Parents wanting to come but I don't want them to live here.. (merged)

[Kiv 32]

Maybe they just want to see their daughters that they miss.Can you visit more often?

Have they told them what else they need for the tourist Visa? maybe is some document that they can get.

If they live comfortably back home that amount may not be enough to live here.

Your parents may understand if you explain them why you think that petitioning them is not a good idea.

I am sure they would love to see where you live and share some time with you and your sister but moving definitely may be a different story.

Edited October 28, 2014 by Kiv

[msbau764 245]

Your basic premise is wrong and therefore everything that follows is. Just in case anybody else is thinking of that route.

As an aside it might be nice to have family close, but too close is another matter. That there would be separation was inevitable when OP chose to migrate.

I don't think you get the premise.

[David & Diana R 1,005]

Wrong on multiple counts.

You're right on this one!

[David & Diana R 1,005]

1.) No one is talking about health care. The issue is that their parents clearly aren't able to come with a visitor's visa; thus the only way for them to see their daughter in the US for her to sponsor them. As I mentioned earlier, with a green card you can be out of the country for a day less than six months. Why not compromise? Half the time in the US, the other half in the Phillipines. 2.) I just find it appalling how one's parents would go broke making sure one could eat, work two jobs, and be there for you when you are young and sick, yet it is so hard to return the favor just a little bit.

1.) So let me ask you this? What happens if mom and dad come to "visit" on an immigrant visa. (Wrong on all counts) And say, God forbid mom or dad have a stroke or heart attack while "visiting". They, of course have no health care coverage in the USA so who's gonna pay the perhaps hundreds of thousands of dollars to cover their medical care? Most likely the newly immigrated daughter who is trying to start a life and family of her own with her new spouse. How will they ever reach their American dream if they have to pay these medical bills off?

2.) Where have you gotten all this information about the ops parents? I guess you just assume that everyone's parents have suffered for their children. That is not always the case. For example: My Filipina wifes mom died when she was 6 months old. Her father died when she was three years old. A cousin took her in and raised her, beating her regularly...she has the scars and cigarette burns to prove it. She was treated like an animal and slave. She was physically and mentally abused her entire life by this evil woman until I met her at the age of 18 and got her out of that house. Yet she still love this woman. I have no idea why but she does.

So don't be appalled any more. Okay??

[UnaMexicana 153]

OP, you really should only listen to yourself and what you want to do. Your sister is so fixated on this yet you have doubts of her keeping her promise. You know your family. Do what is best for you and for your partner.

I know exactly how you feel. When my time comes to move, I will be living in the smallest of places possible. Do I want my parents or inlaws there? No. Do I support the wishes of my inlaws to be sponsored by my MXC/USC husband? No. Am I going to have that conversation with my husband right now? Absolutely not. I will fight that battle when the time of that battle comes. But I do have the facts to support my case:

It is so easy for people to judge yet they don't stop and think that this is the US. We are not abandoning anyone. We are living the life that we choose to live. We are not responsible for bringing the family here.

I am from Mexico and I completely understand the concerns of those that mention medical insurance and a visit to ER. The US is not Mexico in terms of social security and medical assistance. In fact, I know that I would go back to Mexico if I had to be treated for anything serious.

If you don't have the means to support elderly parents here, then I think the wise thing to do is to keep visiting them and supporting or helping out as it is possible for you.

Moving elderly parents to the US is not an option for everybody. Certainly not for someone living in a one bedroom apartment... and I know that is what I am coming to. This is the time to work hard and perhaps in the future they can visit. Not now and certainly not "forever".

Best of luck!

UnaMexicana

[POA 178]

Hi! I got married 2 yrs ago through fiance visa for my husband, currently lives in a 1 bedroom apartment. Anyway, My parents have been wanting to visit me here in USA and applied to get tourist visa but got denied Twice. So their only option now that they were asking for me is to file for an immigrant visa for them so they could visit. They don't want to apply for another one because they are afraid of another rejection. I have a sister in another state but she is still an immigrant, needs 3 more years to file for citizenship. When i file for my parents, my sister had promised that my parents will be living with her. Now, i know she is just saying that right now but if she gets tired of them because they are getting older, they will be sent to me. I'm not being mean but I don't want to live with my parents, it will be very uncomfortable for me and my husband. We are still starting our family. I only want them to come and visit me. I didn't know what to do. People look at me that i'm the bad guy because i won't file for them. But technically, i'm really not ready since i only live in a 1 bedroom apt. Pls help me. I need to see what you think.

I know how you feel. The problem with us being here is we are expected so much. But I think the best thing you can do is just be straightforward that you can not have them in your house yet since you just have a 1 br apt and it is against the law to have more than 2 per br. It's better to tell your sister too about it that you cannot and don't want to live with them just so she know what was the real situation is. I love my mom too but i also don't want to live with her now that I have my own family. You cannot avoid the fact that there would be conflicts with your parents and your husband. It's also costly to get them a house or an apt for them if you and your sister are willing to get them one. Just have a clear deal with your sister before you even file for them.

Just be straightforward though I know it's hard.

As per my case, i gave them no hope of going here even before coming here just so they won't expect. A lot of parents in the PH wants to go here and once they've exp being here for a few months they'd rather be home since they couldn't do anything like they can in the PH.

I'm not so bad of a child but I don't want conflicts with my husband and my parents if we live altogether.

[msbau764 245]

1.) No one is talking about health care. The issue is that their parents clearly aren't able to come with a visitor's visa; thus the only way for them to see their daughter in the US for her to sponsor them. As I mentioned earlier, with a green card you can be out of the country for a day less than six months. Why not compromise? Half the time in the US, the other half in the Phillipines. 2.) I just find it appalling how one's parents would go broke making sure one could eat, work two jobs, and be there for you when you are young and sick, yet it is so hard to return the favor just a little bit.

1.) So let me ask you this? What happens if mom and dad come to "visit" on an immigrant visa. (Wrong on all counts) And say, God forbid mom or dad have a stroke or heart attack while "visiting". They, of course have no health care coverage in the USA so who's gonna pay the perhaps hundreds of thousands of dollars to cover their medical care? Most likely the newly immigrated daughter who is trying to start a life and family of her own with her new spouse. How will they ever reach their American dream if they have to pay these medical bills off?

A fiance or spouse can come and get ill just the same. I don't see your point there. No one can predict the future.

2.) Where have you gotten all this information about the ops parents? I guess you just assume that everyone's parents have suffered for their children. That is not always the case. For example: My Filipina wifes mom died when she was 6 months old. Her father died when she was three years old. A cousin took her in and raised her, beating her regularly...she has the scars and cigarette burns to prove it. She was treated like an animal and slave. She was physically and mentally abused her entire life by this evil woman until I met her at the age of 18 and got her out of that house. Yet she still love this woman. I have no idea why but she does.

Who is saying that the

So don't be appalled any more. Okay??

A fiance or spouse can come and get ill just the same. I don't see your point there. Same for a person on a vistor's visa. No one can predict the future. If and when the OP becomes a citizen, she can sponsor her parents to come. Whether the term is to "visit" or to "reside", it does not matter. Legally they can live in one country half of the time. Nothing wrong or illegal about that. Do you know the OPs expenses since you want to speculate? Maybe the OP sends money back to her parents, and wouldn't have to do so as much if they were in the States. It works both ways.

Who said anything about the Ops parents being abusive? That is a non-sequitur if I ever found one.

[MUXAGIRL 69]

I think its a very personal decision of OP to bring her parents or not. If she is not ready financially etc, what's the point of bringing the parents over? Its not cheap maintaining a household in the US with elderly parents who will need constant healthcare. The OP also mentioned her father gets great pension, so its not like they are scraping by in PI. OP do not feel guilt over things which you can not handle right now. Your parents should understand that they need to give you time and space to grow first, if thats how you feel.

I would never dream of bringing my parents to the US, neither would they want to come live here anyway. They have no ties to this country. I can not imagine my parents would ever enjoy living here, uprooting their entire lives back home, leaving all their friends etc. Every time they visited here, they could not wait to go back, because US is just not their scene.

Leaving your country and immigrating to the US is not abandoning your relatives, its just a natural progression of things in your life. Don't feel bad about it.

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

I miss my parents but I would never want to bring them here nor would they want to leave. Maybe you going back to visit them more would help if they are missing you? You should not feel obligated to help them move to the US.

[Sandra G. 5,047]

Just go to visit them every year or two, problem solved!

[keziah90210 12]

No you have nothing to feel guilty about. YOU made a decision to move to USA for a better life. There is no shame in that. One poster said she can't imagine "leaving your parents behind". That's a bunch of #######. You didn't leave your parents behind. You made wise choices in your life. You cannot file yet anyway. If your sister will have them stay with her have HER file. My spouse experiences the same guilt (Catholic guilt) as you have expressed sometimes. But then I remind her that she shhould not feel guilty for making smart choices with her life. She has 7 siblings who DID NOT make the same smart choices. Should she feel guilty about that? NO! So let go of the guilt. You have done nothing wrong. Make your new life and family with your husband now. You deserve it. Don't let others make you feel guilty. If I had been the one leaving the Philippines my parents would have been happy for me. Do not succumb to the guilt of being sucessful. You deserve success and happines. That is what God wants for all of his children. Too bad earthly parenst often forget about this principal. So enjoy your new life. Love your spouse and live guilt free!!

God Bless you and your spouse,

David & Zoila

Thank you so much. I am a USC. You were right, i do feel guilty. They were thinking that i had filed for my husband to get here but i couldn't for them. My sister kept on making me guilty that my parents have helped me study, sent me to good school.. etc.. I just feel like the bad guy but i didn't think they understand what i'm going through. Its so hard. Culture really plays a role here. I love them both but i have a family that i'm starting to built. Thank you for your comments.

[keziah90210 12]

I know how you feel. The problem with us being here is we are expected so much. But I think the best thing you can do is just be straightforward that you can not have them in your house yet since you just have a 1 br apt and it is against the law to have more than 2 per br. It's better to tell your sister too about it that you cannot and don't want to live with them just so she know what was the real situation is. I love my mom too but i also don't want to live with her now that I have my own family. You cannot avoid the fact that there would be conflicts with your parents and your husband. It's also costly to get them a house or an apt for them if you and your sister are willing to get them one. Just have a clear deal with your sister before you even file for them.

Just be straightforward though I know it's hard.

As per my case, i gave them no hope of going here even before coming here just so they won't expect. A lot of parents in the PH wants to go here and once they've exp being here for a few months they'd rather be home since they couldn't do anything like they can in the PH.

I'm not so bad of a child but I don't want conflicts with my husband and my parents if we live altogether.

You're so right. They expected too much. I think they really just want to visit and maybe see USA but since they got denied twice on their visitor's visa, they want me now to apply the immigrant isa for them to come here. I might have told them that they could come and visit. But didn't expect them to get denied. My sister insists that i apply for them and she will take care of the rest, pay for everything. Its just so hard to say No to them because you will look bad. I think i already am. People at PH has been asking when they are coming to USA so i guessed they get pressured to but i don't know. Maybe i'm just so selfish and ungrateful.

[keziah90210 12]

Hey guys.. Thank you so much for all your opinions. It has helped me a lot and it was a good way to vent my feelings. I really appreciate your help. And just to be clear i am a USC. So i'm the only one who could apply for my parent's petition. Got married for 2 years, starting my own family.

Thanks again. I would appreciate more inputs..

[POA 178]

You're so right. They expected too much. I think they really just want to visit and maybe see USA but since they got denied twice on their visitor's visa, they want me now to apply the immigrant isa for them to come here. I might have told them that they could come and visit. But didn't expect them to get denied. My sister insists that i apply for them and she will take care of the rest, pay for everything. Its just so hard to say No to them because you will look bad. I think i already am. People at PH has been asking when they are coming to USA so i guessed they get pressured to but i don't know. Maybe i'm just so selfish and ungrateful.

You're not selfish and ungrateful. People in the PH are just too much sometime. Thinking that once 1 of the member of the family gets here, they can all just go here no problem. They do not know the life situation here. Even how hard we explain sometimes they just don't listen and think we just don't want them here.

[awaywego 28]

You're so right. They expected too much. I think they really just want to visit and maybe see USA but since they got denied twice on their visitor's visa, they want me now to apply the immigrant isa for them to come here. I might have told them that they could come and visit. But didn't expect them to get denied. My sister insists that i apply for them and she will take care of the rest, pay for everything. Its just so hard to say No to them because you will look bad. I think i already am. People at PH has been asking when they are coming to USA so i guessed they get pressured to but i don't know. Maybe i'm just so selfish and ungrateful.

If they only want to visit, then immigrant visas seem the wrong path. Perhaps you could look into the reasons for their B-2 denials and see if there is a way to strengthen another go at those applications. The posters in the Tourist Visas board might be able to help out.

Sorry to hear that you (and your parents) are feeling such pressure for their visit. I hope it all works out.