Setting the date!

[Krystina and Andy 0]

Wow, so much good information. Thanks so much for your help, I realize I am just new to this and that you all are seasoned pro's and I appreciate all the help and time that you took out to answer my question. I've just got off of work, and I'm going to research the entire process today and see what route is right for us.

We will start planning our wedding when we get the visa. That-a-way we have a clearer time frame and can really look in to all the details and start booking the church.

To rebeccajo, I think it was a little harsh for you to tell me to concentrate on what I'm doing and not about my "big wedding". It kind of stung a bit and actually prompted another member to send me a personal message saying that I shouldn't worry about your comment. I was just asking advice on timelines and processes, not the way I should go about my life. I am very serious about my marriage, especially coming from a divorced family, and ensure you that I am fully aware of the lifelong commitment that I have agreed to enter with Andrew. But I'm also happy and excited, so I'm sorry if I declined to mention "first and last marriage" in my statements, I thought that it was a given.

In that same vein, thank you to Caladan, for clarifying my statement for me. It's true, I am a practising Catholic and from a religious family, and the thought of being married at the JOP first, and then having the "big wedding" is hard for me to accept, so first I'd like to try my luck with filing straight away and then going from there.

Thanks again for the advice, I hope I am able to help someone else one day!

[rebeccajo 14]

Krystina, I'm sorry for the bluntness of my statement to you. It wasn't the best way to welcome a new member.

I'm one of the older ones here, both in julian and VJ years. I personally am not a fan of 'the big wedding' for many reasons. But to each his own. My perspective of the immigration process is also 'not so hot' at the moment. I'm of the opinion that immigration is probably a hard enough task without piling on the pressures of a big wedding. But since you are not separated and missing one another, and have also hired an attorney to handle your papers maybe it won't be such a big deal for you.

Good luck to you both.

[Krystina and Andy 0]

Thanks, I appreciate that. I'm not actually have the big expensive bridezilla wedding that I'm sure it comes off as, I want something nice for my family after three years of us being apart but not the whole shebang with the $3000 dress and lobster dinner! The thought of doing something so personal, like committing yourself for life to another person, in front of a bunch of strangers makes me shudder.

Ideally, I'd like to limit it to 50 close friends and families, but my parents have both been remarried for ten years, which means stepfamilies are now included in that term, "immediate" family. My mom is also one of 6 children, so imagine Aunts, Uncles, and their children and you're nearing that 50 target right there. Plus bringing all of Andrew's family over from the UK, we want to make sure that they have a nice time too.

Let me know if you have any advice on how to cut it down, I'd much rather spend the money on stuff for my new home.

[rebeccajo 14]

Well, 50 isn't a lot. Not a 'big wedding' in my estimation.

I was married previously. It was a fair size wedding by 70's standards. We didn't do the sit-down meal as that wasn't really 'required' back then. I'd say about 75% of the people there that day are completely absent from my life now - and that has really nothing to do with my divorce and his 'half' of the guests. It's simply a fact of life that people 'disappear' from your life as time passes. Things change.

Our biggest money saver at my second wedding was my dress. It came from ebay and was second hand. If you look in my photos you'll see the dress. It was gorgeous and I was very happy with it. $80.