Dealing with negative people

[Jamie & Izzy 98]

I get that too all the time ... but you'll be with your partner soon then you won't have to deal with this. I am Half German half Moroccan so i got people from both countries giving me a hard time !

[Gosia & Tito 199]

Hi all.

I am the beneficiary moving to the US, Arizona, on a K1 Visa. I need and I seriously feel the need to vent here as I have dealt with too many NEGATIVE people.

Okay, lets start with my own friends here in Germany: As soon as they knew I am going through a K1 Visa process with my Fiance, they changed their behavior. 2 people broke up contact with me. Ive never heard of them again. They were, at the beginning, so "supportive and interested" in my relationship to a US Citizen. But behind our backs, they were insulting and attacking us. I am from Germany - Bavaria - traditional country.

They have called me a traitor, betrayer (betraying them for going to the US), they have called me stupid, dumb, etc. Behind our backs on of these persons started to spread BS about "America" and "Americans" as a whole. That America is such a bad horrible country. At fault for all the misery going on in the whole world. That americans are.... you name it!

Okay, my family?

My Mother and my Dad are making MONEY BETS that "our marriage is not going to work out", because they think that "I ll never make it in the US, life is too hard, homeless people everywhere, masshootings". Thats how they picture America. I have no one to support me over here.

My friends in Bavaria turned their backs on me! Hardly anyone is talking to me anymore! I am serious!! Maybe 2 - 3 people, the rest seems always to "know it all better", to tell me "that I must stay in Germany, because USA is so horrible, bad", they make it all look bad, they also make ME and my Fiance look bad. Ive had phone calls where I pick up the phone and the other guys are just insulting me for moving to the US. Well, basiscally saying: Are you ###### up or stupid, man?! ...

I dont know if its the german, especially Bavarian Mentality. But everyone is bitching about the USA, complaining, that me moving there is horrible, that I will suffer in the States, that life there is extremely nasty and bad, that I am not going to make it, etc. etc. etc!

I know a few americans also, of course, besides my Fiance and her family. And them? Well, lets put it that way: They are SO FULL of conspiracy theories that its HARD to talk to them about America and LIFE in America without stuff like "the cops are ###### everyone up!!!" "its all the governments fault!!!" "yes they are turning it all against us".

They make ME also feel as if moving to the States is like spending time in Prison together with my Fiance ! Ive heard stuff, nasty stuff, my god people, yall would be either angry or embarrassed, too.

Short: My "Social Environment" is not supporting me mentally or emotionally. At all. Not a tiny little bit. The amount of negativity that people throw at me is overwhelming. Even the americans in my life seem to ###### ###### ######, driven my FEAR and more FEAR, sorry guys, but the conspiarcy theory bullshit that Ive heard from them over the time is unbelieveable...

WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING WRONG, People ?!?!

What am I supposed to do?

I feel like not talking to anyone anymore. I am so fed up, seriously. Did you go throug similiar things?

Ignore everyone.

There is a level of truth in whaty they say, and it is augmented by rumors, fears, etc.

On a side note, I'd say that I had a girlfriend in your neck of the woods some years back, and she had similar treatment, and at the time we just together -very far from a K-1 or me moving to Germany-

My current wife -She is from Poland- went thru similar things (friends and parents); 3 years later (after marriage); we can't be happier. At the end, all that matter is what you and your future spouse believe and do; everyone's else opinion in the matter weighs close to zilch, zero.

That is not to say that you will not have challenges, moving to another country is hard, and having a new family adds to it; but from there to imagine all sorts of doomsday scenarios is just plain idiotic.

As for the conspiracy theory folks: the US has changed a lot in the past few years; and that is normal. Europe has changed too; there will always be people who need to blame someone else for some real or imaginary loss of something.

Next time someone brings this up: the US is one of the few if any countries in the world where you can show up with only the clothes you have on and build a succesful life -'self made man' is called.

Focus on 2 things:

Soon you 'll be out of there, so you will not see them anymore and who cares what they think/say

Soon you wil start your new life, and that is where your attention needs to be

Hi all.

I am the beneficiary moving to the US, Arizona, on a K1 Visa. I need and I seriously feel the need to vent here as I have dealt with too many NEGATIVE people.

Okay, lets start with my own friends here in Germany: As soon as they knew I am going through a K1 Visa process with my Fiance, they changed their behavior. 2 people broke up contact with me. Ive never heard of them again. They were, at the beginning, so "supportive and interested" in my relationship to a US Citizen. But behind our backs, they were insulting and attacking us. I am from Germany - Bavaria - traditional country.

They have called me a traitor, betrayer (betraying them for going to the US), they have called me stupid, dumb, etc. Behind our backs on of these persons started to spread BS about "America" and "Americans" as a whole. That America is such a bad horrible country. At fault for all the misery going on in the whole world. That americans are.... you name it!

Okay, my family?

My Mother and my Dad are making MONEY BETS that "our marriage is not going to work out", because they think that "I ll never make it in the US, life is too hard, homeless people everywhere, masshootings". Thats how they picture America. I have no one to support me over here.

My friends in Bavaria turned their backs on me! Hardly anyone is talking to me anymore! I am serious!! Maybe 2 - 3 people, the rest seems always to "know it all better", to tell me "that I must stay in Germany, because USA is so horrible, bad", they make it all look bad, they also make ME and my Fiance look bad. Ive had phone calls where I pick up the phone and the other guys are just insulting me for moving to the US. Well, basiscally saying: Are you ###### up or stupid, man?! ...

I dont know if its the german, especially Bavarian Mentality. But everyone is bitching about the USA, complaining, that me moving there is horrible, that I will suffer in the States, that life there is extremely nasty and bad, that I am not going to make it, etc. etc. etc!

I know a few americans also, of course, besides my Fiance and her family. And them? Well, lets put it that way: They are SO FULL of conspiracy theories that its HARD to talk to them about America and LIFE in America without stuff like "the cops are ###### everyone up!!!" "its all the governments fault!!!" "yes they are turning it all against us".

They make ME also feel as if moving to the States is like spending time in Prison together with my Fiance ! Ive heard stuff, nasty stuff, my god people, yall would be either angry or embarrassed, too.

Short: My "Social Environment" is not supporting me mentally or emotionally. At all. Not a tiny little bit. The amount of negativity that people throw at me is overwhelming. Even the americans in my life seem to ###### ###### ######, driven my FEAR and more FEAR, sorry guys, but the conspiarcy theory bullshit that Ive heard from them over the time is unbelieveable...

WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING WRONG, People ?!?!

What am I supposed to do?

I feel like not talking to anyone anymore. I am so fed up, seriously. Did you go throug similiar things?

Ignore everyone.

There is a level of truth in whaty they say, and it is augmented by rumors, fears, etc.

On a side note, I'd say that I had a girlfriend in your neck of the woods some years back, and she had similar treatment, and at the time we just together -very far from a K-1 or me moving to Germany-

My current wife -She is from Poland- went thru similar things (friends and parents); 3 years later (after marriage); we can't be happier. At the end, all that matter is what you and your future spouse believe and do; everyone's else opinion in the matter weighs close to zilch, zero.

That is not to say that you will not have challenges, moving to another country is hard, and having a new family adds to it; but from there to imagine all sorts of doomsday scenarios is just plain idiotic.

As for the conspiracy theory folks: the US has changed a lot in the past few years; and that is normal. Europe has changed too; there will always be people who need to blame someone else for some real or imaginary loss of something.

Next time someone brings this up: the US is one of the few if any countries in the world where you can show up with only the clothes you have on and build a succesful life -'self made man' is called.

Focus on 2 things:

Soon you 'll be out of there, so you will not see them anymore and who cares what they think/say

Soon you wil start your new life, and that is where your attention needs to be

[WickedGriffin 1]

Thank you every one so so much for your responses!!!

You are all welcome to share you experiences with me and tell me about your viewpoints and how you experienced it.

Well, I am pretty much without my german friends today. Bavarians are like a big huge family. Everyone sticks to each other and their culture and region. If you break out, you are considered a traitor. Not joking.

Had a talk to my mother today:

Me: So would you come over to the US and visit us?

"No I dont want to meet her and I dont want to get to know her"

"Why is that?"

"she is american and I am bavarian and there is nothing we can talk about"

"Why?"

"Why should I? This is your misery, not mine!"

"So no one of you is coming to our marriage in the US"

"No we wont!"

"And do you wanna visit us someday?"

"No! Its none of our business, we are not interested!

"Lets see how long you are going to make it in the US, I am 100% sure youre gonna crawl back to germany after a few months!" "Thats what we all are thinking!"

----

They dont like her because of her italian heritage and US Citizenship.

On a side note:

I have relatives in the USA. US Citizens. My bavarian family broke up contact with them as soon as they were living in the US. My dads sister married a US citizen and moved to America. Never heard of her again.

If you wanna talk to me feel free to send me a private message! I would love to exchange and share thoughts!

Thank you all!!

Its late over here in Germany, will talk to you soon

[KodiakBehr 2]

Emigrating from Canada to the US is the highest of all crimes according to Canadian social conventions.

It may be a little tougher to get by in the US, but that's what makes this an adventure.

[ChicagoSarah 127]

Sorry to hear even your mom is so unsupportive!

I can only encourage you to continue to do what makes you happy. Some of my family was less than thrilled that I married a foreigner (even if just from England)...and an older man at that. There were some unpleasant conversations, but we knew we were right for each other. He moved over last October, and it's been great. We're happier than ever and have no regrets. We did everything that we knew was right for us, despite what everyone else thought they knew better. Those people that were negative are slowly coming around. And those that aren't coming around aren't my concern anymore.

Make yourself happy. Re-establish contact with your relatives in the US. Those people that were really your friends back in Germany will see how happy you are and come back around. And if they don't, they weren't the greatest friends to begin with.

[Karam and Jamie 44]

I nearly lost all "friends" here in bavaria due to the visa process and leaving germany. they are a) full of conspiracy theories or b) they really tend to "know it all better", telling me, that i am stupid, an idiot, ending up homeless cause life there is so miserable.

and the number of americans I know, I dont know: "So how is life in the States?" "how do I apply for a job?" - the usual answer ? some conspiracy theory about the government. I dont need a stupid Jesse Ventura Conspiracy Theory Handbook. No immigrant needs that #######. Its inconsiderate as hell. Whats going wrong with these people ?

"They are all after us !!!" "taking all our rights and freedoms away !!!! "they ll and they can invade your home anytime without any reason!!", the typical conspiracy stuff, making life in the states look very bad. is this a commong thing amongst americans ?

I am an immigrant, I need serious advice and of course some positive outlook on my new life in the states would be very fine aswell. but instead I get that bullshit. I dont need any sugercoated stuff, but COME ON, you wanna tell me that that ####### is not exaggaration ? Where is the "I Love the USA" spirit? Where is the optimism and positivity?

Nobody over here believes in me or my relationship. And it really hurts. It makes that whole process so much worse and painful.

I would just like to say that it seems everyone has become schizophrenic these days lolol!!!! You shouldn't care what people say, honestly. Only thing is, is if you are ready to deal with losing friends and people saying ####### then just move on and move forward. Life in America is not BAD like people say!!!!! Geeze, there are some socialist countries out there dealing with some MAJOR ####### that Americans have NO CLUE about lolol Yes, maybe we as Americans are slowly losing our rights and we may very well become a socialist country eventually but the whole world is going south, it's only obvious from the news. Come on over to America and enjoy yourself with you fiance!!!

[WickedGriffin 1]

I can't speak to the Bavarians, but I would not be friends with people who want to talk about conspiracy theories all day. There is an undercurrent of this in the US, but it is not common. It might be more common in Arizona; the politics there are pretty messed up lately, imo. If you want to talk about the US in a more positive light, there are plenty on here, me included, with ideas and advice. Feel free to PM.

Tried to send PM. Didnt work.

[Karam and Jamie 44]

Your interview is the day after my honey's! You will both be in America soon hopefully!!!!

[WickedGriffin 1]

Sorry to hear even your mom is so unsupportive!

I can only encourage you to continue to do what makes you happy. Some of my family was less than thrilled that I married a foreigner (even if just from England)...and an older man at that. There were some unpleasant conversations, but we knew we were right for each other. He moved over last October, and it's been great. We're happier than ever and have no regrets. We did everything that we knew was right for us, despite what everyone else thought they knew better. Those people that were negative are slowly coming around. And those that aren't coming around aren't my concern anymore.

Make yourself happy. Re-establish contact with your relatives in the US. Those people that were really your friends back in Germany will see how happy you are and come back around. And if they don't, they weren't the greatest friends to begin with.

I agree, but witnessing that all my "friends" and my family wants me to feel guilty, like a traitor, worthless... They WANT me to feel bad...

A friend of mine said: "Oh youre gonna get shot in AZ". "and probably gonne end up homeless since there is no welfare nor help for jobless people at all, good luck with that, youre gonna miss Germany a lot then".

I got so MAD.

[Hasan & Mal 3]

Hang in there! I know exactly what you're going through. My husband is from Turkey and when we first expressed that we were going to go the K1 -> Green Card route there was so much speculation it made me sick to my stomach. People that I worked with, as well as friends and even family, questioned our motives. I had several people passive aggressively accuse me of marrying him just so he could get a green card. I also had numerous sideways glances because he was Muslim (he's not, and even if he was, WHO CARES?!) and even had questions about him being involved in a terrorist organization because he was from "that part of the world" (...really..?).

People love to speculate, talk, and judge because of their own insecurities. Like someone mentioned above, those who truly care about you and are looking out for your well-being will not judge, but simply support you. It is you and your fiance's life and no one else's. If you feel what you're doing is right, then by all means do it! People have misconceptions of every nation across the globe but they can't let that stop them from educating themselves and forming a well-rounded, well-educated opinion. Your friends and family seem to be spouting off a lot of BS probably because they're jealous, scared, or just don't get it. And that's ok! Help them to understand that this is a great opportunity for you and if they can't accept that then maybe their exit from your life is a blessing in disguise.

You will LOVE Arizona and you will love the United States (though of course it has it's many faults.. , and most importantly, you will love being in the same space as the person you love. Hang in there! It does get better once you learn to let go and do what makes you truly happy.

Best of luck!

[kehills 217]

Welp, WickedGriffin, your mother still has to threaten to try to have you institutionalized, because you must be crazy to want to marry your American, but otherwise she's getting right up there with how my mother-in-law treated her son before we got married. (I still haven't met her. I'm okay with this.)

[Brit Abroad 166]

There are great people and horrible people in every country. It's an individual issue, not a collective one. Once you get to the States try and get out and about, meet as many different people as you can. Try new things - join clubs, go to churches you wouldn't normally attend, shop in out of the way places instead of the large box stores (WalMart, Target etc) and meet the real people, not just the ones you are forced to endure by dint of working with them, or being related to them.

Seriously, you are starting over in America, and that means you get to choose the quality of people you surround yourself with.

[CowBoE 429]

Hi all.

I am the beneficiary moving to the US, Arizona, on a K1 Visa. I need and I seriously feel the need to vent here as I have dealt with too many NEGATIVE people.

Okay, lets start with my own friends here in Germany: As soon as they knew I am going through a K1 Visa process with my Fiance, they changed their behavior. 2 people broke up contact with me. Ive never heard of them again. They were, at the beginning, so "supportive and interested" in my relationship to a US Citizen. But behind our backs, they were insulting and attacking us. I am from Germany - Bavaria - traditional country.

They have called me a traitor, betrayer (betraying them for going to the US), they have called me stupid, dumb, etc. Behind our backs on of these persons started to spread BS about "America" and "Americans" as a whole. That America is such a bad horrible country. At fault for all the misery going on in the whole world. That americans are.... you name it!

Okay, my family?

My Mother and my Dad are making MONEY BETS that "our marriage is not going to work out", because they think that "I ll never make it in the US, life is too hard, homeless people everywhere, masshootings". Thats how they picture America. I have no one to support me over here.

My friends in Bavaria turned their backs on me! Hardly anyone is talking to me anymore! I am serious!! Maybe 2 - 3 people, the rest seems always to "know it all better", to tell me "that I must stay in Germany, because USA is so horrible, bad", they make it all look bad, they also make ME and my Fiance look bad. Ive had phone calls where I pick up the phone and the other guys are just insulting me for moving to the US. Well, basiscally saying: Are you ###### up or stupid, man?! ...

I dont know if its the german, especially Bavarian Mentality. But everyone is bitching about the USA, complaining, that me moving there is horrible, that I will suffer in the States, that life there is extremely nasty and bad, that I am not going to make it, etc. etc. etc!

I know a few americans also, of course, besides my Fiance and her family. And them? Well, lets put it that way: They are SO FULL of conspiracy theories that its HARD to talk to them about America and LIFE in America without stuff like "the cops are ###### everyone up!!!" "its all the governments fault!!!" "yes they are turning it all against us".

They make ME also feel as if moving to the States is like spending time in Prison together with my Fiance ! Ive heard stuff, nasty stuff, my god people, yall would be either angry or embarrassed, too.

Short: My "Social Environment" is not supporting me mentally or emotionally. At all. Not a tiny little bit. The amount of negativity that people throw at me is overwhelming. Even the americans in my life seem to ###### ###### ######, driven my FEAR and more FEAR, sorry guys, but the conspiarcy theory bullshit that Ive heard from them over the time is unbelieveable...

WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING WRONG, People ?!?!

What am I supposed to do?

I feel like not talking to anyone anymore. I am so fed up, seriously. Did you go throug similiar things?

Life is hard if you let others control your emotions.

If you think you are a positive person, then just smile back and say "thank you for your concerns",

and then show them the greatness of a positive person.

[Nordic Tim 95]

I agree, but witnessing that all my "friends" and my family wants me to feel guilty, like a traitor, worthless... They WANT me to feel bad...

A friend of mine said: "Oh youre gonna get shot in AZ". "and probably gonne end up homeless since there is no welfare nor help for jobless people at all, good luck with that, youre gonna miss Germany a lot then".

I got so MAD.

Get new friends.

I'm the petitioner and I've lived in Arizona for most of my life. You probably won't get shot here unless you hang around people that like to shoot people. You probably won't hear conspiracy theories unless you hang around people that are paranoid and fearful. AND, you probably won't get support and encouragement unless you hang around people that are loving and kind.

Finding work here is quite easy. Living off of the government is not.

Getting health care and insurance is quite easy. Having it provided for free from the government is not.

I am friends with lots of immigrants here and plenty of them are from Europe/UK. I also have friends all over Europe and I just don't hear these same sentiments.

America is just as wonderful and just as challenging as many countries in the world. I hope you have an easier time going forward and if you experience any of the same issues when you get here, it's easy .....

.... Get New Friends.

[Miss Missy 0]

If you love each other that means a lot. And that is truly what matters.

But I do have one question, Is there a reason she cannot relocate to Germany?