One, Two... Many Rants

[TBoneTX 45,825]

malaysians (nationality)...

not malays (ethnicity)...

tiff is a malaysian...but not a malay.

i am half-malay...but not a malaysian.

I'm Many% confused, brainpain man.

[TBoneTX 45,825]

don't judge my messy countertop please...kitchen is a disaster-zone right now

Even without fotos (without which it didn't happen, no see and no ma'am), I will bet the sum of $Many that you pale in comparison with La Campeana del Mundo (the world championette) to whom I am married, she man.

It has affected me much. I was lucky that I made it through spring term final exams, and summer I final exams without cutting my gut wide open. an hour of gardening each day is useful. or meditation. or tantric massage [you pick yer poison, aye?]

Keep the faith, Bro D.

Edited July 29, 2014 by TBoneTX

[TBoneTX 45,825]

I'm going to stay up til ManyMany in hope of sleeping for Many hours. I got about 1and a half hours last night. I can't remember when was the last time I got Many hours sleep (in a row)....

You gotta backache too, or did you marry a headache, huh man?

[TBoneTX 45,825]

A Monday tale of Two Backs, see and ouch/less-ouch and sigh/less sigh, man:

Awoke at Many a.m. after another +/- 2 hours of sleep, sigh and ouch man.

Squirmed until gave up; prepared for work a great Many minutes early, sigh man.

Nurse from Spine Clinic called right before I headed out, she man.

Asked her to call me at the office in a while, plea man.

Mrs. T-B. insisted that I should see the acupuncturist who helped her amiga, she man.

Got to work in massive pain; ouch man; nurse called, she man.

Yelled at her, shameful frustration man.

Also blew off two radiologists trying to schedule my lumbar MRI, shame man.

Mrs. T-B. calls with full details of acupuncturist, she man, & appointment at Many:Many p.m.

Filled out the new-patient paperwork from on-line, conscientious man.

Suffered rest of workday, ouch man.

Left for appointment; arrived nearly an hour early, whiz man.

Doc himself greeted me and invited me in, whee man.

Doc took history, asked whence pain emanated, and had me lie down, recline man.

Within few seconds, FWIP FWIP FWIP FWIP FWIP went needles into center of pain, whiz man.

Within 2 seconds, FWIP FWIP went needles into upper earlobe, whiz man.

Doc had me lie still for Many minutes (2x2x2x2-1), relax man.

After the Many minutes, doc removed needles, extract man.

Doc asked how I felt, huh man.

I had little immediate pain, none man.

Doc wants me to reschedule for Wednesday morn, see again man.

Doc says to adhere to Spine Clinic's wishes; acupuncture is simply an add-on, see man.

Made it to casa at about the time when original appointment had been scheduled, early man.

Felt pretty good, less ouch man.

Began feeling like on a caffeine buzz (endorphins?), coffee man.

Soon thereafter, began feeling very weak & light-headed, near-syncope man.

Barely survived Mrs. T-B.'s lengthy dinner-making efforts, collapse man.

After eating, made beeline for bedroom, zzz man.

Slept like dead thing for 2 hours, zzz man.

Awoke in no more pain than earlier, no man.

Have continued to feel quite light-headed throughout eve, worry man.

Perhaps body has shifted from pain-control mode to recognizing sleep deficit, huh man?

Have been able to walk stairs with use of legs only, weird feeling man.

Some weird, new, chiefly stiff-muscle bodily sensations hang on, linger man.

Is mucho preferable to standard pain, less ouch man.

Tomorrow, first thing, must call Spine Clinic nurse to apologize for rudeness, si and sigh man.

Edited July 29, 2014 by TBoneTX

[Merrytooth 5,748]

A Monday tale of Two Backs, see and ouch/less-ouch and sigh/less sigh, man:

You will be bedridden soon if you don't fix your back asap.

And all your rubias will leave you...

[TBoneTX 45,825]

Read edited message, see ma'am (hit Send too early, early man).

Rubias are dedicated and readily replaceable, see ma'am.

[TBoneTX 45,825]

Belated garbage, then cat prep hopefully mucho zzz, man.

Mornin', Commie-babes and Singapuras!

[JTB11 1,079]

The 180 is where you turn all of that off and say, ok - I see that you've checked out here. So what I am going to do is go about my personal self-improvement program here and stop depending on you. It is a mistake to think of this as a way to manipulate the spouse into staying with you. What you are doing is training for single life. did that

It isn't just applied to affairs - it could be a sexless marriage or just a spouse that is abusive emotionally. The point is they aren't meeting your needs - reasonable needs too - as a married partner. A lot of people will tell their spouse over and over again that their needs aren't being met, but since there's never been any credible enforcement of boundaries or deal-breakers, the behavior just continues. told nicely then decided to not do certain things for him and told him why, nothing changed, stopped doing more things told him again, nothing changed , moved to the guest room, no changes...stayed in guest room...10 months later...gave up all the way. (simplified version of events)

Another approach though is the ultimatum, or in conjunction with the above. It has to be something you actually mean business on. And really, this is just straightforward honest communication: do this for me, or this is not a marriage I can continue with. They need to be concrete verb action items. Like in sexless marriage: sex! like when I said - take a week to think about our marriage and tell me how you plan to make it work , give me a concrete plan .....a week passes....."so did you come up with anything ?"....."huh ? What did you ask me to think about ? I forgot, was distracted by gaming"

A recognized complication is things like bipolar, hormone deficiencies, depression, and other neurological/chemical imbalances. But treatment is something they have to be actively working on as a marriage condition if that is the case.

Could not help but comment with my own things since I am self-centered.

Anyways...good morning all - had my green tea (stopped drinking coffee) and oatmeal, yelled at barking dogs...speaking of which...now that I am about to leave, MIL changed her tune and keeps saying the dog is mine that she does not want her because dog don't listen to her....FIL told me...so I said "me and MIL could have worked out a way how to make that dog hers, I did not intentionally swoop in and took her...it is a dog...you gotta take care of it to make it yours"....he says "oh well she would not make the effort, it is annoyance for her"...why the hell did you get a dog in the first place...second one ! the first one did not work out so why would you think this one would if your behavior did not change....grrrrrr. Now i am torn - do i take the dog since she won't take care of it or do I say "you wanted it, you deal with it"...i am leaning towards leaving the dog - it is extra money I do not have to take care of her, time that I won't have at the beginning either and most places don't want pets in apartments...poor dog though.

[Jacque67 7,328]

Leave the dog and cut all ties with this disaster of a family.

You deserve better.

[Caryh 5,206]

your wife is mafia?

Well she is a loan shark

[Caryh 5,206]

Wow that's really hard to go through. I went through a bit of that when my wife would get homesick. Her missing home, the way life is there and her family, and anything could come out of her mouth, including the D word. I know at this point, her going back alone would be just as hard on her as her coming here was. The D word no longer comes out, but wanting to be back in her own country is still a strong feeling for her. I guess what I'm trying to say is, yes this might seem like manipulation, but its more likely coming from the pain of change. The responsibility of living as married, the change in culture and location, etc... You've got her talking now, so that's a good thing. Hurts like heII when they go through that and put you through it, but if the lines of communication can stay open, this might all settle out, if you can handle it. My wife is mostly too proud to admit to homesickness when it comes, so instead it can express itself as fairly poor behavior. I understand that and brush it off to the most part now, and it helps that its gotten a lot less frequent as time goes on.

A Bit more ....

Last night she introduced the concept of getting divorced but

--she lives with me forever [her words] and

--we remain good friends and

--we remain lovers and

--if we have baby, we raise together and

--no need to tell anyone anywhere that we got divorced and

--some other sundry stuff dealing with her finally integrating into the USA..

I have thought long and hard about it - realizing that in her heart she doesn't want to be married anymore. It's not me. I thought it was me..

but...

last night we actually had a real conversation, her attention focused with much interaction, for about 20 minutes.

That's really all I've ever asked - talk those last 20 minutes each night before sleep. My concept was - if we can talk like that, each day, our lives become easier without argument...

I dunno - today she's thinking that she's broke my heart and I've been crying most of the day (I haven't) and suggested we postpone divorce until next year.

She's an IR-1 green card holder, so it's not any immigration issue to divorce or stay married. Heck - she's even been responsive today when I talk with her... This morning was a bit scary, she made me breakfast then after she left for the day, texted me much about divorce and maybe we should not do it.

Still, I'm not at the root cause of this, why she keeps pitching for divorce - and that's ok for now - I've hardened my heart so I not die each time she says the phrase, about a month into that now.

Sometimes I think it's classic manipulator 101 tactics, other times I can see her pain, her real pain and understand... Jury not summoned yet, so that's a plus and we not make any decision today. I've read your stuff here over the years and paid attention... I do note that I not put into play the techniques you've written about, yet - but have done both soul-searching and remembrance, to see if she's engaging with that stuff you write about. She's not consistent about it, but when she uses it, she has really good skills.

[Caryh 5,206]

Could not help but comment with my own things since I am self-centered.

Anyways...good morning all - had my green tea (stopped drinking coffee) and oatmeal, yelled at barking dogs...speaking of which...now that I am about to leave, MIL changed her tune and keeps saying the dog is mine that she does not want her because dog don't listen to her....FIL told me...so I said "me and MIL could have worked out a way how to make that dog hers, I did not intentionally swoop in and took her...it is a dog...you gotta take care of it to make it yours"....he says "oh well she would not make the effort, it is annoyance for her"...why the hell did you get a dog in the first place...second one ! the first one did not work out so why would you think this one would if your behavior did not change....grrrrrr. Now i am torn - do i take the dog since she won't take care of it or do I say "you wanted it, you deal with it"...i am leaning towards leaving the dog - it is extra money I do not have to take care of her, time that I won't have at the beginning either and most places don't want pets in apartments...poor dog though.

Take the dog, you know you want to but are trying to be practical. Sure you can get another dog somewhere down the line, but can that dog ever get a decent human in the situation it finds itself?

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Or Jada could help to get the poor dog adopted by someone else.

Post adoption ads on craigslist

Edited July 29, 2014 by Merrytooth

[JTB11 1,079]

Take the dog, you know you want to but are trying to be practical. Sure you can get another dog somewhere down the line, but can that dog ever get a decent human in the situation it finds itself?

thanks. you are right..i am trying to be practical and don't want to be enabler either...she is old enough to know what it means to have a dog but does whatever she wants just because her husband picks up the pieces...but it is not my job to educate her either.....we will see how the cookie crumbles. I have been trying to find a place that allows dogs but the choices are limited...quite limited. FIL will take care of her I know he will....MIL keeps getting dogs and he keeps taking care of them and paying for their medical since they are pure breeds, she no care...

Or Jada could help to get the poor dog adopted by someone else.

Post adoption ads on craigslist

nah cannot do that. FIL will handle her....they have 2 dogs already for which he normally wakes up, feeds and all the rest ..when I am not here...now we share responsibilities. She will hate not being played with enough and walked but....ya.

[Caryh 5,206]

Or Jada could help to get the poor dog adopted by someone else.

Post adoption ads on craigslist

Please do not put a dog on craigslist unless you ask a decent rehoming fee. Bait dogs for the fighting ring are obtained through craigslist. People who like to kill animals obtain dogs through craigslist. Sure many dogs find decent homes through craigslist, but the incidence of abuse of animals that are free to good home is high.