Trying to help Filipino women in a possible abusive relationship

[Michael Ruffin 1]

Hello

I am trying to get advice on possibly helping a Filipino women in abusive relationship. The information and story, I am posting is from a 3rd party source. So I don't know all the details just yet.

I am have a college friend that is Filipino and married. She live in NE Pa. Several months ago we reconnected and I visited her. I got to meet her husband and children. During the time we spent together exchanging stories of our personal lives high and lows. She told me about a Filipino woman she met when taking her children to a local library. This woman came to the USA from the Philippines on a fiance/marriage visa. They have a young daughter the age of 6 y.o. I have never personally met this woman but it trust my friend story. Recently on 7/12, the woman stop by friend's home out of the blue after my friend has tried to call her cell#. Her husband has locked up her GC and possibly others forms of ID. He has hidden her cellphone and will not her on computer. I am assuming that she has not contacted family since leaving the Philippines. I am hoping to travel back to the area and get more information and possibly met this woman face to face and find out for myself. If the story is true, is it legal for the husband to keep and lock up her GC? I know dealing with my wife (filipino) that all documents and immigration letters address to her property. I can open or keep any stuff address to my wife eventhough I am part of the immigration process.

I think she is in abusive relationship and my friend and I would like to help but I am looking for more information and advice before I step in. Any suggestions?

Michael

[Ontarkie 14,625]

~~Moved to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits from General Immigration Discussions~~

The green card is hers he cannot keep it from her. If your friend is certain she can call the police, or wait till he is gone get her things in order and get her to a shelter.

[Caryh 5,206]

Sounds like it likely is abuse. He cannot keep her green card from her. Shutting off her ability to communicate with others also can be a form of control leading to emotional abuse. How she reacts to it is the key. Sounds like you've yet just got a partial and third party story at that. Be careful of jumping into the middle of something when you don't know the whole story.

Example

I have my wife's green card. Also her passport, SS card, BC, and many other important documents. They're in a file cabinet with my important documents. It can be locked, but I currently normally don't lock it. If I had people I didn't trust coming into the home I certainly would lock it, some people normally keep a cabinet like this locked. It doesn't mean these are being kept away from my wife, they're just being kept safe. She can actually enter it any time and get anything, but normally she asks for me to get something when she needs it.

Shortly after my wife got here she infected one of our computers with a virus. She refused to use the computer for a while after that because it was so much work for me to clean up the computer. She's gotten over that, but I remember her saying at one point "I can't use the computer in the house". Sounds like I was keeping her away from it when done that way right?

Now this hasn't happened to me, but I've heard it from other Phil/Am couples. The wife gets to the USA and doesn't understand the minute system of a cell phone. After all, they buy loads and text there, and suddenly they have a cell phone here which people are more likely to call with. Being bored at home, husband is at work, and suddenly its chatting all the time on the phone to friends. Suddenly a 600 minute plan is 600 minutes over, a huge bill is in going to be in the mail, and there's two weeks left. Suddenly she can't use the cell phone, maybe its even taken away to make sure its not used.

Don't get me wrong, I think there likely is some type of control issues going on with her and her husband. But be careful of what you're hearing through a third party. Sometimes things are not communicated well and the whole story is rarely being given. You may come running in as the great savior when really there was nothing to be saved from and you end up with foot in mouth disease. I've heard many an overly embellished twisted story once it gets passed through the Filipina grapevine. I think you're right to get in direct contact and try to get the complete story. Just don't come in with preconceived outrage from what you've heard.

[Michael Ruffin 1]

Thanks all!

I am planning on going back to the area in a week to help the husband of my college friend. I will talk to my friend to maybe get in touch with the woman (call her M). I have never met the woman but my friend was shocked to see this "M" come to her door last Saturday. The only reason "M" was at her home because the hubby had the daughter with him at a church outing which allowed her to leave for a longer period of time. My friend has plenty of room at her home for the daughter and her to live if she goes that route and leaves. I just want additional advice before I and my college friend interfere with some married life and family. Well, I will keep you updated on my findings in the coming weeks.