So close, yet so far. Looking for people on a spousal visa for advice

[christeen 966]

Some people have jobs/businesses that te need to transfer or run and cannot just "not work" for 3-5 months... Not because the money, but they would lose their career or business....

[Not a Tailor 1,370]

I tend to agree with the person who said 'she's not prioritizing you, so find someone who will.'

I say this as someone who is married and would not be if it weren't for borders. Simply put? I was raised not to believe in marriage. It's not a religious thing--we just don't marry in my family. We cohabitate, happily, for increments of 20, 30 years or longer, but hold a superstitious belief that marriage changes a relationship for the worse. It was a huge shock when my grandmother recently married (after 20 years of living with the man she married--she did it for reasons of making her will hold more water, not because she wanted to be married).

I would not have gotten married if I did not live in a different country from the person that I love and want to start a family with. Unfortunately, there's no visa path for family reunification where the government doesn't see a family and the US government refuses to see a family without blood ties or a marriage certificate. Until recently, for my wife and I, a marriage certificate would not even have been enough--until DOMA fell, marriage was not even on the table.

I have married because it's how I can be with someone I love and not have to go home in tears after brief, unsatisfying visits. To me? That's not fraudulent in the slightest. That's what the spousal visas are FOR. Bringing families together. I just had to do something to make my family be recognized as 'real' enough for bureaucracy.

[Dualie 185]

~~general immigration from IR1/CR1 process and procedures as OP isn't sure they want a spousal or K1 visa, and is looking for alternatives to a family visa~~

We married sooner than we would have if immigration (either to Canada or to the USA) wasn't an issue, but I wanted to marry my husband as it was. I knew before he asked me to marry him that he was the one I wanted forever in my life. That's why I said yes. I wanted him to be in my life, however necessary. I would have liked to go the route of living together and then getting married, but I wasn't about to let him get away, and he wasn't about to let me get away either. Being together was more important than either where we lived, how much money we made, or who else felt it was important. My brother stopped talking to me the day we

filed for me to move to the USA because he didn't agree with our decision. Other family members have yelled and gotten angry. I've explained where we were coming from and then told them that the decision was ours, no one else's, and we did not need to explain ourselves to anyone. No one needs to know our private conversations on how we reach OUR decisions. As long as other people control your lives, and you let them, there is no future for you as a couple. My husband is my rock and I am his. He is my best friend and I am his. We go through this world together, side by side.

If your girlfriend doesn't want to marry you, then a long distance relationship, or finding a work visa, is the best you're going to get. IMHO, I'd find someone new, knowing someone didn't want to marry me. Especially if it was because their family had decided they didn't like it. My family didn't tell me what to do, this is my life. I wouldn't want a spouse who couldn't stand on their own two feet or stand up for me. But that's me.

. This.

My husband and I both knew we wanted to be together for the remainder of our lives. We would have loved to have waited and have a wonderful ceremony with families and friends, but I have a career and financial matters to wrap up in Canada and neither of usis getting any younger, so we chose the CR1 route, knowing its a long drawn out process. Did we marry for the visa, yes because we want to be together...but we married the way we did (at a court house in TX) because we knew that we wanted to be married and that was the way to ger the ball rolling for my visa.

I hope all the stories here will help you to find a clear path to your future that works for both you and your gf. Remember that nothing worthwhile is never easy. Good luck!

[Boiler 46,121]

Have you looked at the L1?

Get a job in the UK with a company that will transfer you. You need to be with them for at least a year first.

[kehills 217]

To the second point I'm not totally sure as to what her exact reasons behind not getting married in order for me to stay are, I just know that as of right now its a no. In all honesty there hasn't been a discussion with her parents about it so I don't know what their say on the matter is. I just gage it won't be that positive.

I think its going to have to come from her though for us to start entertaining the idea of getting me a green card. We'll how the absence makes her feel and what seeing each other will be like in the next few months.

Right now I need to focus on getting some sort of life/normality here.

If you don't know her exact reasons for not wanting to get married to you in order to be with you, you should be asking her, not talking to us here about it. And you really, honestly need to know why she's not interested in getting married.

That said, IMO, it rarely works out well when one person wants to get married and the other person doesn't, but they try to stay in a relationship. Because one person ends up waiting for that "someday" that the other person isn't invested in-or at least not invested in reaching with you.

[Kajikit 65]

Let me do the maths... I was 28 when I met my husband, 30 when we decided to marry, and 33 when we actually tied the knot. My family were not thrilled with the idea of my leaving them, and I was torn between doing what I wanted to do and making them happy... but in the end I decided that I had to live my own life, and we went ahead.

The big question is why does your girlfriend not want to marry you after three years, and apparantly one year of living together? How old are you now? 25 or so? At some point, you have to stop living your parents lives and move forward on your own. Marriage is a big commitment, but so is moving to the other side of the world so you can be with somebody you love, and you've already done that! But what did SHE do? Sounds as if you're full steam ahead and she's putting on the brakes - a marriage won't work unless both people are committed to each other, and immigration is not a good idea unless you really want to be together forever...

Edited July 7, 2014 by Kajikit

[PantomimeGoose 59]

We came from a very similar situation: dated at the end of my Master's. I couldn't remain there on a marriage visa. My post-study work visa was rejected on a technicality. He was still at Uni for two more years.....

We finally married 'to be together' after 2 years of long distance. We didn't get a real wedding. My family treated the whole process a little like a baffling joke, though they liked him very much. And though our relationship was very real, the constant scrutiny, confusion, and criticism often made it feel almost fake.

Maybe your so's issue is the lack of romance? Replacing a spontaneous proposal and blissful pre-wedding togetherness with the prospect of sensible discussions, separation, and notorized paperwork isn't exactly appealing. It's doubly hard when no one understands 'why he can't just show up and stay'. It can and will put unfair strain on the relationship that 'normal' couples don't experience. Five and a half years into our relationship, it still feels like we need to get through ROC before we can really breathe easy and just focus on us and how we want our lives to be.

No one wants to go into marriage feeling like it's the only way. But sometimes, for folks like us it is. If she's the one for you and you're the one for her, it'll be worth it in the end.

[funkymunky 11]

I met my husband at 21 (we are 25 & 26 now) and we got engaged, we married 8 months later (although I had to leave soon after we wed). It was definitely a lot sooner than we had planned but we knew we could always have a nice ceremony sometime down the track. To us it just made sense to start the process so we could be closer to each other and we were both 100% committed to each other. You can't force someone to love you the way you do them, like wise you can't force someone to marry you. It's not an easy decision and a big commitment and this whole process is neither easy or quick or cheap.

This process gives you a breather for 2 years then you start the stress cycle again until it's approved. It's very emotionally taxing..and you hear of people marrying and going through all this and just ending up in divorce. If you are meant to be you will find another way to be with her or stick it out in a LDR till you are both ready for the next step. It'll only make you stronger.