Our relationship started while she was technically married

[Romet 28]

Hi Everybody,

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 14 months but she just got divorced a week ago.

She has been physically separated from her ex since August 2008

She filed her divorce in Oct 2012

We met each other in Sep 2013 and we have been together since that date

I'm just wondering if anyone's had the same thing before he/she applied to k1 visa. In MENA countries I think it looks bad to be with some who is " technically " married so how could I get away from any question about that if the CO tried to touch that point?

Thanks a lot

ROMET

[SaharaSunset 165]

Wow Romet,

Your recent posts suggest you are awfully worried about the questions you're going to get, and how to avoid them...

And I'm not gonna lie, you being so worried seems like a little bit of red flag in an of itself. If you try to "get away" from questions, or try to have pre-planned "good" answers, you're going to look a whole lot more fake than your relationship may actually be.

All relationships are different, no one is going to have your same story exactly because they are not you and your fiance. A good starting place for ALL your concerns might be to make sure you are in this for the right reasons. If you are, then relax. As others have expressed, you'll get through the toughest interviews because your relationship is real. You should be more worried about compiling all the evidence of your relationship....and trust that the interview will go well because you know and love your fiance. Take it from those of us who know.

Explaining how your relationship developed is a very personal and important part of your story. That includes all the circumstances both of you were in. It should be unique and genuine and the truth, not some answer someone else told you was a good way to "get away" from questions like that. How it "looks," and whether its "normal" or "a red flag" means nothing if your story is honest and sincere. Seriously. It may or may not come up, but either way, just explain and you'll be fine.

Its seems like maybe you don't think "love" is enough...and it's not...you've got tons of paperwork and evidence to compile. But if your relationship is real, the interview questions should be the least of your worries. Good luck!

[Mohamed31 0]

Wow Romet,

Your recent posts suggest you are awfully worried about the questions you're going to get, and how to avoid them...

And I'm not gonna lie, you being so worried seems like a little bit of red flag in an of itself. If you try to "get away" from questions, or try to have pre-planned "good" answers, you're going to look a whole lot more fake than your relationship may actually be.

All relationships are different, no one is going to have your same story exactly because they are not you and your fiance. A good starting place for ALL your concerns might be to make sure you are in this for the right reasons. If you are, then relax. As others have expressed, you'll get through the toughest interviews because your relationship is real. You should be more worried about compiling all the evidence of your relationship....and trust that the interview will go well because you know and love your fiance. Take it from those of us who know.

Explaining how your relationship developed is a very personal and important part of your story. That includes all the circumstances both of you were in. It should be unique and genuine and the truth, not some answer someone else told you was a good way to "get away" from questions like that. How it "looks," and whether its "normal" or "a red flag" means nothing if your story is honest and sincere. Seriously. It may or may not come up, but either way, just explain and you'll be fine.

Its seems like maybe you don't think "love" is enough...and it's not...you've got tons of paperwork and evidence to compile. But if your relationship is real, the interview questions should be the least of your worries. Good luck!

Very well said...

[NY_BX 397]

Hi Everybody,

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 14 months but she just got divorced a week ago.

She has been physically separated from her ex since August 2008

She filed her divorce in Oct 2012

We met each other in Sep 2013 and we have been together since that date

I'm just wondering if anyone's had the same thing before he/she applied to k1 visa. In MENA countries I think it looks bad to be with some who is " technically " married so how could I get away from any question about that if the CO tried to touch that point?

Thanks a lot

ROMET

If the K-1 petition has been submitted, it will be denied. Both of you must submit a divorce decree and/or proof you are free to marry prior to sending the visa paperwork. If you haven't you have a lot of work to do. The divorce decree must be submitted. If you include the current timeline of your relationship, this definitely will come up. No, you won't dodge the bullet, they will ask and you must answer truthfully.

Edited October 18, 2014 by NY_BX

[Crossed_fingers 128]

Let me ask it this way, would you have pursued or accepted the advances of a separated but still married Egyptian woman, particularly a 16 year older Egyptian woman with kids? If not, what made you open to entering into the relationship with an American woman? It does sound like your relationship has some of the typical fraud warning signs. Personally, I don't think the solution is to seek typical answers so much as to really think about why your individual relationship is different from the typical pattern, why you started this relationship with good intentions, and why you're planning on continuing this relationship long term.

[Romet 28]

SaharaSunset, on 18 Oct 2014 - 01:30 AM, said:

Wow Romet,

Your recent posts suggest you are awfully worried about the questions you're going to get, and how to avoid them...

And I'm not gonna lie, you being so worried seems like a little bit of red flag in an of itself. If you try to "get away" from questions, or try to have pre-planned "good" answers, you're going to look a whole lot more fake than your relationship may actually be.

All relationships are different, no one is going to have your same story exactly because they are not you and your fiance. A good starting place for ALL your concerns might be to make sure you are in this for the right reasons. If you are, then relax. As others have expressed, you'll get through the toughest interviews because your relationship is real. You should be more worried about compiling all the evidence of your relationship....and trust that the interview will go well because you know and love your fiance. Take it from those of us who know.

Explaining how your relationship developed is a very personal and important part of your story. That includes all the circumstances both of you were in. It should be unique and genuine and the truth, not some answer someone else told you was a good way to "get away" from questions like that. How it "looks," and whether its "normal" or "a red flag" means nothing if your story is honest and sincere. Seriously. It may or may not come up, but either way, just explain and you'll be fine.

Its seems like maybe you don't think "love" is enough...and it's not...you've got tons of paperwork and evidence to compile. But if your relationship is real, the interview questions should be the least of your worries. Good luck!

Thank you for your reply and reading my previous questions but I think if you have really read my replies to people about my questions you wouldn't have said anything about my relationship whether it's fake or not. My questions have nothing to do with my relationship. My fiancee and I are so genuinely and deeply in love with each other but unfortunately and again..love isn't enough and convenient to the CO. Of course it's important and I should always express and convey my relationship on that basis. I've read so many stories about k1 cases getting declined for unknown reasons and that's exactly what I'm looking for or want to know. The CO might not be able to see that we do love each other or he might see it a fake relationship while it's so real. Their denial decisions are based on their points or what they concluded from the interview and sometimes he doesn't get what the interviewee is trying to say so its a declined case. NOT all of the declined cases are fake.

I said " get away" but I didn't mean to evade, or make up a fake answer. I mean I want to be able to articulate my points very well so the CO gets that our relation is legit...That's what it's all about. He might see that's culturally inappropriate but I don't see it that way. She was separated 6 years ago and filed her divorce 1 year before I even know her!

Actually we have more than enough evidences to show but we also have some red flags too. I was going to ask about how much evidences do I need to attach to the application forum and take with me to the interview. I mean I have thousand and thousands of texts, sms history, Viber Whatsapp, Kakao, Skype Chat history and call logs, Facebook messages, emails, pictures together, pictures of gifts and cards, airline tickets, boarding passes, hotels invoices, we hired a wedding planner and we're asking about having a joint bank account too.

But he might put aside everything and get concerned about my question above...being in a relationship while she was technically or legally married. I just need to be prepared.

NY_BX, on 18 Oct 2014 - 03:06 AM, said:

If the K-1 petition has been submitted, it will be denied. Both of you must submit a divorce decree and/or proof you are free to marry prior to sending the visa paperwork. If you haven't you have a lot of work to do. The divorce decree must be submitted. If you include the current timeline of your relationship, this definitely will come up. No, you won't dodge the bullet, they will ask and you must answer truthfully.

What do you mean by " submitting her divorce decree PRIOR TO sending the visa paperwork! She's gonna attach her divorce decree to the form with the other required documents!

and why both of us I didn't say I'm the same thing I've never been married! I will have her divorce decree with me in the interview I know that

Crossed_fingers, on 18 Oct 2014 - 12:03 PM, said:

Let me ask it this way, would you have pursued or accepted the advances of a separated but still married Egyptian woman, particularly a 16 year older Egyptian woman with kids? If not, what made you open to entering into the relationship with an American woman? It does sound like your relationship has some of the typical fraud warning signs. Personally, I don't think the solution is to seek typical answers so much as to really think about why your individual relationship is different from the typical pattern, why you started this relationship with good intentions, and why you're planning on continuing this relationship long term.

You just said that my relationship has some typical fraud warning signs without even listening to my answer and I’m expecting that from the CO. Since I know and I’m so very sure that it’s not a fraud, I’m asking you now what would make you change your opinion about it. If saying that I love her would change it?

Ok I will answer you

Because I love her. I didn’t/ don’t choose to love her because love just happens. I didn’t / don’t think about any of our differences and non of them is actually an issue for us. I don’t care how old she is or where she’s from. In spite of all these differences, we understand each other, we communicate very well, we have the same wit and sense of humor, we are so compatible in a way that has never happened to me with anyone before in my last relationships. When we first met she told me that she was divorced and that gave me a relief because I was starting to get attached to her more and more and I was starting to have more feelings for her. She didn’t lie but it wasn’t just a final divorce. She had a court hearing the day before we met in Sep 2013 then they postpone it to Dec 2013 then Apr 2014 then Oct 2014 and I was with her praying to god every second for her to get her divorce as soon as possible so we can start our life. If I was a fraud I would have just run I would have said this woman is going to tie me up for so long and I would have given up on her and look for another. But I have never thought about that and I’ll never do because we’re committed to each other that we will never give up or let go.

We also took our time not to rush anything at the beginning. I was worried that she didn’t have the same feelings for me and she was worried about the same thing at the same time too. Even after we started our relationship, we weren’t “completely” sure that I can be the father of her kids and love them too. In June we really had a great time AS A FAMILY, we got along very well and for the first time I felt like I can be their father. Since that date we decided to get married but she hasn’t gotten her divorce decree by that date yet. After OCT 10^th I thought it’s the time so I talked to her dad and asked him for his blessings to marry his daughter. He welcomed me and he will honor our marriage once we do.

That’s our story in brief ..I know this is a very long answer and the CO would want just short answers that goes straight to the point. Tell me if that convinced you and or what other things do I need to add or convey more?

Thanks

Edited October 18, 2014 by ROMET

[Crossed_fingers 128]

As I said in my earlier comment, the first question that comes to mind is whether you would have pursued a relationship with a married, 16 year older Egyptian woman with children, and if not, what made your fiancée different from the outset when you first got to know each other online.

[NY_BX 397]

NY_BX, on 18 Oct 2014 - 03:06 AM, said:

If the K-1 petition has been submitted, it will be denied. Both of you must submit a divorce decree and/or proof you are free to marry prior to sending the visa paperwork. If you haven't you have a lot of work to do. The divorce decree must be submitted. If you include the current timeline of your relationship, this definitely will come up. No, you won't dodge the bullet, they will ask and you must answer truthfully.

What do you mean by " submitting her divorce decree PRIOR TO sending the visa paperwork! She's gonna attach her divorce decree to the form with the other required documents!

and why both of us I didn't say I'm the same thing I've never been married! I will have her divorce decree with me in the interview I know that

First, calm down. Second, I meant, when the K-1 visa petition is sent all the required documentation must be in the packet, including anything that proves your are both free to marry. Read the guides and you'll see. So yes, you also will need a paper that states you are 'free to marry.' This also is in the guidelines.

[Ronnie17 3]

Hello All,

As a newbie myself to this process and reading all the different posts I'm a little confused as to how one is supposed to use this forum. It actually amazes me how many times the word "fraud" has been used in this thread. Maybe I'm more an optimist than the "system" others on here would allow me to be but Romet I think you should just TELL YOUR STORY. Your story is not going to be like anyone else's. I don't see what others here see.. I see you being very nervous and want to make sure all of your ducks are in a row and what to expect in these interviews so you can successfully get to the women you love.

If you're asked in the interview questions regarding your courtship..... TELL THEM THE TRUTH. Meaning.. it sounds to me like when you met her she was "finished" with her marriage and awaiting her pending divorce to be final. You also mentioned she was literally separated from the previous marriage/relationship for 6 years. I also read in a previous post you wrote that you hired or spoke to an visa preparation agency or lawyer (sorry I can't remember exactly which) that actually told you that was a red flag (she "technically" not be completely divorced during your courtship) in the MENA regions. It also seems like you only ask questions regarding your red flags. WHICH IS FINE. I totally understand that. I THOUGHT that's WHAT we ARE supposed to do here on VJ. It's a very unsettling thing when something so simple to you can be seen so subjectively.

I do not want to give my opinion or try to speak to the validity of your relationship but going back to the issue you're SPECIFICALLY inquiring about. I don't think that this is what this type of advice forum (VJ) should be about. It should be about supplying advice or helpful answers to best try to help the poster relieve the stresses of all the difference visa processes we ALL are going through or have gone through.

So, my advice: The best thing is to TELL THE TRUTH. Tell them YOUR story ... Knowing YOUR OWN HEART is what should ultimately guide you through the entire interview. From different posts I've read here, it's a hit or miss. It will just depend. So speak with your fiancee and come up make sure you're comfortable answering the question the way YOU see fit. Make sure your answer is confident, truthful, and speak from your heart.

You said you have plenty of evidence and you're love IS genuine. That's all I need to know and hope we can contribute in a positive and helpful way to get you to your fiancee as soon as possible. God willing that is really all you need. "When you believe if your purpose, nothing can stand in your way". Think positive and good vibes sent your way.

Cheers

Wow Romet,

Your recent posts suggest you are awfully worried about the questions you're going to get, and how to avoid them...

And I'm not gonna lie, you being so worried seems like a little bit of red flag in an of itself. If you try to "get away" from questions, or try to have pre-planned "good" answers, you're going to look a whole lot more fake than your relationship may actually be.

All relationships are different, no one is going to have your same story exactly because they are not you and your fiance. A good starting place for ALL your concerns might be to make sure you are in this for the right reasons. If you are, then relax. As others have expressed, you'll get through the toughest interviews because your relationship is real. You should be more worried about compiling all the evidence of your relationship....and trust that the interview will go well because you know and love your fiance. Take it from those of us who know.

Explaining how your relationship developed is a very personal and important part of your story. That includes all the circumstances both of you were in. It should be unique and genuine and the truth, not some answer someone else told you was a good way to "get away" from questions like that. How it "looks," and whether its "normal" or "a red flag" means nothing if your story is honest and sincere. Seriously. It may or may not come up, but either way, just explain and you'll be fine.

Its seems like maybe you don't think "love" is enough...and it's not...you've got tons of paperwork and evidence to compile. But if your relationship is real, the interview questions should be the least of your worries. Good luck!

[jxn 86]

There seems to be a lot of criticism in this thread and I don't understand why. OP is just trying to understand how his case will be seen, and he hasn't filed anything yet.

To summarize, he met his girlfriend nearly a year after she filed for divorce, and over five years after she physically separated from her ex-husband. Due to paperwork and bureaucracy issues, the divorce was only finalized recently. OP and his girlfriend have been dating for over a year and are considering getting engaged.

As long as OP's girlfriend has all of the documentation supporting her divorce, along with a valid passport, they could file for the K-1 fiancé(e) visa next week and would not be afoul of any rules. People have brought up cultural issues specific to the MENA region, but without considering over five years of separation from the ex-husband and the fact that they will be going before an American CO, and thus don't have to proof anything to the Egyptian government.

OP, just to clarify: you are an American male, and she is an Egyptian female, right? Also, are you engaged or just dating currently? You have referred to her as your girlfriend and your fiancée. And also, you have not yet submitted any paperwork for the visa yet, have you? Let us know the answers to these questions so we can better guide you. In the meantime, make sure you've filed your taxes and have reviewed the sponsorship financial requirements while you still have time to kill.

[SaharaSunset 165]

Hello All,

As a newbie myself to this process and reading all the different posts I'm a little confused as to how one is supposed to use this forum. It actually amazes me how many times the word "fraud" has been used in this thread. Maybe I'm more an optimist than the "system" others on here would allow me to be but Romet I think you should just TELL YOUR STORY. Your story is not going to be like anyone else's. I don't see what others here see.. I see you being very nervous and want to make sure all of your ducks are in a row and what to expect in these interviews so you can successfully get to the women you love.

If you're asked in the interview questions regarding your courtship..... TELL THEM THE TRUTH. Meaning.. it sounds to me like when you met her she was "finished" with her marriage and awaiting her pending divorce to be final. You also mentioned she was literally separated from the previous marriage/relationship for 6 years. I also read in a previous post you wrote that you hired or spoke to an visa preparation agency or lawyer (sorry I can't remember exactly which) that actually told you that was a red flag (she "technically" not be completely divorced during your courtship) in the MENA regions. It also seems like you only ask questions regarding your red flags. WHICH IS FINE. I totally understand that. I THOUGHT that's WHAT we ARE supposed to do here on VJ. It's a very unsettling thing when something so simple to you can be seen so subjectively.

I do not want to give my opinion or try to speak to the validity of your relationship but going back to the issue you're SPECIFICALLY inquiring about. I don't think that this is what this type of advice forum (VJ) should be about. It should be about supplying advice or helpful answers to best try to help the poster relieve the stresses of all the difference visa processes we ALL are going through or have gone through.

So, my advice: The best thing is to TELL THE TRUTH. Tell them YOUR story ... Knowing YOUR OWN HEART is what should ultimately guide you through the entire interview. From different posts I've read here, it's a hit or miss. It will just depend. So speak with your fiancee and come up make sure you're comfortable answering the question the way YOU see fit. Make sure your answer is confident, truthful, and speak from your heart.

You said you have plenty of evidence and you're love IS genuine. That's all I need to know and hope we can contribute in a positive and helpful way to get you to your fiancee as soon as possible. God willing that is really all you need. "When you believe if your purpose, nothing can stand in your way". Think positive and good vibes sent your way.

Cheers

Hi Ronnie...

Not sure how your advice to the OP was different than mine?....In fact you even re-stated some of the very things I, and others, pointed out....like speaking honestly and truthfully and trusting in the truth of your relationship. The only real difference was that I commented on how the OP has created several threads, all asking questions that hint at him worrying about "beating the system." And I did not accuse him of that, I merely pointed out that the questions he's posing are a little too focused on how to evade, or how to get around things (and he has since corrected me as to what he meant.)

And while its true we all have concerns about the process, sometimes the specific concerns someone has can be a window into the reality of their situation. I can honestly say I wasn't the slightest concerned about my husbands interview....and Casablanca is a tough consulate. But I felt like of all places, the interview was the chance for them to see and feel the sincerity of our story - much more than all the dumb paperwork. And sure enough, he didn't hit a single bump in his interview. And we didn't practice questions or go over answers or any of that nonsense....he knew all the right answers because our relationship was real and we genuinely knew about each other. End of story.

The forum is a place to seek help - but if the help you seek is how to evade certain questions in an interview, you are asking for people to be skeptical of your motives. Many sincere people come here asking for help for a wide range of reasons. But who this forum is meant for, and who uses it is out of our control. "High Fraud" countries are labeled that for a reason. And any creep can prowl the internet for any reason, pretending to anyone. That being said, I don't think Romet is a "creep" - I think he's just focused on things he doesn't need to worry about if his relationship is real. Thats all.

Again, my advice to the OP was the same as yours...so you can climb down off the high horse. The OP did share more of his story, and clarified a little more of what he meant by the questions he was asking....and I'm sure he and his fiance will be just fine. But I would still encourage him to focus more on the mounds of evidence to be gathered and paperwork he has to do. Because the inadequate and incomplete paperwork/evidence causes WAY more people to be denied than any of the things he's worrying about. As I said, and as you said, and as many others in these forums have said, in an effort to calm the fears of rejection...if you have a real relationship, and you prepare your application well, and you are honest, things will fall into place and it will all work out.

Edited October 18, 2014 by SaharaSunset

[NY_BX 397]

The question still remains: Has the k-1 visa petition been filed? If it hasn't all of this changes considerably, it's just a matter of telling the story and explaining everything. If it HAS been FILED, without the free-to-marry documentation, it will be denied. As simple as that.

[cdneh 3,112]

Some states require a waiting period as well, after your divorce and before you can remarry. I believe there was someone here recently who filed a couple of weeks before the 6 months was up, and was denied as not free to marry. Look into what your state requires.

[jxn 86]

Some states require a waiting period as well, after your divorce and before you can remarry. I believe there was someone here recently who filed a couple of weeks before the 6 months was up, and was denied as not free to marry. Look into what your state requires.

This is true and that thread was very insightful. In this case, since OP plans to file or has already filed (it's not clear which) for the K-1 visa, I'm assuming his girlfriend/fiancée is home in Egypt.

OP, can you clarify some of these questions on your situation?

[Merrytooth 5,748]

This is true and that thread was very insightful. In this case, since OP plans to file or has already filed (it's not clear which) for the K-1 visa, I'm assuming his girlfriend/fiancée is home in Egypt.

OP, can you clarify some of these questions on your situation?

OP is the male beneficiary from Egypt while his fiancee is USC, 16 years older than him, with kids.