Photos and Letters from Past Relationships

[Chris-n-Veronica 0]

I've been torn on this issue too.. As I have 32 years with my EX but the good thing is I left...and left most of it behind.. SHe has most everything and is pretty slow giving me anything.. Which I'm ok with, Thank God her live in BF keeps her busy..

But anyway.. I decided not to keep...towels...bedding..beds..etc.., things like that.. I have a ring that we had built about 10 years into the marriage.. and she claims it is a wedding ring.. Which a way forces me in a way to Sell it.. or at least put it away..

I also have Xmas..Birthday type cards..I think I will toss.. This stuff doesn't bother me..but I need to think about the feelings of my second half....

And like others.. the stuff I have now will slowly go away.. as new things are bought...

But I am going to do a big house cleaning... to make sure nothing it laying around that could cause Veronica to feel weird as her being in a New Country will be hard enough.

I will keep pictures of my kids even if the ex is in them...I'll just put them away..

We really need to think about our second halfs as they have come to a new country for you..they gave up their familys.. and life will be tough enough let alone they have to set there in the house waiting on the Green Card looking at your Old pictures..letters..etc..,

[mychelle 1]

it depends on what is comfortable for both. my husband does not like see any of it (me on the other hand, i don't mind looking at his old pics...even if there are other girls in there...) but he does not care if i throw them out or burn them either.

i don't like throwing out old pictures and some letters. they are part of my life...no matter what...so i like to keep them. i kept all the old pictures and letters in one box and kept it in my mom's garage.

my husband knows it exist but all he asked is not to flaunt it in front of him.

if keeping old pics/letters was a huge problem and the only reason why we would fight...then i would definitely throw them out. however, it's not the case...so i get to keep them.

[Yodrak 7]

Steven_and_Jinky,

Soon after arrival in the USA Rodjanaa went through my photo albums and threw away all photos in which there were other women, whether or not there was a relationship.

Yodrak

For those who are already reunited with your foreign spouse, how did you handle the evidence from past relationships?

[Mags 112]

I am completely comfortable with anything Larry wishes to retain regarding old relationships. People may find that things ended badly with an ex, but there would still be good memories for most. These memories and experiences make up who we are today. They are the "recipe" of the person we marry.

I am not insecure enough that I cannot handle seeing a photo of an ex of Larry's, a letter, email...whatever.

[Scott & Lai 12]

Steven_and_Jinky,

Soon after arrival in the USA Rodjanaa went through my photo albums and threw away all photos in which there were other women, whether or not there was a relationship.

Yodrak

Does that include photos of female relatives?

[AnaAndDaniel 0]

Do NOT forget about the videos.

Daniel

:energetic:

[almaty 19]

Do NOT forget about the videos.

Daniel

:energetic:

brother daniel, you get caught with that..you be hung by the nabs...

[AnaAndDaniel 0]

Do NOT forget about the videos.

Daniel

:energetic:

brother daniel, you get caught with that..you be hung by the nabs...

and hung high.

Daniel

:energetic:

[JenT 0]

My fiance was with his ex for 21 years. I think it'd be asinine for me to expect him to desimate ALL evidence of her existance. I'm not even sure it'd be possible to do that. I'm not threatened by her, so I guess its just not a huge priority to me. Now if he moved here and wanted to hang a picture of her or something - that I would not like. But he wouldn't want to do that anyway.

I still have photos from my first wedding (although they are buried in the back of a closet). I guess I've kept them there in case I ever want to look at them. At this point, I can't forsee me wanting to do that - but I want to give myself the option if I ever changed my mind.

Our ex spouses were a part of our lives, and in a way, made us who we are today. Destroying all evidence of them doesn't make that fact go away.

But obviously this puts me in the minority. *shrug*

I agree with you Tracy. I am a sentimentalist... so is David. We both have momentos from former relationships and neither of us is threatened by it. I have a picture in my living room among my family pictures of a family pic taken with my girls and my ex when we were still married. I was our last 'family picture' and I leave it up for the girls' sake. It is among pics of David and me and of his daughter too... I see absolutely no reason to remove it. I have pics on the fridge of my ex and the girls too. It's their home and he is a part of their life. Removing them would be for selfish reasons only.

David still wears his wedding ring from his first marriage on his left hand... it was the only ring he ever had and it is a part of him. He never removed it after the divorce as a symbol of his commitment to his daughter. When we talked about it, he didn't want to feel like one was being 'replaced' for another (even tho it's been 10 years), and I respect his commitment to his daughter, especially being so far away from her now. So we are wearing OUR wedding rings on our right hands. That is our symbol of solidarity.

[KiKi 0]

I kept family photos as well as Wedding photo's of my Ex and I to give to my children when they are grown.

My husband does not have a problem with this, I keep them in a box in the garage.

On another note, I hocked the wedding ring and gave the dress to Goodwill....LOL

[Kathryn41 3,205]

My previous past relationships all ended on positive notes with us going our separate ways as friends. If I threw away all of the photos and momentoes from those many years I would be throwing away much of my life. Regardless of what happened, those relationships were part of the process that shaped me into the woman I am today. I don't need to throw them out or to hang on to them - they are non-issues - they just are there along with the rest of the momentoes of my past life and experiences. My husband has also had his past relationships along with two marriages. They have made him the man he is, the man I love. I would no longer ask him to throw away anything he felt he wanted to keep than I would think it was any of my business to ask. Again, it isn't a matter of sighing and lamenting over what was and isn't, rather 'that was then and this is now'. We were both different people in the past and neither of us feel threatened by that.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Steven_and_Jinky,

Soon after arrival in the USA Rodjanaa went through my photo albums and threw away all photos in which there were other women, whether or not there was a relationship.

Yodrak

For those who are already reunited with your foreign spouse, how did you handle the evidence from past relationships?

Sorry, I'm not laughing at you, but the situation.

I can imagine putting myself in the place of a foreign spouse, who is essentially leaving their life behind them to be with you - that they might feel miffed when seeing old keepsakes from past relationships. With the exception of photos from a previous marriage, I could see how keeping pics of former girlfriends could create some problems. I've got some on my computer at work where she'll never have to stumble upon them. The home computer has been wiped clean of emails and photos...and draws emptied of cards...I hope.

Edited January 23, 2007 by Steven_and_Jinky

[babybunny 2]

For those who are already reunited with your foreign spouse, how did you handle the evidence from past relationships?

1..slowly get rid of things..

all my pics of my exs I got rid of.. sorry ba s s s tards ..

2...next thing in my case get a new apartment..

[AnaAndDaniel 0]

Steven_and_Jinky,

Soon after arrival in the USA Rodjanaa went through my photo albums and threw away all photos in which there were other women, whether or not there was a relationship.

Yodrak

For those who are already reunited with your foreign spouse, how did you handle the evidence from past relationships?

Sorry, I'm not laughing at you, but the situation.

I can imagine putting myself in the place of a foreign spouse, who is essentially leaving their life behind them to be with you - that they might feel miffed when seeing old keepsakes from past relationships. With the exception of photos from a previous marriage, I could see how keeping pics of former girlfriends could create some problems. I've got some on my computer at work where she'll never have to stumble upon them. The home computer has been wiped clean of emails and photos...and draws emptied of cards...I hope.

Do NOT forget to look in that one closet way high where you stashed some long forgotten memento.

Your spouse WILL find it.

Daniel

:energetic:

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Steven_and_Jinky,

Soon after arrival in the USA Rodjanaa went through my photo albums and threw away all photos in which there were other women, whether or not there was a relationship.

Yodrak

For those who are already reunited with your foreign spouse, how did you handle the evidence from past relationships?

Sorry, I'm not laughing at you, but the situation.

I can imagine putting myself in the place of a foreign spouse, who is essentially leaving their life behind them to be with you - that they might feel miffed when seeing old keepsakes from past relationships. With the exception of photos from a previous marriage, I could see how keeping pics of former girlfriends could create some problems. I've got some on my computer at work where she'll never have to stumble upon them. The home computer has been wiped clean of emails and photos...and draws emptied of cards...I hope.

Do NOT forget to look in that one closet way high where you stashed some long forgotten memento.

Your spouse WILL find it.

Daniel

:energetic:

I'll do another clean sweep of the entire place for sure. Thanks Daniel!

Edited January 23, 2007 by Steven_and_Jinky