7 Things I Can Do That My Black Son Can’t

[The Nature Boy 4,224]

7 Things I Can Do That My Black Son Can’t

Calvin Hennick October 27, 2014

The writer with his son. Photo courtesy of Calvin Hennick.

In the days after the Michael Brown shooting, I wrote an essay titled “I Hope My Son Stays White,” detailing my fears about what might happen to my biracial three-year-old son if he grows up to have dark skin. The upshot: America, to its shame, is still a place where black males are feared, and I don’t want that fear to turn itself on my son in a way that leads to his arrest or death.

I published the piece on Ebony.com, and the reactions from black readers ranged from “sad but true” to allegations that I myself was engaging in the very racism and colorism that I was decrying. But buried among these was a comment from a white reader who accused me of “sucking up to black folk” and then went on to list the supposed advantages of being black in America. (Apparently, according to this reader, my son will have an unearned fast track to a career as an air traffic controller. Um, okay?)

I can’t help but think that, if the essay had been published in an outlet with a larger white readership, many more commenters would have chimed in to deny the continued existence of racism. In my experience, white people (and straight people, and male people, and Christian people — all groups of which I’m a member) tend to dismiss the notion that we’re privileged. It’s an uncomfortable thing to acknowledge that you’re the recipient of unfair benefits, especially when those benefits are often nearly invisible to those who receive them.

But when you’re a parent, those privileges stop being invisible. It’s the reason why male congressmen with daughters are more likely to support women’s issues. It’s the reason why Ohio Sen. Rob Portman suddenly declared his support for same-sex marriage after his son came out as gay. And it’s the reason why, everywhere I look, I see hassles that my son will have to face that I don’t. Here’s a partial list of things I can take for granted, but which will likely be problematic for my son:

1. I Can Walk Through a Store Without Being Followed

To take one high-profile instance, Macy’s and the city of New York recently settled with actor Robert Brown, who was handcuffed, humiliated, and accused of committing credit card fraud after buying an expensive watch at the store.

I never have to worry about this happening to me.

2. I Can Succeed Without It Being Attributed to My Race

When my wife, who is black, received her acceptance letter from Boston College, a peer told her she must have gotten in due to affirmative action, effectively ruining the experience of receiving the letter.

When I succeed, people assume I’ve earned it.

3. I Learned About My Ancestors’ History in School

I can tell you all about Louis XIV, Socrates, and the Magna Carta, but I always wondered when we would finally learn about African history (beyond Pharaohs and pyramids). The subject never came up.

4. I Can Lose My Temper in Traffic

Once, an acquaintance who got into a confrontation while driving told me how scared she was of the other driver, describing him as a “big black guy.” When I get heated, no one attributes it to my race.

5. I Can Loiter in Wealthy Neighborhoods

No one has ever called the cops on me to report a “suspicious person.” My wife can’t say the same.

6. I Can Complain About Racism

When I point out that black people are incarcerated at alarming rates, or largely forced to send their children to underperforming schools, or face systemic discrimination when searching for jobs and housing, no one accuses me of “playing the race card.”

7. I Can Count on Being Met on My Own Terms

If I’m being treated poorly, I don’t stop and think about whether it’s due to my race. But unless we somehow make a giant leap forward, my son will always have to wonder.

Recently, I became a father for the second time. My daughter, only three months old, will grow up to face many of the same challenges as my son, on top of the extra ones that come with being a woman: the struggle for equal pay, the catcalling, the constant threat of sexual assault.

I don’t want to give my children a complex about all of this, but I can’t wish these problems away, either. I can’t eliminate all the unfair hurdles that exist in the world. I can only do my best to raise kids who are able to jump over them.

https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/7-things-i-can-do-that-my-black-son-cant-99408985077.html

1. I was in the mall yesterday. People of all colors and races walking all over the place as well as being clerks and cashiers handling the money. Not one person being followed. How could this be, if a lack man can not walk thru a store without being followed.

2. Absurd. If there is that perception , why is it ? Set asides, quotas etc. Take race out of college admissions problem solved.

3. We have a whole freaking month devoted to Black History and we promote and study any black person we can.. You got to be kidding me. Not only that . I thought we wanted to have a color blind society.

4. Word- I would be unsettled if a large guy of any race got out of shape at me in traffic. Son can't lose his cool and get violent in traffic. Poor Kid!

5. I went to a very rich subdivision near Atl last weekend. Lots of black people walking the street, hanging out at their house..

6. Black people can't complain about racism. SMH ROFL You got to be freaking kidding me.

7. If I am being treated poorly I have to think it's about my race.. "" Likely it's because you are being a jerk, but blaming it on race works most of the time

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

I like how if you don't see something it doesn't exist.

[The Nature Boy 4,224]

I like how if you don't see something it doesn't exist.

Have blacks been falsely accused of shoplifting- Yes

Have whites been falsely accused-Yes

Are you probably going to attract more attention if you have a mouth full of gold teeth and your pants hanging off your butt or for that matter a leather jacket with a confederate flag, chain link belt and covered in tattoos-- YES

A black man can't walk thru a store without being followed. Pure inflammatory hoarse POO

[Teddy B 17,252]

Have blacks been falsely accused of shoplifting- Yes

Have whites been falsely accused-Yes

Are you probably going to attract more attention if you have a mouth full of gold teeth and your pants hanging off your butt or for that matter a leather jacket with a confederate flag, chain link belt and covered in tattoos-- YES

A black man can't walk thru a store without being followed. Pure inflammatory hoarse POO

I tend to agree with this. I think it depends more on how you're dressed and how you look, rather than the color of your skin. I know personally i would be just as leery of the white guy you described as I would the black guy.

[The Nature Boy 4,224]

I refuted this BS almost an hour ago, Where are all the usual suspects. Only Marvin has replied. This proves everything , right?

I mean this is how we roll right ?

Crickets

[Karee 4,190]

I refuted this BS almost an hour ago, Where are all the usual suspects. Only Marvin has replied. This proves everything , right?

I mean this is how we roll right ?

Crickets

It must mean you're 100% right since no one responded within 5 minutes. I think that's the new measuring stick here.

[decocker 7,198]

I refuted this BS almost an hour ago, Where are all the usual suspects. Only Marvin has replied. This proves everything , right?

I mean this is how we roll right ?

Crickets

just tired of having the same arguments. and honestly, no one has to prove anything to you. you don't think the op has merit so what's to respond? your opinion is invalid to me, primarily because you aren't a black person living in this country. you have absolutely zero black experience. and yet you've deemed yourself experienced enough to determine certain black experience BS.

Edited October 28, 2014 by val erie

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

Have blacks been falsely accused of shoplifting- Yes

Have whites been falsely accused-Yes

Are you probably going to attract more attention if you have a mouth full of gold teeth and your pants hanging off your butt or for that matter a leather jacket with a confederate flag, chain link belt and covered in tattoos-- YES

A black man can't walk thru a store without being followed. Pure inflammatory hoarse POO

Don't see this kid with gold teeth or baggy pants.

Also, I'm pretty sure Viola Davis AND Forrest Whitaker don't fit your description either.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/19/forest-whitaker-falsely-accused-shoplifting-frisked-new-york-deli_n_2719712.html

http://www.omegatrons.com/video/view?v=dOwEyOy62OxMr15C

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

your opinion is invalid to me, primarily because you aren't a black person living in this country. you have absolutely zero black experience.

It's a shame you just invalidated your own opinion. So now no white person can have a valid opinion on matters black? Hmmmmm...

[Boiler 45,516]

It's a shame you just invalidated your own opinion. So now no white person can have a valid opinion on matters black? Hmmmmm...

To do so would be racist.

[decocker 7,198]

It's a shame you just invalidated your own opinion. So now no white person can have a valid opinion on matters black? Hmmmmm...

no. all people can have an opinion on the matter. i said nature boy's opinion was invalid to me. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

no. all people can have an opinion on the matter. i said nature boy's opinion was invalid to me. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Such hurtful words. He may not be back to post for a few days.

You invalidated his opinion because he is not black. Seems kinda harsh.

[Janelle2002 3,865]

The usual suspects are having a field day talking in circles, pating themselves on the back, and playing a 100 diffrent what if scenarios without a damn fact anywhere.

Great you all think it's more important when a white man says something, and words are very important based on the race of the speaker.

But yet all of you are color blind

SMH

I'm just saying, the complaints are coming from different colors, not just black people only. So you see, this is a reality non-black people have to face as well.

I told her to stop at Whataburger and bring me back some food after she cuts you. Don't worry though, she's only a buck twenty armed with a knife. You're in Texas, you people wear guns like clothes.

Hey. Don't mess with Texas and please feed the barrel on your way out.

[decocker 7,198]

Such hurtful words. He may not be back to post for a few days.

You invalidated his opinion because he is not black. Seems kinda harsh.

i'm not sure why you're so hung up on my comment to nature boy, but i've had this conversation with him for years now. i know how he feels about profiling. i know that he believes black people whine too much about racism. he also believes that black people have too much handed to them and still have the gall to whine about racism. he wanted to know why no one wanted to argue with him, and i told him why i, personally, don't see the point. try reading the entirety of my comments instead of cherrypicking them.

To do so would be racist.

not what i said, but i'll be damned if you didn't wish i had..

[The Nature Boy 4,224]

just tired of having the same arguments. and honestly, no one has to prove anything to you. you don't think the op has merit so what's to respond? your opinion is invalid to me, primarily because you aren't a black person living in this country. you have absolutely zero black experience. and yet you've deemed yourself experienced enough to determine certain black experience BS.

Good Morning val, hope you are having a great morning

I can't have an opinion because I am not black.. so says the usual suspects who don't see race in nay thing LOL

Just FYI the "usual suspects comment" was because when the OP posted and nobody responded immediately, they went on a two page rant about it being proof postive they were right.

As for no Black experience.. I have experianced and seen things you have only read about in books

Edited October 28, 2014 by The Nature Boy