US Spouse wants Divorce. LPR in a Dilemma!

[~Farasha~ 5]

I really appreciate all the great tips I received on this thread.

I just updated my resume and will start applying for jobs as soon as I come back from Egypt. I already held 2 jobs since I moved here and left both on very good terms and with great references. Both companies had said they would love to hire me back when I am ready to go back to work.

I am in a very bad spot now emotionally but trying to be strong for my child's sake. I feel bad for my poor child more than anything!! I am not going to lie, I feel scared of what the future will hold for us... But seeing that other people made it and turned out fine, gives me a glimpse of hope.

[~Farasha~ 5]

I forgot to mention that my soon-to-be-ex has decided that if I wanted to fight for our daughter's custody and obtain full rights to her then I am the one that needs to take care of all the lawyers' fees. Does that even make sense since he is the one that wants a divorce and will be starting the paperwork?

I know I am meeting with the lawyer next week but I find this too mind-boggling. He went from saying he would sign her rights over willingly to 'if that's what you want, then you take care of all the fees' in the span of a week!!

[Fan_Dancer 171]

I think you should apply for citizenship next year, that will make you eligible for means tested benefits, if push comes to shove.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

I forgot to mention that my soon-to-be-ex has decided that if I wanted to fight for our daughter's custody and obtain full rights to her then I am the one that needs to take care of all the lawyers' fees. Does that even make sense since he is the one that wants a divorce and will be starting the paperwork?

I know I am meeting with the lawyer next week but I find this too mind-boggling. He went from saying he would sign her rights over willingly to 'if that's what you want, then you take care of all the fees' in the span of a week!!

I think he is just saying whatever he thinks will hurt you, which is fairly normal behavior in a nasty divorce.

Get a good lawyer and talk to them about it. If you don't have a job I don't see how you would be ordered to pay for the lawyers. I think he is just saying stuff to scare you. Best of luck.

[novedsac 355]

I think he is just saying whatever he thinks will hurt you, which is fairly normal behavior in a nasty divorce.

Get a good lawyer and talk to them about it. If you don't have a job I don't see how you would be ordered to pay for the lawyers. I think he is just saying stuff to scare you. Best of luck.

I agree.

Best thing OP can do for the divorce is to form an objective focus on the divorce. Find a good friend or two to vent frustrations, anger, cry, etc., but leave the emotions out of the courthouse, dont'y pay your attorney for counseling sessions and don't let the extranged husband see this side of you either. Once you get a handle on that, the divorce is just a business negotiation - figure out what you need/want, understand what the other side needs/wants and what the other side can reasonably deal with. Focus on a negotiated settlement and don't let all the bluster get to you - keep the end goal constantly in focus.

Be very proactive in this process.

If the estranged husband's income/assets are significantly larger than your own, then it is quite common to be awarded reasonable attorney fees. But if you pull stunts which cause excessive delays, frivolous motions, etc. then the judge is likely to subtract those fees from what you want reimbursed. Don't forget, part the negotiation is to make the other side aware of the potential financial liabilities of protracted litigation as compared to what you may put on the table.

[Karam and Jamie 44]

I forgot to mention that my soon-to-be-ex has decided that if I wanted to fight for our daughter's custody and obtain full rights to her then I am the one that needs to take care of all the lawyers' fees. Does that even make sense since he is the one that wants a divorce and will be starting the paperwork?

I know I am meeting with the lawyer next week but I find this too mind-boggling. He went from saying he would sign her rights over willingly to 'if that's what you want, then you take care of all the fees' in the span of a week!!

If he doesn't fight for joint physical custody I don't see how he could get any more rights than the usual loser dad.

[Ihavequestions 419]

I forgot to mention that my soon-to-be-ex has decided that if I wanted to fight for our daughter's custody and obtain full rights to her then I am the one that needs to take care of all the lawyers' fees. Does that even make sense since he is the one that wants a divorce and will be starting the paperwork?

I know I am meeting with the lawyer next week but I find this too mind-boggling. He went from saying he would sign her rights over willingly to 'if that's what you want, then you take care of all the fees' in the span of a week!!

Make a list of questions and take it to your attorney. One of those questions should be about forfeiting parental rights. I'm certain your attorney will say that's not possible because courts are unwilling to "bastardize" a child.

Twenty-six years ago, I told my ex-husband he had to leave (drugs) and he did. I filed for divorce. In the divorce, I got everything, because the judge said he had the opportunity to take what he wanted when he left, so everything in the household was mine. including his clothes. He was also ordered to pay every single penny associated with the divorce, short-term alimony, and long-term child support. The entire time that child support order was in effect, I received exactly $145.00. Why? Because he had a daughter from a previous marriage, so that child support order was paid first. This is typical, so don't be surprised if you find yourself in the same position.

Lots of women raise children alone, and do it successfully. You certainly can, too.

Your first order of business should be to stop talking to him and only communicate through your attorney.

As others have said, immigration is not an issue for you, so focus on taking care of yourself and your daughter. I wish you the best.

[~Farasha~ 5]

Well, I had my appointment with the lawyer and he basically told that the courts won't terminate his parental rights 'just because' even if he wants to... I just want stability for my child, and that's what I'm most concerned about. I don't want her father to just pop in and out of the picture whenever he wants. He could either be there or not....

I never seen any of this coming. We truly were happy and in love. We had our child after FOUR years of being together. I have finally come to some peace with the whole idea of letting him go and that it wasn't meant to be, but it still does hurt a great deal!

That part I am scared about how to be parents AND family to my child and if we will be able live comfortably on my income alone. I worry about that every day, but I am sure things will work out somehow...

[Boiler 46,074]

It would be normal for a Court to set visitation rights.

[wavj 26]

Well, I had my appointment with the lawyer and he basically told that the courts won't terminate his parental rights 'just because' even if he wants to... I just want stability for my child, and that's what I'm most concerned about. I don't want her father to just pop in and out of the picture whenever he wants. He could either be there or not....

I never seen any of this coming. We truly were happy and in love. We had our child after FOUR years of being together. I have finally come to some peace with the whole idea of letting him go and that it wasn't meant to be, but it still does hurt a great deal!

That part I am scared about how to be parents AND family to my child and if we will be able live comfortably on my income alone. I worry about that every day, but I am sure things will work out somehow...

Judge will grant child support, that will be your future ex husband obligation and he can go to jail if he fails to pay. Visitation is his right but not obligation, meaning he can choose to be in your daughter's life and comply with the divorce decree as far as weekends, holidays, etc. or just see her when is convenient for him.

Yes it is scary not know what the future holds for you, but remember, the best way to predict the future is by creating it.

[bubblebubble 16]

as far as i can remember, a green card got via marriage means that you can apply for your citizenship in 3 years since the date you got your conditional green card.

and you can ask about local women's organizations, social workers, legal aid and etc for help. I'm sure you can find some of them on your local yellow page.

[Eric-Pris 1,607]

When a man asks for a divorce out of the blue, it's usually because he has a replacement waiting. I could be wrong, but I'd say that, he has probably been cheating on you. If I were you, I would hire a private investigator (couple hundred dollars) to take some pics of him cheating on you. I don't know divorce laws but I think that can help you in divorce court. If you can even put that thought (him having another woman in waiting) into the judge's mind, it would probably be better for you financially.

[Caryh 5,206]

When a man asks for a divorce out of the blue, it's usually because he has a replacement waiting. I could be wrong, but I'd say that, he has probably been cheating on you. If I were you, I would hire a private investigator (couple hundred dollars) to take some pics of him cheating on you. I don't know divorce laws but I think that can help you in divorce court. If you can even put that thought (him having another woman in waiting) into the judge's mind, it would probably be better for you financially.

Most states have moved to no fault divorce, where they do not even want to hear why you're divorcing. They don't want this type of evidence brought in, and will not accept it to be brought in. Everything will be about the splitting up the money, spousal support and child custody issues only.

[seaguliable 6]

Well maybe find a immgration and a divorce lawyer . Don't expect any sympathy for being a single mom making ends meet....half of women in USA fall into this category ,we just do it as best we can

Edited July 13, 2014 by seaguliable