To Fart Or Not To Fart

[Ban Hammer 13,656]

*Le Pétomane "the Fartiste" a famous French performer in the nineteenth century as well as many professional farters before him did flatulence impressions and held shows. Mel Brooks named his fictional governor (played by himself) William J. LePetomaine in the Western spoof film Blazing Saddles.

why haven't i heard of this job before?

[isleta521 5]

Beans, beans the musical fruit.

the more you eat, the more you toot!

[Marilyn. 340]

*Le Pétomane "the Fartiste" a famous French performer in the nineteenth century as well as many professional farters before him did flatulence impressions and held shows. Mel Brooks named his fictional governor (played by himself) William J. LePetomaine in the Western spoof film Blazing Saddles.

why haven't i heard of this job before?

Professional Farters

Le Petomane Joseph Pujol, a man of singular talent, was born in Marseilles, France in 1857. In his early youth it became clear that he was a natural entertainer, singing, dancing, and performing for his parents' house guests. He had a love for music, and over the years he became handy with a trombone, but it was a different wind instrument that led to his eventual fame and fortune.

Young Joseph became alarmed one day when he was swimming in the sea, and took a deep breath before submerging. As he inhaled, he felt icy cold water entering through his rear end. He immediately returned to shore, and was astonished to see a great deal of seawater pouring from his backside. A doctor assured him that this was nothing to be concerned about, and it seems that Joseph took this advice to heart, exploring his strange new ability with a healthy curiosity.

He soon found that with a little abdominal control, he could deliberately suck water in through his #######, and project it back out with impressive force, creating a spout of several meters. Further experimentation led him to discover that he could also suck in large amounts of air if he contorted himself properly, which he could let out at will. He was also able to use varying pressures to produce distinct notes, allowing him to reproduce simple tunes. Needless to say, he became very popular at school as a result. But little did he know that this unique talent would one day make him the most well-known and most highly paid entertainer in all of France.

While Joseph was in the army he amused his fellow soldiers with his lowbrow tricks, and they gave him the nickname "Le Pétomane," which translates roughly to "fartiste." When he left the service he opened a bakery in Marseilles which was reputed to bake some of the finest bran muffins in the south of France, but he started a foray into show business when he began to feel restless. At first he resisted using his unique physiology in his stage comedy act, instead trying the "yokel with the trombone" routine, but the fartiste within him could not be contained.

In 1887 at age 30, "Le Pétomane" first took the stage in Marseilles. The initial attempt was met with some skepticism, since "petomanie" (or "fartistry") was something of a novelty for the French. But he quickly won the audience over, and was a big success. He developed his act locally for about five years, then went on to Paris to try for the infamous Moulin Rouge. He succeeded.

Moulin Rouge poster"Ladies and gentlemen, I have the honor to present a session of Petomanie." Such was his introduction at the famous vanity theater on his first night. He was very finely dressed in a red coat and black satin breeches, with a pair of white gloves held in his hands. He looked quite sophisticated as he explained to the audience that the emissions he was about to produce were completely odorless, since he irrigated his colon daily. The audience was completely unprepared for what lay ahead. And so he began.

He started off with a series of fart impressions… a new bride's timid toot; her noisy, flapping emissions a week later; the solid, booming fart of a miller; and a majestic ten-second-long helping of flatulence to wrap up his introduction. He did impressions of famous people, he played songs, and he blew out candles. He did imitations of cannon fire, and reenacted a thunderstorm. And that was just the first portion of the show.

At first, the audience was astonished at the bizarre spectacle. But when the first uncontrollable laughter erupted from the crowd, it quickly spread throughout the theater. Soon the men and women were completely paralyzed with laughter, with tears streaming down their cheeks. A number of women passed out, unable to breathe in their tightly bound corsets, and had to be escorted from the theater by nurses.

For the second part of his act, he stepped offstage and inserted a rubber tube into his orifice, which dangled out of a hole in the back of his trousers. His used the tube to smoke two cigarettes at once, one from each end; to blow out the flames of stage lights; and as a grand finale, he attached an ocarina to the end of the hose, and played popular tunes while inviting the audience to sing along.

Overnight, Le Pétomane was a huge success. He used his unique physiology to entertain in this way for years, eventually becoming the highest paid entertainer in all of France, and perhaps the world. He parted ways with the Moulin Rouge in 1895 when the owner of the theater sued him for breach of contract after he fart-serenaded a few people in public, but he was quickly replaced by a female, bellows-powered fraud… La Femme-Pétomane.

Joseph opened a theater of his own and enjoyed many more years of success, until two of his sons were disabled in World War 1 in 1914. At that point he gave up the stage and went back to baking, and let his rectum content itself with more conventional pursuits. He died, aged 88 years, in 1945. When a medical school in Paris requested the privilege of examining the late Le Pétomane's famous #######, the family declined, stating, "there are some things in this life which simply must be treated with reverence."

Though Le Pétomane was perhaps the most famous fartiste, he was not the first to ply the farting trade… professional flatulism has a long and rich history throughout the world. In the De Civitate Dei, written about halfway through the first century A.D., Saint Augustine mentions some performers who possessed "such command of their bowels, that they can break wind continuously at will, so as to produce the effect of singing." As other examples, medieval Ireland had professional farters called "braigetori," and the Japanese Kamakura period (1185–1333) had professional performers of fart dances called Oribe.

Mister MethaneA contemporary flatulist, perhaps the only representative of his trade today, is Mr. Methane. He clearly lacks Le Pétomane's class, but he can certainly break a wind. Dressing in a cape and mask, he has the appearance of a superhero (or supervillain), though whether the force of his farts is sufficient to allow him flight is doubtful. But be warned, if you spend much time reading his website, your world will turn pink.

http://www.damninteresting.com/?p=202

A flatulist, fartist, or professional farter is a performer who receives payment for farting in an amusing and/or musical manner

There are a number of scattered references to ancient and medieval flatulists, who could produce various rhythms and pitches with their intestinal wind. Saint Augustine in City of God (De Civitate Dei) (14.24) mentions some performers who did have

“ such command of their bowels, that they can break wind continuously at will, so as to produce the effect of singing. ”

Juan Luis Vives in his 1522 commentary to Augustine's work testifies to having himself witnessed such a feat, a remark referenced by Michel de Montaigne in an essay.

The professional farters of medieval Ireland were called braigetori. They are listed together with other performers and musicians in the 12th century Tech Midchúarda, a diagram of the banqueting hall of Tara. As entertainers, these braigetori ranked at the lower end of a scale headed by bards, fili and harpers.

The occupation of the flatulist appears to have been common at the courts of European nobility during the Dark Ages, and may even have Proto-Germanic roots. The peordh rune of the Anglo-Saxon futhorc has been suggested to be named after the fart based on the rune poem stanza:

“ Peorð byþ symble plega and hlehter / wlancum [on middum], ðar wigan sittaþ / on beorsele bliþe ætsomne. ”

([a fart?] is a source of recreation and amusement to the great, where warriors sit blithely together in the banqueting-hall.)

Another widely accepted interpretation links the name to pearwood, suggesting that the poem aludes to a recorder or similar wind instrument, since pearwood is traditionally used to carve such musical instruments. [2]

The art of farting was also practiced in Japan, as is evident from a story dating to the Kamakura period (1185–1333). Recorded in an illustrated narrative hand-scroll, it tells of a professional performer of fart dances called Oribe, who tricked his rival into soiling and thus disgracing himself in an attempt to mimick him.

An example of a late medieval flatulist is preserved in an entry in the 13th century English Liber Feodorum (Book of Fees), listing one Roland the Farter, who held Hemingstone manor in the county of Suffolk, for which he was obliged to perform "Unum saltum et siffletum et unum bumbulum" (one jump, one whistle, and one fart) annually at the king Henry II's court every Christmas. But professional farting no longer seems to be restricted to the aristocracy. The Activa Vita character in the 14th century allegorical poem Piers Plowman appears to number farting among the abilities desirable in a good entertainer in general, paralleling with storytelling, fiddling or playing the harp:

“ Ac for I kan neiþer taboure no trompe ne telle no gestes Farten ne fyþelen at festes, ne harpen ”

("As for me, I can neither drum nor trumpet, nor tell jokes, nor fart amusingly at parties, nor play the harp.")

Evidence of deliberate farting at social occasions continues into the Modern Age. In the 16th century, Rabelais details how Panurge when getting up, gave

a fart ('un pet'), a leap ('un sault'), and a whistle ('un sublet'), and joyously cried out 'Long live Pantagruel!'

Pantagruel so addressed immediately intends to respond in like fashion, but miserably soils himself in the attempt. Panurge's salute is closely paralleled by the obligation of Roland the Farter detailed above.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Professional_farter

[almaty 19]

A flatulist, fartist, or professional farter is a performer who receives payment for farting in an amusing and/or musical manner

what a great job...

[jodee 30]

Anyone ever heard of mr. methane,..

he was popular in Australia,..

The guy would lie on his back, in a sking tight lycra outfit, with his buttocks pointed upwards,..He would sprinkle baby powder on his butt, then fart, the powder was so u could actually see he farted,..but at the same time he farted, someone stood there with a blowtorch to light up the gas,,..and in and instant"Flambe' Fart"

he was hilarious,...

editted to add, I found his website,....lol

MR.METHANE

Once your in their,..find the dropping guts link,..and then look for the vid where he farts talc,..

JOdee

Edited July 13, 2007 by jodee

[kisschick1976 0]

posted this in general polls but I guess it's appropriate here as well

[Marilyn. 340]

FACTS ABOUT FARTS

Do men fart more than women?

No, women fart just as much as men. It's just that most men take more pride in it than most women. There is a large variation among individuals in the amount of fart gas produced per day, but the variation does not correlate with gender.

I have read that men fart more often than women. If this is true, then women must be saving it up and expelling more gas per fart than men do.

Do men's farts smell worse than women's farts?

Based on what I have experienced of women's farts, all I can say is that I hope not. Scientific studies of farts show that women's farts have a higher concentration of odor-causing gases than men's farts, but men's farts have a larger volume. The two factors equalize out (the same number of stench molecules for both), so the odor is about the same.

At what time of day is a gentleman most likely to fart?

A gentleman is mostly likely to fart first thing in the morning, while in the bathroom. This is known as "morning thunder," and if the gentleman gets good resonance, it can be heard throughout the household.

Is it harmful to hold in farts?

There are differences in opinion on this one. Certainly, people have believed for centuries that retaining flatus is bad for the health. Emperor Claudius even passed a law legalizing farting at banquets out of concern for people's health. There was a widespread belief that a person could be poisoned or catch a disease by retaining farts.

Doctors I have spoken to recently have told me that there is no particular harm in holding in farts. Farts will not poison you; they are a natural component of your intestinal contents. The worst thing that can happen is that you may get a stomach ache from the gas pressure. But one doctor suggested that pathological distention of the bowel could result if a person holds in farts too much. And Dr. P. said that the effort involved in retaining flatus can cause hemorrhoids.

How long would it be possible to not fart?

As I understand it, a captive fart can escape as soon as the person relaxes. This means that a lot of people who assiduously refrain from farting during the day do so at great length as soon as they fall asleep. Having been on a great many overnight field trips, long bus trips, and trans-Pacific flights, I can personally vouch for the fact that lots of people do fart voluminously as they doze off. So the answer to the question would be, you can refrain from farting as long as you can stay awake!

Do all people fart in their sleep?

I have not made a scientific study of this, but I don't think all people fart in their sleep. I think mainly those who refuse to fart when they're awake do so when dozing off. For other people, toilet training takes such a strong hold that they let nothing pass their sphincters in sleep. For these people, the gas accumulates in the night and they vent it upon awakening.

Where do farts go when you hold them in?

How often have you held in a fart, intending to release it at the first appropriate opportunity, only to find that the fart has disappeared when you are ready for it? I asked several doctors where the fart goes. Does it leak out slowly without the person knowing it? Is it absorbed into the bloodstream? What happens to it? The doctors agree that the fart is neither released nor absorbed. It simply migrates back upward into the intestine and comes out later. It is reassuring to know that such farts aren't really lost, just delayed.

http://www.heptune.com/farts.html

[mogdog 0]

The buttercup: Simply put you fart into your hand and place hand over someones mouth.

The French Buttercup: same as above but the hand is placed over an open mouth.

[nane1104 146]

The buttercup: Simply put you fart into your hand and place hand over someones mouth.

The French Buttercup: same as above but the hand is placed over an open mouth.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

[Scott & Lai 12]

The buttercup: Simply put you fart into your hand and place hand over someones mouth.

The French Buttercup: same as above but the hand is placed over an open mouth.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

And why would anyone with a mental age over 5 do this?