How do you deal?

[imane-zizou 1]

I talk to my fiance every day with Facetime and text messages....in the morning when I wake up, during my lunch hour at work, and as soon as I get home at night until he can't keep his eyes open anymore. It's still not enough. I can't even describe how much I miss him. It's only been a couple of months since my visit, but it feels like years. I have no idea how I'm going to make it through these next few months. Still trying to find ways to make it tolerable. Most days that is a challenge.

[KayDeeCee 4,896]

~ Moved from K-1 Process to General Immigration-Related Discussion - topic not specifically about K-1 process and applies to everyone that lives apart while waiting to get through the immigration process ~

[TBoneTX 46,126]

Study the rest of the visa/immigration process and plan ahead. Figure out how to maximize your chances of success at every stage, and get all your ducks in a row. Assuming that the visa is granted, have plans so that the beneficiary can hit the ground running in terms of a successful life after POE. Read, study, plan, and allocate necessary funds ahead of time.

[Simeon 25]

My wife cannot deal with the visa planning, because it just makes her sad to think about the fact that we're not together. (I know...) I tell her to put that negative energy to good use by working on the visa. I'm not letting the government push me around and keep my wife out of the country! That's my thinking, but it doesn't work for her, so I end up doing all of the visa work as a way to love her. We used to Skype video everyday, but since China has been blocking internet traffic and her internet got worse (after she moved), we use text chatting more often now and send pictures. It's been a rough 4 years and counting.

[landr 126]

We Skype nearly every day. I last saw him about five months ago, which is our average length of time between visits. My K1 interview is in a couple of weeks and I'm hoping that the visa will be issued not long after that. So when I next fly to the US, hopefully it will be to stay permanently and not just for a visit.

One way of re-framing the wait is that you are making a big life-change so it is probably for the best that it doesn't happen instantaneously. Spending your time, as TBoneTX mentioned, will keep some of your mind off the bits that are out of your hands. If you have quite an established life in your own country, then there's lots to do. Doing a lot of the preparation will also help you to ensure that, when that visa is in hand, you can leave as soon as possible.

I also like to mark time with my own personal timeline of milestones that are not visa-related so that I feel more positive that I'm moving forward towards my goals, even if it's only in a small way.

Good luck with the next stage of your journey!

[Kroni473 10]

My fiance and I use hangout a lot and viber for both text and calling. Some times I feel like it's no big deal but she can't handle it. I work long hours which help me get through the whole process especially working night shift. When the sun comes up I know it's one day closer to being with her. We read books together and discuss the main points of the chapter read. We share music every morning and when it's our day off we utilize it to the fullest. I'm the one moving so i've started looking for online courses to use my time wisely while waiting for everything to play out. I've read a lot about the place that i am moving to and things I can do to pass the time. It hurts not being close to the one you love especially after talking or video chatting, that's when the realization hits that you're going to bed alone. But the joy of seeing her for the next time knowing that there is no parting is what keeps the fire inside burning.

[Aztec&Taino 144]

I have been where you are. The long months of waiting for an approval and between trips to see my fiancé were terrible. I spent more money that I care to admit in calling him to try to stay as close as possible. This shall pass. I would advice you to spend more energy in yourself, your daughter, and your business. Spend the energy creating the home that you will be sharing with him. Refocus your energy in building the life you want, now. Best wishes!

[Julie+Matt 84]

In waiting, I'm making sure I'm working as many hours as possible. (usually 6 days, 48 hours/week). I was told that coming up soon I could get a job part time as a road flagger making $30/hour even if I can only work on my day off. I'm going to look into that. The more money I have for when matt gets here, the better. I plan on Matt being here mid-December (we filed in April, so I don't think I'm pushing that-hopefully). If it works out, I should have $6-7k saved and I plan on taking a loan from my 401k of around $10,000 to help to supplement my income until he gets a job so we aren't struggling to make ends meet. (I don't plan on blowing it, I hope to keep that much in my bank account at all times with my working, but in case some sort of emergency situation arrises, I have the money to deal with it, if that makes sense).

I'm currently living with my parents so I don't have to pay any rent (But I still pay car/insurance/phone/student loans) so it helps me save up a good chunk of money. It just sucks because I can't start looking for an apartment for us until I know when his interview date is and I can't actually SIGN anything until he has his visa in hand. I have no idea when I should go looking for a couch (cuz we need a new couch) and I want to be able to have the apartment set up in time for him when he gets here but it'll be 2-3 weeks of rushing around getting everything done, during the HOLIDAY season --and I work in a grocery store, so it'll be madness--I have no idea how this is all going to work out and I stress over it constantly lol. I just hope it all works out and he's approved and can move here with me.

[techmedic 8]

Skype and a TON of texts (20,000+ Since Feb.) If you both have iphones it's free

[shippingforecast 126]

We speak every moment we're awake, via text if I'm at work and usually when I get home, I'll call her, put her on speaker and carry on with whatever it is I need to do. Sometimes we can spend a few minutes on the phone together in silence if we're both busy doing something, but it makes it feel like she's there in the room with me. We've been having the same conversation via the Facebook messaging system for five years now. Usually, I'll force myself to stay up very very late to speak to her and go to work exhausted the next day. If it's a weekend, my sleep pattern goes completely out of the window. If I'm at work, she'll stay up until 4:00am sometimes just to text me whilst I'm commuting. It's pushed me close the point of burning out. A typical day for me consists of getting up for work at 5:00am, finishing at 4:00pm, completing a 5k run and resistance training at the gym until 7:30pm, and then showering/eating/cleaning until 9:00pm; then I just talk to her until 1:00am, usually. It's gruelling. Being away from her is completely unbearable, and, as optimistic as I try to be whenever we meet up somewhere, in the back of my mind I always have that nagging feeling that eventually, one of us will have to leave. What makes it worse is not knowing exactly when we'll get an opportunity to see each other again. I sometimes feel like we made the wrong choice in marrying before thinking of applying for our visa. The more I read into CR1 visa times for similar applicants, the more I begin to understand I'm at least a year away, and the greater my despair becomes.

The only thing that stops me from feeling like I'm completely overwhelmed by the late nights, mountains of paperwork and long waits is the fact she is 100% worth it. Because when I'm with her I feel like I'm alive.

Edited June 6, 2014 by shippingforecast

[staceydinesh 7]

It doesn't get easier until the day comes when you are together, I wish I could tell you it will. After ten years of waiting we've had enough and are now doing something about it. But.. there hasn't been a day that has gone by that we haven't spoken in some form. Saying goodbye in the airport as many times as we have is never easy, but neither is it saying goodnight via phone or webcam or voicechat every day. When he's busy working I tend to have to do something productive - be it gardening, cooking.. even cleaning. As mundane as it sounds.. at least it's something. We'll talk for hours about the most simple of things not even realizing how fast the time has gone by, and there's never much difference there when we're together either.. except for those quiet moments when all you could really use is a hug or the comfort of just being in the same room. Now those are the most precious moments in the world. Being in relationships like this, I think all makes everyone be a little bit more appreciative every day, and never take anything or anyone for granted.

Some days are worse than others, I won't lie and say the anxious twisting feeling you may get in your heart or the crying you may do at night will ease away now. But it will in time and before you know it good things will happen.

My advice is try to keep busy as much as you can. Take each day in stride. Cherish even these moments when they are difficult, because they are still moments together despite the circumstances.

I try my best to think of all the positives, and not the negatives. I work 9 hours outside my home than I come home to my two kids & my niece & nephew that also live with me. So even though half my day I'm working outside my home, and the other half is spent being a single mom inside my home. I'm never busy enough to miss my love, people get annoyed that I stop whatever I'm doing if we get a chance to Skype or text. I never take a second of our time for granted. I'm sure like some say once we are together, it wont hurt anymore. I guess what really gets to me is the vast difference in the times it takes to approve a K1 visa. How are you supposed to plan a wedding, your futures, with so much uncertainty? Do people ever get denied a K1....if so I wonder how or why. I just hate having to get some random persons approval to marry the man of my dreams, what makes that person the judge of my fate????????

[Hutchy984 0]

Its never easy right now me and my wife going thru it, she even considering getting a divorce because been together for five years and married for two and with the distance its hurting us badly.

we see each other whenever we have money to fly down here to see me, in her mind she thinks it will never work out..

sometimes i'm hurting as well but i cannot show that i'm depressed on the situation this is draining me mentally and physically as well.

so to your question i don't know if it will get better if you don't have patience for this because in the end its up to the INS agent to give you a pass.. you just want to be with your love ones and its so hard..

[staceydinesh 7]

Its never easy right now me and my wife going thru it, she even considering getting a divorce because been together for five years and married for two and with the distance its hurting us badly.

we see each other whenever we have money to fly down here to see me, in her mind she thinks it will never work out..

sometimes i'm hurting as well but i cannot show that i'm depressed on the situation this is draining me mentally and physically as well.

so to your question i don't know if it will get better if you don't have patience for this because in the end its up to the INS agent to give you a pass.. you just want to be with your love ones and its so hard..

I'm sorry, I hope that your relationship doesn't come to a divorce. It does help me a little knowing that I am not alone, that their are others just like me barely breathing and waiting to be whole again. I just keep praying...praying that God can test me another way. A way that I can at least have my love with me to face the new challenge. I wish you luck.

[staceydinesh 7]

We speak every moment we're awake, via text if I'm at work and usually when I get home, I'll call her, put her on speaker and carry on with whatever it is I need to do. Sometimes we can spend a few minutes on the phone together in silence if we're both busy doing something, but it makes it feel like she's there in the room with me. We've been having the same conversation via the Facebook messaging system for five years now. Usually, I'll force myself to stay up very very late to speak to her and go to work exhausted the next day. If it's a weekend, my sleep pattern goes completely out of the window. If I'm at work, she'll stay up until 4:00am sometimes just to text me whilst I'm commuting. It's pushed me close the point of burning out. A typical day for me consists of getting up for work at 5:00am, finishing at 4:00pm, completing a 5k run and resistance training at the gym until 7:30pm, and then showering/eating/cleaning until 9:00pm; then I just talk to her until 1:00am, usually. It's gruelling. Being away from her is completely unbearable, and, as optimistic as I try to be whenever we meet up somewhere, in the back of my mind I always have that nagging feeling that eventually, one of us will have to leave. What makes it worse is not knowing exactly when we'll get an opportunity to see each other again. I sometimes feel like we made the wrong choice in marrying before thinking of applying for our visa. The more I read into CR1 visa times for similar applicants, the more I begin to understand I'm at least a year away, and the greater my despair becomes.

The only thing that stops me from feeling like I'm completely overwhelmed by the late nights, mountains of paperwork and long waits is the fact she is 100% worth it. Because when I'm with her I feel like I'm alive.

We have actually thought about getting married somewhere else, just so we don't have to wait. But then we remember we will still have to go to our home countries until we are allowed to be together. Plus I know that neither one of us will let the other leave if we are to meet in person again. I almost wish I was never with him in person, because now I just think of his touch, holding his hand, his kiss, everything I cant do thru Skype or texting. Now I know what I was missing. I know how you feel though, we do it because there are no other options, because they are our life. ♥

[Karam and Jamie 44]

I try my best to think of all the positives, and not the negatives. I work 9 hours outside my home than I come home to my two kids & my niece & nephew that also live with me. So even though half my day I'm working outside my home, and the other half is spent being a single mom inside my home. I'm never busy enough to miss my love, people get annoyed that I stop whatever I'm doing if we get a chance to Skype or text. I never take a second of our time for granted. I'm sure like some say once we are together, it wont hurt anymore. I guess what really gets to me is the vast difference in the times it takes to approve a K1 visa. How are you supposed to plan a wedding, your futures, with so much uncertainty? Do people ever get denied a K1....if so I wonder how or why. I just hate having to get some random persons approval to marry the man of my dreams, what makes that person the judge of my fate????????

I agree!!! Why do they get to decide???? UGHHH! I feel just like you, it's SO hard!!! Some days I am too depressed to even get on Skype with my honey and then he gets hurt then I get frustrated ahhhhh! This whole thing SUCKS!!! But I won't be with ANYONE else. He is my soul mate. Really, NOTHING helps the time pass blah