Photos and Letters from Past Relationships

[one...two...tree 2,762]

For those who are already reunited with your foreign spouse, how did you handle the evidence from past relationships?

[dollface41601 0]

i got rid of everything long before sofyan and i married, i dont think there is any reason to hold on to things from the past

[jordanianprincess 0]

For those who are already reunited with your foreign spouse, how did you handle the evidence from past relationships?

I am not reunited but I have never held onto to anything from my past relationship (it was the only one ). I actually got rid of every single photo, memory, gifts, clothing, everything. I don't think I would ever keep anything from a past relatiobship, I don't see the reason why I would want to.

Edited January 23, 2007 by jordanianprincess

[doodlebug 3]

I honestly don't know what I will do. My past relationship was the father of my children and I can't really throw pictures of him out since it's their dad. Maybe I'll have them keep them in their closet or something since it's really for them. Good question.

[Caladan 19]

I don't have a lot of photos, so that's not an issue.

I'm not the sentimental letter writing type, so that's not an issue, either.

I'm keeping the jewelry.

[keltic 1]

its all part of the past and part of what has shaped who i am today... i havent thrown anything away just because of my marriage... there are things that i have gotten rid of, but they were not because of my husband wanting them gone... i can talk about my past relationships and he has even looked at wedding pics from my first marriage... he is not threatened by my past because he knows i have chosen him above anyone else... and throwing things away does not make the actual history/memories nonexistent...

altho i havent thrown away those old photos and letters, i also dont sit and pine away reading or looking at them... i just cant see how throwing all my past away will do anything to make my future stronger... all those memories are not horrible... why should i regret or try to forget them?

[TracyLuis 0]

I kept the jewelry, too!! But I threw away all the pictures, letters, momentos, etc. It was cathartic...

[dalegg 143]

I just threw away the ashes when the new wife was finished reorganizing them.

[Henia 11]

Well there have been no secrets between my husband and I. I think we know everything about each other. Um, I have a child from my previous relationship so I cannot completely get rid of the evidence. I have a photo album with pictures of her father and his family, for my daughter in her room, which she is welcome to look at anytime. Also I have a few pictures ofmy ex and I when we were together for my daughter when she much older, but it is safe with my mum. We donnot have much of a relationship with him other then the 2x yearly court set visitations which most of the time donnot happen anyway.

I have no love letters or any type of "love" memoribilia laying out. It all went out in the trash after our divorce. Even the jewlrey I got rid of when I got involved with my husband.

My husband knows all of my history with the ex. And in fact, encourages me to have a civil/ good relation with him (for my daughter). I showed my husband a picture of my ex and his family... I did not get any reaction other then "O..." I am sure they will met one day but am thankful my ex is not present in my life anymore... he causes enough troubles as it is now.

I think if I did not have any children with my ex all evidence of him would be gone...of course I would tell my husband about my past...but reminders are not needed.

Unforuntately with children the past cannot be earsed or forgotten too easily.

Well there have been no secrets between my husband and I. I think we know everything about each other. Um, I have a child from my previous relationship so I cannot completely get rid of the evidence. I have a photo album with pictures of her father and his family, for my daughter in her room, which she is welcome to look at anytime. Also I have a few pictures ofmy ex and I when we were together for my daughter when she much older, but it is safe with my mum. We donnot have much of a relationship with him other then the 2x yearly court set visitations which most of the time donnot happen anyway.

I have no love letters or any type of "love" memoribilia laying out. It all went out in the trash after our divorce. Even the jewlrey I got rid of when I got involved with my husband.

My husband knows all of my history with the ex. And in fact, encourages me to have a civil/ good relation with him (for my daughter). I showed my husband a picture of my ex and his family... I did not get any reaction other then "O..." I am sure they will met one day but am thankful my ex is not present in my life anymore... he causes enough troubles as it is now.

I think if I did not have any children with my ex all evidence of him would be gone...of course I would tell my husband about my past...but reminders are not needed.

Unforuntately with children the past cannot be earsed or forgotten too easily.

[mRx 16]

I never kept any photos or letters, but i never delete pics from my digital camera, and one day when i was at work, the wife went through the 100s of pics i had taken over the course of like 3 years, and put all the pics with females into a folder and labeled it "Matt's girls"

[melly 0]

Everything that my ex-husband and I had as a couple I've gotten rid of. I even gave away the kitchen-aid mixer that he gave me. I wanted one of those for so many years I can't tell you, but I didn't want any of his energy in my life. It took some time until I got rid of everything, but it's all gone.

Well, there are pics so my son can see but that's it.

I even tossed my cheapo $20 wedding ring.

My fiance knows what a jerk my ex is and I don't think they'll exactly be friends but I'm hoping they don't have to be enemies.

*well, there's one thing that I can't entirely get rid of and that's the ex himself!!! too bad.

Edited January 23, 2007 by melly

[nordicwolf 0]

what past - i didnt have any relations........

[radacos 0]

I left my (very few) mementos back home when I moved over here -- not on purpose, but simply because it didn't occur to me to bring them along. My husband has a box of letters and photos from former girlfriends that sits under our bed -- we've gone through some of it together. I think it's kinda neat that he's kept those mementos: they're a part of his life, and there's little use pretending that they didn't happen.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

For those who are already reunited with your foreign spouse, how did you handle the evidence from past relationships?

[matako 0]

Except a child that cannot be undone, I believe people should get rid of EVERYTHING.

If you keep jewelry for example, does it not always remind you of whom/how you got it? Why don't you get rid of it and go out with your spouse and get a nearly identical one? Thats what I would do.I would flush it down the toilet and just get another, next time around,from the incumbent or from myself. Otherwise does it not make you feel like the rship has 3 people?

If you do not, and even if your spouse makes you think it is OK like the guy who said the wife labelled a file "Matt's girls", you watch. Sooner or later the issue will come up, usually after things go downhill and someone says 'oh you can leave me and go back to your girls'. It is human to please the one you are with when things are good, but when helll breaks lose, especially for those who are immigrant and American marriages (the immigrant may not be speaking their mind because for immigration purposes they are not independent), every little fact is a weapon and everyone is collecting an arsenal gradually.Been there.Dont let calm waters fool you.

It strikes me how naive people are in relationships, only sitting like ducks until things explode and you wonder what changed. Nothing changed, things are always in the background,even if they appear ok.