Your Mate

[Heartland 0]

Once I had a conversation with my mom, she implied that I must be crazy to be attracted to a middle eastern man because of the way they treat women. You know, she said, how they delegate them to being less then the men. That somehow I was lessening myself by going out with a man from that area. Or perhaps I was wanting to be abused. Or that I was submissive.

This is funny because I was raised mostly by my grandma. Who was a stay at home mom and then grandma. Her view was that the man is head of the house hold family wise. That a woman should raise her own children and not have anyone do it for her. Don't bother having children if you are going to pawn them off on someone else. Your husband works a full time job and your job is to be his wife. My grandfather was a drunk and worse but she stuck by him.

Now my mom and dad divorced when I was little. My mom went back to work, however she would rather be at work then at home. She wasn't much with affection or very loving. My grandma was all that. She kept marrying drunks and right now is married to a WASP who tells her what to think... With each relationship she becomes what they want, until she herself is lost. Then wants out.

My husband is sooooooooo very family oriented. His family is kind to me. (they did ask me however if there are drug dealers on every corner and if every one has a gun? Thank you TV) He protects me and loves me for who I am. He has never abused me, unless you count the hickey he gave me and I was cheesed about. As for me being submissive, I am very head strong, but I defer to him. Is that submissive??? Then yes, perhaps. He is extremely intelligent and makes very good choices, I mean he picked me didn't he... LOL!

Has anyone else encountered such resistance with family... the absolute conviction that family has even though they are wrong?

What made you attracted to your mate?

What was different about them that made you take a second and third look ect...?

What stereo types did you have to break down for your family to accept your mate...?

allot of questions here... LOL

sooooo curios!

Wendy

[jordanianprincess 0]

Hi Wendy!

Well let me see, what attracted me to my hunny. So much, the first was his patience. He has always been extremely patient with me and proved himself to be very trust worthy from the get go. He was a friend when I needed him to be and always there for me in every way imaginable. We have so much in common too. I was also intrigued ofcourse because he is Jordanian and Christian, like me.

During the course of the process I have grown to love him even more than I could have ever imagined. This process is like a living hell, we have been waiting 15 months to be reunited with no end in sight. As hellish as this all sounds, its also extremely comforting to know that someone is willing to go through all this hell just to be with me.

JP

[Private 1]

JP is right to stick this out with you he muct really care. Right now me and my fiance are trying to prepare ourselves for abotu 6 year sepration and he is trying to get me to move to Morocco. I love his brain, I am a geek, he is so smart and it is more of a natural smart. Becuase he has no street smarts ( I hate this.) But he is funny and he is very different in his opinions. Like they wanted to do Henia for me and I told him that I did not like and he said he did not like it either. I told him well lets get Henia Tatoos and he was like cool! So we got fake tats!!! We also have a lot in common, but he is a softy. I know that I will the one discplining our child, he would not step on fly you know. He is sweet, but he has his a hold moments. One thing I like to is he is not afriad to be himself and neither am I. We fight each other all the time. He says it is just us getting to know each other when it is all over with. But I think I have a pretty good picture of him. My parents are cool with it and my son loves hi. The sterotypes that I think I had to break down was ..... I can not really thinik of any becuase I really do not care. My mother is worse than yours so opinion does not matter much. I have made great choices in life and I will do my best in everything that I do. My family seems to accept what you will accept, I do not entertain stupid converstaion and I am open about a lot of things so it has always been on the table. My family is important and I am trying to bridge out relationsihp and in a funny way this has brought us closer together. It was great to see my mother so supportive after the interview.

[Meriem_DZ 37]

At first, Hachemi and I were just friends. I wasnt looking for a relationship. The main thing I thought at first was he is so cute, but sooo young. Over the months as I began to know him more and I realized I was falling for him. He is so kind hearted and sweet. I had so much respect for him and I told him that one day. He said, that is the day, he knew, he loved me. Hachemi loves his family and adores his mom. I thought it was so sweet when he hugged and kissed his mom. He cried for me when I left Algeria! I have never had a man cry for me. He never gave me any reason to doubt his love for me. As far as my family goes, my children and my grandchildren love him. They were skeptical at first but they see how good he is to me and they defend him if anything negative is said by someone. My parents and I were estranged before I knew Hachemi. Believe me, it was not my doing. (long story) I heard one time she said "I cant beleive she is marrying that Muslim." What she didnt know is that I am Muslim too. She knows now and she didnt have anything good to say. Well, I never saw her in church so what is the big deal? It not like she raised her kids in any religion. They are the ones missing out on knowing a wonderful man that would love them, respect them, and do anything for them. Oh well, their loss.

Meriem

[sereia 0]

Has anyone else encountered such resistance with family... the absolute conviction that family has even though they are wrong?

What made you attracted to your mate?

What was different about them that made you take a second and third look ect...?

What stereo types did you have to break down for your family to accept your mate...?

allot of questions here... LOL

sooooo curios!

Wendy

My family thinks I'm nuts. I have yet to marry my man so things are all up in the air with my family right now. I think once they meet him their opinions will change (a little) but for now he is this fantasy. Some crazy Moroccan muslim who is young, not ready for marriage in their eyes, oh I could go on forever what my mom says. I think her opinion will change once he is on American soil and meetshim and sees how awesome he is.

What made me attracted to him? Well I met him in person (not online) so first of course was his looks. He's 6'5" and gorgeous (to me anyway) He was dancing and smiling when I first saw him. I loved the look of pure happiness on his face.

After that initial LUST.... what made me still want him? His kindness towards others. He's the kind of man who runs over to help an old lady cross the street (he actually did this in front of me), help someone on crutches, plays with children, etc. He's the kind of man that lights up the room when he walks in. Everyone likes him, everyone knows him. He's funny, intelligent, wild, yet calm and inquisitive. Confidence yet insecure. He helps his mom cook and clean......wow

Stereotypes to break down? I didn't get to do them yet.... but he and I will have to show them he is ready and willing to take care of me. He is ready to change his language and life to be next to me. They will have to have conversations with him for them to relax. I think all of this will take time to prove to my parents. .......it will happen inchallah.

Edited January 16, 2007 by abdounjen

[Jenn! 918]

I have a hard time talking about myself or my family usually. I don't know why, I guess I feel like I'm bragging. I'll just say that I can't imagine being with anyone other than Wadi. No one else *really* gets me like he does, and vice versa. What there is to get is our secret!

[Bosco 1]

I don't think we would have married without the approval and support of both our families. For him, it is religiously and culturally engrained in him that you respect and honor your parents. For me, despite their quirks, my family is precious too me. So not only did we want our own families to respect our choice, but we wanted the other family too as well. He absolutely would not have come here if he felt my family was against him; he would not have wanted me to lose my family and felt that since they would be his only family here, approval was crucial.

Anyway, as to why him, we just fit!

[Together4ever 1]

I was attracted instantly to Mohammed's personality. He was easy insightful, inquisitive, creative, intelligent with a sharp sense of humor I could really appreciate. I was also drawn to his spiritual nature, meaning his way of interpreting his own spirituality that was delightful to me. We just flowed together easily, differences didn't really exist between us. Our conversations were never dull and never required effort, we could and can still talk and laugh about anything and enjoy it deeply. His creativity and love of music really appealed to me and blends very well with my own love of writing. We easily shared everything about our lives with a level of trust I don't find easily with others. Our relationship grew from a friendship and enjoyment of sharing time and thoughts with each other. Even though our relationship is ever evolving, this is the one thing that remains unchanged.

My family was not very please about all this in the beginning, holding the same stereotypes as most have, but after talking with him and now as they get to know him, they more then accept him. My father is now pushing me to learn Arabic.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Why AHmed? if you could see the smile you would know. Words that would describe, kind, gentle, careing, smart, funny, respectful and many more. His actions show much love within his family and his friends all look to him for support, and these are friends of all ages young and old.

He will never hurt anyone, he wouldnt even kill a bee once. With this process his patience is much better than mine, i'm looking to face the problems and hes saying it will be fine.

He is always asking if i rest well or if i eat well, wanting only best for me until he can get here to see everything is taken care of.

Most people family and friends just are relating to the sterotypes on tv or newspapers, once they know the real person they will see.

Im older but it works for us. why? why not, hes my best friend

[doodlebug 3]

I like the way he lifts his left eyebrow.

[Ban Hammer 13,340]

I like the way he lifts his left eyebrow.

is his name spock?

[melly 0]

I like the way he lifts his left eyebrow.

is his name spock?

Sorry, but that made me

*The response of Charles, not Doodle

Edited January 16, 2007 by melly

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Charles, Charles

[doodlebug 3]

don't kill me but i don't get it. All I remember of spock is his pointy ears...which my husband does not have.

[melly 0]

Spock used to raise his eyebrows at times when talking with people depending on the situation or what was being said. It was kinda funny and when Charles said that I just got this picture in my head of Spock and Doodle hangin out in Egypt. Spock wearing his uniform of course.