options for ex to still come to the US (study or work visa?)... long read, but please help

[rkk1 34]

Hi all, I've been off this forum for a long-time, but wanted to come back to see if you wonderful people might offer me some perspective. I'd be most grateful for any advice you have, as I'm deeply conflicted.

A few years ago, I married a man in India. I returned back to the US shortly after the marriage and filed a spouse visa for him. Soon after our marriage, his mom fell ill with a serious illness, and that changed the course of our marriage greatly. His whole effort became to take care of her, and he totally disregarded our marriage and neglected it. I tried very hard to be emotionally supportive during his very stressful time, even visiting him once (which was hard to do as I was in full-time professional degree program) - but after his mom's illness dragged on for months, and he made no effort to come to be with me after a year, I became very frustrated and came to this site often to ask people's advice. We had some irreconcilable differences on certain issues, and since we could not come to an agreement - his way of handling it was to refuse to come here until I caved in, but I didn't as I was as staunch and stubborn as he was. He loved to talk to me on the phone, and we'd talk for hours upon hours and probably exchange thousands of emails (literally), but I was looking for a husband and not a phone/email friend. He is not a bad person at all, and there was never any infidelity or abuse. He was just was really immature and neglected the marriage.

Last year I finally had enough and proceeded with a lawyer to dissolve the marriage, and our annulment was finalized early this year. He never wanted the marriage to end, and neither did I, but I got to the point where I felt I had to move forward if he wasn't coming here. Back in 2012, our petition had made it to the NVC, but due to his not sending me the needed documents, it expired last year. I recently emailed the NVC to let them know that our marriage was annulled and to have them withdraw my affidavit of support.

The problem is that my ex has kept in touch with me over this time. After our annulment in January, we hardly talked at all, though he would continue to email me about once a month, telling me he still loved me and giving me some updates about his life. Some days ago, he wrote to me to tell me that he has gotten admission into a few graduate colleges in the UK, and that the one he was thinking to attend started late-September. I saw email proof of his admissions which stirred me up, and we talked on the phone after a long time. And we realized on the phone that we are still both in love with each other and neither of us has been able to move on. (His family also keeps in touch with me periodically as they also cared for me a lot, and I know that everything he is saying is true.) There was always hope in both of our hearts that we would reconcile, but with his looming move to the UK next month, it has become more real. He was asking me if there was any last-minute hope that he could still come to the US and marry me again (as he never yet dissolved the marriage in India). He told me that he was deeply sorry for the pain he put me through, and that he was a fool to let those differences between us stop him from coming to be with me.

I told him that I put my heart and soul into our past marriage, and that I had nothing left to give. I told him that I was no longer willing to go through the fiancee or spouse visa process again - as I was the one who was single-handedly doing all the work previously, and then I had to go through all the work of getting the marriage annulled. If he had lived in the US, I might have been willing to let him prove himself to me - by going to couple's counseling and learning how to reignite the relationship and to be the partner that I needed. I told him this week that the only way I'd consider giving him another chance is if he could come here on his OWN (without any financial or visa help from me) and show me that he had really changed and matured. Words are insufficient, I need strong action from his side to give our relationship any more chance.

The past several days, he has been actively looking at options to come here. He has been looking for student visas (as he already has a master's level degrees in business and accounting from India, and would be open to doing graduate studies here). However, the problem with student visas is that he would need to show ability to pay up-front tuition and cost of living, which is about $50,000. He doesn't have that kind of money. In order for him to get a private loan for education, he would need a co-signer and I won't do that. Furthermore, the problem with student visas is that he'd probably be red-flagged for immigration intent, since he and I had previously applied for an spouse visa for him. So we don't know how to work out the options for a student visa. The alternative is a work visa for him to come here, but work visas are limited, and I don't know where he'd be able to get a work visa with his background in business/accounting.

Does anyone know any options for him to come here and study and work on his own merit? I am 32 and he is 29, so he knows that I can't wait forever (as both of us have strong cultural family pressure to get married soon). He has thought about trying to make money in the UK, and then try to come to the US - but that would take too many years, and I can't put my life on hold for so long without knowing whether he was able to be with me or not. Would there be any option for him to come to the US within the next 6-8 months on either a work or study visa? The marriage is already over, and this is the last-ditch effort to see if anything can be saved between us, to see if we can be re-united... so that's why I'm asking for help. I'm willing to be a resource to him by reaching out here, and I'd be willing to write any sort of letter to the US government stating that he is a good person and should be able to come here (if there is any such sort of waiver like that). But he has to find a way to come up with money and/or work options to get himself here. He states he absolutely wants to save the marriage, but he feels so helpless now as no option seems to work. Just wanted to see if anyone knows anything to help. Thanks!

[rkk1 34]

He has asked me if I'd be willing to try the fiancee route again, but I told him that I just can't.... as 3 months is not enough time for me to know if he's really changed or not. I still love him deeply, but am not willing to rush into marriage again. I will need time to get to know him slowly again, which I wish I could do if he was here working or going to school in my city.

[Ontarkie 14,221]

I followed your story from the start, I don't see this ending the way you want. Please keep moving forward and don't get dragged back into this.

[kzielu 1,149]

I remember your posts - he was the dude that wanted you to buy car for his family rather than pay your student loans and seemed not to care about his wife / marriage / immigration at all. I totally agree with Ontarkie on this, but to answer your question - only thing he can do in next 6 to 8 months in apply for and come on tourist visa, which he is unlikely to get, having been petitioned in the past.

Edited August 7, 2014 by kzielu

[Asia 2,498]

I remember your posts too and I agree with the previous posters.

I wouldn't want to waste more life for that man.

Edited August 7, 2014 by Asia

[Sandra G. 5,047]

I remember your case too, it's about the immature and neglected guy that was more concern about his family than into his marriage.Are you ready after he gets his citizenship and bring the WHOLE family to live with you? because it will happen my dear.

It does not exist the letter you are talking about it.If he wants to come to the US,he has two options.A student visa or a work visa. To obtain a student visa he should engage in academic studies in the United States, prove he can pay all educational, living and travel costs. .Please don't be naive to have him in your house when he is studying. Because he showed in the past the intent to immigrate to the US, his chance to obtain a non immigrant visa is not good.

To get a work visa he has to find a company willing to sponsor his H1B visa.A lawyer fee (H1B visa ) will cost around 6k to 10K. He must have a job offer before April 2015,and the Lawyer just can submit his H1B petition after April 01,2015. The fiscal year starts in October 2015, therefore he CANNOT start working BEFORE October 01,2015, considering he will be in the US then he has to keep his status until October 2015 .As you can see it's not easy either.

My dear you can't see your next if you are to busy looking at your ex.Good luck.

Edited August 7, 2014 by sandranj

[Ilovemyman 147]

Come back with him it isnt a good idea.

This man isnt good for you.

If you have the hand full with the past, wich hand are you going to take the future with?

[Ilovemyman 147]

Best options for your life and future are: block him and his family in facebook, twiter, e-mail , viber, skype and all way that you cominicate with him. In that way you are going to be free to find a good man.

Another thing you say that his famaly talk to you about his plans to go to uk, his family can be helping him to make you think that is truth.

Maybe isnt truth that he is going to uk and his family is helping him to lie.

Well, if he is going to uk on september , at this time he has the visa stamped on his passportso ask him that show you the visa on skype, no copy, because he can make a fake visa on paper to make a copy for you.

Ask to see the visa stamped on the passport , you will see that he is laying.

[Boiler 45,486]

Odd

If he can afford to study in the UK then he can afford to study in the US.

Sounds like you are being had.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Odd

If he can afford to study in the UK then he can afford to study in the US.

Sounds like you are being had.

Yes, I would like to know how he can afford school in the UK but not school in the US.

[Kiwinyc 62]

I agree that if he wanted to be with you he should be looking at grad school in the US rather than the UK. That's the one way he can come here for an extended period of time. I know none of the back story to this but it already smells fishy.

[Jawaree 717]

Move forward young lady I remember your post,

don't put your life in reverse, ho can he now leave

mom for studies in the UK? its a ploy, he knows

the consulate will not give him a student visa due to

(immigrant intent), so he give U the UK visa sang & dance

hoping U pay for it if again U fall in love.

As to his family they wants whats best for him & them,

find U someone else at home build a friendship then

relationship & forget that headache, U R ready for a stable

relationship & family....move on ....like I said B4 cut all ties

with him & his family,...am surprised they R still in touch

[cocolucho 35]

I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you. From a guy's perspective I can tell you that he is no good for you. You should move forward, really!!! Block him from emails and other means of comunication. If he can afford to study in the UK, he can afford it here too. If he says he still loves you as much as he says he does, he should be the one making all the efforts to come here, not you. He is 29, right? He is not a kid, he is a man. I find it difficult he can get a visa as he may be red flagged when he applies again for any kind of visa, but if he does let him work on it, not you, let him do all the work.

It is finally your decision as you will have to live with it, but as many people here who have read your story we believe you shoud move forward, not back... I wish you the best!!!

[Darnell 8,478]

I followed your story from the start, I don't see this ending the way you want. Please keep moving forward and don't get dragged back into this.

DITTO. Repeat for Emphasis - DITTO.

Let him get to the UK, he'll find a nice lass there that can support his habits. Stay away from him, in toto. tempus fugit, already.

[Fan_Dancer 171]

Let it go.