I don't know what to do with my hands...(Wanting to marry gf, return home, come back at a later date)

[David & Diana R 1,005]

My husband flew here to North Carolina for a long weekend, we married and he immediately left to go back to the Netherlands the next day. Once he was gone I filed for the CR-1 spouse visa. This was per the advice of my lawyer. If you intend to stay in the US after the wedding it's immigration fraud, if you leave and then file it's not. The key though is when you are going through customs, be careful what you say as you don't want to lie to them, but you also don't want to say you are getting married.

But...be extra careful. If you are asked what you are planning on doing while on holiday and you omit the part that you are planning on getting "secretly married" while in the US you are committing visa fraud. This could, and I say could get you a 10 or more year ban from the US. Just saying. You certainly don't want to commit visa fraud and be banned from the US now do you??? You really need to think this out better and I hope that's why you're here. You could come to Hawaii on holiday and get engaged. Go back home. And your fiance could then apply for K-1 visa which should be faster (usually) than a spouse (CR-1) visa. Think this out...Good luck.

[h4773r 2]

False. From Oz, it's 6 months to use the K-1 after the medical, which is generally about 2 weeks before the VISA is issued. And Sydney Consulate is quite fine with waiting, if necessary, for an additional four months, for scheduling the interview. The petitioner merely needs to submit an additional statement of intent to marry (preferably notarized). Experience talking on this one. (So on basic maths, it's completely possible to get yourself almost an additional 10 months if you really wanted to.)

AFAIK, after you have entered the United States. (Your green card is not granted til you enter the country.) If you go the K-1 route, after you have received your EAD, which right now is running about 80 days after filing to adjust status.

Couple of things you should also be aware of: there are not a lot of doctors who'll do the exams floating around Oz, and they're expensive. You will also need to budget going to Sydney for your interview, if you're not already there.

Does your fiancé make enough money to support you through the application process? Does she still have established residence here, etc? (Have you read through all the guides at the top, including the "which should we do" flowchart o'options?)

I'm living in Sydney at the moment, so getting here shouldn't be an issue. You've definitely given me some things to consider and look into more. I haven't read through the guides (I wasn't really aware to be honest) I pointed in this direction from a subreddit after trying to figure out which visa would be our best option....Probably should have started there in hindsight.

I do it easier to talk to people about these things though, or you know, a forum of people. it's definitely simplified it all for me.

As for the "secretly married" well the easiest way to explain is that...none of our family know we're planning on doing this, the old elope trick.

But again, thank you everyone for your input. We're taking all suggestions on board.

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

Now that you've explained that a secret marriage = eloping that makes a lot more sense.

Jobs wise with a CR1 you are good to start applying for jobs as soon as you enter as a new immigrant as the stamped visa in your passport is a temporary green card. You'll need your SSN which should arrive in the mail within three weeks of POE. If like mine it doesn't arrive you get the fun of going to the SS office to apply in person!

Nothing wrong with marrying in the US then returning to Australia and going for the CR1 (plenty of people do that) although as the previous few posters have said don't lie to a CBP officer if asked whether you are planning to marry. Not sure if people get commonly asked that though?

Edited August 26, 2014 by Hotter Otter

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

As for the "secretly married" well the easiest way to explain is that...none of our family know we're planning on doing this, the old elope trick.

Having done this the first time and sort of the second time (everyone knew we were getting married but not when). I encourage you not to do it without some serious thought. The first time, both of our families were seriously hurt and the second time there were some hurt feelings over us having a private ceremony with not even close family in attendance. Marriage is usually a big deal, especially for the parents of a girl and unless she is estranged from them, you might want to take that into account.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

OK joking aside... Jobs wise with a CR1 you are good to start applying for jobs as soon as you enter as the stamped visa in your passport is a temporary green card. You'll need your SSN which should arrive in the mail within three weeks of POE. If like mine it doesn't arrive you get the fun of going to the SS office to apply in person!

For the record, you don't need a social security number to start working, just proof you've applied for one. That might be annoying for the employer, but it is definitely allowed (we did it).

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

For the record, you don't need a social security number to start working, just proof you've applied for one. That might be annoying for the employer, but it is definitely allowed (we did it).

Ah fair enough, out of interest what is the proof of applying if you are just waiting for it in the mail? I know you get a receipt of application if you go to the SS office in person (just got mine today) is that what you mean?

Fully agree with your other post cautioning about eloping, I sounded my parents out on how they would feel if we eloped and they were very unhappy at the idea and my wife's family would not have been happy either. But I guess all families are different, some it might not be an issue with.

[David & Diana R 1,005]

Having done this the first time and sort of the second time (everyone knew we were getting married but not when). I encourage you not to do it without some serious thought. The first time, both of our families were seriously hurt and the second time there were some hurt feelings over us having a private ceremony with not even close family in attendance. Marriage is usually a big deal, especially for the parents of a girl and unless she is estranged from them, you might want to take that into account.

I agree with this 100%. Getting "secretly married" can be very hurtful to others. I did the same thing but in my case I really didn't know I was going to get married when I went to meet my fiance in the Philippines. I had planned on officially proposing and giving her the ring but when I met her I knew she was the one. We were married 7 days after my arrival! I met her family and friends. We had the wedding in the Philippines. Her family came. My family really found out after the event. To make a long story short, they were angry. And in hindsight I get it. At the time I was blinded by love and really didn't think through the consequences as far as my family back in the US was concerned. Don't get me wrong. I don't regret marrying the love of my life but I wish I had thought it through better ahead of time. Be careful that you don't hurt the ones you love.

God Bless

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Ah fair enough, out of interest what is the proof of applying if you are just waiting for it in the mail? I know you get a receipt of application if you go to the SS office in person (just got mine today) is that what you mean?

Yes, the receipt you get from applying in person, I believe we went at the two week mark? My husband got a job offer the day after he got to America, and they agreed to let him start working before the SS number was available.

[h4773r 2]

Yes, the receipt you get from applying in person, I believe we went at the two week mark? My husband got a job offer the day after he got to America, and they agreed to let him start working before the SS number was available.

How'd he manage that?...that sounds like the perfect situation.

for those concerned if we're hurting anyone...it's a long story (a good one don't worry, no one hates anyone) but it's seriously all 100% above board and cool with everyone (or would be). Marriage is not something I take lightly, infact I pretty much threw out the idea of it ages ago until I met her.

For me, it's not something I feel we're rushing into (despite the timing of it all) it's just taking our relationship to a point that we both feel it's at.

Also I'm here to gather options and figure out the best way to be together. If it works out best for us that we can't, then we'll wait.

[sma1488 155]

How'd he manage that?...that sounds like the perfect situation.

for those concerned if we're hurting anyone...it's a long story (a good one don't worry, no one hates anyone) but it's seriously all 100% above board and cool with everyone (or would be). Marriage is not something I take lightly, infact I pretty much threw out the idea of it ages ago until I met her.

For me, it's not something I feel we're rushing into (despite the timing of it all) it's just taking our relationship to a point that we both feel it's at.

Also I'm here to gather options and figure out the best way to be together. If it works out best for us that we can't, then we'll wait.

If everyone is "100% above board and cool with it," then would it really be a secret wedding? That part doesn't make sense to me.

[h4773r 2]

haha yeah I understand that. I am being quite vague which doesn't help, it's just too long to type out, and even if I did you probably still wouldn't understand. But at the end of the day I just want to call her my wife and be her husband. (you can vomit now)

it's just a weird, long, happy, fun story. We'll still go and have a wedding (or weddings) at a later date and what not though. No one is going to be left out.

[sma1488 155]

Don't worry, no vomiting going on here. There is lots of sickly sweet lovey-dovey talk on these forums. But looking at it from the outside, it sounds like you're not taking the advice of other people that told you their stories and how they regretted not including their family more than they did.

The fact that your family wouldn't be opposed to you marrying this girl, or that her family wouldn't be opposed to her marrying you, doesn't mean that they will appreciate being left out of (the first step, and arguably the most important part of) the marriage process. I guess since you're the only one that knows the whole story, you can only be the judge of that.

Edited August 27, 2014 by sma1488

[h4773r 2]

Don't worry, no vomiting going on here. There is lots of sickly sweet lovey-dovey talk on these forums. But looking at it from the outside, it sounds like you're not taking the advice of other people that told you their stories and how they regretted not including their family more than they did.

The fact that your family wouldn't be opposed to you marrying this girl, or that her family wouldn't be opposed to her marrying you, doesn't mean that they will appreciate being left out of (the first step, and arguably the most important part of) the marriage process. I guess since you're the only one that knows the whole story, you can only be the judge of that.

I'm definitely listening to all the advice and appreciate the concern, let me just say that. I'm taking everything on board. We both know our families pretty well and is something we've talked about in great length. We wouldn't do it if we weren't 100% comfortable with the idea, and we don't want to step on any toes obviously.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

How'd he manage that?...that sounds like the perfect situation.

A job he had years of experience in and them needing someone right away. It didn't hurt that Americans put Scandinavians on a not well deserved pedestal. Australians are definitely on a pedestal of their own, though.

How long it takes you will depend a lot on how picky you are and how the job market is where you are moving.

[kehills 217]

I'm definitely listening to all the advice and appreciate the concern, let me just say that. I'm taking everything on board. We both know our families pretty well and is something we've talked about in great length. We wouldn't do it if we weren't 100% comfortable with the idea, and we don't want to step on any toes obviously.

Ok, some brutal practicality. It sounds like you're both young and white and relatively privileged. Congrats, you have it somewhat easy on the VISA journey. THAT SAID.

Have you talked with your families about getting married, or are you just guessing? Because I can join the chorus: families DO care when you elope. I learned that one the hard way, and my former in-laws never forgave me. (As the in-law it was, of course, my choice.) My decision also badly hurt my mother... and she didn't live to see me remarried.

Beyond that, what happens if you "secretly" get married and then, in two years, for some reason, your timeline gets flagged for further review when you're going to remove conditions, and you're asked to provide affidavits, etc, from your family about supporting your marriage as it happened, or having attended your wedding? What happens if they demand that while family members are still angry?

Have you to your family about moving away? My husband thought his family would be fine with it; instead, they tried to have him committed as clearly insane for wanting to leave Australia. (I'm actually not kidding.)

People react weirdly around weddings. People react REALLY weirdly when it comes to weddings AND moving halfway around the world.

What about finances? Will her family co-sponsor you? Are they willing to help her with residency issues if you guys go the CR1 route? Where are you planning on living? Do you have a degree? Can you even get a job in the US (do you have relevant work skills)?

Sorry mate, but this isn't an easy prospect, and it's not a romantic one. It's about crossing i's, dotting t's, and making sure you follow the instructions to their practical, unromantic, paperwork and red tape laden end.