Problems living with husband and father in law after arring in the US

[Newport235 1]

Hi, I arrived in the US on IR1 visa on April 29 2014. After waiting for 2.8yrs. I have a 14 month old son. My husband is a schizophreniac and stayed with me for nearly 2 yrs in India after marriage depending on his sister and fathers finance. I used all my savings for the marriage. While he stayed with me in India, i realised he is a very messy person. Changes his clothes 3 to 4 times but expects his wife to do his work. I am from India where they teach us to love and respect your husband so i did do all his work. Even cleaned the toilet. Did the same when i was pregnant.

During this time had a lot of arguments and fights with him too.

Now im in the US and he has not changed. I works 5 hrs a day and sleeps the rest of the day. His father is even more unhygenic to live with. He uses the toilet paper and leaves on the sink. His clothes smell of pee. He doesnt know the basic manners of eating. He doesnt brush his teeth. Has shower once a week. And my husband is ysed to his way of life but its getting on my nerves. I dont want my son to live in such a dirty place.

When i clean my father in law asks me not to clean. My hysband doesnt want me to upset his father. My husband doesnt help me in any way. He doesnt even watch rhe kid when i go for show or to the toilet.

We've been fighting from last 2weeks. I really need some space from these dirty guys. But my green card hasnt come yet. I dont kbow the place as am new here. I dont know anyone here. I just dont know what to do.

Can anyone advice me pls

[sadavis5 46]

If your husband was the same in India and is still the same here, he will probably never change.

Can you move to a new apartment without the father in law? If your current finances don't allow for that, you can plan to get a job and save up for the deposit and such.

Edited July 6, 2014 by sadavis5

[bronco37 16]

Hi, I arrived in the US on IR1 visa on April 29 2014. After waiting for 2.8yrs. I have a 14 month old son. My husband is a schizophreniac and stayed with me for nearly 2 yrs in India after marriage depending on his sister and fathers finance.

I used all my savings for the marriage.

While he stayed with me in India, i realised he is a very messy person.

During this time had a lot of arguments and fights with him too.

You still came to the USA? Sorry, but, this story has a LOT of inconsistencies.

2.8 years of marriage - You already have 10 years GC. So, divorce the guy, go wherever you want to go and try not to make the same mistake again.

<snip>

But my green card hasnt come yet. I dont kbow the place as am new here. I dont know anyone here. I just dont know what to do.

Can anyone advice me pls

You need to see a marriage counselor.

And given the story you told, I'd say try to find a separate residence and file for a divorce.

GC is yours. If you don't receive it in a few days, check w/ USCIS.

In a month, if GC is still AWOL, call the police and file a lost GC complaint. Take the loss report and mail to USCIS. Again, you will probably need a different secure address to receive the GC.

That said, I do not buy your story at all. Seems to me someone just wanted to be in the promised land at any cost. Sorry to be blunt.

Edited July 7, 2014 by bronco37

[NikLR 13,232]

[flora01 37]

I assume it's an arranged marriage, that's why you had to keep on living with him in India even after realizing that he is a messy person. In arranged marriages, women have to follow few old society norms.

Right now you should try to find job for yourself (i assume you don't have one) and once you find it , it's up to you whether you want to continue this relationship or not.

I don't think this is a good idea to leave him just after getting green card because it will indicate you came to this country just for green card (since you already knew that he is messy person and kept on living with him).

It will affect your case of citizenship later on.

So it's better to give him an option to improve once you settle yourself. Give both father and son this option to improve their living style once you find job.

And most important, keep records of all conversations and proofs of their behavior and living conditions in order to defend your case of citizenship later on. Even if you separate or divorce right now, you will have proof of the reasons of divorce.

[Caryh 5,206]

I assume it's an arranged marriage, that's why you had to keep on living with him in India even after realizing that he is a messy person. In arranged marriages, women have to follow few old society norms.

Right now you should try to find job for yourself (i assume you don't have one) and once you find it , it's up to you whether you want to continue this relationship or not.

I don't think this is a good idea to leave him just after getting green card because it will indicate you came to this country just for green card (since you already knew that he is messy person and kept on living with him).

It will affect your case of citizenship later on.

So it's better to give him an option to improve once you settle yourself. Give both father and son this option to improve their living style once you find job.

And most important, keep records of all conversations and proofs of their behavior and living conditions in order to defend your case of citizenship later on. Even if you separate or divorce right now, you will have proof of the reasons of divorce.

gaining citizenship has nothing to do with the reasons a marriage failed. Either she's married to a USC the whole time and can apply at three years permanent resident, or she applies at 5 years permanent resident.

[Boiler 46,362]

Best bet sounds like to head back home, hopefully there will be no issue in taking your child.

[Newport235 1]

Thank you for all your replies.

Well its a match found onthe matrimonial site. We spoke to each other for 5 months before deciding to marry.

He is working now but not a permanent job. We hardly communicate. Looks like he wants to be away from home too.

So thats clear.

Now if i decide to go back to India, what happens to my baby who is a US citizen.

[Boiler 46,362]

You will need the Fathers approval.

[aaron2020 11,651]

Thank you for all your replies.

Well its a match found onthe matrimonial site. We spoke to each other for 5 months before deciding to marry.

He is working now but not a permanent job. We hardly communicate. Looks like he wants to be away from home too.

So thats clear.

Now if i decide to go back to India, what happens to my baby who is a US citizen.

If you go back to India, you will need the father's permission to take your child out of the US.

If you do not get the father's permission to let his child leave the US, then you can not take the child with you.

If you take the child out of the US without the father's permission, you will have committed the crime of international parental kidnapping. Depends on how India handles the case, you could be prosecuted for the crime or protected by the Indian government who may care more about its citizens than US laws.

Read these articles;

http://www.international-divorce.com/good-news-child-india.htm

https://www.indiacurrents.com/articles/2013/02/21/dont-kidnap-your-own-child