How much does your US spouse/fiance help you with your immigration processes?

[Annie123 6]

Hi everyone,

I was just wondering how much your US spouse or fiance helps you when it comes to getting your papers sent, researching what needs to be done, etc?

Mine won't help almost at all, I do all the research and have to remind him what needs to be done and in what time frame. It seems like it doesn't concern him and he yells at me if I don't have all the information, like this is my country and I have all the information about his bank or health insurance company... My English is good but I don't understand legal terminology and sometimes have difficulty understanding weirdly worded instructions on forms and when that happens, he's not willing to help, he says I don't try hard enough and asks if he really has to do everything :S. I feel like he's either too lazy to do anything or he just doesn't care.

What is your situation regarding this like?

Thanks!

PS - Yes, I know this is my first post - I created this account to protect my privacy, I am already a member and admins/moderators can get my info via PM if needed.

[BOS_LHR 829]

Sorry to hear your SO isn't very helpful or supportive through the process It's sadly not all that uncommon from what I've seen around VJ, it seems like one partner in a couple very often takes over managing the whole process. It made sense to me and my husband to share the work, so we regularly discussed what was required for each stage of the process and we both knew what was happening at all times. As the USC, I prepared the I-130 package, kept track of status at USCIS and NVC, paid fees, and prepared the affidavit of support. He obtained his civil documents needed for the IV package, filled out the DS-260 and sorted everything needed for the medical and interview. We each did the parts of the process that were "ours," but we were both involved from start to finish and supported each other throughout.

[Mike&Lin 39]

Really sorry to hear that your husband is no help. This is odd in my opinion and probably foreshadows rocky things ahead. At the very least he lacks compassion for the fact you are in completely different world than what you were accustomed. The AOS and supporting documentation are still his responsibility and he should be helping but that's just my opinion.

I just started the process to bring my fiancée over here. Because I am the petitioner and it is my country I am doing the necessary research and letting her know what to expect in the future. I have helped walk her through some of the initial things we needed for the petition. I will also be assisting as much as possible being 9000 miles away once the petition is forwarded to the embassy. I don't expect her to know everything and she doesn't have the time that I do to research and understand what is needed.

I personally think your husband needs to grow up and stop being a selfish, whiney little baby.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

My spouse disliked paper works. So I'm the one preparing the I-129F, K1 Visa, AOS, and ROC.

He only needed to sign the papers on the correct places.

My immigration status my responsibility but he provided all the necessary documents.

[mota bhai 2,675]

I was the USC back then and I did everything except show up for the interview.

[landr 126]

He did a lot of research, but he didn't tell me about it until I asked - which made it look like he didn't do anything and didn't care. In the end though, he did his bit (petition), I double-checked it before we sent it off together. Then I did my bit at the embassy stage, which he double-checked. Unfortunately, my tendency to plan and his tendency to only deal with what's in front of him made things a little stormy.

Thankfully though, we made it through the first stage (K1 visa). We'll see what happens for AOS.

OP, where are you in the process? Do you have your visa yet? What else is going on his life that makes him not want/able to focus his attention on supporting you with the paperwork?

[derrickmichille 55]

My fiancée and I worked together on everything. We did all the research and I did all the paperwork for my part and when it came to do her part she did the paperwork for that. When it's time to send her all the information she needs, I will prepare it and organize it the best to my ability, and I know when she gets it she will prepare and organize to her liking, because after all, she is the one who will be going to the interview.

This process takes both people involvement, and both needs to prepare there own information as well, to make sure everything in done correctly, because there are different rules when it comes to different countries.

Marriage is a partnership, if he doesn't help now, this might be the best time to speak up.

Good luck to everyone on this journey!!!

[Tintin and Mike 127]

I did all the organization, research and all. All he did was sign the papers, show up to medical, interview and get on the plane

[apple21 953]

It should be a two-way street. The petitioner cannot do all the work and vice versa to the beneficiary. It doesn't matter who does majority of the work, what matters is BOTH parties participate.

Edited July 16, 2014 by apple21

[sweet cakes 326]

My husband is sooo busy at work but he took care of the I-129f filing with the help of a [useless] lawyer. Hence, the RFE. After NOA2, I became more involved and did my research for the embassy-phase stuff and then the AOS. I was even the one who called up the county clerk for our marriage license and arranged the wedding specifics. I really don't mind, because after all, it's for ME and I believe it's only fair that I take the initiative and responsibility for that.

Communication is key to a successful marriage. Your husband might have set some sort of expectation, and I'm sure you have your own too. Or maybe your husband is just going through some pressure at work. In any case, as partners in life, you both should be able to talk to each other in a civilized manner [no yelling]. Tell him your concerns and that your having difficulty understanding how some things are done in US, and that you need his help.

[Annie123 6]

Thank you everyone for your replies and support!

Merrytooth, I wouldn’t agree that my immigration status is only my responsibility because we wanted to be together and he wouldn’t move to my country so me moving here was the only option that was left. I didn’t come here to purse American citizenship or green card but that is a part of this process and can’t be avoided. I came here so we can be together and hence the opinion that this is OUR immigration process.

Landr, I came here on a k1 visa and we got married a few weeks ago. Still waiting for the marriage certificate so I can apply for AOS.

Sweet cakes, I think so too. Spending a few days together during his visits to my home country was sooooo insufficient to actually get to know each other. Talking on skype or Facebook is so much different from being married and living together. We fight a lot and I’m not sure if we’re just too different or our adjustment to the new life is taking longer and is more difficult than we thought…

(Sorry for going off topic)

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Thank you everyone for your replies and support!

Merrytooth, I wouldn’t agree that my immigration status is only my responsibility because we wanted to be together and he wouldn’t move to my country so me moving here was the only option that was left. I didn’t come here to purse American citizenship or green card but that is a part of this process and can’t be avoided. I came here so we can be together and hence the opinion that this is OUR immigration process.

Landr, I came here on a k1 visa and we got married a few weeks ago. Still waiting for the marriage certificate so I can apply for AOS.

Sweet cakes, I think so too. Spending a few days together during his visits to my home country was sooooo insufficient to actually get to know each other. Talking on skype or Facebook is so much different from being married and living together. We fight a lot and I’m not sure if we’re just too different or our adjustment to the new life is taking longer and is more difficult than we thought…

(Sorry for going off topic)

No offence to you, Annie123.

My spouse hated paper works while I am the meticulous person, bordering on OCD.

If I was to rely on him to remember this, that, ROC date.. blah blah.. I will be tearing my hairs out.

To be blunt, I am the immigrant here. I have everything to lose if my AOS, ROC did not go well.

So I read up a lots on the immigration process to educate myself so that I won't miss a step.

Different strokes for different couples, as long as you don't ended up quarreling and affect the marriage.

[sweet cakes 326]

Thank you everyone for your replies and support!

Merrytooth, I wouldn’t agree that my immigration status is only my responsibility because we wanted to be together and he wouldn’t move to my country so me moving here was the only option that was left. I didn’t come here to purse American citizenship or green card but that is a part of this process and can’t be avoided. I came here so we can be together and hence the opinion that this is OUR immigration process.

Landr, I came here on a k1 visa and we got married a few weeks ago. Still waiting for the marriage certificate so I can apply for AOS.

Sweet cakes, I think so too. Spending a few days together during his visits to my home country was sooooo insufficient to actually get to know each other. Talking on skype or Facebook is so much different from being married and living together. We fight a lot and I’m not sure if we’re just too different or our adjustment to the new life is taking longer and is more difficult than we thought…

(Sorry for going off topic)

Definitely. All relationships are like that, especially those who started as long-distance. Even up to this day, I am still discovering new things about my husband after being here for 8 months. It also irritates me when the husband still has those bachelor habits like not closing the toothpaste tube, etc... But I understand since he has been living alone for years before he met me. I just have to gently remind him every time.

As they say, marriage is a continuous learning process between two very different people. But to work it out, you have to find common grounds. You don't necessarily have to understand each other's whims, but you do have to give way sometimes and of course, reconcile most of the time.

Btw, if you need help or clarification on things you don't understand in the immigration process, there will surely be helpful people here in VJ who have been there and done that. Your husband won't have to know you only did a little research.

Edited July 16, 2014 by sweet cakes

[waka1 28]

Mine won't help almost at all, I do all the research and have to remind him what needs to be done and in what time frame. It seems like it doesn't concern him and he yells at me if I don't have all the information, like this is my country and I have all the information about his bank or health insurance company... My English is good but I don't understand legal terminology and sometimes have difficulty understanding weirdly worded instructions on forms and when that happens, he's not willing to help, he says I don't try hard enough and asks if he really has to do everything :S. I feel like he's either too lazy to do anything or he just doesn't care.

My .02 cents.... He thinks his mommy and his wife are synonymous. When dealing with an adolescent 'acting out' you have to be firm and centered. Best of luck Annie

[Jojo_Jess 8]

I helped my fiancee with all the paperworks to help her get over here since sometimes it can be difficult for her to understand. I just told her what she needed to do on her end. I did my part, she did hers. If she had any questions, then I would help her out. Every couple is different, so maybe he expects you to handle all the particulars...he may just want to review it and make changes/suggestions upon presentation and final submission...kind of like a CEO of a company, haha.

Seriously, though, I believe a marriage should involve both parties, especially when it comes to this. May need to sit down with him and have a discussion on each others expectations of each other. I agree with sweetcakes, communication is key and you need to ask for his help. How can you expect to know what to do when you haven't done this before...it's like being thrown to the wolves. Well, if he doesn't want to help, then lucky for us we have the VJ forum willing to help out.

Good luck.

Edited July 16, 2014 by Jojo_Jess