Preference for non-American mates

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I remembered something and it is probably more on track with the topic so I wanted to add it...

Shortly after my divorce in 2000 I met a coworker who is Thai. I helped her with her home computer a few times so we got to know each other as friends. One day at work she came in my office and closed the door. She confided in me about a problem with her on again/off again boyfriend. He cheated on her several times and one time hit her when he was drunk. She asked me what she should do. I advised her to leave him and I'll admit I was biased (I liked her) in that advice but I would've given the same advice to anyone in her situation. She knew I liked her and she liked me as well but she told me her father wouldn't let her date a non-Asian man (her boyfriend was also Thai) because he was very old fashioned. Not long after that our company went belly up, we all got laid off, and we lost touch. About a year later I learned that she was pregnant from the same boyfriend. They married not long after that. It was maybe 3-4 years ago that a mutual friend told me she was miserable. She was working full time + weekends and all of her money goes the family. He worked too but apparently has a gambling problem. My friend tried to convince her to take the child and leave him but he threatened to fight any custody. She didn't want to embarrass her family name with divorce either. Well, this is kinda long winded but my point is I don't think it's good idea to choose or not choose someone based on their race or nationality. Were it not for my friend's fathers bias she probably would've left her boyfriend, not gotten pregnant, and not gotten forced into a marriage as a result.

I thought this was a powerful story. And it caused me to wonder about something.

I was GONNA say that I believe European men to be more polite and generally more considerate of women than most American men. And that I would find it hard to ever go back to relationships with American males. Maybe I shouldn't state it that way though, or believe it with such conviction?

UNLESS, it's true what Steven said - that it's more cultural differences that we like which attract us?

I don't think it's just that my wonderful European husband is so gracious, good-hearted, patient and considerate of me. I've heard other women make the same comment about European-born men.

Oh well - I guess it's not good to generalize. Eye wide open should be the rule of the day!

Generally speaking, perhaps in this country, men and women alike have lost their sensibilities when it comes to lasting love? We certainly live in a disposible society and many failed relationships seem to be a consequence. I don't think it's that those qualities we wanted in our SO can't be found in Americans, but possibly that they are harder to come by? There's something to be said about the shift in American Values and having a lifelong marriage doesn't seem an ideal that many Americans hold on to.

[sophyie 0]

I don't think I was ever specifically attracted to American men, but I guess one could say I was definately interested in non- Germans

My mum was not the least surprised to see me getting married to someone from a different country- due to our family history.

She's been married twice, to an Irish and to my dad, a Slovak. She for sure was never drawn to German men.

My dad (bein Slovak) has been married twice, both to Germans.

My brother is from my mum's first marriage, has lived in England most of his life and has an Irish passport.

My cousin is Czech and married to a Nepalese.

My other cousin is married to an English man.

So here I come, being half German, half Slovak, married to an American.

All of us (even the Germans married to Germans) have lived abroad for a couple of years, and my mum is a restless traveller. A nomad. So am I.

From my husband's side of the story:

I guess, he's a nomad, too.

In the last 10 years he has spent more time living outside the US than in, he has lived in Chile, Argentina, Germany, Spain and France. He is fluent in German and Spanish (and English of course).

What I find interesting is, that he is the only one in his huge family who is like this. As far as I know, I'm the only non- American spouse in a VERY big family.

He had his last American girlfriend in highschool.

I've read a lot about voices and accents in this thread, and that's a big thing for me, too.

I love his way of talking. He grew up in the pacific northwest- so hardly an accent noticable (maybe that makes it an accent itself?), and he has a very low, deep, warm voice. Worth passing the telephone around

Edited January 17, 2007 by sophyie

[TracyTN 237]

Never mind. It dawned on me after my last post that I must have misread the question (and I did). Too late to edit previous.

I've been scratching my head over your last post.

Pssst. She's just trying to instigate stuff. It's better if we don't ask...

Abort instigation! Abort instigation!

Perhaps it was 'attempted instigation via blonde moment'? :lol:

Edited January 17, 2007 by TracyTN

[heishe 2]

I really only have a preference for one non-American mate. (L)

[Dr. Obvious 49]

I was just looking for a certain set of qualities in a man regardless of nationality. I just happened to find them in a German and what the Hell, you know?

[Sinergy 3]

I'm a caucasian US citizen and my ex-wife is also caucasian. I wasn't looking for a white woman when we met, it just turned out that way. The woman I'm petitioning now (my wife, Lina) is a Filipina and we met by chance. I was on a cruise ship with friends and she was working on the ship. I never thought I'd meet my wife then and there but it happened and I couldn't be happier. I will say that I have always been attracted to Asian women and I have Filipina friends (all married) so I do know something of and like the Philippine culture. Maybe that was the reason I talked with her in the ship casino for several hours...?

American doesnt mean caucasian, you can marry an american and her not be caucasian. she was asking about nationality, not race.

[Aymerlu 3]

After my divorce 7 years ago I dated a few Americans, but a lot more foreign men, not because I was out looking for foreign men, but that's just the way it worked out. Plus I was always around the University hospital where a lot of foreign men work here. After dating a few foreign men I kind knew that if I were ever to get into a serious relationship it would be with a foreign man. They all just treated me a lot different and better than the American men I was dating. (Sorry guys ) They all wanted to know all about me as a person and not what I was willing to do or not to do. When I met my husband I was amazed at how good he made me feel about myself, a feeling I had not felt in a long time. Yeah, others had told me the same thing, but I knew they didn't mean it, but his words came right from his heart. I always had heard that egyptians are very romantic. Wooo Hooo were they right!

[Ban Hammer 13,625]

how i explain how i met nessa:

one day, i put a map on the wall and threw a dart at it. it landed on brazil. i then got on the internet and started looking for a wife from brazil..........

[Sinergy 3]

how i explain how i met nessa:

one day, i put a map on the wall and threw a dart at it. it landed on brazil. i then got on the internet and started looking for a wife from brazil..........

i went to romania, and just did a manhunt why romania?? no one would have expected it

seriously, it was by luck. i was in romania with some friends, doing research on a book i was writing, and i met my husband. We hit it off right away. Never thought id marry a romanian, didnt care about his nationality, just cared that i love him. To me hes Ed, not Romanian or American, or whatever else. hes just Ed!

[Saddle Bronc 124]

A little complicated for me, as I am naturalised in both Canada and US (born in India).

Prior to 1994, I could not consider non-desi American or Canadian due to religion (and could not consider onshore desis either due to a considerable proportion of them being ABCD's).

After 1994 (when i became a Christian), there was also a serious cultural issue (and now, a religious incompatibility with the VAST majority of onshore desis)--leaving only FOB-desi born-again Christian as viable option.

(note: I know it will miff most of the Canada-born VJ'ers, but the "cultural difference" between Canada and US is considerably less than that between Lakhnau and Gwalior; so the term ABCD applies unreservedly to desi origin born in Canada as well as US.)

[heishe 2]

I'm a caucasian US citizen and my ex-wife is also caucasian. I wasn't looking for a white woman when we met, it just turned out that way. The woman I'm petitioning now (my wife, Lina) is a Filipina and we met by chance. I was on a cruise ship with friends and she was working on the ship. I never thought I'd meet my wife then and there but it happened and I couldn't be happier. I will say that I have always been attracted to Asian women and I have Filipina friends (all married) so I do know something of and like the Philippine culture. Maybe that was the reason I talked with her in the ship casino for several hours...?

American doesnt mean caucasian, you can marry an american and her not be caucasian. she was asking about nationality, not race.

Yeah, I thought it was interesting that the OP said she's not "ethnically American."

[Sinergy 3]

I'm a caucasian US citizen and my ex-wife is also caucasian. I wasn't looking for a white woman when we met, it just turned out that way. The woman I'm petitioning now (my wife, Lina) is a Filipina and we met by chance. I was on a cruise ship with friends and she was working on the ship. I never thought I'd meet my wife then and there but it happened and I couldn't be happier. I will say that I have always been attracted to Asian women and I have Filipina friends (all married) so I do know something of and like the Philippine culture. Maybe that was the reason I talked with her in the ship casino for several hours...?

American doesnt mean caucasian, you can marry an american and her not be caucasian. she was asking about nationality, not race.

Yeah, I thought it was interesting that the OP said she's not "ethnically American."

indeed

[Yodrak 7]

Green-eyed girl,

How many generations does it take for someone to be "ethnically American"? Very few Americans are indigenous, and the majority of Americans can trace their ancestry back to somewhere else within only 3-4 generations or less.

To address your question, my forebears came to the USA in the mid 1700s and I once felt some sort of pride that, as far as I can tell, the family had remained 'pure' in its' heritage. Pride not because of the heritage, but because of the unusualness of the situation. Americans come from many places around the globe, if not from every place, so I expect it's rare for a family to not be of mixed heritage after 250 years. Most families would, I expect more closely resemble yours.

Except - how long does it take an ethnic [name the place] family that has emigrated to America to become an ethnic American family? Depending on the answer, it might not be so easy to find an ethnic American because there might not be too many of them.

Also, I see Canadians on your list. Given the similar histories of Canada and the USA I have another question for you - what is an ethnic Canadian and how does one differ from ethnic Americans (aside from location and the government they live under)?

Yodrak

I was thinking the other day that this is my second marriage and, although I am American born (not ethnically American tho), I have never considered marrying an American man. Then, I looked around at my family and noticed a trend: few of them are married to Americans or have ever been. Folks in my family have/had Lebanese, Canadian, Palestinian (lots of them), Bolivian, Irish, Filipine, Indian, Moroccans (lots of them), Chilean, Israeli, Maltese, Mexican, Dutch, and South African spouses. I can credit myself for one Lebanese and one Moroccan. Perhaps we have a preference for non-Americans.

Do you?

[Thingee 0]

Just had to post this after the bit about the accents. Rude language (5-6 words) included in the text.

http://www.themorningnews.org/archives/the..._he_british.php

[Chris-n-Veronica 0]

Maybe it's because when you hold out this long for someone (visa process) and brave all the cultural differences, they have to be something special. Maybe that's why people get this perspective? Based on their own and observed experiences? eh

So, what kind of Americans are willing to do this for the love of a "foreigner"? Romantics? Adventurers? Hard-heads? If not due to a preference for another "type", how do you classify yourself?

I guess in a way I was looking for a life with alittle Old Country Culture and Customs.. even the superstitions are cute..

and as I stated before... my ex was american female.. and my reason to not go that way again is about the same reasons American Women have for looking else where..