Ian is really having a tough time over here

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

Who wants to start out their wonderful new life together with someone moaning and very unhappy - easier to let him go back for a few months and come back when he is able to work. If my husband was cranky all the time (and probably unreasonable to boot) and wanted to go on an extended trip - I'd welcome the idea.

[knowledge 0]

Let him go. If thats what he wants to do, let him do it. He is grown. If he is becoming a jacka## over something like this, what if you get sick or had a serious problem, is this how he would behave? Run back to the UK? Come on!

This is a no brainer! He is trying to get control of your mind slowly by slowly..he has symptoms of a verbal abuser, if you ask me....oh, he is from the UK, I rememeber.

I agree totally...unlike most posts..i was p*ss*d, and restrain myself to post, i couldn't believe he accepted her to be away from the kids so long..he is an adult, not the kids....i don,t know how old they are...Also, i wonder if he is not jealous because she got a good job...I will certainly put a limit, a very narrow and straight one...

[Fandango 1,439]

Laura, I mean this in the nicest way...but tell him to get over it.

You two are a team, a partnership....if his inclination is to cut & run, well that's bollocks. You left your life with your children for him, yet he can't sit still till the red tape gets done? Sit him in front of the computer...let him twiddle around on ebay or summat. What about helping you? Can he not pick up some slack since you're working so hard? It's not summer camp where you need to think of things for him to do while you're workin your azz off to provide for the fam.

And...go back to England? Where's he livin? What job's he goin back to? #######?

I'm sorry, maybe I'm in a bad mood, but I simply cannot understand how he could have expected any different this early on. I do hope you guys get it sorted!

[simple_male 1]

Laura,

Sorry to hear that. He needs to be patient. Time will take care of everything. Sit down with him and explain all. You may want to mention VJ members' comments to him in this regard.

[cessna_inspiron 0]

The fact that he is here with you and the kids should make him happy in a whole. The fact that hes being like this over not working for a lil while is not something he should be doing. My husband isnt working right now, hes staying home with the baby and my daughter shonna. Hes a workaholoc as well, and its killing him not to work, but hes fine, he doesnt threaten to go back to romania or whine over not working at all. he knows we cant afford the daycare and i would make more money than him so staying at home is the only option we have at this time.

I would talk to ian, explain to him there are more things at this time to be happy about then working. Also you need to remind him you stayed with him for 18 months WITHOUT your kids (yes most painful thing in the world) and that you didnt die,and he wont die from not working. Something like this isnt worth the arguments and the "wanting to go back to UK".

Maybe theres something else going on in his head that hes not talking about.

I wish you luck and hope everything turns out good. And i hope his EAD comes fast.

What does he need an EAD for? Why can't he start finding a job without the EAD? He can follow the footsteps of people like me who came into this country 6 months ago on tourist visa with 5 dollars in his pocket and later found a job that pays 3.50 dollars per hour for 10 hours from 8 AM to 6 PM 6 days a week, can't he?

[Mary Lou 681]

The fact that he is here with you and the kids should make him happy in a whole. The fact that hes being like this over not working for a lil while is not something he should be doing. My husband isnt working right now, hes staying home with the baby and my daughter shonna. Hes a workaholoc as well, and its killing him not to work, but hes fine, he doesnt threaten to go back to romania or whine over not working at all. he knows we cant afford the daycare and i would make more money than him so staying at home is the only option we have at this time.

I would talk to ian, explain to him there are more things at this time to be happy about then working. Also you need to remind him you stayed with him for 18 months WITHOUT your kids (yes most painful thing in the world) and that you didnt die,and he wont die from not working. Something like this isnt worth the arguments and the "wanting to go back to UK".

Maybe theres something else going on in his head that hes not talking about.

I wish you luck and hope everything turns out good. And i hope his EAD comes fast.

What does he need an EAD for? Why can't he start finding a job without the EAD? He can follow the footsteps of people like me who came into this country 6 months ago on tourist visa with 5 dollars in his pocket and later found a job that pays 3.50 dollars per hour for 10 hours from 8 AM to 6 PM 6 days a week, can't he?

He needs an EAD to work LEGALLY in the USA, so no he cant start to find a job without his EAD

[SoL. 0]

My fiancé and I have discussed this a few times, I have explained to him that he won't be able to work/leave the US for a few months before he gets his EAD/GC. He's ready for the challenge and we have made sure that he'll have plenty to do on that time off. He knows our city transportation system and he always finds something to get himself occupied. We tested this when he came and stayed for 3 months a year ago.

He said something that I actually found funny: "Well, let's enjoy this time off/vacation before I start working nonstop." On the NL he has around 26+ paid vacation days and here he'll have to deal maybe with 10.

I can imagine it's hard to think that you are not contributing to the household but, since this won't change before he gets his EAD, maybe he can go around to get to know the city, at least language won't be a problem for him! Or, helping you with the household since you work all day? Grocery shopping, stuff like that... Enjoy the time off?

I wish you the best of luck, it must be sad what you are going thru.

[matako 0]

Sol-de-verano,

Why dont you ask your guy to 'counsel' the other guy who is totally being a jerk?

Attitude can really stress and break marriages and the new fella is not helping the OP. I do not support the culture of people issuing threats in relationships. If you say you want to do something, do it! Dont threaten to do something just for the sake of it.Otherwise, the polite request should always be: 'please shut the f up'.

My fiancé and I have discussed this a few times, I have explained to him that he won't be able to work/leave the US for a few months before he gets his EAD/GC. He's ready for the challenge and we have made sure that he'll have plenty to do on that time off. He knows our city transportation system and he always finds something to get himself occupied. We tested this when he came and stayed for 3 months a year ago.

He said something that I actually found funny: "Well, let's enjoy this time off/vacation before I start working nonstop." On the NL he has around 26+ paid vacation days and here he'll have to deal maybe with 10.

I can imagine it's hard to think that you are not contributing to the household but, since this won't change before he gets his EAD, maybe he can go around to get to know the city, at least language won't be a problem for him! Or, helping you with the household since you work all day? Grocery shopping, stuff like that... Enjoy the time off?

I wish you the best of luck, it must be sad what you are going thru.

[payxibka 10,045]

He needs an EAD to work LEGALLY in the USA, so no he cant start to find a job without his EAD

While it might be prudent to have EAD before you start looking for a job (in the event you find one and they offer you the opportunity), there really is no restriction on looking for a job.

[Mary Lou 681]

He needs an EAD to work LEGALLY in the USA, so no he cant start to find a job without his EAD

While it might be prudent to have EAD before you start looking for a job (in the event you find one and they offer you the opportunity), there really is no restriction on looking for a job.

True that, my hubby looked as well before he had his EAD and it frustrated him more cause he couldnt apply to them then.

[isleta521 5]

Havnt had time to read whole thread (unfortunately at work now) but what about taking a class or two at your local community college if someone hasnt mentioned yet?

[Autumnchik 6]

Havnt had time to read whole thread (unfortunately at work now) but what about taking a class or two at your local community college if someone hasnt mentioned yet?

That's a great idea. The winter semester is just beginning at a lot of places. Another idea would be to volunteer his services at a company that he would later like to get a job with. I had a friend whose husband is British. When he first moved here, he volunteered his services at a business and now works for that company.

[Fandango 1,439]

You really think CC will make him feel better when he's given up his job, basically is at odds with his new identity, then as a 30-something man find himself in night school with 18 year olds?

[kitkat1 5]

You really think CC will make him feel better when he's given up his job, basically is at odds with his new identity, then as a 30-something man find himself in night school with 18 year olds?

Why would it necessarily be night school with 18 years olds? (And he actually cared about that, he's got much bigger problems which maybe he does). I would give anything to have the time to take classes in something I'm interested in but never studied - art history, religion, cooking, etc. I can't imagine someone having tons of free time and simply not finding a way to spend it - there's a whole word out there.

[ceriserose 1]

Ian is very upset because here in NY, you can't even get a state ID card without a social security number which you can't get until you have your EAD card.

I'm no authority but even if the cost of going to Community College isn't prohibitive on a single-income family when one doesn't have work authorization, but based on this statement, could he even enroll? It sounds like he can't get his SSN yet.

I know when I was looking into it, the costs for a non-resident were triple those of a resident (and those are bad enough!).