Do I need to leave the U.S. since we are separated

[CindyR 1]

I just need to hear others opinion on this matter. I am just so confused right now. I need to speak to a therapist but can’t afford one right now.

I walked out and left my husband because I felt threatened for my life. Several things happened that week before that made me woke up and said I had enough of this $*%@. I was also tired of being yelled at and being treated bad and living in fear because of my husband’s temper. I felt used and abused. He has not been physically abusive to me just a lot of emotional abuse, cheating and controlling ways. His own insecurity led him to bug my phone, my computer, and tracked my car, etc in which he admitted doing so only after I left him. I have never cheated on my husband. I have been the best wife to him any a man can ask for and more. Everyday he came home to a clean house, meal on the table, etc.

Let me say that I have not created or given my husband any reason for him to treat me this way. He is obviously upset that his plans for me did not work out for him the way he had planned it. For example, he said he wants me to find a full time job so that he can leave his job which he said he hates working at. So once I find a full time job he will stop working. I have only been able to find temp employment working here and there for a few weeks or months at a time.

I am currently living with my family members while we are separated.

I know my husband loves me in his own way, and I love him. However, I had to do what was best for me. I felt and saw myself slowing going into a deep depression and I knew I just had to get away from under his control. I cry every day when I think about my husband. The way he treated me and spoke to me was very hurtful. I don’t know how I put up with it for so long, but I know that I love this man but I don’t want to be another statistic of domestic violence and abuse.

My husband said that if I had not left him he would never changed his ways. He said this was a wakeup call for him and made him sought counseling. He said he wants me back and how he misses me so much. He said he is willing to do anything to get me back, but the funniest this is he has never once picked up the phone to call me since I left. He ignores my calls and also my emails. If I don’t call him he will not call me. I know he probably is mad at me from leaving him which is the reason why he is ignoring me.

I am not faced with having to start over. I don’t know what to do.

I can’t afford a lawyer right now which is why I am not pressing to get a divorce. I wish that we could work this out but how can you live with someone that you lose complete trust in. How can I go back to someone who had me bugged and for no reason other than for control?

Do I need to leave the U.S. since we are separated, or can I file on my own to stay in the U.S.? I am still CR-1.

[J2dutch 3]

Wow he is almost like my husband. The only difference is just my husband is not insecure but he is emotionally, mentally and verbally abusing me too.everytime we fight he doesnt care to settle our problem/ aplologize for the faults he did instead he walks away from me just act like nothing happened(watch tv, laugh, eat by himself, sleep in a different room for days like wer not living in desame roof) and so i leave the house ,go to a friend's house to vent...but he doesnt call me , or try to find me...he doesnt say sorry for his faults instead, he wanted me to say sorry for running away from him. And there also one time while i was cleaning the house he was playing games on his ipad, i asked him to clean the dresser for me, 1hour has passed and i was done with all the chores but he was still palying so we ended up fighting and telling me that I HAVE NO PATIENCE , he went to the bedroom ang THROW A TISSUE PAPER ON THE FLOOR , ( like really?? After i cleaned the house??)).....He has also album of his ex gf he kept in our house but no album of our family pictures.. he lie so much (compulsive lier) , he cheated on me 1time too... many many things he did to me that made me really depressed wen i was in US.. I Felt no love and respect from him. Until one time we fought again , about these gamble thing he hide to me that really really hurt me. That was the fight that made him changed. Cuz that incident made me realize he is not worthy for me and so i entertained another guy who likes me so much.. i told my husband face to face that i am leaving him already and i am starting to like this different guy. But still i ended up going back with him because he promised to change, begging me to stay with him and help him change. I cant afford seeing him crying and kneeling infront of me begging me to stay.. i feel pity for him and i cant deny that i still love him so much ..

[Darnell 8,479]

Do I need to leave the U.S. since we are separated

No. You have until the expiration date on the green card to make that decision, or other decisions.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

I can’t afford a lawyer right now which is why I am not pressing to get a divorce. I wish that we could work this out but how can you live with someone that you lose complete trust in. How can I go back to someone who had me bugged and for no reason other than for control?

Do I need to leave the U.S. since we are separated, or can I file on my own to stay in the U.S.? I am still CR-1.

So you are a conditional permanent resident? If so, you'll need to file for divorce and then a divorce waiver before you can remove conditions. You'll want to start collecting some evidence of your bonafide marriage - things you owned together, trips you took, bills or mail in both of your names, proof you lived at the same address, etc. If he really is controlling like this, you need to do these things covertly, sometimes these types of men can snap.

You can file for divorce pro se (without a lawyer) if you don't have a complicated case, i.e. you don't have children or assets earned during the marriage to divide up.

[tuckin14 58]

One thing you didn't mention is when you received your green card, and whether your husband will file a joint I-751 with you.

The key question is, At the time you got married, did you have a good faith intention to establish a bona fide marital relationship? Since USCIS cannot look into your soul, they will look to your behavior. Did you live together, establish joint bank accounts, joint leases, engaged in activities as a couple, travel and celebrate holidays together and with family?

I've seen varied opinions on whether you can file the I-751 if you are not living together. What is certain is, you cannot file with a waiver unless you are legally divorced. If you are separated or the divorce is pending, you must either file jointly or not at all. If the divorce is in process, you can file with a waiver but not include the divorce decree. At some point USCIS will issue a RFE (Request For Evidence) asking for the divorce decree and you will have 87 days to produce it.

USCIS is generally understanding that marriages sometimes don't work out, although it certainly creates a higher standard of proof. If you can prove you are trying to work things out it will help, although keep in mind that USCIS will probably still suspect that you and your husband are conspiring to make it look good.

You definitely do not have to leave the USA. Your 2-year green card will expire, and you will get a one-year extension when you file I-751, and you can stay at least until that is denied.

You can also possibly file for a waiver based on being battered, but I don't think that USCIS has defined "bugging and tracking" in the same category with physical beatings.

You really need to get a lawyer. Find the money somehow. I think a lawyer for an I-751 will typically cost about $2000.

[CindyR 1]

Thank you all for the comments.

I am not sure if my husband will file with me since we are seperated. I don't know about my husband but I know I fell in love with him and I married him because I love him and wanted to spend my life with him. I didn't know that he would change to this type of controlling person. I just don't know if I can trust him again.

[rika60607 215]

Oh dear.

You do not have to leave the US.

You need to look up the divorce law in your state. There may be a required period of separation, but you should be able to file for divorce without needing consent of your husband.

If you decide to go through with divorce and you have a conditional GC, then you will have to file I-751 before the expiration of your GC or when your divorce is final, whichever happens first.

Meanwhile, you will need to think about evidence that you will need to provide USCIS with when you file for removal of condition (I-751 - read instructions). You will need that evidence regardless of if you divorce or not.

MOST I-751 of divorced petitioners get approved.

It is great that you have family to lean on.

Make your own luck and prepare the best you can for divorce and for filing I-751.

Thank you all for the comments.

I am not sure if my husband will file with me since we are seperated. I don't know about my husband but I know I fell in love with him and I married him because I love him and wanted to spend my life with him. I didn't know that he would change to this type of controlling person. I just don't know if I can trust him again.