One, Two... Many Rants

[kitthekat 1,317]

2.5 hours till our mini hari raya celebration...

carrot rice and chicken curry are done. was working on the roti jala but i needed a break...so exhausted.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

your wife is mafia?

Or a member of the Bloods?

Cary's wife is hardcore.

[kitthekat 1,317]

and don't judge my messy countertop please...kitchen is a disaster-zone right now

[Darnell 8,479]

The desired effect, most likely.

If they want you to be miserable, it's pretty easy to do. Once they get over having any empathy for someone, they can do this to them without conscience. Once I figured that out it was a lot easier to leave my wife from hell.

A Bit more ....

Last night she introduced the concept of getting divorced but

--she lives with me forever [her words] and

--we remain good friends and

--we remain lovers and

--if we have baby, we raise together and

--no need to tell anyone anywhere that we got divorced and

--some other sundry stuff dealing with her finally integrating into the USA..

I have thought long and hard about it - realizing that in her heart she doesn't want to be married anymore. It's not me. I thought it was me..

but...

last night we actually had a real conversation, her attention focused with much interaction, for about 20 minutes.

That's really all I've ever asked - talk those last 20 minutes each night before sleep. My concept was - if we can talk like that, each day, our lives become easier without argument...

I dunno - today she's thinking that she's broke my heart and I've been crying most of the day (I haven't) and suggested we postpone divorce until next year.

She's an IR-1 green card holder, so it's not any immigration issue to divorce or stay married. Heck - she's even been responsive today when I talk with her... This morning was a bit scary, she made me breakfast then after she left for the day, texted me much about divorce and maybe we should not do it.

Still, I'm not at the root cause of this, why she keeps pitching for divorce - and that's ok for now - I've hardened my heart so I not die each time she says the phrase, about a month into that now.

Sometimes I think it's classic manipulator 101 tactics, other times I can see her pain, her real pain and understand... Jury not summoned yet, so that's a plus and we not make any decision today. I've read your stuff here over the years and paid attention... I do note that I not put into play the techniques you've written about, yet - but have done both soul-searching and remembrance, to see if she's engaging with that stuff you write about. She's not consistent about it, but when she uses it, she has really good skills.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

A Bit more ....

Last night she introduced the concept of getting divorced but

--she lives with me forever [her words] and

--we remain good friends and

--we remain lovers and

--if we have baby, we raise together and

--no need to tell anyone anywhere that we got divorced and

--some other sundry stuff dealing with her finally integrating into the USA..

I have thought long and hard about it - realizing that in her heart she doesn't want to be married anymore. It's not me. I thought it was me..

but...

last night we actually had a real conversation, her attention focused with much interaction, for about 20 minutes.

That's really all I've ever asked - talk those last 20 minutes each night before sleep. My concept was - if we can talk like that, each day, our lives become easier without argument...

I dunno - today she's thinking that she's broke my heart and I've been crying most of the day (I haven't) and suggested we postpone divorce until next year.

She's an IR-1 green card holder, so it's not any immigration issue to divorce or stay married. Heck - she's even been responsive today when I talk with her... This morning was a bit scary, she made me breakfast then after she left for the day, texted me much about divorce and maybe we should not do it.

Still, I'm not at the root cause of this, why she keeps pitching for divorce - and that's ok for now - I've hardened my heart so I not die each time she says the phrase, about a month into that now.

Sometimes I think it's classic manipulator 101 tactics, other times I can see her pain, her real pain and understand... Jury not summoned yet, so that's a plus and we not make any decision today. I've read your stuff here over the years and paid attention... I do note that I not put into play the techniques you've written about, yet - but have done both soul-searching and remembrance, to see if she's engaging with that stuff you write about. She's not consistent about it, but when she uses it, she has really good skills.

Do you think that this is her response to maybe be depressed and not having any children? Maybe she is lashing out a little?

[NikLR 13,231]

I mentioned something about divorce once.

Hubs said never bring it up again unless i seriously wanted it. He said it hurt to much to even mention the word.

Does she realize what divorce is? How it affects people?

[Darnell 8,479]

NOLA - the stressors she's had this year, ain't normal. She's created them, as well. It wasn't me. I keep a Chinese House and 'to be Chinese' is easy here, except for the aircon...

So, to your question about being stressed because not pregnant yet - yes - I can see that as part of it. But only a part. We did give it the old college try last night, knocking boots into oblivion for 4 hours, so I know that's helped to dampen her resolve a bit. dampen? damper? oh well...

I'm sure it's a piece of it. I'm sure her changing hormones have something to do with this also. Not all - I think not even 20 percent. Maybe 12.. Maybe.

but I spew here cause it helps me focus. 'right?

[Jacque67 7,328]

Condolences.

I never liked the term "midlife crisis" so I looked for professional literature on it and found that it was just a pop-psych term that has no validity in psychology. What I didn't like about the term was "crisis" - as if a guy who can afford to pay cash for a convertible and has a younger girlfriend is in the midst of a psychological melt-down.

I've come to understand applying the term to such a person is an attempt at a put-down out of envy or spite. Less than 10% of anyone actually has any kind of age-related psychological issue, and it ranges all over the map from the ex-centerfold in her late 20's to a retiree at 65 because his work was his identity. It turns out a lot of it isn't age at all, but questioning religious precepts, divorce, work, etc. and to say "midlife" misdirects attention from the underlying cause to age.

Yep. That was kinda my point about being born with one- lol!

[Darnell 8,479]

I mentioned something about divorce once.

Hubs said never bring it up again unless i seriously wanted it. He said it hurt to much to even mention the word.

Does she realize what divorce is? How it affects people?

I not know if she knows about it. My Christian Chinese Krewe have explained about it to her, how is very sharp dagger. If I heard it , in an if/then/else construct, it would not hurt so much, these 4 months. 4 months of daily, almost daily use.

It has affected me much. I was lucky that I made it through spring term final exams, and summer I final exams without cutting my gut wide open. an hour of gardening each day is useful. or meditation. or tantric massage [you pick yer poison, aye?]

[SAT 9,609]

Well I finally got up off my butt and leased a Honda Accord....

[Darnell 8,479]

pansie.

you could have leased a lotus esprit mark IV for only 100/more/monthly.

Edited July 29, 2014 by Darnell

[SAT 9,609]

I thought about a Benz again......but dismissed it quickly. I don't want anymore "Glory" in my life.....

[SAT 9,609]

Yep. That was kinda my point about being born with one- lol!

Frenchy birthday suit pic now

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Well I finally got up off my butt and leased a Honda Accord....

New Car for Gump to take the family for vacation

[SAT 9,609]

New Car for Gump to take the family for vacation

Gump gets he Civic