How much does your US spouse/fiance help you with your immigration processes?

[GurkenSalat 48]

@OP, I'm sorry your husband isn't helpful when you'd need him to be, and yelling at you about it also seems very wrong to me.

I also did most of the work myself, but that's because I've gotten really good at paperwork for some reason. You could say I am OCD. The weird part is that I almost started ENJOYING it! We worked together to get all the evidence in order, and he helped a lot with the RFE we got. So basically it was me taking point, filling out all the forms (that Saturday when I was putting the packages together and occasionally handing him stuff to sign while he played on the computer is unforgettable ), and him assisting me.

Edited July 17, 2014 by GurkenSalat

[Rose&Jorge 8]

Hi everyone,

I was just wondering how much your US spouse or fiance helps you when it comes to getting your papers sent, researching what needs to be done, etc?

Mine won't help almost at all, I do all the research and have to remind him what needs to be done and in what time frame. It seems like it doesn't concern him and he yells at me if I don't have all the information, like this is my country and I have all the information about his bank or health insurance company... My English is good but I don't understand legal terminology and sometimes have difficulty understanding weirdly worded instructions on forms and when that happens, he's not willing to help, he says I don't try hard enough and asks if he really has to do everything :S. I feel like he's either too lazy to do anything or he just doesn't care.

What is your situation regarding this like?

Thanks!

PS - Yes, I know this is my first post - I created this account to protect my privacy, I am already a member and admins/moderators can get my info via PM if needed.

I pretty much do everything - If I need something from him I will tell him and then he gets it for me.

I am a very organised/ time orientated person . So I'm more confident in putting everything together.

My husband sounds like your's I constantly need to remind him of stuff all the time. He is a very last minute person.

Sometimes I wonder how he got by without me lol.

I honestly say it isn't that he doesn't care its just some men are lazy they are use to having there mother's do everything for them.

IF you live together I would suggest putting a calendar on the fridge and writing stuff that needs to be by a certain date on it.

It def helps me hubby with knowing what bills need to be paid and by when etc.

[JE57 239]

Annie,

You and your husband need to seek some counseling. Here is why I say that... You say that he yells at you and tells you are not trying hard enough. You defend yourself as to why you can't do it all yourself. All of this on a public forum. Think of it this way.... Both of you have been thru huge changes and both of you came into the relationship with some expectations that may not match reality. But to be successful you have to have a way to successfully resolve disagreements. Not just resolve but to prevent them from happening. By asking strangers an opinion about rather he's right or wrong you are not supporting your husband you are setting up a you vs. him situation. This will continue to grow and he will likely fight back or push back if he feels you are vilifying him. A priest, a counselor or a truly neutral 3rd party can help you re-find common ground that you must have had to make it this far in the process. This whole process seems geared to maximize the chances of problems. If you can refocus your mutual energies as a couple to achieving success in the face of a process that makes it so easy to fail you'll do well I think. What do I mean it sets you up to fail? Well you spend months and months figuring out how to live together successfully while apart physically... you get really good at it.... too good at it.... You schedule times to talk... you don't bring up contentious issues or discuss them in detail because after all your SO could just leave if they knew *THAT* about you... You focus your energies as a couple on the golden prize of being together... you focus your attention on wedding issues... paper work.. And then it all falls into place... the beneficiary moves to the USA totally uprooting from the life they have know all their lives. Both USC and foreigner have HUGE expectations about how great life will be now that you've achieved your mutual dream. Together you overcame for many what would be an insurmountable obstacle. BUT... do you have new dreams to chase together? Dreams that you can both be invested in and engaged in? Or is it, a case of gee... this isn't what I thought it would be? For the beneficiary it is clearly very hard... He/she, can't work, probably can't drive, doesn't know anyone, this is obvious... For the USC though it is also hard, He/She now has another person with them that is living with them. That 2 hour scheduled Skype call is now a constant living with a person that is at least for the next 4 months completely dependent on you. You can't do what you want when you want without a care in the world. You have to go to Work everyday and worry that your spouse is OK. And your spouse in a financee visa is likely someone you don't really know like you might have thought you did. And the world, VJ included tells you to be supportive and patient and maybe that doesn't give the USC a chance to mourn or reflect on what they too may have lost for the sake of what should be a greater gain. I salute all those who make this work. God Bless all of you on this journey and for those that this apparently isn't going to work for may you have the strength to really figure it out quickly before your lives become almost inextricably entangled. To the OP, you can't leave the USA without AP to get back in. But you can go anywhere in the USA. I'm not suggesting that you leave your Husband, I don't have the information to do that. But if your were not physically with him and you both knew that being together was still a choice than maybe skype could serve as the mediator.

[Anonymous885 44]

My husband did fill out everything for me from day one to now. He just explained to me what they asked for each question and then I signed it.

Edited July 17, 2014 by Anonymous885

[raven52 233]

My wife is from Cebu, and we worked totally as a "team" with all the paper work. We were a "team".,.,.,and continue to be so.

Maybe (have to watch what I say, I may be warned again) you should look at what the future might look like, with what is going on now!

This behavior "might" be a prelude of things to come, "does he want it as bad as you do???"

[Tina and Johan 206]

I am the USC and I did all the work for the petition and getting the proof of our relationship printed and in order. Once it got to Ireland, he did his part. Now, he's a week away from relocating and I'm starting to get the AOS paperwork together and filled out. Here is how I'm looking at it: I'm his petitioner and his sponsor. It's as much my responsibility as it is his. I don't see it as just his status. He'll be my husband in less than 2 weeks, so that makes his status my issue too.

Maybe your husband just wants a break from all the paperwork that goes with this kind of relationship. My fiancé and I have said many times to each other, "we shouldn't have to do all this just to be together." I'd LOVE to put off AOS for awhile just to have a break from the romance-killing documentation that is immigration! But this is the circumstances we must endure to be together, so we will get it done. As a team. I wouldn't dream of going through all that K1 process only to say, "you're here; you do it now." Good luck, and we are here for you! ?

[Girl from Celebes 588]

No offence to you, Annie123.

My spouse hated paper works while I am the meticulous person, bordering on OCD.

If I was to rely on him to remember this, that, ROC date.. blah blah.. I will be tearing my hairs out.

To be blunt, I am the immigrant here. I have everything to lose if my AOS, ROC did not go well.

So I read up a lots on the immigration process to educate myself so that I won't miss a step.

Different strokes for different couples, as long as you don't ended up quarreling and affect the marriage.

I am completely agreed with you Merrytooth.

I don't want to say that my husband does not care about my immigration process. Of course, he cares, he just....hates paperworks. I prepared everything myself from K-1 visa to my now adjustment of status. He'd only prepared I-134 and I-864. Also, I am a kind of person who do not like to bother someone else even though this person is the closest one to me. That's why I joined Visa Journey to educate myself. He always told people with whom we met that I know about the US immigration law more than he does. Quite a compliment, I guess, .

[AshleyHsu 8]

Sorry to hear that ur fiance isn't helping you..

From my experienced, my US fiance did everything for me before the package sand to Taiwan from NVC, and we dont have a lawyer so he did all the work himself and being very carefully with all the details as well. and I did everything else in taiwan for the interview...Just like a team!! I think it's very important to be a team in this long process.

Hope everything goes well for u!!!!

Edited July 17, 2014 by AshleyHsu

[Megan & Luke 93]

I am the petitioner in the USA, but my UK fiance has been extremely helpful. The only thing he doesn't do much of is join forums, like VJ.. So I did that, but I am more inclined to share with others and he isn't. I was actually surprised at how much he put towards the research (even when we weren't talking/offline). He seems very dedicated to this process, and we are starting to do that thing where we hold each other up when the other freaks out about how long this might take. It's been a two way street for us, I'm sorry your SO isn't doing the same. As Jojo_Jess said, maybe he expects you to handle it, or thinks you are better suited to dealing with all that important paperwork and information?

I know my SO and I went over every detail of the K-1 petition together.. twenty times or so, and then again. It may be worth having a discussion with him as others have suggested, perhaps he doesn't know that you feel overwhelmed and would like him to have a bigger part in this - after all, it IS your relationship. Visa processes can make or break the reality of living together with your SO and he should definitely care about that.

Good luck!

Edited July 17, 2014 by MeganLuke

[tehans 52]

I am the USC, and did everything. If he is yelling at you and is not interested in doing it and has to be reminded I am afraid you have bigger problems ahead of you in the future. I would never yell at my wife especially about preparing some documents. Good luck.

[Jon and Krissy 452]

I was the petitioner. I took care of the vast majority of it. It really wasn't a big deal, as I recall, the initial CR-1 application was the thing that required the most intensive focus, where I dedicated a 2 or 3 day period to get everything well organized and 'just so.' Sol gathered whatever documents she needed at her end, based on my requests. Later, she filled out her biographical information and so forth.

You might want to think twice if this is the guy for you. If this is too much work for him, how is he going to cope with the rest of what life puts in your way? Just a thought. Good luck.

Hi everyone,

I was just wondering how much your US spouse or fiance helps you when it comes to getting your papers sent, researching what needs to be done, etc?

Mine won't help almost at all, I do all the research and have to remind him what needs to be done and in what time frame. It seems like it doesn't concern him and he yells at me if I don't have all the information, like this is my country and I have all the information about his bank or health insurance company... My English is good but I don't understand legal terminology and sometimes have difficulty understanding weirdly worded instructions on forms and when that happens, he's not willing to help, he says I don't try hard enough and asks if he really has to do everything :S. I feel like he's either too lazy to do anything or he just doesn't care.

What is your situation regarding this like?

Thanks!

PS - Yes, I know this is my first post - I created this account to protect my privacy, I am already a member and admins/moderators can get my info via PM if needed.

[asianchick 0]

Hi everyone,

I was just wondering how much your US spouse or fiance helps you when it comes to getting your papers sent, researching what needs to be done, etc?

Mine won't help almost at all, I do all the research and have to remind him what needs to be done and in what time frame. It seems like it doesn't concern him and he yells at me if I don't have all the information, like this is my country and I have all the information about his bank or health insurance company... My English is good but I don't understand legal terminology and sometimes have difficulty understanding weirdly worded instructions on forms and when that happens, he's not willing to help, he says I don't try hard enough and asks if he really has to do everything :S. I feel like he's either too lazy to do anything or he just doesn't care.

What is your situation regarding this like?

Thanks!

PS - Yes, I know this is my first post - I created this account to protect my privacy, I am already a member and admins/moderators can get my info via PM if needed.

I am the beneficiary, and I did most of the work. My husband gathered the documents I needed from his end, but the paperwork was all me. Since I am a bit of a control freak anyway, it worked out for us. I am now processing my N-400, and I say, I, because, I am working on that by myself, as well. I inform my husband where the process is at, and what to expect, but other than that, I am quite sure he does not know heck about it other than what I tell him. And we don't have a problem with that. A bit of background, we have been married 8 years, and in those 8 years, we were apart for almost 4 years.

More than the process, I think you are going through an adjustment phase...long distance or not, all marriages go through it. It's not easy to live with someone, married or not, so it takes a lot of patience, a whole lot of love to get through it. Just remember, everybody's different, so you have to figure out what works for you and your husband, and try not to compare how others are.

Best of luck to you.

[_Paul&Jesica_ 70]

Annie,

You and your husband need to seek some counseling. Here is why I say that... You say that he yells at you and tells you are not trying hard enough. You defend yourself as to why you can't do it all yourself. All of this on a public forum. Think of it this way.... Both of you have been thru huge changes and both of you came into the relationship with some expectations that may not match reality. But to be successful you have to have a way to successfully resolve disagreements. Not just resolve but to prevent them from happening. By asking strangers an opinion about rather he's right or wrong you are not supporting your husband you are setting up a you vs. him situation. This will continue to grow and he will likely fight back or push back if he feels you are vilifying him. A priest, a counselor or a truly neutral 3rd party can help you re-find common ground that you must have had to make it this far in the process. This whole process seems geared to maximize the chances of problems. If you can refocus your mutual energies as a couple to achieving success in the face of a process that makes it so easy to fail you'll do well I think. What do I mean it sets you up to fail? Well you spend months and months figuring out how to live together successfully while apart physically... you get really good at it.... too good at it.... You schedule times to talk... you don't bring up contentious issues or discuss them in detail because after all your SO could just leave if they knew *THAT* about you... You focus your energies as a couple on the golden prize of being together... you focus your attention on wedding issues... paper work.. And then it all falls into place... the beneficiary moves to the USA totally uprooting from the life they have know all their lives. Both USC and foreigner have HUGE expectations about how great life will be now that you've achieved your mutual dream. Together you overcame for many what would be an insurmountable obstacle. BUT... do you have new dreams to chase together? Dreams that you can both be invested in and engaged in? Or is it, a case of gee... this isn't what I thought it would be? For the beneficiary it is clearly very hard... He/she, can't work, probably can't drive, doesn't know anyone, this is obvious... For the USC though it is also hard, He/She now has another person with them that is living with them. That 2 hour scheduled Skype call is now a constant living with a person that is at least for the next 4 months completely dependent on you. You can't do what you want when you want without a care in the world. You have to go to Work everyday and worry that your spouse is OK. And your spouse in a financee visa is likely someone you don't really know like you might have thought you did. And the world, VJ included tells you to be supportive and patient and maybe that doesn't give the USC a chance to mourn or reflect on what they too may have lost for the sake of what should be a greater gain. I salute all those who make this work. God Bless all of you on this journey and for those that this apparently isn't going to work for may you have the strength to really figure it out quickly before your lives become almost inextricably entangled. To the OP, you can't leave the USA without AP to get back in. But you can go anywhere in the USA. I'm not suggesting that you leave your Husband, I don't have the information to do that. But if your were not physically with him and you both knew that being together was still a choice than maybe skype could serve as the mediator.

Well said, but I would add that there has to be a mutual agreement and understanding of what the future should be. And the stresses and life changes brought on by this union doesn't excuse abusive behavior.

[CowBoE 429]

I plan and lead everything, but also keep her closely informed,

and she also double checks everything, so we are good team players.

BUT...that's because this is natural for our personalities,

and these characteristics are partially the reasons for selecting each other.

What you are experiencing is a small taste of what is to come in your marriage,

and you can begin to smooth things out now while things are still not disastrous,

otherwise, this type of you communication and understanding gap and bickering

can cause seriously damage the marriage.

We all have different personalities, and how we get our things done.

Perhaps, that's just his style (lacking organization and execution), and your style

(fast paced and prompt). In that case, you might have to be the leader

when it comes to planning, researching, and executing things in your marriage.

And a leader should portray more patient and less bickering attitude,

and find clever ways to motivate and excite him to get things done.

Even when he's late to getting things done, find ways to keep it on the light side

and keep on reminding and encouraging him. In other words, you might have

to take on little bit of loving mother role with this type of man.

Best wishes...

Edited July 17, 2014 by johnim

[Michael-Moneth 6]

As for us, I(intending immigrant) do all the research and i tell my fiance(USC) every information i gathered and he have to do what he has to do like filling out the forms, getting the necessary documents needed for the initial filing. I do remind him everytime though if he has things together already.

There was a pooint when I also felt he didnt care especially when our K1 approval took more months than usual but I was wrong, he cared and as stress as I am, he was too..

Now we just mailed our AOS package and still I did the research, filled out all the forms, gathered the documents but there are stuffs that I need from him and I asked and he gave it to me.

We are in this process together till the end.