Backaches, Bimbos, and Breakups

[NikLR 13,227]

Look - finding a house is an evolution requiring:

time

timing

logistics and

calendar

if you two are not in accord on characteristics on house, then getting a house currently on the market will fail, each time,

as

you two will waste time bickering about the stuff, all should have been sussed out prior to starting the search.

If I were in his shoes, I'd be sitting down with you for 8 hours on a weekend, going over recently-checked-out picture books from the library on architecture styles, a map of the area you're interested in, instructions on how to look up online tax records, and in the end, have a great understanding of what type of house and in what area .

Later, when you find the next one, it's dead easy to go down the checklist in under 2 minutes, deciding to pull the trigger or no, even if 1100 miles apart from each other.

The current sales cycle (from now till 5 September) will be fierce, as couples with children are seeking houses inside a particular school district and competition to purchase is bloody. Yes, BLOODY.

We know what we're looking for, we have a set plan of where, how much, what area, and what features are required, and then what we would like to have above that, and what is a deal breaker. I feel like the budget needs to be higher for what we want and where we want it. He doesn't. But then I think I have more experience with home shopping. My husband is NOT a planner. He doesn't plan anything. Everything is last minute unless he absolutely cannot be last minute about it. We were both in OKC and the house is here near Denver so neither of us could go look at it in person. I had the realtor look though, but I guess I trust his opinion more than hubs does, but I have looked at homes and we have bid on them without hubs looking. Really the house was ideal, but I was asking him to bid top of his budget, sight unseen. I should have asked his work buddy to look too as that guy has gone to homes with us and he trusts him. Is what it is and maybe something will come along later. Thankfully we don't have to move out ASAP and now have time to look properly. Hopefully he's a little more motivated. Hubs has trust issues and is private. He would be pissed if he knew I said anything about him on here. There are very few people in the world he trusts and even then, he will still debate if he thinks he's right. I call it arguing, he calls it debating. Probably because I get emotional, and he doesn't for the most part. He likes presentable facts, and sometimes I just go from gut feeling. It doesn't steer me wrong often, if ever, but I don't think 1 year of living together and only 2 years of marriage has been enough time for him to trust my gut feeling. I've had my whole life of learning. lol

The home had EVERYTHING we were looking for but was at the top of the budget he set.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

I just couldn't handle being married to a non-planner, I'd probably faint from the stress. My husband has other flaws, but I've learned to live with them. I'd say coming to about hitting the two year mark of living together and things do seem to go more smoothly than they did before.

My husband has also realized at some point that I am much better at planning and organizing than he is, so as long as I don't touch his tools, then I can do whatever I want, including plan his school schedule.

[Caryh 5,206]

Buying a home, site unseen, on a gut feeling of my spouse, wouldn't fly with me either. Unless I can personally view it, no way would I make an offer.

[NikLR 13,227]

Buying a home, site unseen, on a gut feeling of my spouse, wouldn't fly with me either. Unless I can personally view it, no way would I make an offer.

Which I get and why we didn't make an offer. I was willing to drive back early to go look but the house went under contract. Even if we had bid, the most we would have lost was the inspection fee if I hated it once I got there. I wasn't able to have that chance to even look and so I was upset about that. It's not his fault the house sold quickly. So yeah, he feels the same way you do. I get why he feels that way. I over reacted when I got upset (hi hormones and emotions, nice to meet you) but we worked through it. I just want him to get more onboard on looking for a home PERIOD. He doesn't look at the emails I've sent him about homes, so I don't send them anymore. He never looks up any homes himself and I do all the work. He is footing the bill so I figured it was fair. I'm more frustrated that I can't seem to find us a home than I am about anything else. I am hoping that if he put effort in as well maybe he could see why I am having a hard time as well (he could see prices and features of homes out of our price range or out of his desired neighbourhoods to have a more realistic view of our budget or needs or his location desires.)

Likely I'm pressuring myself too much and trying too hard to force the issue.

I don't mind that he doesn't plan a lot of things. I like learning to be flexible and to be more spontaneous. I guess it's not fair to say he never plans, he just never verbalizes them. Plus he's prone to anxiety and worry, so not planning things, helps him deal with worrying about things he can't control. Unlike most of us, he's fairly able to let go when he knows he can't control something, which is odd considering he is a leadership type personality. I guess he's learned to pick his battles well.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Likely I'm pressuring myself too much and trying too hard to force the issue.

I've noticed when people aren't researching or don't seem into something, then they really just aren't ready to do it or have any interest in it. My husband is this way about traveling - he has no interest in new countries/places and hence won't do a lick of research or read up anything about it.

Side note: My bedroom is finally being painted today, I wondered how long that was going to be put off too....

Edited August 13, 2014 by N-o-l-a

[NikLR 13,227]

I know 3 thing about myself

1) i'm over emotional and over react

2) I do not take criticism well, especially from friends and family

3) I over plan, over organize and over control just about everything except apparently myself

Niki needs to learn

1) self control

2) self confidence

3) the ability to be flexible and roll with it more

Got a list (LOL organization.... ) gonna work on it.

I've noticed when people aren't researching or don't seem into something, then they really just aren't ready to do it or have any interest in it. My husband is this way about traveling - he has no interest in new countries/places and hence won't do a lick of research or read up anything about it.

Side note: My bedroom is finally being painted today, I wondered how long that was going to be put off too....

YAY bedroom painted!

I'm gonna back off and let it flow more. need a hobby to keep my mind occupied. lol

[Caryh 5,206]

I've noticed when people aren't researching or don't seem into something, then they really just aren't ready to do it or have any interest in it. My husband is this way about traveling - he has no interest in new countries/places and hence won't do a lick of research or read up anything about it.

Side note: My bedroom is finally being painted today, I wondered how long that was going to be put off too....

Did you tell the husband nothing was going to happen in there until you had a freshly painted ceiling to look at?

[Caryh 5,206]

I know 3 thing about myself

1) i'm over emotional and over react

2) I do not take criticism well, especially from friends and family

3) I over plan, over organize and over control just about everything except apparently myself

Niki needs to learn

1) self control

2) self confidence

3) the ability to be flexible and roll with it more

Got a list (LOL organization.... ) gonna work on it.

YAY bedroom painted!

I'm gonna back off and let it flow more. need a hobby to keep my mind occupied. lol

Now you got it going. I think your husband is trusting you to do the work in finding a house. Could it be when he trusts you in something, you view it as he's not involved? I'd suggest you start making appointments to see homes you're interested in that fit the discussed options, even if slightly higher priced. Then inform him when you're going together to view the home.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Did you tell the husband nothing was going to happen in there until you had a freshly painted ceiling to look at?

Oh he did paint the ceiling, but I needed him to paint the walls too since I like to paint at night and he is sleeping by 8 to get up early for work.

And that is not the way our marriage works.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

I just read that blood types could affect whether couples could have normal kids or not..

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

I'm gonna back off and let it flow more. need a hobby to keep my mind occupied. lol

Cross-stitch http://steotch.com/portfolio/

I just read that blood types could affect whether couples could have normal kids or not..

That sounds super scientific....

[Caryh 5,206]

Oh he did paint the ceiling, but I needed him to paint the walls too since I like to paint at night and he is sleeping by 8 to get up early for work.

And that is not the way our marriage works.

So this means you like on top?

BTW it was just a joke, I'd hope all our marriages work better than my first joke

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

So this means you like on top?

BTW it was just a joke, I'd hope all our marriages work better than my first joke

Why yes, of course.

I know.

[SAT 9,609]

I had baked chicken for lunch. How bout you guys?

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Cross-stitch http://steotch.com/portfolio/

That sounds super scientific....

Oh, I like to cross-stitch during my school days, especially Precious Moments cross-stitch patterns.

I had baked chicken for lunch. How bout you guys?

Instant noodles