What was your life like when you first moved to the US?

[Lizzy 0]

I am finding it hard and I've been here (full time) about 8 months. Things will work out! reading the story's on here always makes me feel better, cause i am not alone i feel then.

We live in State College in PA, its not a little tiny town by all means but its just different (of course its going to be lol!) I am getting ready to do my written test for driving and have made 1 friend but she is moving to VA in February:(

Now i have my EAD maybe i can work.. i am not sure yet.. but one thing i do know.. i will never leave here without my husband!

[Mags 112]

I dunno, perhaps I am weird. I've been here a month now and I actually enjoy the enforced solitude. I love not having to deal with all the f**ktards that surrounded me in London. I enjoy the peace and quiet, I enjoy having time to myself to just think. I enjoy the "me" time etc etc

Unlike many others' here though, I HAVE left the house on my own, many times. I can't drive and the majority of the big stores are too far away to walk to, but the smaller ones are only ten minutes away and this IS a pretty town. Lots of big, old houses to look at, tree lined streets, quaint little areas to see etc.

I've also taken the opportunity to read, I bought some DVD's to watch AND I've started making jewellery which I am going to sell.

*shrugs*

Maybe this will change in the future, I don't know...but I do know ME and I'm feeling pretty content at the moment.

[Marilyn. 340]

it was kind of hard for me at first because hubby worked from 2 or 3pm till 2 or 3am.... and I was stuck in our tiny little "apartment" because we didn't have a second car.... and hubby didn't really like me walking anywhere because our neighborhood wasn't the safest he said and even if I could have walked anywhere there really wasn't anywhere to walk to

our weekends sucked because hubby would work until the early morning on Saturday and then sleep till 3 or 4pm and then stay up till 2 or 3am, you get the picture...

hubby got day shift last August so that is much better... we actually can have a weekend now

We did have a second car for awhile but then it starting breaking down and it wasn't worth it to fix it.... so now we are back down to one car....

We did move last September but I don't really feel any safer in this neighborhood, so I don't get out much again....

Most weekends we go and spend a few hours with his parents... I like his parents but I would just like one weekend without his family.... sometimes spending time with his family makes me miss my family more.... I find it hard not seeing my family whenever I want...

Sometimes I feel really alone out here..... even though I live in a place where there are more people put together then in all of British Columbia, Canada...

So that is why I hang out on here with you guys....

[chri'stina 190]

I'm sorry it's been very hard for a lot of people.

When Sujeet first came over here, the thing that bothered him the most was waiting to work. He came Sept 2 2004 and started his first job Feb 1 2005. Not too bad compared to some people, but still 5 months until he could work. And he came from a culture that is very different than the US in so many ways. Yet he adapted well.

What I think helped in our situation a whole lot, was that we lived with my family when we were first married, for financial reasons(for about 6 months). Some people may think that sounds like an awful situation. But it wasn't. My family and Sujeet get along perfectly. We had our own area of the house, which had been a 3 car garage converted into a big room, with a bathroom in it. While I was at work, Sujeet wouldn't have to be alone unless he wanted to be. My mom was always around the house, and my dad who owns his own business would take Sujeet along for the day sometimes, just so Sujeet could get out of the house and drive around the area with my dad while he worked. My dad's job has a lot of driving around involved. My mom also could take Sujeet out during the day if she was running errands or would just take him out to lunch.

If not for great family and friends always being there if we needed them, Sujeet would have been much more lonely before starting to work. To me, having a support system is so great in situations like this. And I realize not everyone has family around or family that is so accepting and accommodating. But this is something to think about for those who are still waiting for their SO to arrive. If possible, try your best to make a support system so that while you are at work all day, they won't be totally left alone and in the house all day every day.

Sujeet has been here over 2 years now and has never gotten to the point of wanting to leave here because of adjustment issues. Yes he misses his family a lot in India, but he has never gotten depressed.

I wish the best for everyone going through hard times, and hope you feel more positive soon!

Edited January 22, 2007 by stina&suj

[Peikko 1,575]

I guess I was born to be a Californian, I've taken to it like a duck to water, fantastic. Here nearly a year and time has flown. The only things I don't like are American bread - it's like cake, and homogonized milk!

It's pretty easy to get around, even without a car, and there is everything and anything that any body could want to do while waiting for EAD/Green card.

Making new friends has been fun and joining the local hiking and art appreciation associations has made it easy. I thought about joining the expats, but so far all they seem to do is meet up in the local British Pub which isn't my idea of a fun night out really. I still might do it one day though, just for the experience.

I got back into reading while I had the free time. I joined the library as soon as I arrived. Getting to know American authors and reading American novels has been great. I like it when a novel I read is set in California as I look out for the locations mentioned which is really fun.

The driving test was very easy, both written and driven. In fact, while taking the test I rolled back at a junction (manual, have always driven manual, don't like automatics ), an instant failure in England, and I told the examiner so. He just said, you'd have to crash into a police car to fail your test now

My son settled in really well too, to the point where he adopted an 'American' accent as soon as he could, which I find hilarious.

Of course, Californian weather helps.

Oh, and I am not a youngster, nor do I have a super rich husband, I just like change, or at least positive change

Edited January 22, 2007 by Purple_Hibiscus

[Mrs.J06 4]

There are a lot of things I really like here!

I like my job, I make good money, I have my own car and when my husband travels for work during weekends I'm always on roadtrips, I like grocery stores being open all the time (takes a lot of pressure off me), I like how friendly and helpful people are, how easy it is to get around by car, I like the wide, open space etc. Lots of things!

The only thing I really miss is sharing this with friends. I went to lots of local and regional activities, classes, meetups but did not manage to make friends. The only girl I was able to do things with for a while has moved back to Europe last week. I also miss my familiy but we were always kind of distributed over the continents (my sister and her family live in China), so that's nothing new.

I moved a lot within Germany before I came here, but never had this problem before. Right now I'm at a point where I don't even want to try any more. I know I need to get my *** in gear and get out more, but I guess I'm just socially burnt out right now... We'll see what spring brings...

[katand7 0]

My husband has had a lot of ups and downs in adjusting. He will be here two years in mid April. He packed his bags once - and I wanted to pack them for him a couple of more times than that! But I would say we really had most of our struggles more because we were newlyweds than because of immigration. Plus I have children from my first marriage and he was always a bachelor with no kids that lived at home with his parents. That change alone will drive one straight up the wall!

We decided to go to counseling to improve our communication. I sincerely thought at that point we might end up divorced, which I totally didn't want. But at that point things seemed so hopeless and I felt that we must be so far apart in our thinking that we must not belong together. It didn't take too many sessions - two in fact - for us to find that we were forgetting why we were together. Why we went through this process in the first place. Our lives had become so busy with jobs and family and church and everything it takes to get through the day to day that we never made time for ourselves to be in love. BIG MISTAKE. So just by making time for each other - a date once a week - we found we could reconnect and grow closer. When we did that we found we communicated better. We spoke with a nicer tone. We considered each others feelings more. Sure issues still come up. But we've learned to work through them. (and on a side note, a date doesn't have to be long or expensive - once we went for ice cream & this past weekend we went out dancing - which only cost $5 because we went early before the cover charge and only had sodas to drink!).

I know my husband misses his family and wants to go home and visit and we are working toward that. I try to be supportive of his interests and his happiness. Everything has been an adjustment. But just remember, marriage is its own set of adjustment all by itself. My advice to anyone is don't give up. Until you have tried just as hard to save things as you tried to make this all happen, you can't walk away.

Best wishes to everyone!!!

[deathbydalbhat 0]

I am doing everything I can do to ease Kumar's transition to life here - luckily I live in NYC, and don't drive myself, so everything is walkable or a subway/bus ride away. There are several Indian groceries in my neighborhood so guess who will be doing the shopping and cooking while I am at work during the day?

Also, my roommate hung out with Kumar and I in Kat so when he comes here he will already have one friend. He is on disability so he can show Kumar how to use the subway and so on...

So hopefully it will be relatively easy...

[wong_watkins 1]

I am doing everything I can do to ease Kumar's transition to life here - luckily I live in NYC, and don't drive myself, so everything is walkable or a subway/bus ride away. There are several Indian groceries in my neighborhood so guess who will be doing the shopping and cooking while I am at work during the day?

Also, my roommate hung out with Kumar and I in Kat so when he comes here he will already have one friend. He is on disability so he can show Kumar how to use the subway and so on...

So hopefully it will be relatively easy...

Wish I was living in a big city here because I'm from a big city...

but hubby said that big cities are usually more dangerous

[ninamyers 0]

Hmm, well I've been here almost three months now, and overall so far it's all been going pretty well. At the moment I'm on a 3 week break where I'm not authorized to work, so I'm at home by myself again, which isn't always fun, but I've been keeping busy going for interviews, going to the beach (guess not everyone can do that ) etc. Because we don't have a car, I've had to really make the effort to learn the metro and bus system, and even if I do say so myself I think I'm a bit of an expert now!

The only thing I've found really hard to deal with is the fact that we live in a 2 bed 2 bath apartment... with one of Ed's friends. It was the only way we could afford to have somewhere nice (didn't know when I'd be able to work etc, if I'd be able to get a job or not), and it was a really good idea in principle - we can have a bigger place, in a nicer area. The only thing is, I don't think Ed realised that I didn't really want to spend the first few months of married life living with someone else - especially someone that I don't particularly like... It's caused a few problems but I've stopped being a stroppy cow about it and tried harder to get a good job, so that we can move out sooner!

Overall living here is going well for me right now, of course I miss home, but right now it's minus something degrees and trees are being blown down so I think I'm safer in Long Beach . I think it's always going to be difficult to adjust anywhere (even moving to a different region in the UK was difficult! Although perhaps that was because it was Oxford University - not many normal people there) and you just gotta give it time.

I miss bread and bacon and curry and sausages. Hmmm, they're all bad for you, if I'm missing out on these things then why am I putting on weight???

[JamalNTam 1]

Well - I'm just waiting to start my life in the states and I cant wait. I was there for 2 months when Jamal moved to Tucson so we decorated the apartment together, bought the furniture together - and I really feel like our apartment is my home! Even though I'm back in the UK most of my clothes and alot of my belongings are over with Jamal, hanging up in the closet! We have saved money and have enough to buy me my 1st car when I eventually get there (you NEED a car in AZ) so I'll even have my own car waiting for me (just need to pass the test - which is really not hard at all in AZ so I've concidered that done - especially since AZ allows you to keep your licence once your visa expires if you do AOS). When I was over there I met several people so I've already got my girls over there who I can go see when I need a girlie night out or a shopping trip. We've also looked into collge for me and have found that because I'll be a military spouse, Pima college will allow me to register and pay local rates, even when I havent received my greencard but going through AOS - so I'll be starting college in the fall. I'm hoping to get there in June sometime (fingers crossed) and my family will be flying out in June/July for the wedding. Also several of my friends from the UK are going to visit in August (bad for them since it'll be so hot) so I wont be bored before I start college. I feel lucky that I've had the op to spent a fair amount of time in the place that I already concider my home! I know that being in the UK is a temperary thing (even though it will be a long time!) and I just wanna get my visa and start my life in Tucson, with my bestfriend and soon to be husband (I've already started trying on wedding dresses!)

[Girona40 0]

I have been here 5 years, am now a US citizen, and I still have days where it is difficult. I, like you, live in a small town but have found the people here to be wonderful. They wanted to befriend the new people in town, because we were a little "different" and have been very supportive of our current situation (long story) and we have made some great friends. But this didn't happen overnight.

I can remember the feeling of loneliness when I first got here. The cultural differences were hard, particularly because other people couldn't see them - we spoke the same language (sorta), we ate the same food (kinda), they thought it was just like moving from one state to another. Going to the supermarket would bring me out in a cold sweat! I felt like a fool as I tried to open cabinets from the other side, when I constantly pulled on door handles to get out, when I asked for things that they had different names for. It was hard and would take me four times as long as it would at home! lol I can laugh now, but it wasn't at all funny at the time.

I was upset that my daughter wasn't happy here - schooling was so different here. She did well though, after many evenings crying at the dining room table. But now she is so happy. She is in her second year of university and had many, many, friends, and she is loving the independence she has here, living in dorms, having her own car, etc.

I am thankful that I had a husband that was very supportive, did everything he could to make the transition easier. He had the patience of a saint! We had good days and bad days - have had only a couple of "major" arguments, usually through total misunderstandings. If it weren't for him, I would not choose to live in the US. I loved the place I lived in before I came here - it was only love that bought me here.

It will get easier for you, if you have the support of your husband. It can be difficult for them to see the reasons you are upset, or angry, sometimes and I think the only way round this is to talk. Talk a lot, tell him how you feel and ask for his help when you need it. Sometimes just going for a walk, when he gets home, is a good time to get everything off your chest and you will have his undivided attention.

Keep your chin up! It takes a while and some don't ever feel this place is "home" but it can come very close, if you let it.

Hugs

G.

[Mags 112]

Girona ~ Yes, all the doors open the other way here don't they? I STILL don't seem to be able to remember that!

[britty 1]

I really missed my family and friends when I first came to the US and spent hours on the phone back to the UK. I think that didnt help me at all as I kept romanticising my life in the UK and it wasnt rosy or great at all. I did take a few weeks to settle but we didnt have the financial worries of some of the other cases I have read about so I guess we were lucky in that sense.

I am still awaiting my EAD (very soon now I hope) and really want to get out and work, but in the meantime I have been doing voluntary charity work and some courses. My husband is simply wonderful and bought me a car and Tom Tom so I could get around and wouldnt get lost! I also have bonded really well with his friends and we do have a great social life, going out 3 nights a week. The community here in VA where we live have welcomed me with open arms and I do really feel that things have completely turned around from when I first arrived.

My husband works from home and so I do not get lonely at all but I do have my own interests now too which is great for both of us. I also joined an online ex-pat group and we have met up for drinks with them. Its reallyimportant to try and integrate where you can and get out and about and meet new people and experience new things independent of your partner.

We have had a few little ups and downs but at the end of the day, as long as I have my husband I would make a life in the North Pole if I had to.

If anyone wants some websites that might help I would be happy to send the links.

[wong_watkins 1]

I really missed my family and friends when I first came to the US and spent hours on the phone back to the UK. I think that didnt help me at all as I kept romanticising my life in the UK and it wasnt rosy or great at all. I did take a few weeks to settle but we didnt have the financial worries of some of the other cases I have read about so I guess we were lucky in that sense.

I am still awaiting my EAD (very soon now I hope) and really want to get out and work, but in the meantime I have been doing voluntary charity work and some courses. My husband is simply wonderful and bought me a car and Tom Tom so I could get around and wouldnt get lost! I also have bonded really well with his friends and we do have a great social life, going out 3 nights a week. The community here in VA where we live have welcomed me with open arms and I do really feel that things have completely turned around from when I first arrived.

My husband works from home and so I do not get lonely at all but I do have my own interests now too which is great for both of us. I also joined an online ex-pat group and we have met up for drinks with them. Its reallyimportant to try and integrate where you can and get out and about and meet new people and experience new things independent of your partner.

We have had a few little ups and downs but at the end of the day, as long as I have my husband I would make a life in the North Pole if I had to.

If anyone wants some websites that might help I would be happy to send the links.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I do think you're really lucky that you don't have any financial worries..I think money can really cause A LOT OF problems sometimes.

Hubby and I had bad financial problems when I first moved here..and that really caused a lot of strains in our relationship.