Pressure from girlfriend to get married

[Tbonesteak 12]

I had a relationship a few years back that was like the one you mention. If I knew then what I know now, I would have RAN. Luckily my wife and I started dating right after that. And as my ex said, "Karma will catch up with you!" I told her in response, "I hope so, I need something good in my life"

Each person has to make a choice in life. If you want to be belittled, ordered around, and constantly have ultimatums then go for it. Those relationships are usually classified as abusive by most sane people. The problem is those being abused think it will get better tomorrow, they have invested too much, they can't give it all up...... etc.

Whoa! She said that too! After all the "bad" things I did to her.

[needsmorebutter 5]

Along with all the threatening text messages.

if she's actually threatening you (and especially if she continues to harass you after you break it off), you might want to consider getting a restraining order.

[Jo Së 200]

RUUUUUUUN!!! If you think she is bad now, wait till you are married to her, she will definitely be way worse. She is only telling you that marriage will fix everything, but she is doing so just to convince you to do it. DON'T. It might be hard to break up at first, but you will not regret in the long run.

[Tbonesteak 12]

Ohh boy!!!! I feel truly sorry about your situation. I must say that it is an unhealthy relationship and those kinds of relationships never have a happy ending. Wouldn't you want something better for yourself? Don't settle for less, she is not the only girl for you. I don't know her full story so I can not judge her whether or not she is trying to use you for a green card and what her ultimate motives are, but I can hear you clearly that you are NOT happy from the beginning. She totally disregards your feelings, lacks of any respect for you, tries to impose her wishes on you, and gives you ultimatums. Would you want a wife like that? As someone else has mentioned, she is mentally abusing you, and since she knows you love her, she manipulates you as she wishes. Marrying her now and divorce her later will be more painful than the though of you loosing her right now so why go through it and marry her. I would not if I was you. I am sorry again you are going through this, but you are the only person who can make a decision on this as you will have to live with your choices. By the way, in none of the sentences you wrote you have mentioned that she says she loves you or anything close to it, so what are you doing with her??? Just a thought!

I'm the type of person that gives everyone a benefit of the doubt so I'm not saying she's using me. However, I feel the green card is more important to her than anything else. She says she love me with all her heart. Yet she doesn't want to have a long distance relationship because she's apparently had one before and it's too difficult. Thanks for the post. I know my decision. Time end it. Edited October 7, 2014 by Tbonesteak

[HoussemAnna 20]

Choosing to get married and propose is supposed to be the most exciting highlight of life and your choice, you already know your not ready and if she says she is going to leave or be married then you need to let her go. You know life is too short (and sorry for your mother having cancer) so dont feel pshed into making one of the biggest decisions of your life based on an ultimatum. Trust me you can do better ..

[Comic 66]

I going to tell you from now I been through that type of relationship and it didn't end pretty at all. I think the best thing to do is to leave that girl alone. Doesn't sound like she wants to marry you cause she loves you but wants to marry you for her own benefit. And plus imagine if she is like this now how it would be when you guys get married. She would be more crazy cause you would be tied to her legally. Take my stupid advice and leave that girl alone

[jbanya 19]

Hei man, sounds like she is using you... do whatever follow your hearts. Keep up!

Other reason - this is her first relationship experience?

[Tbonesteak 12]

Hei man, sounds like she is using you... do whatever follow your hearts. Keep up!

Other reason - this is her first relationship experience?

No, this isn't her first relationship. She says this is the second relationship she's ever been in but she purportedly dated a lot of other guys in between. So according to her, I should feel special.

Funny thing is, she says her first relationship ended because the guy's feelings towards her changed. Maybe he experienced some of the same behavior I'm having now, I don't know. If I recall correctly, she said she made him choose between his mom/family or her on one occasion. Again, no accountability on her part.

[A&S14 2]

Wow, that is really selfish of her. I am on OPT right now, dated my guy for 4 years and just got married. (I did wait for him to propose, hehe). Anyways, having been in her shoes, I can say that it is not easy to be an international student but I don't get all the complaints she has. Also, there are other options, she can find a job and get H1B or something. I was considering getting a working visa by the end of my OPT (thats before he proposed). So it is not like she does not have any option.

She should not pressure you- it is just not right. And I agree that anyone who acts like that and sounds she does not care much about you and your situation - and you are just dating for 10 months ---- NEWS FLASH----- IT JUST GONNA GET WORST! like what Judge Judy use to say....

If she loves you, she should not act that way. I wish you luck. ANd prayers for your Mom!

[belinda63 3,041]

She said it all...you should feel lucky she chose to date you. And she will remind you of this all the time, like when she wants clothes, or a car, or to spend time alone with you when you should be with your mother. And if she doesn't get what she wants she will threaten to leave you. It's all a game of mental abuse. She is a user and needs to use you to get her green card so she can stay here and start her life, which may or may not include you.

[BabyFaceWife 11]

It shouldn't be this hard and you don't deserve that. The first year of marriage is REALLY hard so if it's already been this challenging it will get way worse before it could possibly get better. No respectable woman would ever expect you to put her before your mother, ill or not.

[jbanya 19]

No, this isn't her first relationship. She says this is the second relationship she's ever been in but she purportedly dated a lot of other guys in between. So according to her, I should feel special.

Funny thing is, she says her first relationship ended because the guy's feelings towards her changed. Maybe he experienced some of the same behavior I'm having now, I don't know. If I recall correctly, she said she made him choose between his mom/family or her on one occasion. Again, no accountability on her part.

I am woman, not judging her but she look weird to me. If you think leaving her is good for you, just move on and walk the comfortable way...

[mtlguy 59]

one word: run.

[rerto 32]

I think you've answered your own question with your story. It's very simple. Also, if she has no bad intentions she would accept a prenup.

Don't get married to help solve logistic issues that she has. A marriage should be "a seal" of your love - which she seems to be lacking.. She is a grown up and should have a plan to work out her life/immigration status.

If I were in your shoes I would tell her that the way things are going you will not marry her. That you guys need more time to see how things work out. If her status runs out - you will have to try a long distance relationship - which of course is a leap of faith in itself..

If she does not accept that - end it. It's worth waiting for the right one!

Edited October 7, 2014 by rerto

[d3adc0d3 186]

OP: My ex husband was a sociopath. If your GF/Ex GF is anything like him, I suspect she may be one as well. That does not bode well for intimate relationships.

Break it off before she breaks your heart even more. You deserve better, and you don't need a woman running your life. You've done just fine without one before she came along. Seems to me like you know what you have to do. Good luck and take care of yourself. I would never want to push my s/o into anything he's not ready for. That is only going to breed resentment and poison the relationship later down the road.