Civil Ceremony vs Wedding

[bearnar 0]

I know there has been several topics on this issue already, but i was hoping to hear people's opinions/experiences on this particular topic since our situation is a little different.

Me and my fiance are having a big wedding (religious ceremony) at the end of June. However, since we will be getting our K-1 visa soon, we are considering having a civil ceremony earlier so that I can come to the U.S. sooner so we can finally be together again. Haven't seen each other much this past year... If we do that, we will of course have 2 wedding dates - so what we are discussing is whether this will have any consequences or can cause any issues now, or later down the road? In what type of situations will this "2 wedding dates" thing reoccur later in life if we decide to do this?

Another twist to the situation is that, assuming we do the civil ceremony, we will not move in together until after the religious ceremony, for religious reasons. Basically how it probably will work is that i will stay at her house until we find an apartment/condo we like, and when we do, i will move in. My fiance won't actually move in until after our June wedding. The time between the civil and religious ceremony will be almost a prolonged move-in period as we have lots of things to get, lots to move etc. Not to forget the rest of the K-1 process as well as trying to find a job again. We obviously want to see each other as soon as possible, but we also want to make sure we don't make any rash decisions because of it that might come back to haunt us.

I hope this at least sort of makes sense, because i would really appreciate any thoughts or feedback!

Thanks!

[bebop + rocksteady 0]

We're doing a courthouse ceremony on St. Patrick's Day (if we get approved next week!) and a large family ceremony on September 22. So, having two weddings isn't really that uncommon.

What IS uncommon is not living together until the second wedding. Considering you'll want to file for AOS shortly after your civil ceremony, and AOS requires proof of a legitimate relationship, and considering one of the strongest evidences for a legitimate relationship is living together, living apart seems to be a scary tactic.

Cass (bebop the great)

Edited January 18, 2007 by bebop + rocksteady

[flicki 0]

We are are doing (did) the same. We had a small civil ceremony a few weeks ago and will have a large wedding in Church this summer. I would just make sure that when it comes to visa related issues you maintain that you wanted to marry ASAP because of love and not for immigration reasons. Leave out explainations for not living together, i.e. anything that implies that you guys don't really view it as marriage.

[bebop + rocksteady 0]

How do you leave out explanations of not living together when one of the better evidence pieces for AOS approval are utilities bills, leases, dead, mail addressed to one another, etc.?

If I was a reviewing officer, and I saw that the couple I was reviewing didn't live together (or didn't provide any proof that they lived together) for an extended period after their wedding, it'd throw up a big giant honkin' red flag.

Cass (bebop the great)

Leave out explainations for not living together, i.e. anything that implies that you guys don't really view it as marriage.

[flicki 0]

Agreed, my statement was unclear. I was just trying to say that they should not explain their living apart in a way that could lead someone to beleive that they don't view their marriage as real marriage. I really don't know if one could explain this by religious beliefs. Out of my domain.

[Yodrak 7]

bearnar,

You can have as many wedding ceremonies as you want, when ever and where ever you want, of whatever type you want. But you'll only get married once. Make sure that you have a marriage certificate showing a marriage date within 90 days of your entry date.

Then, if you decide to not live together once you're married, be prepared to explain why.

Yodrak

I know there has been several topics on this issue already, but i was hoping to hear people's opinions/experiences on this particular topic since our situation is a little different.

Me and my fiance are having a big wedding (religious ceremony) at the end of June. However, since we will be getting our K-1 visa soon, we are considering having a civil ceremony earlier so that I can come to the U.S. sooner so we can finally be together again. Haven't seen each other much this past year... If we do that, we will of course have 2 wedding dates - so what we are discussing is whether this will have any consequences or can cause any issues now, or later down the road? In what type of situations will this "2 wedding dates" thing reoccur later in life if we decide to do this?

Another twist to the situation is that, assuming we do the civil ceremony, we will not move in together until after the religious ceremony, for religious reasons. Basically how it probably will work is that i will stay at her house until we find an apartment/condo we like, and when we do, i will move in. My fiance won't actually move in until after our June wedding. The time between the civil and religious ceremony will be almost a prolonged move-in period as we have lots of things to get, lots to move etc. Not to forget the rest of the K-1 process as well as trying to find a job again. We obviously want to see each other as soon as possible, but we also want to make sure we don't make any rash decisions because of it that might come back to haunt us.

I hope this at least sort of makes sense, because i would really appreciate any thoughts or feedback!

Thanks!

[bearnar 0]

Yeah, i know that not-living-together part is complicated... But we are growing restless about not seeing each other for what seems like forever, and it's very limited as to what i can do to help my fiance in terms of the wedding from half-a-world away...

But where and when does this not-living-together part have to be explained? I know we have to submit evidence of relationship, but shouldn't be a problem as we've been together for more than 5 years, and we already have joint accounts, credit cards, car loan etc together. And we will both have our names on any lease, bills etc since it will be our place all along, even though only one of us will stay the night there for the first few months...

I'm just so torn between doing what the heart says (get married right now so we can see each other again), or being patient and doing what Uncle Sam can easier understand...

I really appreciate the feedback though guys - great to hear opinions from people who really understand the K-1 situation (cuz unfortunately, most people don't)...

Edited January 18, 2007 by bearnar

[MHandMB 0]

I've written about this before in another thread, but I did the same thing you're talking about doing. My husband and I are pretty traditional and didn't really consider ourselves "married" until we had our big ceremony. We lived in the same house, so had the same address, but we lived with my parents (and stayed in separate rooms) until we had the big wedding, and then we moved out on our own. We did take care of some administrative stuff after our wedding (like getting him put on my insurance), but I didn't change my name. We consider our wedding date to be the date of our big ceremony, not the date we were civilly married. We got lucky, and our case was transferred to CSC so we didn't have an interview. However, if we had gotten down to having an interview, we would have used invoices and receipts from all of our wedding vendors to show proof of our big wedding, and we would have explained everything to the CO and would hope that he/she would have understood.

You do run a risk, immigration wise, but if you';re only talking about 4 months or so after the civil marriage until your big wedding and until your wife -to-be moves in, then that's usually not enough time after filing for AOS to have an immigration interview (in which you'd have to explain separate residences), so it's probably not going to be a huge deal. Just weigh all the factors and figure out what's the best thing for you to do.

As for my husband and me, we celebrate the day of our big wedding ceremony as our wedding anniversary. So far, everything has gone well!

Good luck!

[Fandango 1,439]

why get married sooner if you really don't see it as a joining of two souls? I mean what would the benefits actually be if you couldn't really start married life together?

[bearnar 0]

I've written about this before in another thread, but I did the same thing you're talking about doing. My husband and I are pretty traditional and didn't really consider ourselves "married" until we had our big ceremony. We lived in the same house, so had the same address, but we lived with my parents (and stayed in separate rooms) until we had the big wedding, and then we moved out on our own. We did take care of some administrative stuff after our wedding (like getting him put on my insurance), but I didn't change my name. We consider our wedding date to be the date of our big ceremony, not the date we were civilly married. We got lucky, and our case was transferred to CSC so we didn't have an interview. However, if we had gotten down to having an interview, we would have used invoices and receipts from all of our wedding vendors to show proof of our big wedding, and we would have explained everything to the CO and would hope that he/she would have understood.

You do run a risk, immigration wise, but if you';re only talking about 4 months or so after the civil marriage until your big wedding and until your wife -to-be moves in, then that's usually not enough time after filing for AOS to have an immigration interview (in which you'd have to explain separate residences), so it's probably not going to be a huge deal. Just weigh all the factors and figure out what's the best thing for you to do.

As for my husband and me, we celebrate the day of our big wedding ceremony as our wedding anniversary. So far, everything has gone well!

Good luck!

Wow, this sounds almost exactly like our story - nice to know we're not the only ones...

We will also consider our 'big ceremony day' as our wedding date - but I assume in other situations, forms, applications etc our wedding date will actually be the date of our civil wedding... right?

[bearnar 0]

why get married sooner if you really don't see it as a joining of two souls? I mean what would the benefits actually be if you couldn't really start married life together?

That's a fair question, but in our case, our religious ceremony will be our joining of two souls. Our civil marriage would allow me to be 5 minutes away, as opposed to say 10 hours... and that way we could spend some time together before the wedding, help out with the planning, instead of me showing up just before the big day. And of course it would help jumpstart the rest of the visa/green card process significantly, getting a job etc.

[Yodrak 7]

bearnar,

If your fiancee has not gotten her K1 visa yet, and has not entered the USA, then getting married "now" (your word in this post) will get you together again later, not sooner, because you'll have to start over with a new visa type.

Your wife and you may have to explain your living arrangement at your wife's adjustment interview (unless she is approved for adjustment without an interview). You seem to have good evidence of a bonafide marriage. I don't know your religion or the religious issues that cause you to feel that you must live apart even though legally married, but if it is the common practice of your religion then you should be able to give a satisfactory explanation if the issue is raised.

Yodrak

Yeah, i know that not-living-together part is complicated... But we are growing restless about not seeing each other for what seems like forever, and it's very limited as to what i can do to help my fiance in terms of the wedding from half-a-world away...

But where and when does this not-living-together part have to be explained? I know we have to submit evidence of relationship, but shouldn't be a problem as we've been together for more than 5 years, and we already have joint accounts, credit cards, car loan etc together. And we will both have our names on any lease, bills etc since it will be our place all along, even though only one of us will stay the night there for the first few months...

I'm just so torn between doing what the heart says (get married right now so we can see each other again), or being patient and doing what Uncle Sam can easier understand...

I really appreciate the feedback though guys - great to hear opinions from people who really understand the K-1 situation (cuz unfortunately, most people don't)...

[Fandango 1,439]

why get married sooner if you really don't see it as a joining of two souls? I mean what would the benefits actually be if you couldn't really start married life together?

That's a fair question, but in our case, our religious ceremony will be our joining of two souls. Our civil marriage would allow me to be 5 minutes away, as opposed to say 10 hours... and that way we could spend some time together before the wedding, help out with the planning, instead of me showing up just before the big day. And of course it would help jumpstart the rest of the visa/green card process significantly, getting a job etc.

How would it jumpstart any part of the rest of this process? It'll take X days from when you arrive...that's with or without the big wedding.

And as far as the two home thing...well, I can only speak for myself to say that if I went thru all this immi stuff only to make certain choices which could raise serious questions as to the legitimacy of our marriage......well I personally wouldn't be hasty to get the 'quick fix' Even if it's easily explained away.

[Cécy 44]

You know, if they allow people who haven't met within the past 2 years to obtain a K1 visa for religious reasons, I don't see why it would be a problem for you to only move in together after the religious wedding.

I'm sure the immigration services will understand that you only consider yourself "allowed" to move in with each other after being married under god. You'll have papers proving you are organizing a big family wedding, you have ties showing that you are on a serious relationship. And it makes sense to want to be there to participate in the organisation of your own wedding.

Don't worry. What matters is that you are together for love and not just to move to the US.

[Caladan 19]

How would it jumpstart any part of the rest of this process? It'll take X days from when you arrive...that's with or without the big wedding.

And as far as the two home thing...well, I can only speak for myself to say that if I went thru all this immi stuff only to make certain choices which could raise serious questions as to the legitimacy of our marriage......well I personally wouldn't be hasty to get the 'quick fix' Even if it's easily explained away.

I think the choice the OP is talking about is between:

1) Enter upon receipt of the K-1, have a civil ceremony, file for AoS, then have a big religious ceremony.

2) Delay entry upon receipt of the K-1, have the big wedding, file for AoS, with a difference of several months.

That does jumpstart the AoS.

Were I the OP, I'd pick option two. But if I went for option one, I'd try to get a letter from my local religious leader explaining why a civil ceremony wouldn't suffice to send along with the other proof of relationship.