Ian is really having a tough time over here

[Laura_and_IanM 0]

Hello everyone. I know it has been a while since I have been on and I do apologise. I have been working as a manager at Wendy's and Ian is ...well...still waiting to hear back about his EAD. I really don't know what to do for him at this point as he is really unhappy folks. He doesn't like New York state as a whole and has finally learned that yes, it is expensive to live here in NY, and now wants me to move out of state. I am all for it apart from one fact. My children are here. He is really getting bored at not being able to work yet and I have suddenly discovered how little patience he has. I remind him of how hard it was for me to wait patiently when I was over in the UK with him for 18 months and had to wait 7 months for his K-3 to go through so I could see my children again. We have filed his AOS and started all that in December. I know most of you are going to laugh and say "are you kidding me? DECEMBER AND HES MOANING!!!", I ask that you keep in mind that Ian is a worker and always has been. He hates sitting around doing nothing. I have given him suggestions of things to do whilst I am at work, but even that gets to be old. He is now contemplating going back to the UK to wait out his work card then will come back. I don't agree with that choice, but all I want is for him to be happy and if that is what will help, then I guess I have nothing else to say but to let him go. I personally feel that it would be a waste of money because the EAD card comes sooner than he realises. We did get an RFE for the I-485 in regards to the finances, but at the time of filing, I wasn't working. I know have a job that pays more than the required amount and I have sent in the response for that about two weeks ago give or take a few days. Can anyone tell me, approximately how long does it take for the EAD??? Ian is very upset because here in NY, you can't even get a state ID card without a social security number which you can't get until you have your EAD card.

Can anyone out there please give me some advice??? I love this man with all my heart and it is tearing me apart to see him so unhappy. The arguments have not been pretty to say the least.

Thanks in advance

LJ

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Hmmm.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Hi Laura,

How about volunteer work at a local hospital or old folks home?

I belong to a volunteer network here in my area where you can let them know what kinds of work you can do and they have online event calendars for upcoming events.

Just an idea if he is feeling antsy and likes the work part of working. Even though he won't get paid, volunteer work is rewarding.

Encourage him to give it a try. Even my teenage son was taken back when he worked at a Ronald McDonald's House.

[Sinergy 3]

The fact that he is here with you and the kids should make him happy in a whole. The fact that hes being like this over not working for a lil while is not something he should be doing. My husband isnt working right now, hes staying home with the baby and my daughter shonna. Hes a workaholoc as well, and its killing him not to work, but hes fine, he doesnt threaten to go back to romania or whine over not working at all. he knows we cant afford the daycare and i would make more money than him so staying at home is the only option we have at this time.

I would talk to ian, explain to him there are more things at this time to be happy about then working. Also you need to remind him you stayed with him for 18 months WITHOUT your kids (yes most painful thing in the world) and that you didnt die,and he wont die from not working. Something like this isnt worth the arguments and the "wanting to go back to UK".

Maybe theres something else going on in his head that hes not talking about.

I wish you luck and hope everything turns out good. And i hope his EAD comes fast.

[sophyie 0]

Volunteer work is what I'd suggest to, or- depending on how you live- maybe there's a part of the house that needs remodelling? Or a room that needs a coat of paint?

[Michaela_Hassan 1]

Hello everyone. I know it has been a while since I have been on and I do apologise. I have been working as a manager at Wendy's and Ian is ...well...still waiting to hear back about his EAD. I really don't know what to do for him at this point as he is really unhappy folks. He doesn't like New York state as a whole and has finally learned that yes, it is expensive to live here in NY, and now wants me to move out of state. I am all for it apart from one fact. My children are here. He is really getting bored at not being able to work yet and I have suddenly discovered how little patience he has. I remind him of how hard it was for me to wait patiently when I was over in the UK with him for 18 months and had to wait 7 months for his K-3 to go through so I could see my children again. We have filed his AOS and started all that in December. I know most of you are going to laugh and say "are you kidding me? DECEMBER AND HES MOANING!!!", I ask that you keep in mind that Ian is a worker and always has been. He hates sitting around doing nothing. I have given him suggestions of things to do whilst I am at work, but even that gets to be old. He is now contemplating going back to the UK to wait out his work card then will come back. I don't agree with that choice, but all I want is for him to be happy and if that is what will help, then I guess I have nothing else to say but to let him go. I personally feel that it would be a waste of money because the EAD card comes sooner than he realises. We did get an RFE for the I-485 in regards to the finances, but at the time of filing, I wasn't working. I know have a job that pays more than the required amount and I have sent in the response for that about two weeks ago give or take a few days. Can anyone tell me, approximately how long does it take for the EAD??? Ian is very upset because here in NY, you can't even get a state ID card without a social security number which you can't get until you have your EAD card.

Can anyone out there please give me some advice??? I love this man with all my heart and it is tearing me apart to see him so unhappy. The arguments have not been pretty to say the least.

Thanks in advance

LJ

Wow this is a difficult time for you. I'm curious, what was Ians POE? They gave Hassan a temporary work stamp at JFK and he is receiving a Social Security Number. We just filed for th AOS and EAD in the beginning of January. I've been keeping Hassan busy, busy, busy. He goes to the gym, to school for ESL classes (I guess you dont need those), and I take him to work with me.

I immigrated to the US like 21 years ago and I remember that I so resented to the feeling of being totally dependent on my husband. And even though this wasn't his fault, I let it out on him many times. Sitting at the house while he went to work just got me, the social life in Europe was alot different, the way people socialize, everything...depression can set in pretty fast. So I do understand him in some way. However, he must remember that you just went through the same thing for him, and that your children are important. I watched the timelines and the EAD seems to take between 2 or 3 months. I hope he can hang in there.

Michaela

[Ban Hammer 13,352]

Hi Laura,

How about volunteer work at a local hospital or old folks home?

I belong to a volunteer network here in my area where you can let them know what kinds of work you can do and they have online event calendars for upcoming events.

Just an idea if he is feeling antsy and likes the work part of working. Even though he won't get paid, volunteer work is rewarding.

Encourage him to give it a try. Even my teenage son was taken back when he worked at a Ronald McDonald's House.

agreed. i pointed out in another thread, with similar circumstances, that there are probably some elderly people around who would appreciate someone able to do handyman work, cleaning the snow off the sidewalk, and so on.

[kitkat1 5]

Volunteer work is what I'd suggest to, or- depending on how you live- maybe there's a part of the house that needs remodelling? Or a room that needs a coat of paint?

I agree. I have a list of remodeling projects waiting for my fiance when he arrives and is stuck in that waiting mode. . . . plus he'll do a lot of grocery shopping/cooking/cleaning/laundry -- and he's know that now, up front. (It's all for his own good - so he doesn't lose his mind!)

[rebeccajo 14]

An EAD is going to take at least 90 days to arrive, and that's without an RFE.

Edited January 20, 2007 by rebeccajo

[Mags 112]

IMO the route of it all is a deep routed sexism. Traditionally the man works and provides for his family. By you working and being the main breadwinner he is not able to do this. He is stuck at home, living off of your wage. Some men can deal with this, others can't. It is probably making him feel worthless and useless as he cannot contribute to the family in his eyes.

IMO he will continue to act like this until you talk to him about this "role reversal". Not an easy situation to be in but I wish you the best though and really hope you are able to get it sorted out.

[bostonparis 0]

I think it's all about setting proper expectations. We've been talking about this since we started this process, and he knows that it's going to be tough, and he knows that it's going to make him crazy being home. He's going to fly through JFK to (hopefully) get an EAD stamp, but we're not counting on it.

There's a hospital right across the street from where I live that he could volunteer at, plus he needs to get to know the city, ride the trains, understand where he is and where he's going - he's got a list of things that he wants to do.

Maybe Ian could check online to see what organizations are looking for volunteers while he waits for his EAD - and then, when he gets it, maybe the people that he interviews with will look upon him more favorably because he was doing something while waiting to work!

[The Molinas 0]

I hope my EAD comes soon too....

My husband has a 9 to 9 job which means im home by myself all day. Since i dont have a driver license and i dont have no clue how to take the buses around here to go wherever i wanna go im basically stuck at the house all day. I cant wait to get my driver license and my EAD so I have something to do instead of sitting at home all day doing nuttin....

Im not a fan of the New Jersey/ New York area neither (We live 15 min. from Manhattan)... Cant wait to move down south...

[bostonparis 0]

I hope my EAD comes soon too....

My husband has a 9 to 9 job which means im home by myself all day. Since i dont have a driver license and i dont have no clue how to take the buses around here to go wherever i wanna go im basically stuck at the house all day. I cant wait to get my driver license and my EAD so I have something to do instead of sitting at home all day doing nuttin....

Im not a fan of the New Jersey/ New York area neither (We live 15 min. from Manhattan)... Cant wait to move down south...

You're 15 minutes away from Manhattan? Can't you learn to take the bus? I took the bus when I was 12 - surely you can learn!

[The Molinas 0]

If somebody culd explain to me how the bus lines work.... my husband, his friends and his whole fam. aint got no clue since they never take the bus....

Edited January 20, 2007 by The Molinas

[Caladan 19]

He can't get a social security card without an EAD?

I'm worried about this for when C. moves down here, too. But volunteering or working on projects might help with the boredom.