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Lonelysoul80

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: India
Timeline

You thoughts are appreciated:

I moved to the US 5.5 years back. I have a very loving and caring husband, but I have no financial support from him.

I started working as soon as I got my work authorization and have provided for both us over the years. My husband hasn't been able to find a job and is finding it really hard to keep his freelance career going in this economy. I've had a few conversations with him about this, but at the end we both get emotional and I just let it go. It is really hard for me to work, cook and clean when I see him on his computer using facebook or reading about music or his interests. I know everyone needs to have time to do that, but doing it all day long is taking it one step further.

It would be okay, if his interests weren't as expensive, but they are CD's, books, movies and other wordly stuff I am having a hard time paying for.

I don't have my family here and can't really tell this to anyone I know in person as I don't want them to judge my husband.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

Regards,

me

Timeline:

K1 - Fiance Visa

05/15/08: Filed for K1

12/01/08: Interview Scheduled for 9:00 AM at US consulate Chennai

12/01/08: Approved at 11:30 AM

12/04/08: Got the passport with the VISA stamped :D

12/09/08: Got on the airlines and arrived at LAX at 6:15 PM POE took 4 mins

01/27/09: The big day - WEDDING

01/28/09: Applied for SSN

02/12/09: Got SSN in the mail

02/17/09: Got Marriage Certificate

AOS

02/28/09: Filed AP, AOS and EAD

03/13/09: NOA received (AP, AOS and EAD)

03/13/09: Biometrics appointment received

03/18/09: RFE mailed

03/25/09: Biometrics schedule - Done [dint take more than 10 mins including the wait time]

03/27/09: Sent out required info with regard to RFE via Priority mail to Missouri

03/31/09: Request to expedite AP [ Travel Document]

04/02/09: AP Approved

04/06/09: Recieved Travel Document [AP] in the mail

04/13/09: Recieved EAC/EAD in the mail

04/25/09: Recieved Interview date for the 8th of June 2009

06/08/09: Interview for AOS at San Bernardino CA - Passed

08/29/09: Green Card Received

Removal of Conditions

03/09/2011: Filed for removal of conditions

03/18/2011: Received NOA1

04/18/2011: Biometrics scheduled - Early Bio completed on 03/30/2011

04/11/2011: Approved

04/15/2011: 10 Year Green Card Recieved

Naturalization

03/08/2012: Filed N-400

03/15/2012: Check Cashed

03/12/2012: Received NOA1

04/10/2012: Biometrics scheduled - Early Bio completed on 04/06/2012

05/11/2012: Interview Letter Recieved

06/15/2012: Interview - PASSED!

06/28/2012: Oath Ceremony

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Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: China
Timeline

drop him off at the temporary labor office in your area with a packed lunch and a set of gloves.

Sometimes my language usage seems confusing - please feel free to 'read it twice', just in case !
Ya know, you can find the answer to your question with the advanced search tool, when using a PC? Ditch the handphone, come back later on a PC, and try again.

-=-=-=-=-=R E A D ! ! !=-=-=-=-=-

Whoa Nelly ! Want NVC Info? see http://www.visajourney.com/wiki/index.php/NVC_Process

Congratulations on your approval ! We All Applaud your accomplishment with Most Wonderful Kissies !

 

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Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Georgia
Timeline

Lunch is extra. Let him earn it.

CR-1 Visa

Service Center : California Service Center

Consulate : Georgia

Marriage: 2015-01-11

I-130 Sent : 2015-07-10 - sent from abroad, auto-expedite

I-130 NOA1 : 2015-07-14

I-130 Approved : 2015-08-13 (30 days)

:dancing::dancing::dancing::dancing::dancing::dancing:

Received by NVC: 2015-09-02 (in 20 days after the approval) - no email notification, info obtained over the phone

Case # assigned: 2015-09-10 (in 8 days after the case was received) - no email notification, info obtained over the phone

DS-261 filled: 2015-09-14

AoS fee paid: 2015-09-15

DS-261 reviewed over the phone:2015-09-17

Agent registration email: 2015-09-18

IV fee available: 2015-09-18

IV fee paid: 2015-09-22

IV fee showed paid: 2015-09-23 right before the end of the working day at NVC - at almost midnight EST.

AoS and IV package received: 2015-09-23

DS-260 filled out 2015-09-24

Scan date: 2015-09-24

Now let's get some patience for 3 weeks and hope CC will come without any delays :luv:

Case complete: 2015-10-21 (27 days)

Interview date issued: 2015-10-23

Received by the embassy: 2015-11-12

Interview date: 2015-12-02 (Request to reschedule for the earlier time denied.)

Approved!!!

Visa issued: 2015-12-07

Visa in hand: 2015-12-07

US entry: 2015-12-11

Social Security card arrived only after the visit to SS office, on 01/20

Green Card arrived: 2016-01-27

From NOA-1 to the interview - 141 days (4 months and 18 days)

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Australia
Timeline

Tell him to get off his bum and go apply for a job at a grocery store or something. If his freelance job is not going to improve in the foreseeable future then he should be confident to admit that and help his wife like all spouses should.

05-18-2022: Filed N-400 online. Received online NOA and Biometrics re-use.

06-03-2022: Interview scheduled (online notice).

06-10-2022: Interview letter received via USPS.

07-11-2022: Naturalization Interview

Click here for my full timeline of K1, AOS, ROC, and Naturalization
:time:--> http://www.visajourney.com/timeline/

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Filed: Timeline

Show him the household accounts and bills and tell him that he needs to find a way to pull his weight because you cannot continue to support his lifestyle (and yours) on your own.

I'd also look into building my own support network. After 5.5 years, it's time to get some friends outside of the marriage. Meetups.com might be a good place to start. You might not think you have time to socialise, but I think your sanity will thank you for it.

Edited by landr
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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: India
Timeline

Has he not heard of a library card?

Books, CDs, movies - all for free.

Bec & Dipu

Service Center : California Service Center

Consulate : New Delhi, India

I-129F Sent : 2010-11-22

I-129F NOA1 : 2010-12-01

I-129F NOA2 : 2011-04-21

NVC Received : 2011-04-27

NVC Left : 2011-05-05

Embassy Rcvd : 2011-05-08

Pack 3 Rcvd : 2011-05-11

Pack 3 Sent : 2011-06-23

Pack 4 Rcvd : 2011-07-08

Interview : 2011-08-03

Visa Received : 2011-11-09

POE : 2012-01-13

Marriage : 2012-01-21

AOS/EAD Sent : 2012-02-13

NOA1 : 2012-02-22

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: India
Timeline

Thank you for your thoughts VJ members. I've had a few conversations with him about this, but haven't gotten far. He is a big movie buff and likes them on big screens. Two years back I thought I would save money in the long run and bought a 60inch tv so we can watch movies at home. However it still doesn't cut it. The books he reads and cd's he listens to are all rare and none of the libraries here carry them. So we buy them from amazon.

He has applied at a few places and no one really gets back these days. He feels low and I can't do anything but feel sorry at times. I tried applying for him, but no success with that. He is not skilled in hard labor as he has always been a freelance artist and no experience with anything else.

I've joined meetups to make friends, but I am not comfortable sharing these feeling in person to the friends and people I've met there. Sometimes I feel fake and living two lives, but I don't really know what to do.

I guess it's the cross I have to bear and I will do it with a smile.

Thanks again for the tips and suggestions. I feel a lot better now :)

Timeline:

K1 - Fiance Visa

05/15/08: Filed for K1

12/01/08: Interview Scheduled for 9:00 AM at US consulate Chennai

12/01/08: Approved at 11:30 AM

12/04/08: Got the passport with the VISA stamped :D

12/09/08: Got on the airlines and arrived at LAX at 6:15 PM POE took 4 mins

01/27/09: The big day - WEDDING

01/28/09: Applied for SSN

02/12/09: Got SSN in the mail

02/17/09: Got Marriage Certificate

AOS

02/28/09: Filed AP, AOS and EAD

03/13/09: NOA received (AP, AOS and EAD)

03/13/09: Biometrics appointment received

03/18/09: RFE mailed

03/25/09: Biometrics schedule - Done [dint take more than 10 mins including the wait time]

03/27/09: Sent out required info with regard to RFE via Priority mail to Missouri

03/31/09: Request to expedite AP [ Travel Document]

04/02/09: AP Approved

04/06/09: Recieved Travel Document [AP] in the mail

04/13/09: Recieved EAC/EAD in the mail

04/25/09: Recieved Interview date for the 8th of June 2009

06/08/09: Interview for AOS at San Bernardino CA - Passed

08/29/09: Green Card Received

Removal of Conditions

03/09/2011: Filed for removal of conditions

03/18/2011: Received NOA1

04/18/2011: Biometrics scheduled - Early Bio completed on 03/30/2011

04/11/2011: Approved

04/15/2011: 10 Year Green Card Recieved

Naturalization

03/08/2012: Filed N-400

03/15/2012: Check Cashed

03/12/2012: Received NOA1

04/10/2012: Biometrics scheduled - Early Bio completed on 04/06/2012

05/11/2012: Interview Letter Recieved

06/15/2012: Interview - PASSED!

06/28/2012: Oath Ceremony

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Australia
Timeline

Does he have any MEDICAL reasons not to work? That includes depression and/or anxiety... being long-term unemployed is very demoralising and depression/anxiety can become a serious problem. Or does he just not want to bother, or think that he's got you to look after him so he shouldn't need to? And especially - is he really just sitting in front of his computer all day expecting you to wait on him hand and foot? Or is he pulling his weight around the house and doing the work that you can't because you are out earning the $$.

I don't work. I haven't worked in many years... but my husband knew this going in. At times we've had arguments because things would be 'easier' if I was able to bring in a second income, but I'm not physically able to do so. Having seen me collapse my health attempting to work my way up to being able to do a 'real' job, my husband eventually agreed that work is just not for me. I don't have extravagant tastes and I don't go around spending money we don't have because I know we can't afford it. There are many things I'd love to have/do, but I know that we can't realistically afford them, so I put my self-interest aside and sacrificed them rather than making my husband feel bad by demanding them. I look after the house and him and our cats and make sure my hobbies are not financially-intensive.

If your husband seems to be just lazy, you need to have a SERIOUS talk about expectations... if he's not going to bring in a salary, what is he going to do to take some of the workload off you so you have more energy/time for actual paying work? You can't be expected to do everything while he sits around and does nothing...

Karen - Melbourne, Australia/John - Florida, USA

- Proposal (20 August 2000) to marriage (19 December 2004) - 4 years, 3 months, 25 days (1,578 days)

STAGE 1 - Applying for K1 (15 September 2003) to K1 Approval (13 July 2004) - 9 months, 29 days (303 days)

STAGE 2A - Arriving in US (4 Nov 2004) to AOS Application (16 April 2005) - 5 months, 13 days (164 days)

STAGE 2B - Applying for AOS to GC Approval - 9 months, 4 days (279 days)

STAGE 3 - Lifting Conditions. Filing (19 Dec 2007) to Approval (December 11 2008)

STAGE 4 - CITIZENSHIP (filing under 5-year rule - residency start date on green card Jan 11th, 2006)

*N400 filed December 15, 2011

*Interview March 12, 2012

*Oath Ceremony March 23, 2012.

ALL DONE!!!!!!!!

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
Timeline

i disagree with you 'cross to bear' comment. This is not like he has a health issue and cannot work. Just because someone can;t find something in their chosen field is NOT a reason not to look for other work. He doesn't have to be into hard labour, he has to be interested in contributing to the family unit. I agree with another poster who mentioned depression - by now he may well be very disenchanted with applying for jobs without success

Thank you for your thoughts VJ members. I've had a few conversations with him about this, but haven't gotten far. He is a big movie buff and likes them on big screens. Two years back I thought I would save money in the long run and bought a 60inch tv so we can watch movies at home. However it still doesn't cut it. The books he reads and cd's he listens to are all rare and none of the libraries here carry them. So we buy them from amazon.

He has applied at a few places and no one really gets back these days. He feels low and I can't do anything but feel sorry at times. I tried applying for him, but no success with that. He is not skilled in hard labor as he has always been a freelance artist and no experience with anything else.

I've joined meetups to make friends, but I am not comfortable sharing these feeling in person to the friends and people I've met there. Sometimes I feel fake and living two lives, but I don't really know what to do.

I guess it's the cross I have to bear and I will do it with a smile.

Thanks again for the tips and suggestions. I feel a lot better now :)

Wiz(USC) and Udella(Cdn & USC!)

Naturalization

02/22/11 - Filed

02/28/11 - NOA

03/28/11 - FP

06/17/11 - status change - scheduled for interview

06/20?/11 - received physical interview letter

07/13/11 - Interview in Fairfax,VA - easiest 10 minutes of my life

07/19/11 - Oath ceremony in Fairfax, VA

******************

Removal of Conditions

12/1/09 - received at VSC

12/2/09 - NOA's for self and daughter

01/12/10 - Biometrics completed

03/15/10 - 10 Green Card Received - self and daughter

******************

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Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: England
Timeline

Even if he can't get a job at the moment, he should know that he needs to cut back his spending to reflect the fact that you are a household with one earner and he should at least do his share of the housework. Him messing around all day and you having to do everything after you come in from work is not fair. Let him know and don't let him deflect the conversation! I've been in the US 2 weeks and I've decided my adjustment period is over, I'm going to do as much as I can to help my wife out with everything until I get a job, then we can divide housework/chores equally. As she works long days, it's the least I can do.

Good luck with your husband, and have that talk or you'll suffer long term!

My blog about my visa journey and adjusting to my new life in the US http://albiontoamerica.wordpress.com/

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Filed: Timeline

Thank you for your thoughts VJ members. I've had a few conversations with him about this, but haven't gotten far. He is a big movie buff and likes them on big screens. Two years back I thought I would save money in the long run and bought a 60inch tv so we can watch movies at home. However it still doesn't cut it. The books he reads and cd's he listens to are all rare and none of the libraries here carry them. So we buy them from amazon.

He has applied at a few places and no one really gets back these days. He feels low and I can't do anything but feel sorry at times. I tried applying for him, but no success with that. He is not skilled in hard labor as he has always been a freelance artist and no experience with anything else.

I've joined meetups to make friends, but I am not comfortable sharing these feeling in person to the friends and people I've met there. Sometimes I feel fake and living two lives, but I don't really know what to do.

I guess it's the cross I have to bear and I will do it with a smile.

Thanks again for the tips and suggestions. I feel a lot better now :)

Why doesn't the talking get anywhere?

I'm sorry, but you are unhappy and he's not doing anything to change that. Rather, he's making it worse by creating unnecessary expenses, which you alone are paying for. A 60 inch TV does not cut it? Goodness me! I'd be tempted to sell the TV if you can get any decent money for it. Rare books and CDs will also have to stop.

For most jobs, the application route to job-hunting isn't good enough as it's a numbers game and you really have to be comfortable churning out application after application before you get a hit. As a creative type, it definitely isn't good enough. Does he have an online portfolio? Behance? Tumblr? Pinterest even? Is he on other social media sites and networking with people in the art community? Is he even creating art? Perhaps some of it can go on a website of his own where he can put up pieces for sale? A sale here and there could make all the difference, then he can pay for his own entertainment and leisure activities rather than you having to cover them PLUS all your household expenses. If he is merely consuming his inspiration and creating nothing out if it, then it's not good at all.

I also agree with the others about exploring the depression angle. He may have been out of work so long that he's lost his confidence in finding a job and therefore retreats into his comfort zone of movies, TV and books to hide away from any personal accountability for his life choices and your marriage.

As for Meetups.com, I think you have to keep at it. At least it is something that you are doing for you.

You might think this is your cross to bear, but I would be very surprised if you were able to sustain that thinking for the rest of your life, let alone 5.5 more years. You're unhappy, you can occasionally vent to online strangers to relieve some of the stress temporarily but it's a band-aid solution for a problem that requires more drastic intervention.

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I also agree with the others about exploring the depression angle. He may have been out of work so long that he's lost his confidence in finding a job and therefore retreats into his comfort zone of movies, TV and books to hide away from any personal accountability for his life choices and your marriage.

I would say this is the first port of call. Five years is a long time to be looking for work and not find any. I would initially give him the benefit of the doubt and explore this if he is prepared to discuss this aspect. I have been doing consulting work since I arrived (7 months) but expect this avenue to dry up later this year. From day one I have paid my own way and when that work dries up I will be seeking other work and I'll be happy to do anything to offset my cost of living.

I certainly would NOT be asking for the luxuries of life if I did not pay my way or fund it myself. We share equally all family costs but I know I buy the occasional toy and I fund that myself.

If he can offer no reason for not seeking any work or a realistic liklihood of work in his chosen field and wants the luxuries of life he needs to explain how he is going to fund his share of it .

It's a simple question - how are WE going to fund our lifestyle.

Richard

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: China
Timeline

I have to agree. I wouldn't be buying anything without a job. Furthermore, Freelance Arts has to pay, other then that, it just an excuse to be a slacker. I'm a big movie buff. And I like oddball stuff too. And its sometimes expensive. But I make backups , and sell them back on Fleabay. But lately , Its been the library. Have you ever heard of Slysoft .com? If he's spending hundreds on dvds and cds, It's a wise investment. Furthermore, I'm the working spouse in my household and I havn't spent anything since my nonworking spouse got here. And she spends less then that. We bought a big tv. Its 32 inches. my computer has a sign on it that says don't buy anything. Quite honestly, my opinion, the guys out of hand.

Edited by Dieseltu
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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
Timeline

Live within your means. If his parents are around, is it possible to have them intercede?

You might also go on strike, if he relies on your cooking and cleaning.

---

Not entirely analogous, but Mrs. T-B. briefly went cuckoo when she became a U.S. citizen. I used my paltry Spanish-language skills to compose a haiku about the matter:

Ciudadana:

"Tarjeta de credito!

Quiero, esposo!"

[Female citizen:

"Credit card!

I want it, Husband!"]

The kibosh was put on this line of thinking in a hurry.

Edited by TBoneTX

06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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