To Fart Or Not To Fart

[Marilyn. 340]

Farting Nun Organ

FARTING GEORGE BUSH DOLL

Farting Dog Harmonics

[nayalamb 0]

oh gosh... my hubby is a fart connoisseur... from day to day i never know what i'm going to get...

[Ban Hammer 13,352]

i can't wait to give nessa a dutch oven

[Nessa 23]

i can't wait to give nessa a dutch oven

i can't wait to give you one, that way i save on your birthday gift and give you something very nice, a bit noisy and warm under the covers

[Ban Hammer 13,352]

i can't wait to give nessa a dutch oven

i can't wait to give you one, that way i save on your birthday gift and give you something very nice, a bit noisy and warm under the covers

hehehehe that sounds like something else and i don't mean a fart

[iceyspots 0]

my all time favorite though is the farting preecher series on ebaumsworld!!

[Fandango 1,439]

Yes, this is also poop related, but I got this in an email years ago & thought it was hilarious.....

Work Poop Survival Guide

CROP DUSTING

When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY

The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE

A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK

When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH

The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME

Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER

A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet POOPER enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet POOPER before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)

A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS

A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a POOPER of your sex entering the bathroom.

####### BURGLAR

Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the ####### Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH

A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential ####### Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE

A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential ####### Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the POOPER can poop in peace.

WATERMELON

A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANAOMELET

A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED

A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

[almaty 19]

oh,.. good the farting thread............

[Marilyn. 340]

can't leave home without it, Dean ol boy

[almaty 19]

can't leave home without it, Dean ol boy

you the best sister marilyn..you know it is one of my favorite threads

[silvanski 1]

Got up early and ripped a noisy one I blame last night's tacos

[Marilyn. 340]

"Darling..."'says a husband sheepishly to his wife, "Let's try a new position tonight."

"Good idea!", She replies, "You stand in front of the sink and do the dishes, and I'll sit in front of the TV and fart.!"

********************************************************************************

*

A very snobby woman is sitting in a restaurant, having just finished her clam chowder. As she leans over to reach into her purse for her wallet to pay the waiter, she releases a loud fart that makes everyone turn towards her table.

Hoping to blame the flatulent blast on the waiter, she sits up with an air of indignation on her face and shouts: “Stop it!”

To which the smart waiter replies, “Of course madam, which way did it go?”

*******************************************************************************

A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all go to Hell and receive a challenge from Satan: if they can stump him, they'll be set free, and be able to go to Heaven.

The philosopher goes first and asks the Devil a very hard philosophy question, to which the Devil snaps his fingers, gets a laptop, goes online, and gives the answer.

The mathematician tries as well, but the Devil instantly gets the answer by using his laptop.

When it comes down to the blonde, she pulls up a chair, drills three holes in it, sits down and farts.

Now... she says, Which hole did the fart come out of?

That's easy, says Satan, All three!

No! It came out of my butthole!

Edited December 28, 2006 by MarilynP

[almaty 19]

"Darling..."'says a husband sheepishly to his wife, "Let's try a new position tonight."

"Good idea!", She replies, "You stand in front of the sink and do the dishes, and I'll sit in front of the TV and fart.!"

********************************************************************************

*

A very snobby woman is sitting in a restaurant, having just finished her clam chowder. As she leans over to reach into her purse for her wallet to pay the waiter, she releases a loud fart that makes everyone turn towards her table.

Hoping to blame the flatulent blast on the waiter, she sits up with an air of indignation on her face and shouts: “Stop it!”

To which the smart waiter replies, “Of course madam, which way did it go?”

*******************************************************************************

A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all go to Hell and receive a challenge from Satan: if they can stump him, they'll be set free, and be able to go to Heaven.

The philosopher goes first and asks the Devil a very hard philosophy question, to which the Devil snaps his fingers, gets a laptop, goes online, and gives the answer.

The mathematician tries as well, but the Devil instantly gets the answer by using his laptop.

When it comes down to the blonde, she pulls up a chair, drills three holes in it, sits down and farts.

Now... she says, Which hole did the fart come out of?

That's easy, says Satan, All three!

No! It came out of my butthole!

..alright sister..the world famous farting thread is back....

[Marilyn. 340]

took some digging but I found it

[brnidokiegurl 0]

How many blame the dog?