To Fart Or Not To Fart

[Ameristralian 0]

No Dean, not good dog. She is deadly when it comes to this topic.

[almaty 19]

No Dean, not good dog. She is deadly when it comes to this topic.

got two of my own..know the feeling or is that smell

[Jasman0717 9]

aw. another fart thread...my work is complete here....

[dollface41601 0]

hahahaha my cat is preggo and kept farting last night, i thought i was gonna die

[almaty 19]

cat farts..are deadly...

[Bootylicious!! 2]

I have a little Shih tzu and you would be surprised at what comes out of her sometimes. She was sitting on the bed the other night and let one rip. I really thought it was my husband. The dog could have blamed it on him by the way it sounded. It was hilarious.

[Marilyn. 340]

A sigh is but a puff of wind

Arising from the heart

But if it takes a downward path

Why, then it's called a fart.

[almaty 19]

A sigh is but a puff of wind

Arising from the heart

But if it takes a downward path

Why, then it's called a fart.

great writing there..i plan on writing it on a gas station bathroom wall on the way home from work

[Marilyn. 340]

Googlism for: farting

farting is such a sorrow

farting is not a crime

farting is it really that bad?

farting is feeling so good

farting is an intricate part of human relationships

farting is obviously in great demand as this guy is charging $100 per video

farting is practiced by many

farting is seen more as a humorous thing than a shameful or repulsive act

farting is the expulsion of gas/wind/air from the ####### and is a necessary occurrence when you are doing number 2

farting is a good thing

farting is surely a sign of true love

farting is when you fart pus out of your azzhole

farting is your azz's way of saying "hi" when you forget it's there

farting is only permitted downwind of other employees

farting is forbidden on local busses and on some coaches on the railroad

farting is a riot

farting is not always a matter of pride among guys

farting is properly known as flatulence

farting is one of the funniest things you can do

farting is a big topic

farting is no laughing matter

farting is hilarious

farting is minimal

farting is in this book

farting is fun

farting is to stop breathing

farting is disgusting

farting is the coolest thing in the world soo you have a very dumb opiion and farting is natural if you didnt fart or you held

farting is a natural body function

farting is intrumental in relieving pressure

farting is better than sex

farting is gross

farting is readily smelly

farting is one of the great pleasures of life

farting is a physiologic phenomenon due to the production of gas by colon bacteria

farting is sweeping the nation and wouldnt you impress your friends if you can identify them

farting is automatically funny? ok

farting is very beautiful for us

farting is sweeping the nation

farting is a wonderful natural occurance

farting is pure science

farting is quite unbelievable loud and long and widespread

farting is usually seen as a nuisance or just plain unhealthy

farting is a great gag gift book featuring over 100 pages of whimisical scholastic farts

farting is only funny to men

farting is so damn cool?

farting is a sure thing

farting is such fun

farting is a signal of health problem

farting is an indication that the digestive tract is returning to normal

farting is an advanced form of humour

farting is the norm

farting is a fun thing to do

farting is dangerous

farting is so clever?

farting is considered wrong in america and people are worried about it

farting is better than smoking

farting is not necessary

farting is not ladylike

farting is very zen

farting is elementary my dear watson

farting is an obscene fact of life

farting is and has been a victim of injustice and i intend to clear the air

farting is beyond me

farting is really enjoyed by kids

farting is the most emabarrassing thing to happen to a person

[almaty 19]

farting is better than sex ??????????????? ####### wrote that? i sure they had stripes in their underwear...

[aussiewench 9]

farting is better than sex ??????????????? ####### wrote that? i sure they had stripes in their underwear...

[Marilyn. 340]

yes, I have brought this thread back to life..... What are you going to do about it??

How To Fart At Work Without Anyone Knowing

The first step is to fart without flaunting it.

Everybody rips azz. It’s natural. Hell, it’s even enjoyable. The problem is when it starts to have negative effects on your life. Farting at work can not only be embarrassing, it can mean losing friendships and possibly even your job. I mean, who wants to sit around and breath in your methane while they’re preparing for a meeting or trying to type up a memo? But I do realize that you can’t just not fart. Holding one in or rectally “swallowing” it is not at all healthy, and just helps to create a bigger, more disgusting beef cloud that you’ll have to release sooner or later anyway. So, the only choice you have is to be covert. Here’s a little guide I put together to avoid getting busted when you bust azz.

Leftovers - Nine times out of ten, you’re more likely to fart after eating lunch. I’m not going to get into the biology, so just trust me. Most people advise not eating Mexican foods in order to reduce gas, but that’s not necessary. It doesn’t matter what you eat, just make sure to leave a little bit of food on your plate and throw all the containers in your trash can when you’re done. Then when people walk by and ask “what’s that awful smell?” tell them you just threw your lunch in the trash and show them the evidence.

Pull a Killdeer – For all of you who aren’t bird enthusiasts, Killdeer are small birds, which are renown for protecting their young. The mothers will chirp in order to lead any threat away from the nest. My point is, if someone comes over, get up and walk away, suggest that you both make a trip to the snack machines, grab their glasses and throw them across the room -- anything at all to make them follow you away from the epicenter.

Use Your Sole – Sometimes despite all your effort you just can’t help it and a squeaker makes it past the ####### Boarder. In this situation, simply scuff your sneakers against the floor to make a similar noise. If you blow a loud one, pretend it’s your chair. (NOTE: This will not work with sandals)

Mask it - Buy a Glade plug-in. You can hide them on your surge protectors under your desk. Mmmmm lilac farts.

Find A Fan - Summertime means fans are more than acceptable in cubicles. Get a little fan and start blaming whoever’s downwind.

That’s it. You shouldn’t need anymore advice unless you have a serious, serious medical problem in which case I’m the last guys you should be talking to. One last warning: don’t be an idiot and put this up on your office computer or around your desk. Just keep it on the D.L. (down low) and no one will suspect you’re the Office Flatulator.

http://www.insidejoke.tv/200302/farting.asp

********************************************************************

When not to Fart:

1. In a crowded elevator

2. On a crowded bus

3. In a public library

4. While on a date

5. While giving a speech

6. In church

7. In a crowded classroom

8. In your office when you're alone - someone's bound to walk in immediately afterwards

9. In a movie theater

10. In your cubicle at work - again someone's bound to walk in to visit

11. In a walk-in freezer - it'll linger a while

12. In an commercial airplane

13. In a ticket line

14. In your car before picking up a family member

15. during confession

16. In bed when you're feeling frisky

17. In a Cessna

18. While fighting fire in a burning building

19. In a patrol car for a minor violation

When to Fart:

1. In your bosses office as you are turning to leave. Tip-Make sure it's a silent one.

2. In a bathroom

3. In a cashier's line - it might help to speed up things

4. In an empty elevator before you get off

5. Next to an occupied changing room - it may quickly become unoccupied.

6. In someone elses unoccupied cubicle at work

7. While parachuting

8. While scuba diving

9. In the back seat of a patrol car if you are arrested

10. During interrogation if you're the one being interrogated

11. In your car if you've been carjacked

12. In the changing room when you're sure someone else is waiting their turn.

13. In your car once you've been pulled over. The cop may let you go quicker.

14. During a pie eating competition to distract your competitors

15. While walking down a crowded hallway. Nobody will know who to blame.

[aussiewench 9]

yes, I have brought this thread back to life..... What are you going to do about it??

[~Jess~ 0]

lmao now thats some funny sh*t

edited cause i said a bad work and it #####'d it lol

Edited June 2, 2006 by jessNgeorges

[Nessa 23]