by sandranj

[Merrytooth 5,748]

The father's new 5th wife. Who knows what types of drama the father had with the previous wives.

The daughter certainly can't be that bad, if she helped to move her father from a bad nursing home to a better one.

Otherwise the daughter would have let the father to die faster/sooner in the bad nursing home.

[deidre 13]

Totally agree with you sandranj!

And yes merrytooth, we just don't know this history... I'm sure daughter is protecting her father as any daughter would in this situation.

Thanks belinda63, will try my best to help this girl as much as possible, from what I see she is more concerned about the USC hubby and really hopes that he can get better, afterall they have been married now for almost 2 years. She is stressed out about the adult daughter making things difficult and hiding things and lying about stuff, esp when they see each other the adult daughter apparently treats her some kinda way (they don't talk).

[landr 126]

She is stressed out about the adult daughter making things difficult and hiding things and lying about stuff, esp when they see each other the adult daughter apparently treats her some kinda way (they don't talk).

And yet, the daughter is paying for her to stay in a hotel with her son. From the daughter's point-of-view, this is her fourth/fifth step-mom and the marriage is only two years old. I suspect that the daughter is older than her step-mom, no? I'm not surprised that the daughter is less than forthcoming and unwilling to co-operate.

The wife is in limbo in a foreign country with a young child. However, she has her green card. She's good for approximately two years. I'd advise the wife to cut her losses, extricate herself from all of this drama and focus on what she can do on her own without relying on her step-daughter or any monies that might or might not be hidden away. That means finding a job and saving enough money to support herself and her son in the longer term. The $1M sounds like gossip to me and possibly a trap of some sort.

Edited November 19, 2014 by landr

[AnotherLostSoul 167]

Like I'm laughing at this, but you're right. The daughter could easily be older than the "new" wife. It is definitely not a situation I would wish for anyone. While I don't know the full story, and definitely don't want to sound judgmental but I have to take the daughter's side on this. I would be super defensive about my father and his assets if all of a sudden a 23 year old girl showed up as a wife!!! I would kindda freak out knowing this and while I know, love knows no boundaries, I think I would try to protect everything I can that my father (and maybe my mother in the past) have setup, saved up, and belongs to the "family". When I read these kind of stories do I realize maybe it isn't so tragical that my parents died when I was a little kid. I don't think I would handle it to positively if either my father or my mother married a 23 year old (I'm 22 at the moment and maybe that's why). Good luck with whatever this 23 year old woman decides to do.

And yet, the daughter is paying for her to stay in a hotel with her son. From the daughter's point-of-view, this is her fourth/fifth step-mom and the marriage is only two years old. I suspect that the daughter is older than her step-mom, no? I'm not surprised that the daughter is less than forthcoming and unwilling to co-operate.

The wife is in limbo in a foreign country with a young child. However, she has her green card. She's good for approximately two years. I'd advise the wife to cut her losses, extricate herself from all of this drama and focus on what she can do on her own without relying on her step-daughter or any monies that might or might not be hidden away. That means finding a job and saving enough money to support herself and her son in the longer term. The $1M sounds like gossip to me and possibly a trap of some sort.

[Boiler 46,043]

Daughter could be same age as wife's mother.

[Caryh 5,206]

Personally I think its of primary importance to do things based on what the the father/husband would have wanted. Sure the daughter might not like the choices her father made, but it was his choices to make and not her's to decide for him. The wife, although young, did marry him and she should have some rights and say about what is happening with her husband and his assets. I'm pretty darn sure that is what he would have wanted.

I was in the position of having to make decisions for my mother as her health and wits failed her. At all times my decisions were based on what she wanted, or what she would have wanted when she could not coherently understand what was going on. I knew I was making the right decisions because I actually discussed what she wanted when she still had her wits about her. Wasn't easy to have this talk, but I knew the time would come that I would be glad I had it. Her decisions were not necessarily the ones I personally would have made, but they were her wishes and I respected her right to make them. I view it as my responsibility to carry out her wishes, not my own.

Some how I get the feeling in this situation the daughter is doing what she wants and not what her father would have wanted, likely because she didn't approve of how he lived his life when he could make his own decisions. I'm quite certain the father would not want her disrespecting his wife and keeping her in the dark about what is going on with finances of her husband. His wife seems like a person who truly loves and cares about her husband, regardless of the age gap between them. For the daughter to cut her out, lie to her, and keep her in the dark is an insult not only to her, but to the father.

[Boiler 46,043]

One of those threads that is full of assumptions. How could it be otherwise.

I could paint a picture either end of the spectrum. Actuality is no doubt in the middle.

From what has been said does not seem to me the daughter is acting unreasonably.

[eieio 1,594]

I would try and get in contact with the daughter and find out what the truth is. We have a 23 year old woman with a child who "falls in love" with a 60 year old alcoholic that says he has 1 million dollars. On top of that this is his 5th wife.

[Jacque67 7,328]

What a mess!

Deidre, try to remember that when a person is drowning they often try to pull someone down with them.

If I were you I would not get involved- alcoholics have a tendency to poison everyone and everything around themselves.

[Jawaree 718]

She should get out get a job B4 she becomes homeless with te kid

and have to traumatize the child .....the daughter will pull the help when

he dies, she has a GC she cant keep thnking there is something to be had,

setting up herself is important I am sure the hotel wont keep them there for

free when this happens...Don't the hotel have a position she can apply for?

She can visit hubby after work and really the daughter is not too bad she pays

her housing and have put him in a better home. Getting a job is where she should

start

[genddob 10]

She's not a "young girl" - she's a 23yo mother of a 4yo who has been married for over a year or two to an old man. She's savvy enough to have got herself over here just in time. Regardless of her true motives, agree that if he's incoherent, there's no harm in leaving his bedside to get started on a job and somewhere to live, esp if as it sounds like, the daughter will cut off the hotel payment as soon as he dies. I can't see that any good will come of the OP getting involved.

[tuckin14 58]

As a general rule, you cannot disinherit a spouse. If the husband dies without a will, the entire estate will probably pass to the wife. If he has a will but it does not leave anything to the wife, she will probably be entitled to at least 1/3.

From an immigration standpoint, all she has to show is that she married in good faith. "Joint assets" or "cohabitation" are not legal requirements, just strongly indicative of intent. If there is a good reason why neither occurred (incapacity of the spouse or refusal of the legal guardian to permit same) she will probably not be required to show those occurred.

It's likely the daughter had guardianship. Power of attorney never supercedes the wishes of the principal. I have power of attorney over my father, but that doesn't mean he can't handle his affairs - it just means I can also do it if I choose. Guardianship may limit the scope of authority of the principal. In other words, if someone has power of attorney for you, you can still write your own checks, but if they have guardianship over you, you might not be allowed to.

[Jawaree 718]

Nursing home and hospice care, or even reversed mortgage

can leave nought, so she has to act quickly, maybe upon his

passing she may get SS from him after all she is his legal wife.

however if he really did not divorce wife # 4 then ??? if he has

anything left that will be in the courts wife #4 will show up for SS

benefits...OP point her to agencies and jobs to stabilize herself

and the child