Can't Curb My Feelings for a Girl

[dingding 0]

Who would have thought I would be on here droning on about a new girl already?

I guess Im just looking for some advice, or just a vent Im not sure. I haven't posted this to my myspace blog as some of my friends would just give me a ribbing about it, or it may get back to her. So any agony aunts out there...This could be long.

Basically I am getting very strong feelings...(not quite sure how to classify them just yet, cos its been a while) for a girl, but Im pretty sure its not going to go anywhere beyond friends, which is fair enough you know, but It is starting to get me down a little. Ok the feelings....I think about her all the time, ive dreamt about her, i get a sickly feeling in my stomach - which could just be the frustration, my heart speeds up when I see her and I have the strongest urge to hold her and kiss her. I want to talk to her all the time. I want to know everything about her. I want to hang out with her so much.

She works at the pub all my friends and I go to each thursday for beers and darts.

We actually almost got it together about two/three months ago. We were out in a pub in the city for a friends birthday. I'd always thought she was cute, but we had never really spoken before. One of my friends who also works at our local pub came up towards the end of the night and said "She really likes you...go talk to her, she is shy and afraid of being rejected". So I did, we had a chat and a few beers. We went back to the birthday boys house and we sat up til about 4:00am talking. Held hands in the taxi (aw shucks...) and kissed. I dropped her home in a cab and we kissed again. It was a really nice night and I looked forward to seeing her again. We exchanged a few texts, basically trying to figure out when we could see each other again. She told me that she would be off in a couple of weeks and would come play darts and have a drink with us, but that I better come to the pub this week. So I go along, and for the entire night she doesnt even make eye contact or really have anything to say to me, but then at the end of the night she kisses me on the way out. So the following week, she has the night off and comes to the pub. She is sat in there with her brother and again hardly says a word to me, you wouldn't think anything had ever happened between us. I start to pick up that she is really, really shy. However by the end of the night, after a few words with our mutual friend, she comes out her shell and we talk a little, she seems keen again. I walk her home, we kiss. Same again next week after her shift. However it then goes quiet, the not saying anything, the shyness comes back. We seem to have come to the end of the road. She unexpectedly has a night off again and turns up to hang out with us. But does not say a word to me for pretty much the whole night. Im talking to a girl who we know, just a friend. But im thinking about her all night and would rather be talking about her. All this time if I ever try to talk to her it is one word answers, no eye contact. The next day I get fed up and text her "disappointed we didnt get to talk tonight" to which she replies "To be fair you were talking to that Kelly" - "I say that she is just a friend, Im not interested in her Im interested in you, but If you are not interested anymore I will leave you alone if you want" - "I dont want you to leave me alone - I feel guilty not talking to you now" - I try to get us out on a few dates but she was always non commital and they didnt occur. I know she has a two year old so It could be difficult, and im sure he is her priority. It goes straight back to how it was. Pretty much ignoring me the whole time. On one particular night I try and be forward - she says lets just be mates. I say im disappointed but fair enough. I try and respect that and back off a bit, trying to keep it to hellos and goodbyes etc...but its hard.

By now I fancy her like mad, and rather than just thinking "move on" like I would most girls I can't. I want her more. I kinda know that she likes me and I worry that she is taking the easy way out, she really is one of the shyest people I have ever met. So anyway, i carry on with the just being polite and friendly, but its still frustrating cos friends are supposed to talk right, and I still want to get to know her as a friend. Whilst this has been going on she adds me to her MSN messenger, we talk a little every now and then online. She turned up at the bar on Xmas eve and she is looking stunning. Blows me away, I cant keep my eyes off her. I casually tell her when I walk past her, a simple "you look really nice", at the end of the night I give her a xmas hug and an xmas cheek kiss. She comes out on Boxing night (day after xmas in UK) - and doesnt really say a word again. We carry on talking a little more on MSN. I stopped after a while thinking, hang on i may be bugging her, but she would then message me. I think it is still going nowhere though. She comes out for my birthday drink in the city. Again she looks stunning. I sit with her and her/our friend talking to her all night. We get on, its a nice night. We actually talk a little more openly about things, and get a bit flirty again. Next night on MSN she says she had a really nice night. The next couple of thursday nights she is a bit more chatty.

Last night I was in the bar with our mutual friends and some of the staff, she is there. We play darts, we have a laugh, I flirt a little but am not really hitting on her. I complain to her that her great ####### is distracting me from my game. She seems to like it, I even get to pat it a couple of times...she is quite playful about it. she actually seems to have come out of her shell alot with me in the past few weeks. I have a week off work and I even go as far as asking her if she wants to do something as mates...or whatever, this week, she seems keen, though some things with her son may jeaopardize it. We get stopovers at the bar, we are there til 5:00am. There are just a half a dozen of us in there. She is at another table with a friend, I try not to talk to her too much, give ehr some space etc. She says she has to go in a bit, I ask her if I can leave with her, she says yes. Then one of the staff, being very drunk starts messing around , she does something to Rachel that upsets her and rightly so. She storms out angry and upset. Instinct kicks in and I chase after her. She shouts at me "You know what David just leave me alone". I say Ok and leave. She texts me shortly after and says "sorry didnt mean to shout at you earlier". I really like that text. I call her, she answers, i say I just wanted to check she is ok and apologise for the others. She says she is fine. Im suprised she answered. I go to bed fairly happy, albeit at 6:00am! I sent her a text this afternoon to see how she was, and say something along the lines of "sorry i chased after you like that, I just care, was instinct." I have had no reply. I dont think we will do anything this week.

Now today i am feeling really down. I just want to be around her, I want her really bad. I really want to talk to her but I dont want to call her or text her again as she didnt answer. I basically dont want to make her uncomfortable, I dont want to ruin us being friends. I want us to be friends but at the same time I want more. Im trying to back off etc, but its hard. I have these crazy feelings that I dont recognise, Im frustrated, and it is starting to get me down. I feel genuinely sad today. Im getting mad at myself for letting myself feel like this over a girl again, particularly as Im pretty certain its not gonna go anywhere. I can't get her out of my head and its driving me nuts. My mates tell me to just look for someone else, but right now Im just not interestedin dating someone for the sake of it. I dont know what to do. I dont think there is anything I can do. Ive been at the punch bag for three hours just trying to exercise out some of the frustration. If she comes online again tonight...do I say anything. Do I just forget it? What are these feelings, why am I feeling them about her! So frigging frustrated and sad, and confused etc right now. Rant over...any comments.

[Augustajim 0]

Wow, you lived a month or two in a page or two. You have very strong feelings for a person that seems to be mixed up. I went through this and finally decided I had to move on. Moving on was really hard and we continued to see each other for a great amount of time. We both had feelings but she was unable to commit where I was. She was a loner and I needed somebody that wanted to be there for me in the same way that I was for her. Sometimes our needs outweigh what is available. When that balance is out of whack there can't be a relationship.

That Said.

You have to follow your heart. I think there is a quote somewhere to the effect...... "If you love something, set it free, if it was yours, it will return"

Jim

I'm sure that din't help at all, nothing ever does when you can't make two ends meet

[dingding 0]

Thanks for that. I know I just have to try to forget it and move on. But I just wish I knew how to get her out of my head. Im confused about the feelings too, is it just a huge crush, is it frustration, or is it something stronger. Im mad at myself cos I really dont want or need to be feeling like this right now.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Thanks for that. I know I just have to try to forget it and move on. But I just wish I knew how to get her out of my head. Im confused about the feelings too, is it just a huge crush, is it frustration, or is it something stronger. Im mad at myself cos I really dont want or need to be feeling like this right now.

Coming from someone that has perhaps experienced more, it might seem a little trite, but complicated beginnings can lead to complicated relationships. And it seems to me, you deserve to have one that flows with ease and without anxiety. Why not sit out and see if something much more natural and timely comes your way? In the meantime, you'll be leaving a door open for this gal to show if she's worth your while.

Edited January 20, 2007 by diadromous mermaid

[Ban Hammer 13,345]

Thanks for that. I know I just have to try to forget it and move on. But I just wish I knew how to get her out of my head. Im confused about the feelings too, is it just a huge crush, is it frustration, or is it something stronger. Im mad at myself cos I really dont want or need to be feeling like this right now.

Coming from someone that has perhaps experienced more, it might seem a little trite, but complicated beginnings can lead to complicated relationships. And it seems to me, you deserve to have one that flows with ease and without anxiety. Why not sit out and see if something much more natural and timely comes your way? In the meantime, you'll be leaving a door open for this gal to show if she's worth your while.