Abusive Spouse (immigrant) and I-751

[purax 0]

Hello, I am writing to seek advice.

My journey started as a long distance relationship for several years that developed and evolved into us seeking a K-1 visa. I did all the work, traveling and money. I was happy to be of assistance if that meant we could finally live together after several years apart.

When he was granted a visa to come and live here his behavior was strange almost instantly. Although, he could not work immediately on his visa, he also refused to get out of bed, help me around the house, or live period. He would twist my words and became somewhat mentally abusive. I had just moved to a new city to live in a more ideal city for him, and was dealing with a new job, and lack of friend's or family nearby for support.

We had discussions about his behaviour and were able to come to some agreements to work together as a team. We had a no-frills ceremony and almost immediately he became belligerent and emotionally abusive but worse this time. He would call me names, isolate me further from friends and family, tell me the ways he imagined my death, threatening me, and manipulating me. During this time I was manging a serious chronic illness and working for the two of us, even after he was legally able to work. He refused to look for employment instead choosing to sleep all day, complain about what I bought or how I cared for the house. It was very difficult. It became infinitely worse when he became physically violent. Like any classic abuse case, it did not start right away and it seeped in slowly, over time until it became a facet of our dysfunction. I was confused as he had "groomed" me to trust him. I wondered how I could help, what I could do better to make him happier. I considered his mental health before mine. I paid for his individual therapy and couples counseling on my meager budget. But like our therapist told us, "Counseling stops once fits have been raised". Therapy did not work. He continued to manipulate me and use me.

My abuse was witnessed by my closest of family. But most friends I kept t hidden from. I was a classic abused spouse, scarred to upset him more, embarrassed that I, an educated smart woman, had gotten myself into this situation. My family cared lots but in an attempt to not enable the relationship, did not "save me" as it were, but repeatedly encouraged me to leave this man. There were numerous police calls, and witnesses by those family members, neighbors and landlords. I did not press charges, something I would surely do now. Then, I feared I would loss the person I had grown co-dependent on, in a city I had yet to make friends in. The police would see evidence of abuse, ask me to press charges and when I would decline, ask him to not return for 24 hrs. There were also hospitalizations, stitches and medical bills incurred. I also have many photographs.

When I finally got the courage to ask him to leave, I changed the locks on my then apartment because he threatened to break in. I cut off almost all contact except to repeatedly ask where he had moved to so that I would proceed with a divorce. In our state to divorce you must know the address of your spouse to sent notice. If they refuse to tell you, you must get a petition through publication in a newspaper. This requires extra court dates and money. I started the process but stopped to save up for the extra petition money I would need.

I then went about rebuilding my life without contact for nearly 1 year and 8 months with him. I moved, got a new job, found friends to grow and learn with and form a support network. I also went to therapy, this time just for me. I had moved on. After all of this time he contacted me last week for the first time in almost 2 years asking for me to jointly file form I-571 with him. He said he saw you needed to either A) be in a marriage of good standing B) Divorced and in good standing or C) a file wavier of spousal abuse. His first tactic was to tell me ow much he missed me and how he always loved me.

This reminded me of how he was whenever we came to a point in his immigration where he needed me to sponsor him. He was loving and said what needed to be said and then would abuse me once more. The text he sent brought me back to this period in my life and upset me so I ignored it. He then contacted me saying he would like a divorce ASAP so that he could say he was single and that is why he wasn't filing jointly. Never mind, I had asked for months but had put that aside to move on in other ways.

I am wondering what I am to do now. I have no concern whatsoever that happens to him, be he be granted stay or not. What I do not wish to do is be a part of it, in any way.

I will not file jointly for a man I have not laid eyes on in 1 yr and 8 months, that I have no knowledge of where he lives nor his life beyond that he is alive and in the same city still. It would be a lie to say we are living together and in good standing when we are separated. We are separated because of his physical and emotional abuse. I do not want to give him the message that he can do that to me, or any woman. That he can abuse them and then pop back into their lives and expect, almost demand that they jointly file and if they refuse for obvious reasons (i.e. the trauma they suffered at their hands) that they can then bully them to get a divorce ASAP so that they can wash away the reason the spouse has issue with filing jointly.

Who do I contact to let know about this? I do not wish to have ANY futher contact with this person. I do wish to alert the proper people that I am not jointly filing and that I do not approve of his prior behaviours. I have not ever agreed nor signed anything for I-751 now or in the past so would I still even send anything to USCIS? It is my understanding from him that he has not yet filed anything but is planning to in the very near future to remove his conditions be it by trying to convince me to do it jointly, to bully me into a divorce before the conditions are removed or maybe even lying. I have only suspicions of this. All I know is he likely will be filing but has yet to. So, how do I report this to USCIS if it's not yet filed. I would like to preempt him and just state that I am not a joint filer due to documented abuse by the immigrant. I have also heard you can report this to ICE. Is this correct? Any thing else I should do?

Thank you for all your help in advance!

I am not sure what my role is at this point. I do not wish to give the message you can be abusive and it won't later come back to affect you negatively. I don't want other spouses to get the message this is a ticket into this country and neglect those they promised to support or for this man to take advantage of future women. This is my motivation. I wouldn't even be asking if it were not, that I am being drawn back into his life. I would like to get this dealt with so I truly have nothing left to do with him.

[Boiler 45,922]

You signed up for the I 864.

ROC is his issue not yours

Divorce seems your best option otherwise.

[milimelo 4,540]

On every page there is a disclaimer: You can contact ICE via email at Immigration.Reply@dhs.gov or you can telephone ICE at 1-866-347-2423.

If you provide ex's bio info and/or A# they can stick your letter into his file.

Hopefully you mailed I-865 when you moved as you're obligated to do as you're still his sponsor.

[purax 0]

Thank you both and to those who PM me with helpful information.

To answer your question, yes I mailed in I-865. They know where I am. I followed everything to a t.

Edited October 24, 2014 by purax

[Villanelle 4,122]

He said he saw you needed to either A) be in a marriage of good standing B) Divorced and in good standing or C) a file wavier of spousal abuse.

^He is incorrect. To remove conditions or file for ROC, you (being the immigrant) need to file the 751 form. It demands both spouses sign it (jointly) However you can check a tickbox explaining WHY your spouse did not sign it with you. Exceptions to having your spouse sign is because you are divorced or they are abusive or they are deceased.

There is nothing about 'good standing'. Thats just his misunderstanding. Of course it would go smoother if you and your spouse are in good standing but its not a requirement.

I am not a joint filer due to documented abuse by the immigrant. I have also heard you can report this to ICE. Is this correct?

Meh. Yes and no. Of course you can report anything youd like to ICE. But what you have is not actionable. Meaning you have 'documented abuse' but it doesnt meet the level needed for ICE to take action. Unfortunately you mention that you never pressed charges/spouse was never convicted of DV. In order for ICE to take action or for it to effect his immigration process he would need a conviction of DV from a court of law. Documented abuse will do little to nothing.

So what do you do now?

Well here are the facts. He needs a final divorce decree to get his ROC approved. This does not mean that he needs it before he files for ROC. He can file and say Im in the process of divorcing and they will give him some time to get it. It happens every single day.

So most likely hes going to be very agreeable to a divorce. You want a divorce so this a win win. You could use the fact that he feels a desperate need for the final decree because he may feel imaginary pressure from USCIS when in reality there is none and use it to gain a more favorable settlement.

As for your part of the ROC. You technically have no part of it. He can file on his own. You do not need to help him get any old documents to prove his case etc.

Some may suggest writing a letter and having it attached to his case file explaining your side of the relationship. This is your decision. You did state you wanted nothing to do with the process. Sending a letter puts you in the process. So that could be considered a 'con' right there. By sending a letter they can call you in to verify what you wrote and ask additional questions. You can write something in the letter like - please keep this confidential, but there is no law providing they do such, so it is possible he will see/hear about what you wrote and your attempts to stop his adjustment of status. (another con)

On the 'pro' side it does make people feel a lot better- the whole you cant do this and have no repercussions thing you mentioned above. However unless you have solid evidence that he entered the marriage soley for benefits and was not in good faith- there will be no repercussions from your letter. It could give them openings and cause them to ask him uncomfortable questions where he might hang himself and admit something that effects the process, something that otherwise wouldnt have come up- but who knows.

I really do hate to say it but this

I do not wish to give the message you can be abusive and it won't later come back to affect you negatively. I don't want other spouses to get the message this is a ticket into this country and neglect those they promised to support or for this man to take advantage of future women.

well, its a little late for this. Your chance to 'teach him a lesson' or show him the negative consequences was every single time the police came and asked you to press charges. You declined.

The only thing I see left is for you to insist that something is worded into the divorce about abuse. You have to show you are divorced to get remarried, soooo if he does (quickly) become involved with someone else and wants to take that step it will at least be mentioned on his divorce papers and maybe the woman will pause a bit upon seeing it.

[tuckin14 58]

You have no obligation to sign his I-751. Nor to do anything to make his I-751 easier. You can just ignore it.

If you feel you can use it as negotiating leverage, you could do so. For example, tell him you will sign it, agree to meet him at a certain time and place, and have a process server there to serve him divorce papers. And you still don't have to sign.

USCIS is very liberal these days about what constitutes "divorce" for waiver purposes. I think a mere divorce filing, or a legal separation, is adequate. You don't need a final divorce. However, you need some legal papers. Simply not living together is not enough for a waiver.

By the way, regarding post #5, it appears to be no longer true that you need a divorce decree. My wife had an interview two weeks ago and the USCIS decision letter said "a I-751 petition jointly filed by co-petitioners who are still married but are legally separated and/or are in divorce proceedings, the form may be treated as a waiver petition."

[Villanelle 4,122]

^

Oh my gosh.

You are talking about requirements for two very different filing methods. People must be very careful not to compare apples to oranges and even things that look like oranges to oranges - like oranges to tangerines or clementines. ALL DIFFERENT.

USCIS decision letter said "a I-751 petition jointly filed by co-petitioners who are still married but are legally separated and/or are in divorce proceedings, the form may be treated as a waiver petition."

This is NOT new, this is not them becoming suddenly liberal. Petition jointly filed. Jointly is the key word.

Here is a memo from USCIS- its a bit wordy as they usually are. Check around the bottom of page 2 into page 3,

http://www.uscis.gov...tion_3apr09.pdf

Funky things happen when you file jointly and then separate. Does not change the requirements needed for checking off the divorced tick box when your spouse does not sign.

The OP stated she does not wish to be involved in his immigration process further so she would not be filing jointly with him.

On a side note if she has suspicions he may attempt to forge her name to file jointly and does want to " to preempt him and just state that I am not a joint filer" she would just need to send a letter stating such to USCIS along with pertinent info like his A# and proof of her identity. Unlikely he would do such a thing though. When she states she wont be signing, if he does desire to stay in the US he will go see a attny for help- who will advise him he does not need her signature.

[bronco37 16]

Do the following:

1. Send a notarized letter to USCIS District director via certified mail that describes the issues.

2. Attach all relevant evidence.

3. When you get divorced, prompty send all the relevant documents to the district director and to the address where ROC application is to be submitted. Certified mail.

4. Always, write a cover letter describing the enclosures and notarize it.

All that you can do.