Things to remember to tell your SO when they arrive

[Bosco 1]

You know what else is human nature? Challenging that which hinders you. Some will try to divert the challenge. So here we are. Some challenging the barriers that create the dynamics that leave some out to be picked on, and those whom allow manipulations and piling on with their friends coming to their defense.

Sorry, it has been said out loud. People talk abot each other behind their backs and decide who is "worthy" of the clique and who is not. Nothing is being said here that has not been acknowledged already.

This latter part is simply not true. Just last night several of us chatted and expressed how we wished other members would join in. There were no names named on who it should or shouldn't be. We all want to get to know other people better, and really are quite open and respectful of our differences. If anything, I should feel like the outcast with my conservative husband in a group of women with more less traditional spouses, but I have never felt judged or disrespected for my choice.

[Together4ever 1]

The point I was initially trying to make is that this stuff goes on all the time, has since I've been here, did before I ever joined, and will continue until the sun burns out because people just do these things. Nothing, not all the reasoning, crying, complaining, hurting, yelling, or even ignoring will change it. I know. I tried them all. As far as dismissing the personal crud that goes on here, I don't feel carrying it around does me any good. As I said, nothing is going to change it. You either play or you don't. I don't wish one person on this board an ill will. The end.

(Goes back to hoping for original topic ...)

[doodlebug 3]

(Goes back to hoping for original topic ...)

I tried by responding to the bribe thing...

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I'm one on the "other side". You have to be totally dull not to see who gets attacked for the most minor things and who is supported for even the most rude behavior. This dynamic has an effect.

If you don't want newbies getting the wrong ideas or have more people feel like friends, speak out against attacking people, stop the protective dynamic that allows some to run wild here. Being an outsider, I don't think fondly of the conversation I had last night with X while they poke at Y, and I don't speak out because I want to stay friends with X.

This is like high school. No way it isn't.

Edited January 25, 2007 by Green-eyed girl

[Ban Hammer 13,346]

About PM's telling anyone not to talk to someone if they want to be maintain a friendship -- I have not sent out any nor have I received any. I have never threatened to not be someone's friend based on who they talk to, nor has anyone ever done that to me. I have never been told not to talk to you, nor I have I ever told someone not to. I don't know who is circulating this, but somehow I suspect this has been blown out of proportion. Sure, sometimes when I am getting into it with someone good, one of my friends will say "stop, it is pointless", but it is not an order, a threat to cease the friendship, just a friend telling a friend I am wasting my time, and it has always pertained to a specific discussion and not some ongoing plot. I don't now how it can be denial when I don't see this happened, and when I have asked others, they say they have never sent/received such.

no one said it was you doing this nor anything about you receiving such. but it is known that someone is doing this with the newer members, telling them who to talk to or not to talk to. my statement is this - would this in fact not be a gross violation of the TOS and isn't demanding one person not talk to another abnormal?

[melly 0]

Do we need to lock this topic since it seems to have ceased performing any actual function other than for people to ###### at each other?

[doodlebug 3]

Do we need to lock this topic since it seems to have ceased performing any actual function other than for people to ###### at each other?

you said ######!!!!!!!!

[sarah and hicham 3]

You know what else is human nature? Challenging that which hinders you. Some will try to divert the challenge. So here we are. Some challenging the barriers that create the dynamics that leave some out to be picked on, and those whom allow manipulations and piling on with their friends coming to their defense.

Sorry, it has been said out loud. People talk abot each other behind their backs and decide who is "worthy" of the clique and who is not. Nothing is being said here that has not been acknowledged already.

This latter part is simply not true. Just last night several of us chatted and expressed how we wished other members would join in. There were no names named on who it should or shouldn't be. We all want to get to know other people better, and really are quite open and respectful of our differences. If anything, I should feel like the outcast with my conservative husband in a group of women with more less traditional spouses, but I have never felt judged or disrespected for my choice.

That's very true Rebecca. Those of us who chat regularly are actually all very different and have different opinions on several subjects however we all get along very well. I don't see why we're not allowed to have close friends from VJ and chat outside of the forum. The last statement that was made above is absolutely not true and I don't see how anyone can even make such a statement. I have never witnessed anyone trying to decide who is "worthy" of a clique and who is not. I think pretty much everyone has friends who they send PM's to regularly or chat on yahoo with. I would be more than happy to chat regularly with more members from this forum.

I have never felt judged by those who I am close with either. I think talking outside of the forum is a great way to get to know eachother and understand where we are all coming from in our posts. I encourage everyone to talk personally if possible and I think we might all find that we have more in common than we might think.

Sarah

[melly 0]

Do we need to lock this topic since it seems to have ceased performing any actual function other than for people to ###### at each other?

you said ######!!!!!!!!

I did, can you belive it? I feel so naughty!!!

[brnidokiegurl 0]

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

sorry green thought this sounded pretty good about now not that these are enemies, but how many new ones have been run off lately, how many have asked why dont people get along, how many out of the whole forum wont even come near here.

Sisters dont go around counting someones days to see when they got pg and friends would never either. Those girls had a good place they could all talk enjoy their times base on one subject they had in common. No reason for anyone not pg to even be concerned except to maybe say congs. best wishes.

New ones dont have a chance on here, its always nice to have your best friends as a group but when you dont get to know the others your the ones loosings not them because they go on and find the others thats been pushed out and then they make their own new friends. Maybe if the group has been together so long they have forgotten whats its like, if you could float outside the boundries and watch, listen and see some of these goings on maybe you could see it from someone news view.

JUST MY THOUGHTS as someone fairly new

[mybackpages 0]

I think it is disgusting to throw Maggie's name around here as proof of pms ordering some not to talk to others from the cabal. No one has any idea what happened besides Maggie, Me and one other person, unless maggie as talked with it privately to her friends here or elsewhere.

Things are being assumed about what was said in the pm and why it was sent out. Maggie's post was sent and the matter was cleared up in her mind as to what was happening. Case should be closed yet people keep wanting to drag it out and represent what really happened.

Let's remember Maggie is now more than 2 months in AP hell...she has had many many issues to deal with while trying to calmly wait for the clearance. anyone thinks that this continued drama over NON existance issue is doing her any good? For God's sake people - stop and look around at what your own personal responsibility in all this is.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Lock this thread? The outing of the clique must be making some uncomfortable. I remember when Sarah bagan a thread just to have everyone b!tch about others. It got moved to OT, and there was an uproar.

Some of you may be friends, and, in and of itself, there is nothing wrong with that. It is the outright overt b!tchiness of some of your friends, the fact that the friends rarely go after each other, and the denial of the dynamic in public, that speaks volumes. The friends are selective about who they attack, and while some may bicker back and forth on occasion it rarely reaches the personal attack level that it does when the target is not part of their group.

This is what is obvious. It takes maturity to deal with it and not try to bury it.

[Jenn! 918]

Lock this thread? The outing of the clique must be making some uncomfortable.

The "outing of the clique"? That was done in this thread? You've been "outing the clique" every chance you get for the past several months!!!!

[Sofiyya 1,687]

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

sorry green thought this sounded pretty good about now not that these are enemies, but how many new ones have been run off lately, how many have asked why dont people get along, how many out of the whole forum wont even come near here.

Sisters dont go around counting someones days to see when they got pg and friends would never either. Those girls had a good place they could all talk enjoy their times base on one subject they had in common. No reason for anyone not pg to even be concerned except to maybe say congs. best wishes.

New ones dont have a chance on here, its always nice to have your best friends as a group but when you dont get to know the others your the ones loosings not them because they go on and find the others thats been pushed out and then they make their own new friends. Maybe if the group has been together so long they have forgotten whats its like, if you could float outside the boundries and watch, listen and see some of these goings on maybe you could see it from someone news view.

JUST MY THOUGHTS as someone fairly new

I think they have forgotten what it's like. No longer being in the boundaries, they can't see what they deny.

I think it is disgusting to throw Maggie's name around here as proof of pms ordering some not to talk to others from the cabal. No one has any idea what happened besides Maggie, Me and one other person, unless maggie as talked with it privately to her friends here or elsewhere.

Things are being assumed about what was said in the pm and why it was sent out. Maggie's post was sent and the matter was cleared up in her mind as to what was happening. Case should be closed yet people keep wanting to drag it out and represent what really happened.

Let's remember Maggie is now more than 2 months in AP hell...she has had many many issues to deal with while trying to calmly wait for the clearance. anyone thinks that this continued drama over NON existance issue is doing her any good? For God's sake people - stop and look around at what your own personal responsibility in all this is.

Disgusting? No secret. Maggie began a thread about her disgust with the PMs and the clique, or have you forgotten? It was only a short time ago. Folks tried to shut that one down too and poured on the denial.

Are you making a confession. Sophie? If so, we're listening.

The "outing of the clique"? That was done in this thread? You've been "outing the clique" every chance you get for the past several months!!!!

And it's an uncomfortable subject every time.

[peezey 0]

I'm one on the "other side". You have to be totally dull not to see who gets attacked for the most minor things and who is supported for even the most rude behavior. This dynamic has an effect.

If you don't want newbies getting the wrong ideas or have more people feel like friends, speak out against attacking people, stop the protective dynamic that allows some to run wild here. Being an outsider, I don't think fondly of the conversation I had last night with X while they poke at Y, and I don't speak out because I want to stay friends with X.

This is like high school. No way it isn't.

There are so many personalities on this board, I don't see how anyone can claim to be left out---of the good or the bad. I have had arguments in this forum with people I've known for years. I've been called horrendous things here, even in the last two days (and please don't wast time denying there wasn't behind the scenes egging on for that). I still don't see why this has anything to do with who is friends or not friends, and I certainly don't see why the labeling and name calling has to continue. Those who are being accused of cliques are not the people who came up with the divisive names and labels and pronouncements.

As far as PMs, I've said this before, but I've never sent one or received one to instruct someone to stop talking to another. Like Rebecca said, I have exchanged messages about "just drop it, it's not worth it"----mostly because it's not, because the integrity of the board is more important, but also it's clear there are threads that will only go further down the tubes and so ending it is probably the best idea. But these aren't directives.

I'm sure we all know by now that women on this board are not women who can be told what to do. We all have our own way of communicating, and I've seen zero evidence that anyone influences anyone else. Frankly, that's totally insulting to the women here. If I've learned anything, it's that the women here are strong and outspoken. Just because some have the same impression or ideas doesn't mean they've been influence or are victims of group think. I hardly think that you would say such an insulting thing about another group of people who happen to come together about things/ideas/situations they have in common.

So I'd like to ask this, sz. If you think all of this plotting and persuasion is going on, what do you think the solution is? I think all of us are open to hearing ideas, without name calling and labeling. Because if I've learned one thing here, it's that these women are generous with their time and hearts. There seems to be a neverending flow of information, pep talks, offline conversation, and just a deep understanding that connections are extremely important to making this process a little more bearable.