Please help

[NikLR 13,232]

This is a hard enough time for her already, let her decision be hers to deal with.

agreed

[kehills 217]

If her husband was your son, you would cheer and support your daughter in law

to hide the facts from your son and encourage her to make the abortion decision solely?

Would I cheer? Only if that's what she needed. Would I support her? I'd take her to the clinic myself.

YOU, DualityOneness, put the OP in a nasty position by accusing her of having an affair and getting pregnant. OP felt the need to defend her honour because YOU opted to leap to the worst conclusion. You don't know the OP, you don't know her situation, and yet you felt the need to slander her, accuse her of infidelity, and lecture her based on your own assumptions and your own moral system. Then, after her defense, rather than doing what you should have done (apologize and slink away with your tail between your legs), you switched gears and started lecturing her on her choice and attempted to guilt her into changing her mind.

OP did not come here asking for your opinion on what she should do, yet you felt that was your business, just like you felt it was your business to accuse her of infidelity.

So let's just be clear here: a spouse does not have to consent. A spouse does not have to know. It's, quite frankly, only his business if she decides it is, just like it's only your business if she asks you for your thoughts. Which she did not.

[CowBoE 429]

Would I cheer? Only if that's what she needed. Would I support her? I'd take her to the clinic myself.

YOU, DualityOneness, put the OP in a nasty position by accusing her of having an affair and getting pregnant. OP felt the need to defend her honour because YOU opted to leap to the worst conclusion. You don't know the OP, you don't know her situation, and yet you felt the need to slander her, accuse her of infidelity, and lecture her based on your own assumptions and your own moral system. Then, after her defense, rather than doing what you should have done (apologize and slink away with your tail between your legs), you switched gears and started lecturing her on her choice and attempted to guilt her into changing her mind.

OP did not come here asking for your opinion on what she should do, yet you felt that was your business, just like you felt it was your business to accuse her of infidelity.

So let's just be clear here: a spouse does not have to consent. A spouse does not have to know. It's, quite frankly, only his business if she decides it is, just like it's only your business if she asks you for your thoughts. Which she did not.

I didn't try slander her. People can read all threads in sequence

and make the judgement for themselves. Message flow was suggesting

one way, and I corrected myself when she clarified...and wished her the best.

You are the one accusing people of being anti pro-choice

because I said to her to discuss with her husband on the decision.

To me such decision is up to the couple based on their circumstances.

That said, do you think the law makes everything ethically correct especially in trusting marriage?

You said "a spouse does not need to know"...do you think all husbands agree to this?

She's already stated that her husband wants a baby.

Do you think when slavery was legal, and blacks and women couldn't vote at one time,

just because it was the law, it was correct?

Even before the law, there should be mutual respect and trust in marriage,

and whether its women's legal right to choose (at this point in time),

to me there is ethical responsibility between spouses to consider

especially since this is also husband's baby's life (that he wants) is at stake.

If your ethical value is my husband is not entitled to be in the know

on such decision, then let that be for your family, but I believe there are plenty of

husband's (like me) that do want in on such decision, and marriage would be

stressed or become at risk if such decision is taken solely without some prior mutual understanding.

So don't to be to condescending in thinking that the current law or your moral value

in this regard is applicable to and agreed by all.

+++ +++ +++ +++

OP,

I want to sincerely apologize for message thread (unintentionally) turning out this way

especially when you are going through a very tough time right now.

I won't blame anyone. I will take the full blame and bow to you with my sincere respect,

and you can go look at my past 400+ posts and see my character.

Whatever the decision you make, I just wish the best for your family.

God bless...

Edited August 2, 2014 by DualityOneness

[Kaori 1]

Ok, at least that's better. Sorry for misunderstanding.

I will share a similar personal experience...in opposite way.

When my ex-wife was pregnant, we were in early to mid 20's.

She was really happy and wanted to have it.

But I wasn't ready. My career was just starting to blossom

and I worked 1 full time and 1 part time job on the weekend.

I wanted to tighten our belt and save up as much as I can for 1 or 2 years

to buy a home and upgrade the old car that was on its last breath

before we have a baby.

I really wanted the baby to come to the world in a nice clean home

and when financial situation is much strong to best care for her.

We talked it over many many times, and shed a lot tears together.

Then finally on the day when we went to the abortion clinic,

there was a big anti-abortion demonstration with TV crews everywhere.

As we were looking for places to park, people came over and handed

us pictures of aborted babies. We were frozen solid. We parked the car,

and stayed silent for few minutes that seemed like eternity.

Then at the same instant, we looked at each other with tearful eyes,

and no words were needed...we knew then we are keeping this baby.

That child has been the biggest gift and happiness in our lives.

She graduated with near perfect grades in college, and will be the

first medical doctor in our family...in the near future.

Only if we can look into the future...

You and husband have to make this decision...

but I thought I share this story so that you can think not just now

but into the future.

I know its a tough time now... God bless you sweetheart!!.

Thank you for your beautiful story. I appreciate it and I'm happy that your daughter is doing so well .

[Kaori 1]

Thank you everyone for all you advice and thoughts.

I don't know how, but I would like the moderator to close this topic.

Again, thank you Everyone. No hard feelings. I wish you all the best

[TBoneTX 46,195]

Thread closed at OP's request.