I Don't Often Rant; but When I Do, I Prefer to Rant on VJ

[Ontarkie 14,236]

This is going to be the Dane soon enough:

Hahaha that will also be my husband.

[*Snowdrop* 604]

Alright - and no need to sugar coat it - just tell me if I'm being a complete in the wrong...

Moved here six years ago. Before immigrating I was a senior editor at a major international news organisation - so fairly decent pay - and I was/am career focused and ambitious.

Here's the long story made much shorter (really!):

Moved to the US - with no debt (worked like a crazy person for the whole year of immigration process to make sure I paid off all student loans and credit card debt ect) plus I took a redundancy package on my stable staff job which gave me a whole year of income plus three months paid leave.

Despite having the whole (I thought) money talk before we got married,when I arrived discovered my husband had severe credit card debts plus really heavybstudent load repayments.

I applied for lots of jobs when I arrived and got lots of interest but because we were trying for a baby and I knew there would be little maternity provision over here I took a work at home job for a small non-profit news site.

This meant I could work through the whole pregnancy and at home afterwards part-time. So I worked right up until I went into labour - actually about six hours into labour - and then started working 4 weeks after the birth 24 hours a week.

So according to my husband I am not fulfilling my potential and clearly not meeting his previous expectations. I appreciate he has a really long work week and long commute but I get up at 5.30am each week day - make him breakfast and a packed lunch, then get breakfast ready for our daughter, then do cleaning, laundry etc, then get our daughter ready for school if it's preschool day, then do some hours for my paid job, then do more house work including tending and harvesting our vegetable garden, then get dinner ready for my daugher, clean that up, get her ready for bed, get dinner ready for us, get my daughter to bed, serve dinner, clean up dinner, do some more work online if there is time. Fall into bed about 10pm.

We are constantly at odds about money - he feels I should be bringing in more income - I have tried to explain that if you take into accout the childcare we would need, plus gas and incidentals for a working week, minus the salary of the virtual job I do now, we would be luckly to make $100 more and our child would be with strangers from 6am - 6pm but he still thinks I am slacking off because I don't have an office job ( I can't get through to him how much easier my life was when I had an office job and was managing a staff of 30+ other journalists)

I have used all my savings/retirement ($90,000+) over the last six years to supplement our income because I have not been working full time but that doesn't seem to count.

Also we live in a 19th century log cabin in the middle of the country in Virginia, our only heat is a wood stove in winter and there is no air con in summer. It's not an easy life. Sometimes it's under 20F inside when we get up in the morning, in winter I spend all day stacking the wood stove, somedays I do all our cooking on the top of the woodstove. Some winters it's been so cold during the day that I wear my full ski gear inside the house all day.

I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, 80 percent of the childcare, 50 percent of the vegetable gardening and work 20-24 hours a week online as a website manager.

Apparently I am not pulling my weight.

Thoughts...?

[Ontarkie 14,236]

OMG You don't want to know what I think. No way are you in the wrong.

Ok I will add this he needs to pull his head out of his your know what!

[Ontarkie 14,236]

Who does he think is going to do all that work if your working out in an office job? I bet my last dollar it won't be him.

I got to stop this is just burning my goat.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Lynne - you are doing a freaking lot. Not only are you a stay at home mom but you are homesteading and working from home! Woah! Being a SAHM and doing the homesteading thing is a lot of work in and of itself.

[*Snowdrop* 604]

Just changing screen name to be slightly more anonymous while unloading all this personal stuff!

Thanks for the support. Sometimes I wonder if I am just going crazy. I feel constantly guilty like I should be doing more and I don't know how to fit it in. Especially when we are about to enter the winter season and it becomes all about keeping the cabin warm all day.

Plus last year I had to go back to the UK for over four months to take care of my Mum after a terminal cancer diagnosis - I nursed her her home until the end and then stayed to take care of my Dad for a month after the funeral. I was able to do my virtual job all through that and could not have done that with a regular job.

So it feels as though the choice I made in taking that job was a fortuanate one. Hubby doesn't see it the same way. I guess because I was a big earning career woman before and now he has a homemaker with a part time income.

He works really hard too by the way and his commute is nearly 4 hours each day. I guess I just wish he appreciated my contribution too.

Edited September 25, 2014 by Trellick

[TBoneTX 45,361]

1. Tark is so cheap, he wears an imitation of a fake Rolex.....

2. Yeah, but my post count will soon surpass yours

1. A double negative = a positive, whee man.

2. I had reached Many posts before you were a gleam in your daddy's eye, so there man.

I don't wear watch at all, cheap man

Where were you when I was single, oj huh?

1. Just took a power nap

2. 2 naps today

1. Power corrupts, see man.

2. Zzz zzz man.

none of my naps last longer then 30mins of uninterrupted sleep. And that is if I'm lucky most days it's just being able to stay cuddled up with the baby and my bed.

Welcome to mommyhood, D ma'am.

maybe its a rectal exam, he did say this shall pass.

Where's the +Many button, huh man?

We haven't seen jada

She'd better be baking brownies, oj tak.

Edited September 25, 2014 by TBoneTX

[TBoneTX 45,361]

ah I found a pic of Tark at his job when he's not blogging with us

Oj nie nie nie, deluded man -- you photographically captured the hired help instead, sigh man.

I'm over the hill, round the bend and rapidly approaching the end of my long walk on a short pier.

Look at it this way, see man: you're Many years old, which could be in the single digits, whee man.

OMG My house is quiet

Lucas is asleep, the Tornado went to the mall with big sister and daddy. Hubby had to go get my chain from the Jewelers, Lucas had grabbed it and broke it on me.

"Sleep when the baby sleeps," D ma'am. Of course, Mrs. T-B. never did or does this, and you don't either, I know you ma'am.

Not sure what I did but my lower back off to the side hurts.

Pregnant, in which case you know what you did, D ma'am.

ug ug - divorce petition prep night.

Freedom looms, Bro D man.

[TBoneTX 45,361]

Hi everyone, very occasional poster, semi-regular reader....

So can I jump in here with a huge new personal rant or should I ease in with a few small ones for a couple of months?

And actually if I end up with a regular rant in here will probably need to change my user name so all suggestions welcome...

Lynnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnne, si ma'am!

Rant away, si ma'am.

What's this "trellick" business? Are you preparing to grow vines on yourself, huh ma'am?

[TBoneTX 45,361]

1. Zheng Gu Shui

2. Many bucks....send the hill billy.....

1. Gesundheit, and English-only outside the regional forums, sigh man.

2. Polish Math-only within any thread other than ones not this, oj tak.

If I don't come back, I'll see ya marklars tomorrow.

If you don't come back, the collective IQ in this forum will soar upward by a factor of Many, si man.

[*Snowdrop* 604]

Lynnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnne, si ma'am!

Rant away, si ma'am.

What's this "trellick" business? Are you preparing to grow vines on yourself, huh ma'am?

Was trying to create a semi-anonymous user name.

Also trying to change images is driving me (more) insane - where do we change the avatar pic? And where is the profile pic?

Possibly too sleep deprived to cope - maybe just need another G&T and then bed - try tomorrow

Edited September 25, 2014 by Trellick

[TBoneTX 45,361]

I get up at 5.30am each week day - make him breakfast and a packed lunch, then get breakfast ready for our daughter, then do cleaning, laundry etc, then get our daughter ready for school if it's preschool day, then do some hours for my paid job, then do more house work including tending and harvesting our vegetable garden, then get dinner ready for my daugher, clean that up, get her ready for bed, get dinner ready for us, get my daughter to bed, serve dinner, clean up dinner, do some more work online if there is time. Fall into bed about 10pm.

I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, 80 percent of the childcare, 50 percent of the vegetable gardening and work 20-24 hours a week online as a website manager.

Apparently I am not pulling my weight.

You're a complete slacker, si ma'am -- what about serving him beer and mixed drinks upon demand?

No, seriously: What are YOU getting out of this, huh ma'am?

I say that you should get out of this, si ma'am.

Afterwards, you can study Polish Math*, which is a requirement in this thread, oj tak.**

*Numerical system of "one, two, and Many"

** Polish for "si man"

[Merrytooth 5,748]

OMG, you are a amazing woman to do all these stuff!

I think you are already doing your best to juggle between work and be a good mother to your young daughter.

Beside, it is your husband who has all the debts hidden from you before marriage.

He should be grateful that you still stick with him!

Maybe he should be the one to look for better paying job.

[TBoneTX 45,361]

1. when I arrived discovered my husband had severe credit card debts plus really heavy student load repayments.

according to my husband I am not fulfilling my potential and clearly not meeting his previous expectations.

We are constantly at odds about money

I have used all my savings/retirement ($Many,000+) over the last Many years to supplement our income

2. we live in a Many'th century log cabin in the middle of the country in Virginia, our only heat is a wood stove in winter and there is no air con in summer.

1. He deceived you and you didn't really know him, si and no and sigh, ma'am.

2. Welcome to the Colonies, ma'am.

1. Were I in your place, I'd have turned right around and gone home, si man.

2. What century do we live in, anyway, huh man?

Why do you put up with all this, huh ma'am? Why have you put up with this for so long, huh ma'am?

Mrs. T-B. comes from a Many'rd-world country (which I constantly remind her of), and wouldn't have put up with #2 from first description, let alone first-hand, no ma'am. If faced with #1, she'd have kicked my hindquarters thoroughly and long before now, ouch man.

Have him prepare his own damned meals, see here man.

Note gentle, judicious application of Polish Math in quote and answers, see ma'am.

[TBoneTX 45,361]

Have him prepare his own damned meals, see here man.*

*Mrs. T-B.'s operative terminology is "The maid has left -- do/get/cook/clean it yourself."