Star Rant, The Empire Strikes Wack

[Darnell 8,479]

if you think of it as a family investment,

then bringg out a contract,

with 50 percent of the net proceeds going back to your husband's hands each week,

then maybe it's do-able.

otherwise, no, no and no.

[NikLR 13,232]

No house. Crazy market. 217+ for a 2 bedroom, 1.75 bath? I would have paid 210 but 220 is too much. Im noticing houses going back on the market. Most often after almost a month which makes me think of loan and/or appraisal issues. Watching my favourite pendings for just such an occasion.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

It would definitely go into savings. We try to put at the very least 50$ a week into the savings account, and we both actively put into it from our own paychecks. I really try to stress that it is OUR money, but now I'm thinking i might have to bite the bullet because of it. The whole point of marriage to me is being a team and working together, but I did NOT marry his family and don't feel obligated to help them with this. Am I in the wrong here? I understand that it would be to help BIL have an income but why does it have to be us who does it? aurndjsofjf.

You need a big hug

It will be a never-ending vicious cycle.

His family will forever need *something* from you guys in US.

first the downpayment for taxi car (Hey, you are thinking of getting your hubs a new car too, right?).

then the downpayment for so and so apartment...

blah blah..

They will continue to lead a good life back home while your hubs will survive on bread and water in US.

You are not in the wrong to put your own family in the 1st place.

Your argument with hubs won't help with the current situation, he needs to come to the realization HIMSELF that he is not an ATM to his family back home.

[oohpartiv 484]

if you think of it as a family investment,

then bringg out a contract,

with 50 percent of the net proceeds going back to your husband's hands each week,

then maybe it's do-able.

otherwise, no, no and no.

See, I was even willing to LOAN them the needed money, as long as we'd see some portion of the loan coming back to us at least monthly. I thought this was reasonable, but hubs felt insulted. A gift this large just seems ludicrous to me.

You need a big hug

It will be a never-ending vicious cycle.

His family will forever need *something* from you guys in US.

first the downpayment for taxi car (Hey, you are thinking of getting your hubs a new car too, right?).

then the downpayment for so and so apartment...

blah blah..

They will continue to lead a good life back home while your hubs will survive on bread and water in US.

You are not in the wrong to put your own family in the 1st place.

Your argument with hubs won't help with the current situation, he needs to come to the realization HIMSELF that he is not an ATM to his family back home.

Yeah, I thought as much, too. The whole situation just hurts my feelings, really.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

I have to tell you that I didn't even buy my husband a car with the inheritance money. In return for his many many hours renovating my mother's bathroom, he gets a used, somewhat scratched and dented, truck.

I gave him money to pay off his super high interest loan, but as a condition of our post-nup, he owes me that money back in the case of a divorce in lesser amounts per year based on what I think his labor on my house will be worth.

Maybe it sounds a little cold, but divorces bring out the nasty in people, and my father would have wanted me to have that money, not my husband and definitely not my husband's family. I would think a little bit about your father's wishes too.

Edited June 25, 2014 by N-o-l-a

[JTB11 1,079]

I have to tell you that I didn't even buy my husband a car with the inheritance money. In return for his many many hours renovating my mother's bathroom, he gets a used, somewhat scratched and dented, truck.

I gave him money to pay off his super high interest loan, but as a condition of our post-nup, he owes me that money back in the case of a divorce in lesser amounts per year based on what I think his labor on my house will be worth.

Maybe it sounds a little cold, but divorces bring out the nasty in people, and my father would have wanted me to have that money, not my husband and definitely not my husband's family. I would think a little bit about your father's wishes too.

Nola I admire your way of handling things honestly. I don't have the balls to be like that.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

I have to tell you that I didn't even buy my husband a car with the inheritance money. In return for his many many hours renovating my mother's bathroom, he gets a used, somewhat scratched and dented, truck.

I gave him money to pay off his super high interest loan, but as a condition of our post-nup, he owes me that money back in the case of a divorce in lesser amounts per year based on what I think his labor on my house will be worth.

Maybe it sounds a little cold, but divorces bring out the nasty in people, and my father would have wanted me to have that money, not my husband and definitely not my husband's family. I would think a little bit about your father's wishes too.

Cold and well-calculated but I totally understand it since it is not your first marriage and you have to protect yourself, safeguard for the future.

Admire your hubs for taking things in stride?

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

Cold and well-calculated but I totally understand it since it is not your first marriage and you have to protect yourself, safeguard for the future.

Admire your hubs for taking things in stride?

I think he understands why I am doing it and also understands that it is for the benefit of our family. I've many times sat down with him and worked through budgets on where my inheritance is going so that he understands that there is no endless fountain of money. Either way in about 5 years, he walks out of the marriage not worse off than when he started - his debt, that he was making minimum payments on is gone, he'll own a truck worth something and half of whatever savings he's managed to accumulate.

[Novembro 1,763]

y so srs

[NikLR 13,232]

Part4 do you have any siblings?

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

y so srs

Adulthood.

[Novembro 1,763]

Adulthood sucks massive cawks.

[SAT 9,609]

See, my take on it is that she should have the brains to save money for herself. All her kids are 18+ by now, and should all have their own jobs if not their own places to stay. As I've said before, if it were really something vital like food, I wouldn't have a problem with it, but now they're saying that they need help with the down payment for a car so that the youngest brother can use it as a taxi. Apparently he's now going to school during the day and can't keep his old job, and this would be his source of income.

But, really, what would they do if I weren't in the picture? I really do like my in-laws (most of the time), but if BIL can't afford a down payment for a car then he frankly shouldn't be looking into it. Hubs has said that he will get a job and give them money for it out of his paycheck (because to his credit he is a very hard worker and has actively paid for many bills and whatnot on the monthly up until losing his job last week) - but I have a problem with this, too. Shouldn't he want to put that money towards a future for the two of us? I just feel like I'm being disregarded here, and if I don't want to cooperate I'm being a controlling witch. I just honestly don't think it's asking too much for BIL to work towards getting the damn car himself, and for hubby to let his family fend for themselves. They're all adults, and we are certainly no millionaires to be throwing money away. I just... sigh.

It's hard to know where the line is drawn between him being selfish and me not being considerate of his culture, and it's frankly giving me a headache.

From the guy who went through this (And almost went through a divorce) ......this is what you tell your husband......

This money is NOT for YOUR mother and BROTHER to spend!

The end.

[NikLR 13,232]

this is your inhertence right? So it should go into your retirement.

I read something once about retirement and it can be angled to meet just about anything.

"your kids have 101 different ways to pay for school and a lifetime to do it, you only have 1 retirement. Put money there vs kids schooling."

IMHO, his family has other ways to do what they're doing. if they didn't have you guys, they'd have to figure something else out, so save for yourselves, not spend on them.

Also, I'd be f*cking pissed if my husband was telling his family how much money I'd be getting from this or that. That's none of their f*cking business. Your father died. Please tell me how your in-laws should profit from this? If his mother died you think his siblings would be like, aw yeah, lets buy part4 a car!! PFFFT!!!

(Just to note hubs wouldn't do that. He doesn't tell them how much he makes or what he buys. They'd have their hand out faster than a fat kid asking for candy on halloween. He's worked hard for what he has and if they were willing to help themselves, we'd help, but he wouldn't just give them cash. He once denied his brother a small loan because he wouldn't tell him what it was for. But 6 months later he bought him a $1300 computer so they could game together and he knows his brother couldn't afford one.)

[JTB11 1,079]

f f f f f f f f .....fml. someone send me a bottle of wine thanks.