Interview in Nigeria

[BESANGIN 0]

AMEN SISTA!!!! NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING 'BOUT!!!!

Girl, just telling it like it is, and letting it be known that my blinders are off. I see clearly what I thought was white is really black. You'd think I had Lasik Surgery I see things so clearly now!

I'm starting a new phrase that Sug Avery probably would have said, "I's DIVORCED NOW! I said I's DIVORCED NOW! Damn I crack myself up!

Edited January 21, 2007 by BESANGIN

[blah0323 0]

I thought I would add this, since this deals with some issues at hand.....

DISCOVERING SPOUSE IS DIFFERENT THAN WE THOUGHT:

The Leah and Rachel Deception -By Yosef Y. Jacobson

Many of us struggle in marriage when we eventually "discover" negative things about our spouse we never knew before. How we wish we would have known these things before marrying! How could we have been so "blinded" by what we thought to be true love? This even leads some to consider the critical question: Should we remain married to them even though we now feel deceived?

The following insightful article about marriage appeared on a Jewish email list. If you aren't Jewish or a person who studies the Bible, there might be a few words you won't understand, but trust me, this applies to all marriages, Jewish, Christian, or other!

It's difficult not to sympathize with our patriarch, Jacob, who becomes the victim of a last minute switch by his father-in-law, who tricks him into marrying the wrong woman. The Torah relates that Laban had two daughters, Leah and Rachel. "Leah had weak eyes, while Rachel was shapely and beautiful." Jacob loved Rachel and he offered to work seven years for her.

When the seven years were up, Laban substituted Leah for Rachel on the night of the wedding. Jacob discovered the deception only after he'd consummated the marriage with Leah. Jacob accepted his fate and remained with Leah. But he later also married Rachel, the bride of his choice, "and he loved Rachel more than Leah."

Yet, at the end, it was Leah who became Jacob's primary wife. Rachel died at a young age; so that most of Jacob's married life was actually spent with Leah. In addition to this, it was Leah who mothered most of Jacob's children, the future tribes of Israel and it was she, not Rachel, who ultimately was buried with Jacob in the Machpelah cave in Hebron.

Why did this marriage—the marriage that formed the foundation of the Jewish nation, the marriage that produced every single Jew living since, come about in such an appalling manner? And why did Jacob have to go through this absurd experience?

The Secret Behind the Veil:

There's a custom practiced during Jewish weddings known as the "bedeken," or the veiling. Before the wedding ceremony, the groom goes to the room where his bride is sitting on a throne and he covers her face with a veil. Her face remains covered during the entire chupah ceremony.

One of the traditional explanations for this custom is that it commemorates the event that occurred during Jacob's wedding ceremony. Since Jacob's bride was veiled, he didn't realize that he was marrying the wrong woman. But if that's the reason, shouldn't the custom be that the groom uncovers his bride's face to make sure that he's marrying the bride of his choice? Why are we commemorating at each of our weddings this terrible episode that occurred to poor Jacob?

The War that Can Break or Make Us:

In the writings of kabbalah, Leah and Rachel represent two dimensions existing in each of our spouses, women and men alike. Rachel, "the shapely and beautiful sister," embodies the attractive, charming and romantic features of our spouse. In fact, in Hebrew Rachel means "ewe," an animal characterized by its bright white color and its gentle and lovable nature.

Also, the numerology of the Hebrew name Rachel is the same as the numerology of the Hebrew words "and there was light."

Leah, a name that literally means "one, who is weary," represents those elements in our spouse that are more complicated and disturbing. Leah, the weak-eyed sister, weakened from tears and anxiety, embodies our continuous and exhausting struggle with the dark demons and ugly impulses in our lives.

Thus, in Chassidic writings Rachel is associated with the tzaddik-personality , while Leah is associated with the baal-teshuvah (the penitent) figure. The tzaddik is the pure and sacred human being, reflecting the harmony and goodness of his creator. The baal-teshuvah, on the other hand, embodies the individual who must continuously battle the negative urges and destructive habits rooted in his or her psyche.

The drama that occurred at the wedding of the father of the Jewish people occurs at almost every wedding. When you get married, you may think that you're marrying Rachel: the comely, perfect and fictitious spouse that you chose in your dreams. But in reality, you're bound to discover that you ended up with Leah, a human being possessing layers of unresolved wounds and tension.

Initially you may love and appreciate only the Rachel dimension of your marriage partner and despise the Leah part of that individual. Yet as life progresses you'll come to discover that it's precisely the Leah dimension of your spouse, more than anything else, that was always meant for your soul. It's the shortcomings and imperfections of your spouse that can challenge you to transcend your ego and become the person you are capable of being.

Creating a Space for That Which Emerges:

That's the secret behind the veiling. When the groom veils his bride, he's essentially stating that "I will love and respect not only the 'you' who is presently visible to me, but also the 'you' that is still concealed from me and might emerge only later. I'm committed not just to the 'Rachel' in you, but also to the 'Leah' in you.

"As I bond with you in marriage," the groom is saying, "I'm creating a space within me to accept and nurture the totality of your being."

[BESANGIN 0]

I thought I would add this, since this deals with some issues at hand.....

DISCOVERING SPOUSE IS DIFFERENT THAN WE THOUGHT:

The Leah and Rachel Deception -By Yosef Y. Jacobson

Many of us struggle in marriage when we eventually "discover" negative things about our spouse we never knew before. How we wish we would have known these things before marrying! How could we have been so "blinded" by what we thought to be true love? This even leads some to consider the critical question: Should we remain married to them even though we now feel deceived?

The following insightful article about marriage appeared on a Jewish email list. If you aren't Jewish or a person who studies the Bible, there might be a few words you won't understand, but trust me, this applies to all marriages, Jewish, Christian, or other!

It's difficult not to sympathize with our patriarch, Jacob, who becomes the victim of a last minute switch by his father-in-law, who tricks him into marrying the wrong woman. The Torah relates that Laban had two daughters, Leah and Rachel. "Leah had weak eyes, while Rachel was shapely and beautiful." Jacob loved Rachel and he offered to work seven years for her.

When the seven years were up, Laban substituted Leah for Rachel on the night of the wedding. Jacob discovered the deception only after he'd consummated the marriage with Leah. Jacob accepted his fate and remained with Leah. But he later also married Rachel, the bride of his choice, "and he loved Rachel more than Leah."

Yet, at the end, it was Leah who became Jacob's primary wife. Rachel died at a young age; so that most of Jacob's married life was actually spent with Leah. In addition to this, it was Leah who mothered most of Jacob's children, the future tribes of Israel and it was she, not Rachel, who ultimately was buried with Jacob in the Machpelah cave in Hebron.

Why did this marriage—the marriage that formed the foundation of the Jewish nation, the marriage that produced every single Jew living since, come about in such an appalling manner? And why did Jacob have to go through this absurd experience?

The Secret Behind the Veil:

There's a custom practiced during Jewish weddings known as the "bedeken," or the veiling. Before the wedding ceremony, the groom goes to the room where his bride is sitting on a throne and he covers her face with a veil. Her face remains covered during the entire chupah ceremony.

One of the traditional explanations for this custom is that it commemorates the event that occurred during Jacob's wedding ceremony. Since Jacob's bride was veiled, he didn't realize that he was marrying the wrong woman. But if that's the reason, shouldn't the custom be that the groom uncovers his bride's face to make sure that he's marrying the bride of his choice? Why are we commemorating at each of our weddings this terrible episode that occurred to poor Jacob?

The War that Can Break or Make Us:

In the writings of kabbalah, Leah and Rachel represent two dimensions existing in each of our spouses, women and men alike. Rachel, "the shapely and beautiful sister," embodies the attractive, charming and romantic features of our spouse. In fact, in Hebrew Rachel means "ewe," an animal characterized by its bright white color and its gentle and lovable nature.

Also, the numerology of the Hebrew name Rachel is the same as the numerology of the Hebrew words "and there was light."

Leah, a name that literally means "one, who is weary," represents those elements in our spouse that are more complicated and disturbing. Leah, the weak-eyed sister, weakened from tears and anxiety, embodies our continuous and exhausting struggle with the dark demons and ugly impulses in our lives.

Thus, in Chassidic writings Rachel is associated with the tzaddik-personality , while Leah is associated with the baal-teshuvah (the penitent) figure. The tzaddik is the pure and sacred human being, reflecting the harmony and goodness of his creator. The baal-teshuvah, on the other hand, embodies the individual who must continuously battle the negative urges and destructive habits rooted in his or her psyche.

The drama that occurred at the wedding of the father of the Jewish people occurs at almost every wedding. When you get married, you may think that you're marrying Rachel: the comely, perfect and fictitious spouse that you chose in your dreams. But in reality, you're bound to discover that you ended up with Leah, a human being possessing layers of unresolved wounds and tension.

Initially you may love and appreciate only the Rachel dimension of your marriage partner and despise the Leah part of that individual. Yet as life progresses you'll come to discover that it's precisely the Leah dimension of your spouse, more than anything else, that was always meant for your soul. It's the shortcomings and imperfections of your spouse that can challenge you to transcend your ego and become the person you are capable of being.

Creating a Space for That Which Emerges:

That's the secret behind the veiling. When the groom veils his bride, he's essentially stating that "I will love and respect not only the 'you' who is presently visible to me, but also the 'you' that is still concealed from me and might emerge only later. I'm committed not just to the 'Rachel' in you, but also to the 'Leah' in you.

"As I bond with you in marriage," the groom is saying, "I'm creating a space within me to accept and nurture the totality of your being."

That is a fantastic article, and it is true. When I realized that customs had switched the man I married and gave me someone else, I was committed to him and the vows that I made. I was expecting to be married to him for the rest of my life through good and the bad, and believe me I experienced some bad. But there comes a time when you have decide if you can continue on a path that is proving and will prove to exstinguish the light, joy and soul of who you are as a person. Love does not destroy, it builds you up, and where I was headed in my marriage was not where I was supposed to be. God is no fool and He knows what He is talking about when He says do not be unequally yoked, that does not mean just spiritually. I was beginning to take on the characteristics of my EX that I always despised in people, and when I recognized that, I knew, that I was fighting a losing battle. So I cut my losses, accepted my consequences, and mustered up the strength I needed to pull my life back together. I didn't want to become a bitter woman disillusioned, by men and love. In spite of my drama, I still want to be in love with someone who wants the same things that I do, and his heart and mindset are the same as mine. I'm extremely picky now when it comes to dating. I have a list that I threw away when I met my EX. My big mistake was not holding him to that same standard that I was holding American men to. Because of that I made excuses for him and didn't allow him to prove himself to be a good honorable man. Fatal mistake for most women. Now. I would rather stay single than to be in another relationship like the one I left behind.

Edited January 21, 2007 by BESANGIN

[crazi4christ 1]

Karen I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. YES MY HUSBAND HAS ANOTHER CHILD. HER NAME IS JOY AND I THINK YOU GO THINGS MESSED UP. I AM NOT SURE WERE YOU GOT YOUR INFORMATION FROM. I KNOW YOU TALK TO MICHELLE SO THAT COULD BE. BUT I HAVENT EVER LIED TO THE EMBASSY NOT A ONCE. YEAH I GOT MAD AT THEM BUT WHO DOESNT. SORRY.OH WELL I AM NOT UPSET I AM JUST DEFENDING MY FAMILY. I DONT HAVE NOTHING TO TELL YOU I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU AND THAT IS FINE. I AM SORRY THAT I UPSET YOU. I DO PRAY THE BEST FOR. WHAT EVER YOU WERE TOLD IS WRONG. GOD BLESS YOU.

SONYA GIRL I AM HAPPY YOUR OK I THINK ABOUT YOU OFTEN AND WILL TRY TO CONTACT YOU SOON.

I WILL LET YOU ALL KNOW THE OUT COME FROM THE CONGRESS WOMEN.

[blah0323 0]

I thought I would add this, since this deals with some issues at hand.....

DISCOVERING SPOUSE IS DIFFERENT THAN WE THOUGHT:

The Leah and Rachel Deception -By Yosef Y. Jacobson

Many of us struggle in marriage when we eventually "discover" negative things about our spouse we never knew before. How we wish we would have known these things before marrying! How could we have been so "blinded" by what we thought to be true love? This even leads some to consider the critical question: Should we remain married to them even though we now feel deceived?

The following insightful article about marriage appeared on a Jewish email list. If you aren't Jewish or a person who studies the Bible, there might be a few words you won't understand, but trust me, this applies to all marriages, Jewish, Christian, or other!

It's difficult not to sympathize with our patriarch, Jacob, who becomes the victim of a last minute switch by his father-in-law, who tricks him into marrying the wrong woman. The Torah relates that Laban had two daughters, Leah and Rachel. "Leah had weak eyes, while Rachel was shapely and beautiful." Jacob loved Rachel and he offered to work seven years for her.

When the seven years were up, Laban substituted Leah for Rachel on the night of the wedding. Jacob discovered the deception only after he'd consummated the marriage with Leah. Jacob accepted his fate and remained with Leah. But he later also married Rachel, the bride of his choice, "and he loved Rachel more than Leah."

Yet, at the end, it was Leah who became Jacob's primary wife. Rachel died at a young age; so that most of Jacob's married life was actually spent with Leah. In addition to this, it was Leah who mothered most of Jacob's children, the future tribes of Israel and it was she, not Rachel, who ultimately was buried with Jacob in the Machpelah cave in Hebron.

Why did this marriage—the marriage that formed the foundation of the Jewish nation, the marriage that produced every single Jew living since, come about in such an appalling manner? And why did Jacob have to go through this absurd experience?

The Secret Behind the Veil:

There's a custom practiced during Jewish weddings known as the "bedeken," or the veiling. Before the wedding ceremony, the groom goes to the room where his bride is sitting on a throne and he covers her face with a veil. Her face remains covered during the entire chupah ceremony.

One of the traditional explanations for this custom is that it commemorates the event that occurred during Jacob's wedding ceremony. Since Jacob's bride was veiled, he didn't realize that he was marrying the wrong woman. But if that's the reason, shouldn't the custom be that the groom uncovers his bride's face to make sure that he's marrying the bride of his choice? Why are we commemorating at each of our weddings this terrible episode that occurred to poor Jacob?

The War that Can Break or Make Us:

In the writings of kabbalah, Leah and Rachel represent two dimensions existing in each of our spouses, women and men alike. Rachel, "the shapely and beautiful sister," embodies the attractive, charming and romantic features of our spouse. In fact, in Hebrew Rachel means "ewe," an animal characterized by its bright white color and its gentle and lovable nature.

Also, the numerology of the Hebrew name Rachel is the same as the numerology of the Hebrew words "and there was light."

Leah, a name that literally means "one, who is weary," represents those elements in our spouse that are more complicated and disturbing. Leah, the weak-eyed sister, weakened from tears and anxiety, embodies our continuous and exhausting struggle with the dark demons and ugly impulses in our lives.

Thus, in Chassidic writings Rachel is associated with the tzaddik-personality , while Leah is associated with the baal-teshuvah (the penitent) figure. The tzaddik is the pure and sacred human being, reflecting the harmony and goodness of his creator. The baal-teshuvah, on the other hand, embodies the individual who must continuously battle the negative urges and destructive habits rooted in his or her psyche.

The drama that occurred at the wedding of the father of the Jewish people occurs at almost every wedding. When you get married, you may think that you're marrying Rachel: the comely, perfect and fictitious spouse that you chose in your dreams. But in reality, you're bound to discover that you ended up with Leah, a human being possessing layers of unresolved wounds and tension.

Initially you may love and appreciate only the Rachel dimension of your marriage partner and despise the Leah part of that individual. Yet as life progresses you'll come to discover that it's precisely the Leah dimension of your spouse, more than anything else, that was always meant for your soul. It's the shortcomings and imperfections of your spouse that can challenge you to transcend your ego and become the person you are capable of being.

Creating a Space for That Which Emerges:

That's the secret behind the veiling. When the groom veils his bride, he's essentially stating that "I will love and respect not only the 'you' who is presently visible to me, but also the 'you' that is still concealed from me and might emerge only later. I'm committed not just to the 'Rachel' in you, but also to the 'Leah' in you.

"As I bond with you in marriage," the groom is saying, "I'm creating a space within me to accept and nurture the totality of your being."

That is a fantastic article, and it is true. When I realized that customs had switched the man I married and gave me someone else, I was committed to him and the vows that I made. I was expecting to be married to him for the rest of my life through good and the bad, and believe me I experienced some bad. But there comes a time when you have decide if you can continue on a path that is proving and will prove to exstinguish the light, joy and soul of who you are as a person. Love does not destroy, it builds you up, and where I was headed in my marriage was not where I was supposed to be. God is no fool and He knows what He is talking about when He says do not be unequally yoked, that does not mean just spiritually. I was beginning to take on the characteristics of my EX that I always despised in people, and when I recognized that, I knew, that I was fighting a losing battle. So I cut my losses, accepted my consequences, and mustered up the strength I needed to pull my life back together. I didn't want to become a bitter woman disillusioned, by men and love. In spite of my drama, I still want to be in love with someone who wants the same things that I do, and his heart and mindset are the same as mine. I'm extremely picky now when it comes to dating. I have a list that I threw away when I met my EX. My big mistake was not holding him to that same standard that I was holding American men to. Because of that I made excuses for him and didn't allow him to prove himself to be a good honorable man. Fatal mistake for most women. Now. I would rather stay single than to be in another relationship like the one I left behind.

Your right each individual has to know its own limits. And I Bless GOD for allowing you to move forward. Some are still working on moving pass the storm. It is a process and as long as we hold on to the "wrongs", the longer the one who wronged us, has a hold on us.

And speaking of standards, I hadn't had to tell my DH that I have zero tolerance policy until recently, but guess what I'm holding to it. There are somethings that have to be nipped in the bud and he has to respect that I want/request that.

[Frank12 0]

Well, I just wanted to say Steve had his interview on Tuesday. It bad. They didnt ask him for really anything. They asked him for my Tax papers from 2004 and he gave them it. Then they asked for our marriage certificate and all of our birth certificates which he had, and gave to them. Then they said how is he forsure that our daughter kelita is his. He gave them the copies of my passport to show when I was there a letter from my doctor stating that I had been pregnant. And then her Birth certificate again showing when she was born. 9 months stupid. But that wasnt enough. the CO wants me to do a DNA test of my daughter and then they well send one to steve for him to do it and when the Results come back they will finish the interview. I AM MAD. to do a DNA test is 700.00 This is money I dont have. Let alone I know that kelita is Steves we dont question that they are. Steve showed them pictures of her. and they said that when she was an infant she looked more like him than she does now. But that still doesnt prove that Kelita is his.

SO, I dont know what to do now. i dont feel I should have to pay for this DNA testing to be done. ANd I dont know why this has come down to this.

I am so tired of this Embassy I await the day when we are done with them.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do?

I have my congressman involved but, she is out of the office until monday.

So thanks everyone for your help.

Sorry to hear that, but it's not unusuall especially in cases involving new born babies for the embassy to request a DNA test prior to visa issuance.

The main thing you should be upset about it's the additional fee.If everything checks out, then you and your fiancee would be winners (Visa in hand).

I wish ya'll good luck.

[solo's iyawo 0]

First of all I want to thank all of you for your different views and experiences. As some have pointed out there are scammers all over. I have been scammed by American men simply looking for a place to lay their head to keep from going back to their momma's basement. I have prayed on my choice and I am grateful that I have friends to stick by me when I am up and have helped piece together my ego when I was left with a sick baby, no job, and no vision to see beyond 1997. I have had 3 american men leave all the raising of the children to me, and 2 be legally forced to take provide monitarily for their children which they still are slack on. I said all this to say, a man's nationality has little do with him honoring you and the promise made before God. You have good American marriages and bad marriages. Plain and simple. While a green card may be motivation for some, it is not for all.

I prayed about my decision before telling Solo I would be his wife. We had an open conversation about how his quality of life will improve as will mine by what he will provide for my household in being present. I have been honest with him about many things, the main one being I will never get a good housekeeping award. I sent him pictures of my home at its WORST after water damage to prepare him. I am honest about finances with him and what my expectations are for what we will send back to Naija on a monthly basis. We have talked about what we consider to be our "deal breakers" in the relationship. Now if he comes here and decides to leave me, I wish him well as I did the 3 American men that have left me. I know my success and happiness only make them realized what they really loss.

[Neya 0]

Could'nt have said it better!

First of all I want to thank all of you for your different views and experiences. As some have pointed out there are scammers all over. I have been scammed by American men simply looking for a place to lay their head to keep from going back to their momma's basement. I have prayed on my choice and I am grateful that I have friends to stick by me when I am up and have helped piece together my ego when I was left with a sick baby, no job, and no vision to see beyond 1997. I have had 3 american men leave all the raising of the children to me, and 2 be legally forced to take provide monitarily for their children which they still are slack on. I said all this to say, a man's nationality has little do with him honoring you and the promise made before God. You have good American marriages and bad marriages. Plain and simple. While a green card may be motivation for some, it is not for all.

I prayed about my decision before telling Solo I would be his wife. We had an open conversation about how his quality of life will improve as will mine by what he will provide for my household in being present. I have been honest with him about many things, the main one being I will never get a good housekeeping award. I sent him pictures of my home at its WORST after water damage to prepare him. I am honest about finances with him and what my expectations are for what we will send back to Naija on a monthly basis. We have talked about what we consider to be our "deal breakers" in the relationship. Now if he comes here and decides to leave me, I wish him well as I did the 3 American men that have left me. I know my success and happiness only make them realized what they really loss.

Edited January 25, 2007 by Neya

[Naisula 0]

Blah0323, thank you for sharing those Jewish traditions!

Besangin, your writing is beautiful! I am sorry to hear about your suffering. I look forward to reading your book.

I am new to this site so please bear with me as I navigate my way around.

Naisula.

[masterpiece 2]

After post 37, one can only say........"nuff said"!