I Don't Often Rant; but When I Do, I Prefer to Rant on VJ

[Caryh 5,206]

Well iffen yous got time to on the internet, yous got more time to do more work!

I'm not sure what the family income and debt load is, but if you've burned through your savings to make ends meet, then you're living beyond your means. My thought would be your husband is feeling stressed because of this and is bringing it up wrong. I'm not sure if you talked then entire stay at home mom and work part time at home thing before you got married, but sometimes those talks go out the window when faced with a budget crisis.

He's being a bit of an azz to throw blame around, that solves little and just makes the other defensive. Some how you two need to either increase income, or reduce expenditures. You've used up 90,000 in 6 years, that means you're running 15 grand negative each year. If you're adding to your debt load, then its even worse. So if you're out of savings, living cut to the bone, something needs to change and the two of you need to talk about options that may work.

My own thoughts on the situation is it might be nice to live out in the woods in an old log cabin, even if it is rather rustic. But you might be better served moving closer to his work where transportation costs and time are reduced, and possibly there are more opportunities for extra income to be made. It sounds like there are hours each day spent in commuting with their associated costs in time and money. I say this because I also used to live in the sticks before my wife arrived. The commute was long, gas plus wear and tear for the vehicle was expensive to. It may have appeared my cost of housing had gone up when I move back into the suburbs, but the savings in commuting time more than made up for it, plus life got a lot nicer when it only took 10 minutes each way to work. For a while I missed seeing all the woods and wildlife of my old home, plus how quite it was, but then I remember how much time I spent commuting or when ever I needed anything or went to see anyone and I know I made the right choice me.

Alright - and no need to sugar coat it - just tell me if I'm being a complete ###### in the wrong...

Moved here six years ago. Before immigrating I was a senior editor at a major international news organisation - so fairly decent pay - and I was/am career focused and ambitious.

Here's the long story made much shorter (really!):

Moved to the US - with no debt (worked like a crazy person for the whole year of immigration process to make sure I paid off all student loans and credit card debt ect) plus I took a redundancy package on my stable staff job which gave me a whole year of income plus three months paid leave.

Despite having the whole (I thought) money talk before we got married,when I arrived discovered my husband had severe credit card debts plus really heavybstudent load repayments.

I applied for lots of jobs when I arrived and got lots of interest but because we were trying for a baby and I knew there would be little maternity provision over here I took a work at home job for a small non-profit news site.

This meant I could work through the whole pregnancy and at home afterwards part-time. So I worked right up until I went into labour - actually about six hours into labour - and then started working 4 weeks after the birth 24 hours a week.

So according to my husband I am not fulfilling my potential and clearly not meeting his previous expectations. I appreciate he has a really long work week and long commute but I get up at 5.30am each week day - make him breakfast and a packed lunch, then get breakfast ready for our daughter, then do cleaning, laundry etc, then get our daughter ready for school if it's preschool day, then do some hours for my paid job, then do more house work including tending and harvesting our vegetable garden, then get dinner ready for my daugher, clean that up, get her ready for bed, get dinner ready for us, get my daughter to bed, serve dinner, clean up dinner, do some more work online if there is time. Fall into bed about 10pm.

We are constantly at odds about money - he feels I should be bringing in more income - I have tried to explain that if you take into accout the childcare we would need, plus gas and incidentals for a working week, minus the salary of the virtual job I do now, we would be luckly to make $100 more and our child would be with strangers from 6am - 6pm but he still thinks I am slacking off because I don't have an office job ( I can't get through to him how much easier my life was when I had an office job and was managing a staff of 30+ other journalists)

I have used all my savings/retirement ($90,000+) over the last six years to supplement our income because I have not been working full time but that doesn't seem to count.

Also we live in a 19th century log cabin in the middle of the country in Virginia, our only heat is a wood stove in winter and there is no air con in summer. It's not an easy life. Sometimes it's under 20F inside when we get up in the morning, in winter I spend all day stacking the wood stove, somedays I do all our cooking on the top of the woodstove. Some winters it's been so cold during the day that I wear my full ski gear inside the house all day.

I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, 80 percent of the childcare, 50 percent of the vegetable gardening and work 20-24 hours a week online as a website manager.

Apparently I am not pulling my weight.

Thoughts...?

[Asia 2,498]

Did he mean finicky? Maybe it's a mash-up of picky and finicky?

Well, he used the word "pinicky" twice, so dunno

[Merrytooth 5,748]

You meant "much more than my lazy wife"

[Caryh 5,206]

Well, he used the word "pinicky" twice, so dunno

Stop being pinicky and just accept it.

[SAT 9,609]

Well iffen yous got time to ###### on the internet, yous got more time to do more work!

I'm not sure what the family income and debt load is, but if you've burned through your savings to make ends meet, then you're living beyond your means. My thought would be your husband is feeling stressed because of this and is bringing it up wrong. I'm not sure if you talked then entire stay at home mom and work part time at home thing before you got married, but sometimes those talks go out the window when faced with a budget crisis.

He's being a bit of an azz to throw blame around, that solves little and just makes the other defensive. Some how you two need to either increase income, or reduce expenditures. You've used up 90,000 in 6 years, that means you're running 15 grand negative each year. If you're adding to your debt load, then its even worse. So if you're out of savings, living cut to the bone, something needs to change and the two of you need to talk about options that may work.

My own thoughts on the situation is it might be nice to live out in the woods in an old log cabin, even if it is rather rustic. But you might be better served moving closer to his work where transportation costs and time are reduced, and possibly there are more opportunities for extra income to be made. It sounds like there are hours each day spent in commuting with their associated costs in time and money. I say this because I also used to live in the sticks before my wife arrived. The commute was long, gas plus wear and tear for the vehicle was expensive to. It may have appeared my cost of housing had gone up when I move back into the suburbs, but the savings in commuting time more than made up for it, plus life got a lot nicer when it only took 10 minutes each way to work. For a while I missed seeing all the woods and wildlife of my old home, plus how quite it was, but then I remember how much time I spent commuting or when ever I needed anything or went to see anyone and I know I made the right choice me.

Maybe they should downsize their abode to a straw hut?

Stop being pinicky and just accept it.

Asia sure gets pinicky about everything.....

I like this new word "pinick". It might even be better than the word "marklar"

This response is a pinicked opinion. I will not pinick it!

[SAT 9,609]

Asia pinicked and left.....

Her boss musta told her to stop pinicking around and get back to work....

[Caryh 5,206]

Asia pinicked and left.....

Her boss musta told her to stop pinicking around and get back to work....

Now you're just getting pinickious about the whole thing.

[SAT 9,609]

Actually next week I gotta take the kiddo for Apple picking and pinick.

[Caryh 5,206]

Maybe they should downsize their abode to a straw hut?

I just note the 4 hours of commuting a day. If someone is commuting 2 hours each way, that truly adds up in costs and stress. Add in all the extra work and time to live in a rustic home far out in the woods and she sounds maxed out to. It could be their desired living location may be making their lives much harder and more work than either of them really want.

[Caryh 5,206]

Actually next week I gotta take the kiddo for Apple picking and pinick.

I heard apple season has just started here to.

My wife asked me why I never took her apple picking one day. Apparently some of her filipina friends had been taken to do that by their husbands. I used the excuse its not that interesting for an adult really, and you're here for many years, so I can't burn out doing everything the first year you're here, but sure I'll take you. The next weekend I take her to the apple orchard. She saw apples on trees, saw apples for sale, saw many things for kids to do, and it was cold out (of course its fall). Her conclusion was apple picking is boring and we don't really need that many apples as she doesn't make apple pie, apple sauce, apple crisp or many of the other fine ways to consume apples.

And does no one call child protection when you pinick your daughter?

Edited September 25, 2014 by Caryh

[Merrytooth 5,748]

I just note the 4 hours of commuting a day. If someone is commuting 2 hours each way, that truly adds up in costs and stress. Add in all the extra work and time to live in a rustic home far out in the woods and she sounds maxed out to. It could be their desired living location may be making their lives much harder and more work than either of them really want.

I truly admire her for accepting such a drastic life style change (urban/suburban to rural).

I can't do that.

[SAT 9,609]

I truly admire her for accepting such a drastic life style change (urban/suburban to rural).

I can't do that.

I have a cold, go make me some congee

Edited September 25, 2014 by SAT

[SAT 9,609]

I truly admire her for accepting such a drastic life style change (urban/suburban to rural).

I can't do that.

She did a "Jada"

[Caryh 5,206]

I truly admire her for accepting such a drastic life style change (urban/suburban to rural).

I can't do that.

I loved living rural. But I didn't truly realize how much it was costing me until I moved back to the burbs.

[SAT 9,609]

Stretch catches catfish with her bare hands.