Random times or places you've become overwhelmed in America...

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

I agree, I never go to drive-thru windows. And I become overwhelmed anywhere that I have to make choices quickly: Subway, Panera, even Starbucks etc. I have to stand back until I have decided exactly what I want.

The friendship thing is still tough for me but I've been lucky because, although I fully expected to, I have never had a meltdown and wanted to go home

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Oh god I get totally flustered at fast food places, so many options and they want you to decide straight away! I really don't like that part!

[Nich-Nick 3,354]

And I become overwhelmed anywhere that I have to make choices quickly: Subway, Panera, even Starbucks etc. I have to stand back until I have decided exactly what I want.

Oh yes...there is a person at my house exactly like that. I think it is his Britishness...so polite...doesn't want to put anybody out by holding up the line staring or asking a lot of questions like I will.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

After six years my husband is still frustrated by drive-thru windows. Not overwhelmed and he never wants to go back to England, but he wants to go inside to order. They don't understand his accent and he doesn't understand their rapid fire "doyouwantfrieswiththat" mixed with static.

Is it weird that no one has a problem understanding my husband? He has actually been asked if his Danish accent is a Boston one.

[needsmorebutter 5]

I've been in the US for about a decade now ( high school, then college and now as an adult/married person). Even though I've adjusted to life here pretty well, there are times when I feel overwhelmed too. It's not just about being in a foreign country and getting used to a different culture, but also about adjusting to life without the support system you'd grown up with (like being able to call up your dad and ask him for directions!). In addition, there's also (for me at least), the experience gap now between my family and me that makes having conversations and asking for advice even more difficult.

The thing that's been the most overwhelming for me has been figuring out healthcare - from understanding my health insurance and benefits, to figuring out where I need to go for different things, to learning the protocol for getting different types of care. Then there's getting the bill in the mail and trying to decipher THAT! But I am learning, and it's all getting easier.

I totally understand how you feel about not wanting to pester people. I feel the same way! I think it's important to realize that those people may feel the same way about not wanting to pester you, and so neither party ends up reaching out to one another! Since moving to a new city, I've been trying harder to reach out to people with that in mind. You'll find out pretty quickly if they're going to become a friend or just remain an acquaintance... but until you forfeit your game of politeness chicken, you'll never know

So keep your head up... it can be hard and overwhelming at times... but I'm sure there are good days too. I hope that you are able to communicate with your partner and find the support you need

[Pheebs1201 269]

Maybe you can post on VJ and see if there is anyone else living near you? Certainly one way to make friends!

I am not there yet but am apprehensive that I will also feel this way. I think it's just a matter of time.

Wishing you all the best!

[M and C 32]

my grandfather is from the Bahamas! Abaco! yes driving is quite different. You can do it!

Thanks!

Wow, I haven't been to Abaco. I lived in Grand Bahama for 5 years and the only other island I've been to is New Providence.

[Glyn and Kathy 288]

Hubby only ever goes to the drive thru at our local dunkin donuts because they know his accent and his order. I doubt very much I could convince him to go to a different one!

[lexbyl 2]

I moved here little over 5 years ago and had a horrible start just as almost everyone does. At times you meet some very rude people who will make you feel miserable because you may not have the American accent but then you meet angels who do not really care where you are from but just want to assist you with whatever you need. Missed home numerous times but felt the need to adapt soonest if I am here to stay. I had little notebook to write things I never heard before, did research and memorized them and learned the "American way of pronunciation". Downloaded and still have, is the urban dictionary app and an American dictionary app. Those have been great sources for definitions for these terms and words. I had to not care about what others think but ask for clarification about whatever I do not understand and with time I had no trouble communicating with people. I work at a call center and barely get customers saying they do not understand me. I think you will adapt gradually as the days go by. Self confidence is very important and not to let it get to you that much if another person does not understand you. Hang in there buddy. After all this great nation formed by foreigners and continues to be the melting port of the world. Good luck!

[Pickle 65]

Oh god I get totally flustered at fast food places, so many options and they want you to decide straight away! I really don't like that part!

I was thinking the exact same thing when reading Cathy's post! It's like "whoa can I look at the menu first?" I think my husband gets frustrated with me when we go through the drive-thru, because I'm so slow (so many options and the writing is so small sometimes!) and it almost seems that he knows all menus by heart. So I just usually blurt out whatever comes to my mind first "just get me fries!" That is one thing that I still struggle with here: everyone is so fast and talk so fast, it makes me really anxious. Sometimes I just laugh and nod and hope they did not ask me a question!

[M and C 32]

The thing that's been the most overwhelming for me has been figuring out healthcare - from understanding my health insurance and benefits, to figuring out where I need to go for different things, to learning the protocol for getting different types of care. Then there's getting the bill in the mail and trying to decipher THAT! But I am learning, and it's all getting easier.

Are you talking about deductibles, co-pay, explanation of benefits? For example, a "deductible" is the amount of money you must pay before insurance benefits begin. Like, if you have a deductible of $200, your insurance carrier will not pay the first $200 of your medical bills, then will usually pay a percentage (let's say 80%) of everything about that amount every year.

[TBoneTX 45,273]

Mrs. T-B.'s first shock was in regard to dental treatment. She wanted to have a cosmetic procedure. I told her that it might not be possible on a first trip, but we found a promising-looking dental office. She drove by herself all the way across town (another first at the time) and had her appointment. She called me in tears from the parking lot, saying that they told her of the need for x-rays, for a thorough dental history, for detailed insurance information, and for multiple appointments.

I suspect that the above treatment process is an outgrowth of governmental regulations and fears of being sued for malpractice, in combination.

Conversely, in her country (and, I suppose, in many or most others), you walk into a dentist's office, tell them what you want, have it done, pay, and leave. Simple. I (the gringo) haven't been to a U.S. dentist in years -- I'll go to one in Ecuador or Mexico instead, without a second thought or a regret. I've saved many hundreds of dollars on routine procedures and on appliances in this way.

Mrs. T-B. eventually had her procedure done in Ecu, on a trip back there.

[TBoneTX 45,273]

But my biggest weakness is my accent!! I speak other 2 languages perfectly and didn't know English until I meet my husband I learned because of him, I can speak without problem BUT I have a heavy accent, and I pronounce some words weird lol my fault. people who is not use to speak to foreign people ( lots here in the south ) can't understand me, I have to repeat words sometimes even 5 times, spell them.... I get so overwhelmed when I talk and people make the blank face, I guess that will get better....... At least you all don't have that problem since English is your main language.

Your situation will improve.

For the life of me, I don't understand how anyone ever learns English as a second language. Every time that there seems to be a rule (of grammar, usage, or pronunciation), there's an exception. Furthermore, Americans tend to speak casually (with use of many contractions, ungrammatical phrases, and slang terms) and sloppily (with terrible elocution. The dialects are also difficult, sometimes even for us gringos.

A solution for you is to immerse yourself in as many groups as possible in which people speak only English. Is there a Toastmasters club near you? I highly recommend this. (Mrs. T-B. joined a "mommy" group when she got pregnant with the eventual Mini-Bone. She observed to me, "It's like a free English class." She has also found a once-a-week free tutoring program, offered by a church group; she brings whatever she wants to read, and the tutor coaches her. She and I used to do this a lot at bedtime, but then Mini-B. was born and schedules went out the window.)

You might also record television news programs and study their elocution by playing sentences over and over. Record yourself as you say those same phrases. Play your version aloud and play the original version aloud, and see if you can hear where the differences are. Get a friend or neighbor or your husband to sit with you at first, to help, until you can continue with confidence on your own.

I'm not sure about the speech patterns of "Spanish" Spanish. Mrs. T-B. comes from a region of Ecuador where people don't pronounce their final consonants, and this has carried over to her English. (Of note, an amiga of hers comes from a region where people do pronounce their final consonants, and THAT has carried over to HER English.) I note that Mrs. T-B. has the most challenge with the "a" vowel (as in "hat"), the "uh" vowel, and the schwa concept.

See if any of the above helps you. As for me, whenever I try to say anything in Spanish, people look alarmed and point urgently toward the nearest bathroom.

[S-C 21]

Honestly, I have no concerns about moving to Mississippi. I am from Australia, I moved to London just after my 29th birthday and I will now be moving to the US. Driving isn't an issue for me (been driving since I was 16), even if they have some crazy crazy laws. Four way stops do not make logical sense to me at all.

Other than that, Australia is more like the US than London (I understand London isn't a true reflection of the UK). I can't wait to leave London.

With regards to drive thrus, they're more if you know or have a decent idea of what you want. My accent isn't particularly thick so they don't have much trouble understanding me thankfully haha.

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

My husband has been here since March and he is frustrated with how difficult it seems to connect with Americans. He has been really trying to make friends at work but so far all he has are drinking buddies.

He really misses the close brotherly bonds friends form in India.

I told him that can happen here too but the cultural divide is making that challenging.

He also finds getting around very overwhelming. Several times he's called me because he took the wrong bus and got stranded somewhere. He absolutely hates that America is dependent on personal vehicles.

He finds small things that I had given no thought to daunting such as pumping gas (gas is always pumped by attendants in India), writing a check to pay our rent and getting cash back using a debit card.

[Pheebs1201 269]

My husband has been here since March and he is frustrated with how difficult it seems to connect with Americans. He has been really trying to make friends at work but so far all he has are drinking buddies.

He really misses the close brotherly bonds friends form in India.

I told him that can happen here too but the cultural divide is making that challenging.

He also finds getting around very overwhelming. Several times he's called me because he took the wrong bus and got stranded somewhere. He absolutely hates that America is dependent on personal vehicles.

He finds small things that I had given no thought to daunting such as pumping gas (gas is always pumped by attendants in India), writing a check to pay our rent and getting cash back using a debit card.

They pump your gas for you in Oregon