To Fart Or Not To Fart

[almaty 19]

aw. another fart thread...my work is complete here....

[Sister Fracas 5]

OMIGOD! MARILYN!!! Where are the Depends super absorbent underpants??? I'm trying so hard to not laugh too loud in my cube, that I'm just about ready to pee my pants again....

hmmm, I just read that back...I think I should clarify....

The last time I was about ready to pee my pants was because of one of Marilyn's funny posts....

MARILYN RAWKS!!!

[Tiksman 0]

[Marilyn. 340]

OMIGOD! MARILYN!!! Where are the Depends super absorbent underpants??? I'm trying so hard to not laugh too loud in my cube, that I'm just about ready to pee my pants again....

I've gotta print this whole thing out for hubster to see, and make sure I'VE tinkled before I read it with him...

you went through the other pack already??

[Marilyn. 340]

Farting Etiquette

In the middle ages, loudly breaking wind was an act of appreciation to the housewife: Martin Luther is quoted as supposedly having said Warum rülpset und furzet ihr nicht, hat es euch denn nicht geschmecket? ('Why don't you belch and fart, did you not enjoy the meal?'1). This rule of behaviour has now been abandoned and gas should be released only after having stepped outside. Persistent failure to abide by this rule may lead to social isolation.

Some more points are:

*If you are a real gentleman and realise that a lady had some small misfortune then you are supposed to plead guilty in her place and formally excuse yourself.

*If you cannot blame the dog because there aren't any around, you may try to shoot an embarrassed look at the nearest of your companions. However, everybody knows this trick and it is extremely likely to fail. The same is true for raising your volume while speaking, or moving your chair in an attempt to cover the sound.

*Pretending to be innocent can help, but only if you manage to keep yourself from asking questions like 'Ooooh, who did that?'. Because everybody knows that whoever smelt it, dealt it, or whoever denied it, supplied it.

*Passing wind in a elevator is strongly advised against. There is no way for the victims to escape or open a window, and revenge may follow immediately.

*It is wise to stay clear of suspect food well before such important occasions as a job interview, the school ball, receiving a Nobel prize, or asking your girlfriend the 'big' question.

*You should know what's about to happen if someone stretches out their hand to you and asks you to pull their finger. There's danger ahead. Don't do it!

*If everything else fails and everybody is staring at you, you may try to turn the wrongdoing into an accomplishment: put on a proud face, declare it as an achievement, and challenge your mates to beat you with an even louder one. But be prepared for a reply along the lines of 'Pray for your soul because your body is already rotten.'

[Marilyn. 340]

Common (or not so common ! ) Fart Names

The English language seems to have been created for the purpose of confusing us; Sometimes, there are simply too many ways to say the same thing. In order to help you navigate your world a little better, we've searched high and low for alternate names and phrases for farting. We don't want you to be embarrassed by a narrow vocabulary, so in the interest of education, we humbly present to you all of the known ways you can say,

"I Farted".

Bottom Burp

Cut the Cheese

Trouser Cough

####### Honking

Trouser Ghost

Heinee Burp

(floating an) Air biscuit

Phoofs

Poots

Blast

Woofer

Fluff

Stepping on a duck

Framping

Barking spider

Thunder from down under

Nature's little surprises

Nature's musical box

There goes a mouse on a motorcycle

Oops! I let Fluffy off the leash

Panty Burps

Pant stainers !

Speak to me ol' toothless one

Tooters

Gassius Assius

Bucksnort

K-Fart

Who dropped their guts?

Turds slamming on the brakes

Flatulence

Crack splitters

Butt burner

Botty burp

Fecal Fluffies

####### Audio

The Brown River!

####### Airwaves

Sh!t Slivers

####### Tooties

Happy Honkers

Barked

Trouser Rippers

Hotties

Disappointments from down under

Natural Gas

Chinese Barking Spiders

Bench Warmer

"I smell sulfur, wait a minute, that's my a$$!"

Sh!t snore

"Dropped a shoe"

Bips

Stinkies

The Great Brown Cloud

"Thar she blows!"

One ####### honking at another for the right of way!

Ooh, that's a nasty cough

Who opened their lunch box?

Exploding turds

Firing Scud Missiles

Quakers - 9.5 on the Rectal Scale!

Nuclear Farts- 40% fallout

Blow-Holes

Cheesers

My butt has something to say

Blowing the ol butt trumpet

Silence in the court, my bums about to talk...

Sh!t Siren

Underthunder

Gravy pants

Shootin' Bunnies

Who stepped on the Duck

Sidewinder

Makin' Beans

A Message From Below

Affirmative Action

Air-o-gant Assault

Apocalypse Now

Baking Brownies (South Park)

Bathtub Jacuzzi

Bench Burning

Bench Warmer

Biological Warfare

Blast

Blow-Holes

Blowing Ye Butt Trumpet

Bottom Belch

Botty Burp

Breaking Loose

Brown-Speak

Bucksnort

Butt Babble

Butt Chuckling

Butt Thunder

Chair Charring

Colon-Speak

Crack Splitters

Creaky Floorboards

Cutting the Cheese

Elevator Evacuation

Fermented Revenge

Fragrantly Impaired

Gassius A$$ius

Gastronomically Expressive

Gusty Windflap

Gut Belch

Gut Bubble

Happy Honkers

Inverse Sniff

Inverted Belching

Methane Exit

My Opinion

Nuclear Farts- 40% fallout

Obnoxious Coughing

Odiferous Objection

Paint-Peeling Predicament

Rancid Reaction

Rancid Rebate

Revolting Release

Ripping the seat

Rosebuds

Sheet Ripping

Smelly Snoring

Stinkies

Stinky Sneezing

Tooters

Trouser Cough

Trouser Ghost

Trouser Rippers

Tuba Tuning

Tunnel Trumpting

Unappreciated Air

Unholy Airlock

Unsun Melody

Vapid Chatting

Vulgar Vapor

Waiting to Exhale

Woofer

Edited January 31, 2006 by MarilynP

[almaty 19]

[Marilyn. 340]

Have you ever wondered what exactly is a fart??

The word "FART" can stand for: Frequency Actuated Rectal Tremor. Farting, also known as flatulence, is the act of passing intestinal gas from the "butt". Intestinal gas comes from several sources: air we swallow, gas that seeps into our intestines from our blood, gas produced by chemical reactions in our guts, and gas produced by bacteria living in our guts. Burps are not farts that come out your mouth. They have to do with your stomach.

Why Farts Smell

The smell of farts comes from gas and mercaptans (other gases) in the mixture. These compounds contain sulfur. The more sulfur-rich foods you eat, the more sulfides and mercaptans will be made by the bacteria in you guts, and the more your farts will stink. Foods like cauliflower, eggs and meat are really bad for making stinky farts. Beans on the other hand, may make you fart a lot but they aren't usually the smelly kind.

Let it Rip! The Sound Of Farting

The sound of a fart is caused by the vibrations of the "butt" opening. The sound of your fart depends on the speed of the fart leaving your body and the tightness of the sphincter muscles of your "butt".

The Science of Farting

[almaty 19]

Have you ever wondered what exactly is a fart??

The word "FART" can stand for: Frequency Actuated Rectal Tremor. Farting, also known as flatulence, is the act of passing intestinal gas from the "butt". Intestinal gas comes from several sources: air we swallow, gas that seeps into our intestines from our blood, gas produced by chemical reactions in our guts, and gas produced by bacteria living in our guts. Burps are not farts that come out your mouth. They have to do with your stomach.

Why Farts Smell

The smell of farts comes from gas and mercaptans (other gases) in the mixture. These compounds contain sulfur. The more sulfur-rich foods you eat, the more sulfides and mercaptans will be made by the bacteria in you guts, and the more your farts will stink. Foods like cauliflower, eggs and meat are really bad for making stinky farts. Beans on the other hand, may make you fart a lot but they aren't usually the smelly kind.

Let it Rip! The Sound Of Farting

The sound of a fart is caused by the vibrations of the "butt" opening. The sound of your fart depends on the speed of the fart leaving your body and the tightness of the sphincter muscles of your "butt".

The Science of Farting

i always learn so much here...

[Sister Fracas 5]

Marilyn is our resident Fartologist!

[Marilyn. 340]

I have to keep my peeps informed

[almaty 19]

I have to keep my peeps informed

bless you Marilyn....you are a truly wonderful person..well versed on farting and scooby doo..my heroine

[Marilyn. 340]

awww thanks , I think

[Jasman0717 9]

Beans Beans the musical fruit

[keltic 1]

beans, beans

they're good for your heart...