One, Two... Many Rants

[Caryh 5,206]

My mom gets along well with her first husband's wives (his ex - who he left my mom for, and current - who he left his ex for) which makes her ex rather annoyed. She thinks it's funny. But she's never the type to hold a grudge either.

I dont think Juna has anything to worry about with you Cary. You've made it clear your ex is not a nice person and you were not happy, while the only time you're unhappy with Juna is when she's unhappy with uou (tampo) which is pretty normal in a relationship. If anything, I think you're blisfully married.

Yeah, she has nothing to worry about really. I think if we have a kid she might finally stop worrying. But she's got those filipina worries based on her culture and how men are there.

An example. A couple we know back in the Philippines. Machoman is married with wife 1. Machoman and Wife 1 has two kids together, one has just started college. He also has mistress 1, and two kids with her. These kids are a few years young than the kids with wife 1. The routine for years was Machoman spent half his time with wife 1, and half his time with mistress 1. He owns homes with each of them. Both are away of the other, both tried to get more time with Machoman, than the other. Not long ago something happened between Machoman promised wife 1 that he would stop seeing mistress 1 if wife 1 accepted his kids with mistress 1 to come and spend time with wife 1 and their kids. Everything seemed good for a while, Machoman spent all his time with Wife 1, and their kids, with mistress 1's kids joining them regularly. Two weeks ago wife 1 goes to a restaurant to confront Machoman having dinner with mistress 2. Mistress 2 is friends with Machoman's sister, who is also friends with my sister in law. Here's the kicker, Machoman is actually a good father because he has always continued to support all his kids and not abandoned them when he finds a mistress.

[SAT 9,609]

Alive and kicking

[Caryh 5,206]

I get along great with my ex haven't spoken to him or seen him in 6 yrs.

I generally can get along with just about anyone. Even people like my ex, who I don't really care for a bit. That doesn't mean I want to hang out at a party with her though.

Alive and kicking

Who you kicking?

[SAT 9,609]

Just kicking around

[Caryh 5,206]

well looks like jonas has 18 months to look for a new job - http://www.geekwire.com/2014/internal-memo-microsoft-cut-external-staff-18-months-requiring-six-month-break/

Oh man that sucks, maybe he needs to work on his Hindi accent and pretend they need to import him to work there?

[Caryh 5,206]

Just kicking around

a round? Does that mean the fat guy?

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Oh man that sucks, maybe he needs to work on his Hindi accent and pretend they need to import him to work there?

Actually, imposing mandatory break for contractors is pretty normal. My company has this rule too.

[Caryh 5,206]

no - she's not happy here. I do many things to help her, seek happiness, but it only works half the time.

Maybe she was just spewing. I dunno. To be honest, we are both happier living apart. No, China is not any option for me for the next 3 to 4 years - I can go during school breaks, but that's it.

I am very distraught by most of her stuff, as a man and a problem solver, trying to help her with these problems usually fails. I can give advice to other people, but not to her.

As a man and a problem solver, its been a hard learned lesson to learn, sometimes when talking with the spouse offering solutions is the last thing you should do. Instead just listen, be sympathetic, then let them work it out in their own way. I know it goes against everything we've been raised and taught to do, but its what actually works.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Went to a picnic yesterday, and my wife got to see an interesting American situation. One of the guys was there with his second wife, while the first wife was there to. The former and current wives called each other one and two, and got along fine. Totally confused my wife so she was asking if that's normal. I could only say well it might not be normal, but its not unusual either. And that sometimes they're just polite to each other, and not friendly like these two were. It was a good thing she could see that, maybe it will help her get over the idea of ex's being a threat.

It so depends on the situation. My mom talked with my step dad's first wife from time to time, but totally refuses to talk to my biological father's second and third wives. I think it is based on their behavior, she blames #2 for my father not seeing me after the divorce, which I have always thought if he was man enough, he'd have done anyway. My father kicked her and the two young kids out one day, so karma and stuff. Rule #7 in womanhood, don't date a man that doesn't see and support his offspring.

[Asia 2,498]

Yeah, she has nothing to worry about really. I think if we have a kid she might finally stop worrying. But she's got those filipina worries based on her culture and how men are there.

An example. A couple we know back in the Philippines. Machoman is married with wife 1. Machoman and Wife 1 has two kids together, one has just started college. He also has mistress 1, and two kids with her. These kids are a few years young than the kids with wife 1. The routine for years was Machoman spent half his time with wife 1, and half his time with mistress 1. He owns homes with each of them. Both are away of the other, both tried to get more time with Machoman, than the other. Not long ago something happened between Machoman promised wife 1 that he would stop seeing mistress 1 if wife 1 accepted his kids with mistress 1 to come and spend time with wife 1 and their kids. Everything seemed good for a while, Machoman spent all his time with Wife 1, and their kids, with mistress 1's kids joining them regularly. Two weeks ago wife 1 goes to a restaurant to confront Machoman having dinner with mistress 2. Mistress 2 is friends with Machoman's sister, who is also friends with my sister in law. Here's the kicker, Machoman is actually a good father because he has always continued to support all his kids and not abandoned them when he finds a mistress.

Oh gosh... That's better than Venezuela/Mexican soap operas!

[Caryh 5,206]

Oh gosh... That's better than Venezuela/Mexican soap operas!

They learned this behavior from the Spanish, via Mexico when it was a colony! And went a step further I think. I kind of laugh at the machismo displayed there. Not all men there are like this, but most either are or would like to be able to act that way.

[Darnell 8,478]

As a man and a problem solver, its been a hard learned lesson to learn, sometimes when talking with the spouse offering solutions is the last thing you should do. Instead just listen, be sympathetic, then let them work it out in their own way. I know it goes against everything we've been raised and taught to do, but its what actually works.

ya, it sucks, this other way. but it is what it is. my brain always full of solutions, easy to rip through a venn diagram and a decision tree, in real time. my rapid approach to solutions is alien to her. i am not giving up, though.

[Caryh 5,206]

ya, it sucks, this other way. but it is what it is. my brain always full of solutions, easy to rip through a venn diagram and a decision tree, in real time. my rapid approach to solutions is alien to her. i am not giving up, though.

Funny thing is, sometimes she wants me to fix things and come up with the solution, other times that is exactly what she DOES NOT want. Hard to tell the difference when to follow one path or the other, but I'm learning. I also have warned her that men are problem solvers, our first reaction is to think of a solution, so if I pick that path and its unwanted to just say so. She's gotten better at that also.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Funny thing is, sometimes she wants me to fix things and come up with the solution, other times that is exactly what she DOES NOT want. Hard to tell the difference when to follow one path or the other, but I'm learning. I also have warned her that men are problem solvers, our first reaction is to think of a solution, so if I pick that path and its unwanted to just say so. She's gotten better at that also.

Men's perception of themselves is interesting. I've never known men to be any good at solving relationship and life problems. Who wants someone else to tell them how to fix anything, unless of course they ask. Might not realize it, but it is rude and condescending to constantly be offering help and solutions when not asked for.

[Caryh 5,206]

Men's perception of themselves is interesting. I've never known men to be any good at solving relationship and life problems. Who wants someone else to tell them how to fix anything, unless of course they ask. Might not realize it, but it is rude and condescending to constantly be offering help and solutions when not asked for.

greater than 80% of the time when my wife brings up a problem, it means she wants me to fix it. Should I fail to come up with a timely solution, its into the dog house for me. The other 20% of the time she wants me to keep my mouth shut. She never asks me to fix something, she expects it, unless she don't want it fixed then she's irritated when I offer a solution.

As to the types of problems, they could be anything and sometimes defy any solution. Such as this one, I'm driving and the person behind me, purple rain in the yellow sky, forward same march, next Tuesday. My feet hurt, yesterday, now they're smelly, so what do I do about my coworker without doing anything?

When confronted with such life problems, yes the women can keep them But then you're married to a Dane who have long ago learned to have selective hearing towards their wives of give the same nonsensical response.

Edited July 21, 2014 by Caryh