Preference for non-American mates

[chri'stina 190]

I am attracted to difference. Not totally different from me, but with some difference. ...

I guess I was the same, if I really think about it. But I never sought out a non-American, and I mean someone living in another country.

When I started college I noticed more that I thought that boys from different ethnicities than mine were cuter. I always have loved learning about different cultures also. I had a feeling that I wasn't going to be marrying someone just like me, and thought it'd be cool to marry someone from a different ethnicity than me (but I never said I was ONLY looking for someone different). Someone with a different ethnicity WITHIN the US, sure...not someone outside of the US! That one, I would have never ever guessed or planned.

Edited January 17, 2007 by stina&suj

[rebeccajo 14]

I don't think it's just that my wonderful European husband is so gracious, good-hearted, patient and considerate of me. I've heard other women make the same comment about European-born men.

Oh well - I guess it's not good to generalize. Eye wide open should be the rule of the day!

Interesting... because I'd say the exact same thing, except I'd substitute 'American' where you have 'European', and, after a conversation with a woman at work the other week, 'American-born' where you have 'European-born'. She was assuring me (apparently having had, um, some experience in the field) that I'm lucky to be with an American because they're so much more thoughtful, considerate, and generally appreciative of the women they're with than their UK counterparts! I'm not sure about that, as I only have the one American man to compare to the men I've been involved with before, so all I know is that he is perfect for me, where they weren't. Like you say, though, it's not good to generalise - just wanted to comment as my experience would be just what you've posted, in reverse!

Maybe it's because when you hold out this long for someone (visa process) and brave all the cultural differences, they have to be something special. Maybe that's why people get this perspective? Based on their own and observed experiences? eh

Well, I wouldn't do this for some loser, that's for sure!

Do you think there are people who end up with a foreign-born spouse because they can't get a date in their own country?

[featherB 1]

I don't think it's just that my wonderful European husband is so gracious, good-hearted, patient and considerate of me. I've heard other women make the same comment about European-born men.

Oh well - I guess it's not good to generalize. Eye wide open should be the rule of the day!

Interesting... because I'd say the exact same thing, except I'd substitute 'American' where you have 'European', and, after a conversation with a woman at work the other week, 'American-born' where you have 'European-born'. She was assuring me (apparently having had, um, some experience in the field) that I'm lucky to be with an American because they're so much more thoughtful, considerate, and generally appreciative of the women they're with than their UK counterparts! I'm not sure about that, as I only have the one American man to compare to the men I've been involved with before, so all I know is that he is perfect for me, where they weren't. Like you say, though, it's not good to generalise - just wanted to comment as my experience would be just what you've posted, in reverse!

So back in 2001, my company hosted some training and some new hires from the UK office came over, and we were all out drinking, and we were all having a blast, and one of the American guys lamented to one of the English guys how the American girls were falling all over the cute English and Scottish men and fawning over their accents, and the English guy said,

"Come over to London. You're tall, blond, muscular, great teeth, and we're a bunch of pasty flab. You'll get a lot of women."

I think there's a strong human tendency to exoticize the *other*, which can be part of the fun if it doesn't lead to serious roadblocks in communication between a couple.

I think there's probably a lot of truth in all of that! I remember a few years ago I was on holiday in San Francisco, and was wondering why I'd suddenly become about 1000% more attractive to the opposite sex since stepping off the plane. Men (intelligent, attractive, friendly, articulate, pleasant, sober ones, I mean!!) were (I swear) pretty much throwing themselves at me. THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN!!! EVER!!! I eventually figured it out... ahhh, it's my accent, it must be my accent! I must've suddenly come into some category of exciting exoticness that I obviously don't figure in at home - that was a very strange experience!!

As for me, from the other point of view, I definitely wouldn't say I'm attracted to 'Americans' as such (that, to me, would be a very strange thing to say, because that gives almost as much scope as saying 'I'm attracted to people!' - doesn't narrow it down very much!), but I can imagine that just like the English guy at your work thing said (and in much the same way as I so bizarrely experienced in San Francisco), stick your average perfectly normal American person (or anyone of any different nationality, for that matter) in a group of people in a bar in London, and they'll suddenly find they're attracting a whole lot more attention...! Like you say, 'the other' can seem exotic, and at the very least, it's going to grab people's attention when it's not what they're used to.

All I know is that C. is very, very different to anyone else I've met before... but that's just him, rather than 'the difference between American men and British ones'!

[SoL. 0]

Do you think there are people who end up with a foreign-born spouse because they can't get a date in their own country?

I think this is actually not a rare thing (for situations I have read on some other threads)...

Edited January 17, 2007 by Sol-de-Verano

[TonyS 0]

Maybe it's because when you hold out this long for someone (visa process) and brave all the cultural differences, they have to be something special. Maybe that's why people get this perspective? Based on their own and observed experiences? eh

So, what kind of Americans are willing to do this for the love of a "foreigner"? Romantics? Adventurers? Hard-heads? If not due to a preference for another "type", how do you classify yourself?

I will admit.... I'm very much a adventurer. Somwhat of a dreamer and a romantic. I believe in taking some risks.

[ILIKEALLCAPS 0]

Do you think there are people who end up with a foreign-born spouse because they can't get a date in their own country?

Sure! Wasn't he called "Bholliday" or somesuch?

[ceriserose 1]

Do you think there are people who end up with a foreign-born spouse because they can't get a date in their own country?

Sure! Wasn't he called "Bholliday" or somesuch?

Thank god, I'd finished my water or it would have all come out my nose at that one!!!

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I think there's probably a lot of truth in all of that! I remember a few years ago I was on holiday in San Francisco, and was wondering why I'd suddenly become about 1000% more attractive to the opposite sex since stepping off the plane. Men (intelligent, attractive, friendly, articulate, pleasant, sober ones, I mean!!) were (I swear) pretty much throwing themselves at me. THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN!!! EVER!!! I eventually figured it out... ahhh, it's my accent, it must be my accent! I must've suddenly come into some category of exciting exoticness that I obviously don't figure in at home - that was a very strange experience!!

I'll bet on the accent too. I have a good friend in her 60's who immigrated to the US more than 20 years ago. British mother, Maltese father. Exotic looks, even at her age, but I don't care where we are, when she speaks, men go into whiplash looking for where that interesting sound comes from. I learned English from a couple of Australian anthros who were studying my family. I can do Aussie and British accents, among others. Accents work as an aprodesiac, and they work well!

[featherB 1]

I don't think it's just that my wonderful European husband is so gracious, good-hearted, patient and considerate of me. I've heard other women make the same comment about European-born men.

Oh well - I guess it's not good to generalize. Eye wide open should be the rule of the day!

Interesting... because I'd say the exact same thing, except I'd substitute 'American' where you have 'European', and, after a conversation with a woman at work the other week, 'American-born' where you have 'European-born'. She was assuring me (apparently having had, um, some experience in the field) that I'm lucky to be with an American because they're so much more thoughtful, considerate, and generally appreciative of the women they're with than their UK counterparts! I'm not sure about that, as I only have the one American man to compare to the men I've been involved with before, so all I know is that he is perfect for me, where they weren't. Like you say, though, it's not good to generalise - just wanted to comment as my experience would be just what you've posted, in reverse!

Maybe it's because when you hold out this long for someone (visa process) and brave all the cultural differences, they have to be something special. Maybe that's why people get this perspective? Based on their own and observed experiences? eh

Exactly... we're basing this on our respective examples of one person (who is from a different country) who is worth going through all this for, compared to everyone else we've previously been involved with (who happen to be from the same country as us) who obviously weren't right. So (based on my sampling of one American male) I can say American guys are infinitely better than men from Europe. And Rebeccajo can say the exact opposite. Conclusive proof if ever I saw it!

[rebeccajo 14]

Do you think there are people who end up with a foreign-born spouse because they can't get a date in their own country?

Sure! Wasn't he called "Bholliday" or somesuch?

Thank god, I'd finished my water or it would have all come out my nose at that one!!!

LOL.....I know!

[Alex+R 0]

Maybe it's because when you hold out this long for someone (visa process) and brave all the cultural differences, they have to be something special. Maybe that's why people get this perspective? Based on their own and observed experiences? eh

So, what kind of Americans are willing to do this for the love of a "foreigner"? Romantics? Adventurers? Hard-heads? If not due to a preference for another "type", how do you classify yourself?

Hehehe. That was in response to the "European men/American men/Tanzanian men are superior!" ideas. Maybe it's more that European/American/Tanzanian men that date American/UK/ women from whatever far-off place have to be pretty cool. Most people couldn't be bothered. :tries in vain to make sense:

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

I couldn't find a good non American spouse, so I had to settle for an American one.

[rebeccajo 14]

Accents work as an aprodesiac, and they work well!

OMG....I laugh at myself whenever I allow my husband's voice to get to me! Because it still can sometimes.....there's that little upswing lilt at the end of all sentences. And then the COMPLETELY different tone of a few sounds.

I remember TracyTN once saying that her ovaries would fairly spit eggs whenever her fiance' spoke. I think that wears off with most of us after a while.

But every now and then I allow myself to just LISTEN to my husband talk, and enjoy it full-throttle tilt. I consider it a fringe benefit of our relationship!!!!

[featherB 1]

Maybe it's because when you hold out this long for someone (visa process) and brave all the cultural differences, they have to be something special. Maybe that's why people get this perspective? Based on their own and observed experiences? eh

So, what kind of Americans are willing to do this for the love of a "foreigner"? Romantics? Adventurers? Hard-heads? If not due to a preference for another "type", how do you classify yourself?

Hehehe. That was in response to the "European men/American men/Tanzanian men are superior!" ideas. Maybe it's more that European/American/Tanzanian men that date American/UK/ women from whatever far-off place have to be pretty cool. Most people couldn't be bothered. :tries in vain to make sense:

No... you make perfect sense! And I hope I wasn't giving the impression that I think American men are 'better' than European ones or whatever - I didn't mean that at all, I meant that... eek, following on from your :tries in vain to make sense: I think I'm going to give up talking rubbish on here and drag myself to bed. It's 5:16am. Oh dear!

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I couldn't find a good non American spouse, so I had to settle for an American one.

I do love a sweet Irish accent! Oh my!