Preference for non-American mates

[Mary Lou 681]

This is my 2nd marriage, my ex is an american. To be fair to him he really is a good guy, posseses very good qualities ect. When i met my current husband i wasnt looking for anything. Neither was he, in fact he had no idea i was American when we first started talking. I have always loved going to Europe, but never had it set in my mind i wanted to have a relationship with someone from there, funny how things work out tho.

[ILIKEALLCAPS 0]

I think the blurred line causing a lot of confusion is ethnicity vs. nationality vs. culture. One person can say "ethnicity" and mean it as the government does, basically a racial grouping (caucasian, black, asian, native american, polynesian), while the next person uses it the exact same way but means national ancestry, and a third thinks they're talking about cultural issues (hutu vs. tutsi). It's too broad a term. A little clarification might make for better answers to your question.

[rebeccajo 14]

Okay. I created a poll. Have at it.

[Caladan 19]

I don't think it's just that my wonderful European husband is so gracious, good-hearted, patient and considerate of me. I've heard other women make the same comment about European-born men.

Oh well - I guess it's not good to generalize. Eye wide open should be the rule of the day!

Interesting... because I'd say the exact same thing, except I'd substitute 'American' where you have 'European', and, after a conversation with a woman at work the other week, 'American-born' where you have 'European-born'. She was assuring me (apparently having had, um, some experience in the field) that I'm lucky to be with an American because they're so much more thoughtful, considerate, and generally appreciative of the women they're with than their UK counterparts! I'm not sure about that, as I only have the one American man to compare to the men I've been involved with before, so all I know is that he is perfect for me, where they weren't. Like you say, though, it's not good to generalise - just wanted to comment as my experience would be just what you've posted, in reverse!

So back in 2001, my company hosted some training and some new hires from the UK office came over, and we were all out drinking, and we were all having a blast, and one of the American guys lamented to one of the English guys how the American girls were falling all over the cute English and Scottish men and fawning over their accents, and the English guy said,

"Come over to London. You're tall, blond, muscular, great teeth, and we're a bunch of pasty flab. You'll get a lot of women."

I think there's a strong human tendency to exoticize the *other*, which can be part of the fun if it doesn't lead to serious roadblocks in communication between a couple.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Well, we have a couple of people with a preference for non-Americans, most without. I have a preference, I admit it.

After marrying "out" :lol", could you ever go back?

[rebeccajo 14]

I think the blurred line causing a lot of confusion is ethnicity vs. nationality vs. culture. One person can say "ethnicity" and mean it as the government does, basically a racial grouping (caucasian, black, asian, native american, polynesian), while the next person uses it the exact same way but means national ancestry, and a third thinks they're talking about cultural issues (hutu vs. tutsi). It's too broad a term. A little clarification might make for better answers to your question.

Oh nuts. I hope my poll took that kind of thing into account. *eeeek*

[addy 0]

I was thinking the other day that this is my second marriage and, although I am American born (not ethnically American tho), I have never considered marrying an American man. Then, I looked around at my family and noticed a trend: few of them are married to Americans or have ever been. Folks in my family have/had Lebanese, Canadian, Palestinian (lots of them), Bolivian, Irish, Filipine, Indian, Moroccans (lots of them), Chilean, Israeli, Maltese, Mexican, Dutch, and South African spouses. I can credit myself for one Lebanese and one Moroccan. Perhaps we have a preference for non-Americans.

Do you?

Well, I'm American. I dated american guys and it usually turned out to be disastrous. One guy even turned out to be a pathetic slimeball. When I met my sweetie online, he fascinated me because his home country was so interesting. When we finally talked to each other with voice messaging, he blew me away when he talked with his british accent. He was so sweet, gentle, and thought about me a lot. I never thought I'd find a guy like that and I never expected I'd start seeing a British man.

[SoL. 0]

I was GONNA say that I believe European men to be more polite and generally more considerate of women than most American men. And that I would find it hard to ever go back to relationships with American males. Maybe I shouldn't state it that way though, or believe it with such conviction?

I don't think it's just that my wonderful European husband is so gracious, good-hearted, patient and considerate of me. I've heard other women make the same comment about European-born men.

Oh well - I guess it's not good to generalize. Eye wide open should be the rule of the day!

Rebeccajo, I completely agree with you in this one! I noticed how polite, galant they can be. After being in a few Euro countries I saw that they are just different towards women. "Small" things like opening the door for you, letting you go first, giving you their coats if your cold, and so on, can make a "big difference! And that's not common in here ....(At least on where I live they don't care to do that? LOL)

Maybe the draw is an attraction to another culure.

I see a lot of VJers on here who fall in love with their fiances' countries and cultures way before they meet their fiances.

I was on the Netherlands a few times before I met Pieter. I love NL and it's people plus it's such a beautiful country! The Dutch are really friendly people and live in a very nice way.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I tried the poll, rebeccajo. If you answer "yes" you have no answer for the third portion, so it throws you out.

[TonyS 0]

What a interesting topic. So I will add my bit. I have always been attracted to someone that was different to me. First wife was blonde and blue eyed. After my divorce, I started to travel to learn more about the world and myself. Since then I have dated Swedish, Filipino, Chinese, Japanese, Cape Verdean and a Aussie. Now I have a amazing latina fiancee. To me this world is amazing! If more people where like the people on this forum, maybe it there would be more understanding and love.

Edited January 17, 2007 by TonyS

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Rebeccajo, I completely agree with you in this one! I noticed how polite, galant they can be. After being in a few Euro countries I saw that they are just different towards women. "Small" things like opening the door for you, letting you go first, giving you their coats if your cold, and so on, can make a "big difference! And that's not common in here ....(At least on where I live they don't care to do that? LOL)

I'm an authority on ancient American history. I assure you, there was a day when chivalry was de rigor for American men too. I lived thru it

[rebeccajo 14]

I tried the poll, rebeccajo. If you answer "yes" you have no answer for the third portion, so it throws you out.

I know. I messed it up. Blah! (What I get for doing it in a hurry).

Try answering OTHER if your answer is negative to one of the two categories. That way we should get our results.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

If more people where like the people on this forum, maybe it there would be more understanding and love.

On a good day, perhaps. The world is amazing, tho!

Edited January 17, 2007 by Green-eyed girl

[Alex+R 0]

I don't think it's just that my wonderful European husband is so gracious, good-hearted, patient and considerate of me. I've heard other women make the same comment about European-born men.

Oh well - I guess it's not good to generalize. Eye wide open should be the rule of the day!

Interesting... because I'd say the exact same thing, except I'd substitute 'American' where you have 'European', and, after a conversation with a woman at work the other week, 'American-born' where you have 'European-born'. She was assuring me (apparently having had, um, some experience in the field) that I'm lucky to be with an American because they're so much more thoughtful, considerate, and generally appreciative of the women they're with than their UK counterparts! I'm not sure about that, as I only have the one American man to compare to the men I've been involved with before, so all I know is that he is perfect for me, where they weren't. Like you say, though, it's not good to generalise - just wanted to comment as my experience would be just what you've posted, in reverse!

Maybe it's because when you hold out this long for someone (visa process) and brave all the cultural differences, they have to be something special. Maybe that's why people get this perspective? Based on their own and observed experiences? eh

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Maybe it's because when you hold out this long for someone (visa process) and brave all the cultural differences, they have to be something special. Maybe that's why people get this perspective? Based on their own and observed experiences? eh

So, what kind of Americans are willing to do this for the love of a "foreigner"? Romantics? Adventurers? Hard-heads? If not due to a preference for another "type", how do you classify yourself?