How do you cope with moving to the US?

[WickedGriffin 1]

Hi all.

I am getting closer and closer to my final Visa Interview. And I am already anxious and nervous about moving to the USA. I am from Bavaria, Germany. Very traditional, from a small village. Ive got my life here, a job, house, ive got 2 horses and a horse paddock. Ive got a nice garden. And I am giving that all up to be with the woman I love who lives in Phoenix Arizona. Sure I know I love her and she loves me.

Sure I know I want to be with her. Sure I think life in America offers much. But it is the act of relocation, the final weeks before leaving, leaving everything behind, while moving into the big unknown... the southwestern Desert is of course like a different planet for a southern bavarian like me. I leave my family, the environment, the austrian Alps where I go hiking and fishing a lot, etc.

Its hard. I feel Anxiety. I am nervous. I feel this pressure on my shoulders. How do you cope with that, how did you cope with that? What kind of advice can you possibly give?

Thanks all.

[CowBoE 429]

Didn't you thought about this when you decided to get married?

I am sure you did, and it was OK then.

This is just last minute jitters.

All will be fine. America is a great place to live.

My co-worker brought her horse over from Germany to US,

and she lives outside the big city in a small ranch like setting

and she loves it here.

With modern technology, you can Skype with all your families and friends in Germany

to stay emotionally connected, and its not terribly difficult if you have to fly and visit each other.

We have absolutely no control over involuntarily thoughts that rise in our head,

and ignorant person will let their emotion go into roller coaster ride with every random thought

but awakened person will recognize them as random and useless thought and let it rise and fall

without letting the emotions get tangled with it.

I think you got too much time and luxury on hand. This is when these useless thoughts rise more.

You look like a young person, so perhaps channel your thoughts towards, what you will do in US

in terms of jobs, hobby, and for family vacation.

The best way to break non-sense involuntary thoughts is to voluntarily think of things

you want to focus on or fully engage in the activity that you are doing each moment.

It's intentional distraction that stops wasteful thoughts.

Germany is a great county...especially the World Cup soccer team this year,

but US is also one of the best countries you can live in where so many are desperate to

have that chance. In the end, you will enjoy the stay here.

Be positive...and be happy about what life is giving you.

Best wishes...

[UnaMexicana 153]

Hello... I think the best advice I can give is to focus on the big prize: Think about your life right now, with all the comforts and lifestyle that you enjoy. Is there something that is possibly missing? Well, of course... your loved one!

I think it is ok to feel anxious, because it is a big leap... but it is a big leap forward, in you will be able to be with the person you love and have a wonderful life together. It is very good that you can voice those concerns out, because expressing what we fear or what bothers us helps us get through those feelings.

Have you two discussed the possibility of her moving over to Germany? Please, I am not trying to make you more anxious... just asking as that might be an option as well.

I agreed with my husband to live in Mexico when we first got married. As life was VERY different, we weighed our options and now it is my turn to jump in this journey and move to the US with him. I will leave my job, my big family, my life as I know it. And I know it will be a huge change and something that will take a lot of me to adjust... but I am willing to do it because he is the person I love.

What I am saying is.. there are always options when you love your other half... you just need to think about what you both want and compromise

I wish you the very best of luck!

[Ning 619]

Hi all.

I am getting closer and closer to my final Visa Interview. And I am already anxious and nervous about moving to the USA. I am from Bavaria, Germany. Very traditional, from a small village. Ive got my life here, a job, house, ive got 2 horses and a horse paddock. Ive got a nice garden. And I am giving that all up to be with the woman I love who lives in Phoenix Arizona. Sure I know I love her and she loves me.

Sure I know I want to be with her. Sure I think life in America offers much. But it is the act of relocation, the final weeks before leaving, leaving everything behind, while moving into the big unknown... the southwestern Desert is of course like a different planet for a southern bavarian like me. I leave my family, the environment, the austrian Alps where I go hiking and fishing a lot, etc.

Its hard. I feel Anxiety. I am nervous. I feel this pressure on my shoulders. How do you cope with that, how did you cope with that? What kind of advice can you possibly give?

Thanks all.

I come from a country where we live in a rain forest that people call the jungle. I live in the Valley of the sun myself right now. Right now there is plenty of sun.

We all have to decide what we want and sometimes like me without much info. I or we didnt know we would be living in my husbands former area. The economy drove us here where we have been for 6 years now. I like the Valley in most ways but its a giant area of about 50 sq miles with millions of people living in it now. My husband describes it when he was young as paradise. But now its just a huge very busy city with all the problems of that type of life. I do not like the impersonal feeling I get from people. On the street where we live most of the people dont speak to each other even when we meet at the mail box. Thats odd to me coming from a small village.

The " Alps " in Az are in the north and eastern part of the state. If you want to have horses and do what you used to you will have to find an area in the Valley where people do have those things and take them north to ride in the mountains. However I find the desert beautiful too especially if you know where to go.

There are web sites such as Old Phoenix where you can find a forum to ask people maybe even Germans how they cope. I would suggest you try to come to the USA to experience the lifestyle in the Valley. Its not Bavaria for sure from what my husband says.

I wonder if your lady has considered Bavaria because it sounds great.

[sweet cakes 326]

Hi all.

I am getting closer and closer to my final Visa Interview. And I am already anxious and nervous about moving to the USA. I am from Bavaria, Germany. Very traditional, from a small village. Ive got my life here, a job, house, ive got 2 horses and a horse paddock. Ive got a nice garden. And I am giving that all up to be with the woman I love who lives in Phoenix Arizona. Sure I know I love her and she loves me.

Sure I know I want to be with her. Sure I think life in America offers much. But it is the act of relocation, the final weeks before leaving, leaving everything behind, while moving into the big unknown... the southwestern Desert is of course like a different planet for a southern bavarian like me. I leave my family, the environment, the austrian Alps where I go hiking and fishing a lot, etc.

Its hard. I feel Anxiety. I am nervous. I feel this pressure on my shoulders. How do you cope with that, how did you cope with that? What kind of advice can you possibly give?

Thanks all.

The thought of uncertainty is totally normal. The idea of leaving stability and everything behind will definitely be there. It's excitement + nervousness rolled into one. Remember the long road behind you <or maybe it was a roller coaster ride> that you have gone through.

Is it worth it? Definitely ... It should be. And remind yourself that you have decided for this a long time ago. Stay strong!

All the best to your journey ahead!

[WickedGriffin 1]

Thank you all for your kind and helpful advice!

Yes, indeed. It is the time before "its getting serious". of course i knew what I am going to do. But thinking 1 year ahead and planning on moving to the USA, and actually DOING it are 2 different things.

No, I wont be able to bring the horses with me. They are not used to the heat as they are from the Austrian Alps where its winter 7 months a year. They would die. And my Fiance coming to Germany would not work out because of Joint Custody of her daughter. Not possible.

We want to move to Wisconsin though by the time I am settled, having a job, stable income... as we both think that Wisconsin offers a lot. Remember: I am from the Alps. Its so cold here right now that I got my woodstove burning! In July! I am not kidding haha.

We both want to live on a small Hobby Farm. So we will be leaving Arizona sooner or later, too. To me this feels like:

Leaving Germany - Going to AZ - Leaving AZ - Moving to WI. A lil bit chaotic, yes. If this is what I want? Without a question of doubt. But its scary. I know I ll have to adjust to US mentality, culture and lifestyle as a whole. Altho I think that this is not so much of a big problem to me. It is more the act of LEAVING stuff that I am fond of HERE behind. This does not mean I question my Fiance or that I dont love her. Its just the act of letting it go... thats it. Sure I miss my Girl. Absolutely!

Thank you guys! All answers are highly appreciated!

[rjm_cmyk 75]

You'll be fine . You'll miss Europe but it's still there and the US will let you back in (once you've got the EAD/AP). Do a bit of reading on the trials and tribulations of being an ex-pat - for many there is a cycle they will go through before emerging happy and settled at the end.

I've been here for six months now (or whatever it says in my sig below) and am going back for my first trip in a couple of weeks. Soooo looking forward to seeing family and friends and just seeing the UK again but not because of any trace of homesickness. But it's not where my life is any more and I'll be happy to return here.

What you are feeling now is the anxiety and excitement of what is a really big move. Those of us that are already here know what that means. I've needed six months to recover from it ! I moved out of my house the night before my flight here so my recommendation is to target to have EVERYTHING done a week ahead. Time will compress as you get nearer to that date and all those things you planned to do before you left - well you will have run out of time.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

Thank you all for your kind and helpful advice!

Yes, indeed. It is the time before "its getting serious". of course i knew what I am going to do. But thinking 1 year ahead and planning on moving to the USA, and actually DOING it are 2 different things.

No, I wont be able to bring the horses with me. They are not used to the heat as they are from the Austrian Alps where its winter 7 months a year. They would die. And my Fiance coming to Germany would not work out because of Joint Custody of her daughter. Not possible.

We want to move to Wisconsin though by the time I am settled, having a job, stable income... as we both think that Wisconsin offers a lot. Remember: I am from the Alps. Its so cold here right now that I got my woodstove burning! In July! I am not kidding haha.

We both want to live on a small Hobby Farm. So we will be leaving Arizona sooner or later, too. To me this feels like:

Leaving Germany - Going to AZ - Leaving AZ - Moving to WI. A lil bit chaotic, yes. If this is what I want? Without a question of doubt. But its scary. I know I ll have to adjust to US mentality, culture and lifestyle as a whole. Altho I think that this is not so much of a big problem to me. It is more the act of LEAVING stuff that I am fond of HERE behind. This does not mean I question my Fiance or that I dont love her. Its just the act of letting it go... thats it. Sure I miss my Girl. Absolutely!

Thank you guys! All answers are highly appreciated!

I would say everything is going to be okay. Especially finally both of you are together. Remember and rewind in your mind, the feeling how she will be close to you, when woke up you saw her next to you in the morning - I used to see my husband woke up on Skype and that was different feeling when finally I saw him woke up in person, -. You are from European country which more closer to American cultures. Many of beneficiaries are from countries which is totally different at all.

The hardest part for me was I used to work with my hectic schedules and suddenly have to stay at home all the time. But, time goes by and eventually I am started thinking out of box. Doing something. Honestly I spent first months in the US on bed all days. Thankfully, my husband really supportive. He did everything he could to make sure I am not depressed being alone at apartment.

You will get used to it. Everything you leave you find difficult to be apart but after you have been through this process it is not seem scary than in your thought. I am blogging, cleaning, take care my cats, workout, talk to my friends on Facebook and Skype, etc, and I believe you will have more things to explore when you come to the US.

Edited July 10, 2014 by Girl from Celebes

[Kiwinyc 62]

I would say not to look too far ahead. Concentrate on whats immediately in front of you, wrapping up your life, saying good byes, sorting out the things you want to bring.

Do do some research about the things you know you'll want to keep doing in AZ i.e. maybe check out horse riding possibilities if thats something thats important to you. Keep an open mind to let some things go and know that there will be new things that will replace what you are leaving behind that will be different but just as good, if not better because you will be with the one you love.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

Thank you all for your kind and helpful advice!

Yes, indeed. It is the time before "its getting serious". of course i knew what I am going to do. But thinking 1 year ahead and planning on moving to the USA, and actually DOING it are 2 different things.

No, I wont be able to bring the horses with me. They are not used to the heat as they are from the Austrian Alps where its winter 7 months a year. They would die. And my Fiance coming to Germany would not work out because of Joint Custody of her daughter. Not possible.

We want to move to Wisconsin though by the time I am settled, having a job, stable income... as we both think that Wisconsin offers a lot. Remember: I am from the Alps. Its so cold here right now that I got my woodstove burning! In July! I am not kidding haha.

We both want to live on a small Hobby Farm. So we will be leaving Arizona sooner or later, too. To me this feels like:

Leaving Germany - Going to AZ - Leaving AZ - Moving to WI. A lil bit chaotic, yes. If this is what I want? Without a question of doubt. But its scary. I know I ll have to adjust to US mentality, culture and lifestyle as a whole. Altho I think that this is not so much of a big problem to me. It is more the act of LEAVING stuff that I am fond of HERE behind. This does not mean I question my Fiance or that I dont love her. Its just the act of letting it go... thats it. Sure I miss my Girl. Absolutely!

Thank you guys! All answers are highly appreciated!

To be honest with you, my husband would rather be in Denmark but he knows I am happy here, so he is happier here. America isn't any better of a country to live than any other first world country, in fact a lot of times, for people from those places, it can certainly seem worse.

Wisconsin is a good game plan especially with the climate. We just moved to way northern Minnesota and my husband, who is used to the cooler temperatures, loves it here. The people are also much more like the Danes he is used to back home.

[lynndy38 64]

Hi there!!!

What you are feeling is very normal. You are about to make a huge change in your life and theres no doubt it will be a culture shock for a while. Usually when you first arrive its a bit like being on holiday, you're finally back with the person you love and everywhere seems different and exciting. I've been here 15 months now, I lived right in the centre of my home town in the UK…..I am now surrounded by fields and wildlife!!! You will find you compare everything to back home at first but that tends to ease off, of course you will miss family and friends you learn to cope with the pain of that one! Some days I find myself thinking how the heck did I get here??? Others I am so excited at the prospect of living my life with my wonderful husband in an amazing country.

Your nerves are normal, try and turn them into excitement…..life is for living and taking chances, who better to do that than with your true love and soulmate

[jjbandero 39]

Hello there WickedGriffin,

First of all, your feelings are completely understood and normal, this is a very big move, but you clearly have thought it through and have the support of your loved ones. In terms of coping, I would suggest a couple of things:

• Focus on the things that are within your control - figure out the logistics of where you're going to be, how to get around, what you might want to do, where you might find some German expats, food etc. It sounds simple, but it actually takes up a fair bit of time and since you will gain useful and sometimes surprising information out of it, I'd say it's quite productive. Things that are outside of your control should be acknowledged and their progress monitored, but worrying about them will only add more stress
• Let your fiancee know about how you feel and the plans/lists you've made so that she is on the same page and perhaps can offer up other great suggestions. I've seen a few ways of dealing with the significant other's arrival, some people prefer to take time off and spend it together to help the process of familiarization, others preferred to keep to their routines. I would suggest creating new routines together so that you're both experiencing a change together

I moved to the US by myself with a backpack and two suitcases about 10 years ago, and reading your post brought me back to the day that I landed, the only people I knew were the people who interviewed me for my job. I was lucky that I had to start work immediately (some might say unlucky), but where I worked, there were a lot of people my age and in similar situations (transplants from other states and countries) so we had a lot of things in common and worked and helped each other out. That was really helpful for me personally. If you are unable to work initially or prefer not to, then perhaps you can try and meet some locals for example, who have horses since you are an expert with them already to see how they are set up in Arizona.

Best of luck!

[laurafunmaker 0]

Hello, I would like to share some information with you about life near the Great Lakes. I live smack dab right in the middle of them in Ontario Canada. As you may not know about the lay of the land and the options you have right at your finger tips.

WI is located right on 2 of the best lakes for fishing. I am not sure what you enjoy fishing for, but Lake Superior and Lake Michigan have some of the largest and meanest and tastiest fish. You have the options of Salmon, Pike, sturgeon, trout I could go on for months about the wonderful fish located in these waters.

Here is a link to help you see the goodness of the Great Lake Fishing.

http://www.seagrant.wisc.edu/home/Default.aspx?tabid=619

Now about the landscape. It is not the Alps. By far. But what does offer is Maple trees that change from September to November. The most wonderful and riches colors you may ever see. Also It offers large rolling hills and bed rock that is so old and the history of the ice age shows in the land. The wildlife is outstanding, moose, elk, black bears, cougars, mink and so much more. The fog in the mornings is thick and the winters are so cold and covered in snow that you may feel like you are in the Alps. It is breathtaking and beautiful and the smell of spring and life growing is not something a lot of people think about when they think about relocation.

I understand your feelings, I am leaving all of this life ( only on the Canada side, same wildlife, same fish, same trees) to go to live in Florida with the man of my dreams. I now face a whole new world full of alligators, panthers, snakes, bugs the size of my hands and lizards everywhere. It is like Jurassic Park to me.I will not be setting up my tent to go camping when I live for fear of the that something will kill me while i sleep. Yet I welcome all of it because the man I love is worth it. So I remind myself that Canada will always be here, it is my roots, my home, my history. My husband and our life in Jurassic Park is new and fun and lots to learn about and best of all, I get to be with the one that knows the song to my soul.

It may not feel like your norm, but you are going to be enchanted by the land and the people and the seasons and I think when the times comes for us ( husband and I to move) we will go north because as long as I have maple trees, My soul is at ease.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask and best wishes!!!

[lucybelle 453]

When my husband first moved in with me in the USA he hated it. After about four months, he started to like it. Now we've been in Costa Rica together for three years and he can't wait to go back.

Everyone's journey is different. If you're nervous about culture shock, look into therapy before you leave. Your therapist can give you tools to help you manage your feelings. Moving to a new country is exciting and scary and awesome and sad and nerve racking and brings up lots of anxiety. It's perfectly okay to feel all those things. You will have sad days, but try to have more happy days than sad ones.

I also think it's very important you keep an open dialogue about how you feel with your wife. Don't blame her, but let her know how you're feeling. You need a rock.

Finally- my tip for when you do move to the USA, don't focus on how things are different. Don't compare. Instead, try to find one thing every day that you like about your new home. Maybe it's a small coffee shop that happens to make really good scones, maybe one day it's a beautiful sunset, maybe a butterfly flew by your window. Whatever it is, no matter how small, focus on the positive.

Best wishes!

[JIJourney 96]

United States is the best country in the whole world. You will love it.